


all’s fair in love and war

by tinyglamdramaqueen



Series: all’s fair in love and war [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, BDSM, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Creampie, Cunnilingus, Exhibitionism, F/M, May/December Relationship, Multi, Older Man/Younger Woman, Open Relationship, Pool Sex, Public Sex, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Sex Parties, Sex Toys, Shower Sex, Spanking, Threesome, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Sex, Voyeurism, age gap, its basically filth with plot, thigh riding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:02:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 123,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22177498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyglamdramaqueen/pseuds/tinyglamdramaqueen
Summary: When a cynical tourist meets James ‘Bucky’ Barnes, an unhappily married commitment-phobe, she signs up to become the other woman. As she navigates the hardships of an open relationship in a new city, she learns how things quickly come together and fall apart.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Peter Parker/Reader
Series: all’s fair in love and war [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887835
Comments: 182
Kudos: 385





	1. Him

**Author's Note:**

> So you clicked on this story! Thank you so much. I know it’s hard to trust a brand new story because you don’t know the direction yet. But it’s basically two people having wild sex wherever and whenever they can. Regardless of consequences. 
> 
> I worked so much on this story for such a long time, it’s been in my mind since two years ago (ik, a long time).

The plane. How he hated travelling by plane. He was used to it, flying from one country to the other, but he had an innate fear of flying. Plus he was sat next to a screaming child. He knew it wasn’t the child’s fault, but he wasn’t particularly fond of children. 

He swore he could see pencil marks on the table right in front of him, probably from a previous passenger that flew with that same plane, most likely a small child, vandalizing the low cost airline. 

If it weren’t for love, he wouldn’t have been flying on a two hour flight from Gatwick to Venice. If he was told a couple of months prior that he would have believed in love, he would’ve been laughing. As he had never believed in it. 

He believed it all rooted from his parents. They got divorced when he was eight, and there was no way he knew about that. He was too young to understand it. So he was told they didn’t love each other anymore, and that he was going to live with his mother. 

Much to his excitement. Though the first chance she got, she sent him off to boarding school, where he stayed there. 

His love life was greatly affected by his perception of love, as he became a so called ‘commitment phobe’. He just jumped from one insignificant relationship to the other, without it ever sticking. He’d always wake up from a night partying, in some girl’s bed (whose name he didn’t remember), fumbling to get into his pants and run off. 

Scared he would be stuck in a cycle of singledom, without having ever accomplished anything on his own, he set out to become just like everyone else in his life, and start dating his father’s business partner’s eldest daughter. 

Being honest, he had never loved her. Maybe he had thought she was pretty, and tolerable, but he had never loved her. Which made him proposing to her, all the more crazy in his mind. However to him, he was doing the right thing: as firstly, she had always wanted to get married (and he was doing her a favor by doing so). 

And secondly, the marriage was convenient for his father’s company. So it was a win win for both parties. However the more he got to know her, the more he started falling in love with her. For exactly 120 days. 

That was exactly how long he was in love with her for. Four months of complete domestic bliss. And for four months, he understood her, protected her, moved countries for her, and loved her as hard as he could, knowing the moment was fleeting. 

His fingers lightly tapped on the plastic table, as he started writing. As the smiley stewardess with the cart full of beverages passed by, and he ordered a coffee. Black. No sugar. He was given a paper cup, with a dark brown liquid which vaguely resembled coffee. 

His face scrunched up at the bitter taste, trying his best not to show much disgust in public. As he attended the time the plane would land, and he would be faced with the inevitable truth. 

  
  


That he was in love. 

  
  
  


**_London, 9 March 2018- 22:45_ **

**_  
4 months prior_ **

_His day started like any other. He had woken up to the shrill sound of his alarm, which resonated throughout the empty house._

_He never understood the need of such a large house if he was by himself most of the time, he would’ve much rather lived in a swanky new penthouse in the city center and if it wasn’t under much insistence from his parents in law, he would’ve._

_After all, it seemed like they called the shots on his marriage as well. The house was everything he had imagined it to be when they had first moved in. White, with large windows and Greek style columns at its entrance._

_It wasn’t exactly white, but alabaster. Not that he cared enough to know the difference. He just knew of it because his wife wouldn’t stop talking about it, how it made the house look more decadent and etc._

_The interior had already been furnished, as the house was in her family for generations. He kept it simple, putting everything that they didn’t need in storage._

_Except that hideous painting of hydrangeas in the living room._

_Hideous, in the real meaning of the word. He had no idea what possessed his wife to keep it there, probably a display of her already huge ego._

_The piano though, it was his idea to put it there. He wasn’t a proficient player, however he liked it there. It reminded him of his childhood. It gave substance to the room that was once cluttered with antique vases and paintings._

_He enjoyed mornings like that, simple, quiet, enjoying a cup of coffee in peace, without hearing his wife’s yakking first thing in the day._

_It used to be tolerable, but since she didn’t use her mouth for others means anymore, he hated it._

_His days appeared to be shorter, mostly because he was stuck in an endless routine. Which mostly consisted of him waking up, going to work, fucking the pretty blonde, from the English literature department, going back home and fixing himself a drink._

His hands were balled up into fists inside his pockets, as he walked to the beat of the music in his earphones. Mostly jazz to calm his nerves after another Friday evening lecture. He hated Friday nights, so much he kept himself busy in other ways. 

**_22:40_ **

_He adjusted his shirt, making sure it looked like when he had come in. After buckling his belt, he used the reflective surface of the vintage lamp on his desk to check if he looked decent._

_His office, which he had been granted so kindly by the university, had the signature musky scent of sex which could only be expelled by opening the window, which he couldn’t do, not at that hour._

_“It’s always a pleasure having you around.” The woman who was getting dressed herself said, as she unbuttoned her blouse._

_He knew her well, very well as a matter of fact, as they had been sleeping together only two weeks into him working there. Only a few minutes ago, she had been bent over his desk with her legs parted._

_He had taken a liking to her, not only because she knew how to hold a conversation, was approximately his age- only two years younger, and was obviously easy on the eyes, but also because she had an eagerness to her, the willingness to give herself so easily to him._

_He knew of girls like her. He had slept with a lot of them. Those girls wouldn’t settle for any guy who threw themselves at them, they selected only the best of the best._

_Her being his colleague only for the semester made things easier, as he knew he didn’t have to have the dreaded cliched ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ talk. Rather he could blame things on distance. That always worked._

_“Pleasure’s all mine.” He said, and she kissed him on the cheek, as a courtesy, before walking out of his office._

_He reached for his coat on the hanger and prepared himself for the chilly weather, he already felt quite warm, but he didn’t want to risk being sick._

  
  


As he walked towards his car, his attention was drawn to a bar nearby, it was loud, he could hear the commotion coming from the inside. And though usually he hated loud areas, his need of a drink won that night. 

His night was just about to end, but apparently for everyone else, it was just about to start. 

Walking in the bar, it was just as expected. It was nearby the university, of course there were students blowing some steam off. He was doing the same. None of them paid the lecturer no mind when he stepped in, and sat himself at the counter. 

A glass of whiskey. Neat. 

Now he was the old man in a college bar. He felt so out of place, his wife kept reminding him how old he was. He was at the second half of his thirties, and he worked out whenever he could. He’d say he was in a better place than anyone else of his age. 

He drank to forget the fight that had occurred the night before. Something about him not caring, and then the door slammed and she was gone. Not that he was paying much attention to begin with. The usual. 

It was the third argument they had that month alone. And but it was the second time she had left their place to stay at her friend’s. He let her. The more she did it, the less he cared. He used to love arguing with her, mostly for the hot makeup sex afterwards. But they didn’t sleep together anymore. Not even in the same bed. 

Them being married was just a formality. For some reason his father in law liked him, probably blissfully unaware about the fact that he had regular screaming matches with his daughter. Though he had to admit, they did look good together. It was probably because with time, they had become better at pretending. 

And the only reason she didn’t insist in keeping the house was because she knew how much he disliked it. 

_That petty bitch._

The only warmth at that moment he could care about was the one the whiskey brought him. And nothing else. Seasons changed, but he didn’t. He wanted something, though he didn’t know what. 

Suddenly, a loud laugh interrupted his thoughts. It wasn’t one of those careful pretty laughs, no. It was one of those careless laughs. An ugly one. 

He looked up from his drink, to a woman, a young woman pretty inebriated came into his line of view. 

She must have been a university student like most at that bar, drinking irresponsibly. He chuckled, not sure if it was at her, or at the thought that there was a point in time, in which he wanted to be liked by one of those girls in college. 

She was only a few metres away, and yet he could still hear her order by how loud her voice was. 

_A gin and tonic._

And for a split second, they shared a glance. She was pretty, he had to admit, despite the fact she was being very loud. Her hair done in purposefully messy beach waves, and she wore a black crop top paired with skinny jeans. Long eyelashes. Fake ones, he presumed. 

She looked young. Most likely in her early twenties. 

She smiled, before turning away. He went back to his drink. 

He would’ve always remembered what he first thought about her. _What an annoying brat._

If only he would’ve known that he would’ve met her again, things would have been different. But life was like that. Unexpected. 

  
  
  
  



	2. Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N’s perspective 
> 
> Warning(s): public blowjob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to repost the chapter because for some reason it resulted that I posted it two days ago. Which is bull. But here it is, again.

**_London, 9 March 2018 - 11:30_ **

  
  


“You know, I’m kinda offended you haven’t asked me help before.” Natasha said dramatically as she rummaged inside her tote bag to find her keys. 

“Sorry, I just didn’t want to be a bother…” 

“A bother? You’d never be. But you know how it feels like to be told by my mom that you, my oldest friend didn’t have a place to stay in London?” 

“Terrible.” 

It was because she hadn’t intended to stay longer than she planned at first. But she wanted to stay for longer. The city called to her. Like none other. Maybe because it was so cosmopolitan, modern. 

“Exactly. Oh, here they are.” She exclaimed as she took out her keys, accompanied by a number of key rings. 

It had been two weeks she was in the city, she had done the whole sightseeing thing. It was such a pretty city. She had known Natasha for the longest time. High school. They became instant friends, but as time passed, she went to London to study, whilst she decided to travel around the world, in an effort to discover what she wanted from life. 

She had no idea. 

“Welcome to my humble abode.” 

Her eyes glanced around, as her feet slowly brought her inside her apartment. It was pretty, and minimalistic. Though a little claustrophobic. Two floors. She had told her. And it was pure luck she had found it. 

She threaded through the narrow hallway from the front door to what she presumed to be the living area. 

The apartment smelled fresh, like citrus fruits and marseille soap. It wasn’t the neatest, but it was messy either. It was realistic considering college students lived there. Several pictures were hung on the wall, chronicling her adventures with a man. Her boyfriend. Whom she heard all about. 

“That’s Clint. My boyfriend.”

“Oh, you two are adorable.” 

It was the classic story of how she had met him during her first year when he was at his third, becoming friends then exploring whether there was something more. They looked so in love, as much as two people could be. 

“You’re gonna meet him eventually. He sleeps here sometimes. But mostly I sleep at his, so if you want to…” Natasha wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, making her giggle. “You more than welcome to. Just don’t do it on the couch. Vintage.” 

“Ok got it.” 

“The fridge has the basic ingredients needed for any meal, and we have the most important thing of all, wine.” She informed her as she opened the fridge to reveal a fairly stocked fridge. 

“That’s really good to know.” 

“What about you? Who are you seeing?” She asked nonchalantly as she closed the fridge. 

“No one.” 

“What about Alex?” _Alex_ ? _Did she mention an Alex?_

“Who’s Alex?”

“The guy you last told me about. Alex with the nice smile and even nicer….” She wasn’t even sure his name was Alex. Though he did look like an Alex. Or a Derek. Or a Tyler. 

“Oh yeah. It wasn’t serious.” During the course of her travels, she had met several Alexes, Dereks, and Tylers… they never stuck. “They never are.” 

“You know, London’s the city to be if you want to find love.” She said with a smile as she filled the kettle with water. The eternal romantic. She wished she could be a little more like that. 

“I thought that was Paris.” 

They looked at each other and started giggling. _God, she had missed her so much._

  
  
  


**_London, 9 March 2018 - 22:00_ **

She had to admit she had missed Nat a lot. It seemed almost impossible, that they were in a bathroom getting ready for a night out. The last time they were like that, was a long time ago. 

She proceeded to do her hair following the tutorial for beach waves she had seen on Cosmo. She was going for that effortless look. She had applied a coat of nude lipstick. It was safe, and it was way better than lipgloss (which stuck to her hair when it was windy). 

She adjusted her breasts inside her bandeau top. She wanted to look her best. 

“Who are we trying to impress?” Natasha stopped what she was doing to look at her. 

“I just wanted to look my best for our first night out.” She needed to get laid. It hadn’t been that long, but it had been two weeks since she had been there, and she hadn’t slept with anyone once. 

Time passed slower there than in any other city she had travelled to. Despite its fast paced activity. 

“It’s not going to be that wild. It’s just a college bar near Clint. The drinks are cheap.” 

“As long as it gets me drunk.” 

She looked at herself in the mirror. She looked decent enough to get someone to take her home. 

  
  


**_London, 9 March 2018 - 23:05_ **

They had arrived a little later than planned to the bar, it was a Friday, so of course, it had a lot of patrons. Some of them were drunk university students, others were businessmen who after a long day at the office had finally got a moment to let themselves go. 

“Why are there so many people?” She asked Nat raising her voice so she could hear her above all the commotion. 

“It’s a Friday.” 

“Three shots of tequila please.” She ordered to the nice bartender who nodded and grabbed three shot glasses. 

“Three? Really _Tash_?” She raised her eyebrow as she watched the three shot glasses being filled with the clear liquid. 

“What? You told me you wanted to drink.” 

“That’s true.” She sniggered as she grabbed a shot glass, raising it in the air. “To old friends being reunited.” 

“To old friends being reunited.” Natasha repeated as she took in hand her own glass then banged it back on the counter and quickly drank it. 

“Fucking hell.” Y/N’s face scrunched up as the alcohol burned down her throat. “That’s strong.” 

“Is it? How long have you not had a drink?” 

“Too long.” 

“Is this where the party is at?” A man approached them as Nat’s face lit up. She draped her arms around his neck, as he spun her around. 

“Hello baby, I missed you.” She said as she kissed him passionately, in front of her. Y/N couldn’t help but cringe a little. It was nothing personal. Public displays of affection made her uncomfortable. “This is Clint.” 

“Hi Clint.” 

“The famous Y/N. It’s nice to put a face to the name.”

“Likewise.” 

“I’ve heard a great lot of you too. So Nat tells me you’ve been here two weeks. How is it so far?” He asked after he ordered more drinks. 

“Lonely.” She was the truth. Travelling alone was convenient, she did whatever she wanted, but in retrospect she was alone. 

“From what I heard you don’t seem to have a problem about that?” He chuckled as Natasha’s playfully swatted his arm. 

“I don’t know what you’ve heard, but nothing has happened since I arrived here. Yet.” 

“It’s full of college guys here, I’m sure they’d take up an offer from you.” 

“Clint, I don’t think you understand, she likes worldly guys. The ones who are significantly older.” Nat liked to tease her about her attraction towards older men, but there was nothing she could do about it. 

She had tried with younger men. But her eye always wandered towards the older ones. The ones who had lived life and knew the ropes. 

“I can do college you know?” 

“How about him?” She pointed behind her as she spotted a guy. Cute. Blue eyed, with long lashes. “He’s been looking you ever since you arrived.” 

“Watch carefully.” She told them, as they watched her amused. 

“Is she really-“ 

“Just watch.” Natasha told her boyfriend as they watched Y/N walk towards the guy who appeared to be more smug as she approached him. 

“I saw you look at me.” She said once she was in front of him. She even more empowered by the fact that she had just taken a shot. That helped. But chatting someone up was something that came natural to her. 

“I guess I wasn’t very subtle.” He smirked as he brought the beer bottle to his lips. “Can I buy you a drink?” 

“Can you afford it?” 

“You’re funny.” 

“Let’s cut to the chase. We should go somewhere more private… to talk.” She declared as she watched his expression change. It worked like a charm every single time.

It didn’t matter whether the man was old, or young. And it proved that men stayed the same at all ages. They did not change. 

And so she found herself in the bathrooms of the bar, with the blue eyed guy’s hands on her ass as he kissed her. It wasn’t anything spectacular but it was something to sate her hunger. For the moment. 

But she knew she wanted more. So it didn’t take long for her to find herself squatting (not on her knees she wouldn’t have knelt down in a bathroom stall) as she unbuckled his pants. 

  
  


***

“ _Oh God_ ” He shouted in a hoarse voice as he came in her mouth. It had been merely seconds. And it was over. 

She exited the stall as she adjusted herself, before rinsing her mouth a couple of times. 

“Shit. I usually last longer than that-“ He scrambled as excuses came out of his mouth. She didn’t care, she had gotten half of what she has wanted. He stayed there for a while, before he left. She understood. There were no hard feelings. 

She waited for a bit, before she exited the bathrooms as well. Now she needed a drink. Several. 

“Don’t tell me you just…” Nat said quite shocked, as she tried to read her. 

“I’m gonna tell you later.” She promised. “Let’s drink!” 

***

The promise of a few drinks ended up being a little more than a few. That was expected, as every night out ended up that way. But the more she talked, the more she drank. At the point that she had no idea how many drinks they had or how much they had spent. But she had become too drunk to genuinely care about money. 

“I’m going to get one last drink.” She said as she stood up from her chair slowly. _God, her head was already spinning. Or was it the room?_

“Y/N, you’re already pretty drunk.” Nat raised her eyebrow, as Clint chuckled. They were also drunk, but they were better than she was. 

“No, you’re drunk.” She giggled immaturely. “The last one. I promise.” 

“You just winked.” Clint pointed out, making her wink again. She was pretty sure it looked funny by the way Nat was cackling. “You did it again.”

“Ok I’m leaving now.” She said as she waltzed towards the bar, careful not to knock anyone or anything over. At that point she was having a hard time walking in a straight line. 

“A gin and tonic.” She shouted, as the bartender looked at her funny, but made her a drink anyways. 

While she waited for the drink to be made, she turned around to take in where she was. Her hands were on the bar stool next to her to balance herself. As she looked up, two stools from where she was, sat a man. 

As cliche as that moment seemed, she locked eyes with the stranger at the bar. He was handsome, pouty lips that would’ve looked so good all over her. 

_And those blue eyes, she could just just picture looking into them as she came around his-_

She snapped out of the moment, because she was already quite drunk, and when she had a few drinks in her, she found anyone attractive. By the time she was downing the next round, she had completely forgotten about the handsome stranger, her mind drifting into a limbo. 

If only she had known. She would have approached him sooner. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now that they’ve met, kinda, let the fun commence.


	3. Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day Y/N and James meet. 
> 
> Warning(s): mentions of sex, and alcohol

**_08:00_ **

“What time is it?” She groaned as she slowly woke up. She had no idea what time it was. But judging by the sounds around her, it was morning. 

She was still wearing the previous night’s clothes, and she was on the carpet. She had slept on the floor. How drunk did she get? 

The scent of toasted bread and eggs took over the room, making her groan. The last thing she wanted was to eat. She needed water. Lots of it. 

“It’s eight.” Nat said amused at the sight before her. 

“On a Saturday? Are you insane?” 

“Having breakfast.” 

“Ugh my head.” She hid her face in the carpet, hiding her face with her hands. 

“I’ll try to find something for that. And you also slept on the floor, you started stripping but I told you to keep your clothes on.” 

“Yeah I do that don’t I?” 

“What do you think about it here?” 

“I think I like it.” She said as she lazily pulled herself up on the couch beside her, opting to sleep in it. Her back hurt though not as much as her head. “I can’t sleep.” 

“If you say so, you won’t be able to.” 

“How much did I drink?”

“Too much.” Nat answered vaguely, sipping her tea to not say more. There was something more to it for sure. She had always been like that, she didn’t want to tell her because it would’ve embarrassed her. Not that she got embarrassed anymore. 

“Nat…”

“Ok, fine.” She sighed. “You tried to flash the whole bar. People were chanting. I had to drag you out.” 

She had a vague memory of that. She did in fact recall the chanting, the college students encouraging her to do something, but she didn’t know it was because they wanted to see her tits. 

“Then when we were out on our way home, you got whiny. I actually have a video of that.” She said as she reached for her phone, and handing it to her. 

As she pressed play, she heard the wind rustling from the night before. It was quite windy. 

“ _WOOOOO!” She shouted as she raced ahead of them, she was a madman. She barely recognised herself. Her makeup was a mess._

_“Y/N! Don’t go ahead without us.”_

_“Sorry.” She shouted again. “I want some food.”_

_“We have food at home.”_

_“I want a Happy Meal.” She came rushing back to her friend. “Can we please have a Happy Meal?”_

_“You should go home, and sleep. You’re drunk.”_

_“No I’m not.” She said as she burst into a fit of giggles. She sounded like a child. After all she had always said children were like drunk adults. “You’re Clint.” She said as she pointed at Natasha’s boyfriend, her phone filming him as he walked beside her._

_“Yes I am.”_

_“You know, your name is wild. If you take away one letter your name becomes-“_

_“Hey.” Nat interrupted her before she could finish._

_“But it’s true. It’s not my fault his name turns into that.”_

“You see what I mean?” Nat asked as she stopped the video, which was longer. She didn’t need to see it. 

“Yeah. But actually drunk me has a point. Clint’s name does become-“ 

“I didn’t need to hear it last night, and I don’t need to hear it now.” 

“But it can turn into a similar word if you take away two letters and put a new letter.” 

“I thought you were hungover.” Nat said as she chuckled. 

  
  


***

**_15:00_ **

He heard the key in the front door turn just as he finished up the dishes. Contrary to his wife’s belief he was more than capable of doing housework by himself. Though she insisted on hiring a maid. She always complained about how he was unable to clean the house properly. 

As the door opened, he heard a pair of heels click through the main hallway. To think there was a time whenever he heard her steps his hands would get all clammy and his heart would stop. Now he dreaded it, as he knew she was nearing. 

“Oh there you are. I just dropped by to get more clothes.” She appeared at the kitchen, like usual she was dressed for work. She was probably on her lunch break. 

“Yeah do that. I’ll be out of your way.” He replied as he started walking away, only for her to stop him. 

“Aren’t we gonna talk?”

“I don’t know… are we?” He asked, his question was laced with sarcasm. “It seems like we don’t much of that.”

“I never ask much of you, the very least you could do is talk to me.” She started raising her voice. It was a vicious cycle. They would fight, try to make up, but eventually end up fighting again.

“All you do is ask. Like the thing about lending money to your father? You can’t ask me to do that!” 

“Why not? You didn’t have any problem taking this home when he offered.” 

“I fucking hate this house.” He said under his breath. Everything she was saying seemed nonsensical. “Your father gave us this house. I had no intention of living in it. _You_ wanted to.” 

“Well, I came here for another reason as well. But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“For what?” He nearly barked. She really knew how to rile him up. 

As soon as he felt her lips attach to his, he knew he shouldn’t have let her. They were fighting. But his instincts were stronger than that. After all, she was his wife.

  
  


**_16:00_ **

“Well, that was fun.” She said as she zipped her skirt back up again by herself. He watched her from where he stood, as he pulled his pants up. She pulled her fiery red hair back into a ponytail. 

_Why did he do it? Was he crazy?_

“It was the last time.” He pointed out, his mood unchanged. 

“You always say that.” 

“I mean it.”

She sighed as she looked at him. She was the woman he once felt something for. Even though it was for a short time. He felt something. He wondered whether it was love, and if it was possible to turn it off. Now all he did was resent her. As all she tried to do as change him. She had been clearly warned by him that he wasn’t the marrying type. 

But she had insisted.

“Do you even love me anymore?” She asked, her face had turned stern. She was looking for a clear answer. 

“I don’t.” So he gave her the clearest answer he could give. She didn’t seem hurt, and turned around, walking away. 

He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment things had turned for the worst. But he was pretty sure it was the city that soured their relationship. 

And though he had no intention of going out for the weekend, he was in desperate need to clear his head and of a shower. 

He needed to rinse that afternoon from his memory, by drinking a lot, and maybe, bringing someone home. 

  
  
  


**_22:15_ **

“Are you going out?” Nat asked from the couch, as the tv played a movie, as she turned to see Y/N slowly heading towards the door. 

“Yeah.”

“I thought you’d be exhausted.” 

She had been resting the whole day, and being indoors has gotten pretty boring. All she did was stare at the ceiling in the small guest room and check out Instagram. Which was full of her acquaintances living their lives to the fullest, having purpose, and direction. 

She felt like she had none of that. And at times she felt inadequate. Even her best friend, Nat, was living in London by herself, whilst being a journalism major. She knew what she wanted from life and she was going towards that goal. 

She had to finally get off her ass and get ready for a night out to make herself feel better. 

And better she did feel.

“Can I borrow your shoes? The Louboutins?” 

“The ones I swore I’d never wear because they murdered my feet, of course. Go ahead. I’m going to suggest you to bring some bandaids, and drink plenty of alcohol.” 

“Whoa. Where are you going tonight?” Clint asked as he exited from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn. He sat beside Nat, letting her rest her head on him. 

They were disgustingly cute. 

“Out.” 

“Out by yourself, or with someone?” 

“By myself. But if I’m lucky, I won’t be so lonely by the end of the night.” She said as she headed towards the door. “Enjoy your evening. And don’t do it on the couch.” 

  
  


As she slipped in the Louboutins, she already felt like she was making a mistake. But it would have been worth it. After all they made her look gorgeous. 

If only she was travelling a short distance. Thankfully she was able to catch an Uber and let it drive her somewhere. 

“Where to?” The driver asked. He was waiting for an answer. 

“ _16-22 Great Russell Street._ ” She replied clearly, as it sped through the streets. However inadequate she felt with her life, at the very least she was in a great city, in an amazing outfit, hopefully headed towards an unforgettable night. 

She just had to wait, she wouldn’t have had to wait long for her life to change completely. 

  
  


**_23:00_ **

She fluffed her hair after she adjusted her lipstick in the bathroom mirror, puckering her lips to see the end result. That night Nat had decided to stay behind, which meant she had to venture out the city by her own. Different bar, for a different night. It was different than the previous night’s, it had a much more elegant feel to it, which only meant the prices were steeper. 

There was no dress code to such place, but people were expected to dress in their best evening dresses. Which weren’t either casual or formal. But high end was an implied obligation. 

Which was why Y/N had worn a little black dress she had yet to wear. She never found an occasion to wear that dress. The way it hugged every inch of her body made it too much to go out for drinks with friends, and too elegant to go clubbing, only for it to be ruined. 

Perhaps it was the perfect dress she had ever owned. It was tasteful, and yet its plunging neckline showcased her pushed up breasts so perfectly she hated herself for not wearing it sooner. 

However London, made her feel more confident than she ever was. It made her into the woman she always longed to be. Natasha had warned her of the effect the city had on people.

It drew them in with its more glamorous side, the one only a few people could have a taste of. 

The moment she had entered the bar, she felt a few eyes on her. Two men from the bar had taken an interest in her by sending her drinks. But that attention didn’t fulfill her. 

The night wasn’t as satisfying as she thought it would have been. 

Or so she believed. 

It took her a moment to realise a new gentleman had taken a place at the bar counter. Older, well dressed, and captivatingly dashing. By his ministrations, she understood he was a regular. His order was as was expected of a man that looked like him. Single malt, neat. 

None of the other men in the bar could hold a candle to him, as he exuded both raw manliness, and untainted elegance. 

He wore a _Brioni_ suit, which consisted of a lapelled jacket and dress pants. And they fitted him well. She had a thing for luxury menswear, and it did come in handy when selecting someone to go home with. 

She could tell from where she sat, that crisp white shirt he wore underneath was slightly unbuttoned, as there was the absence of a tie. 

Which was why she found herself touching her makeup in the first place. 

Whatever thoughts he was burdened with, forbade him from looking around. And if he had, he would have realised sooner that she was looking at him. 

She exited the ladies room with more confidence, she focused on taking slow strides towards the bar. 

And by chance, he had turned to his right and finally saw her. Their eyes met, he had gorgeous crystalline ones. 

_Fuck. He was so much more gorgeous than she had imagined._

He had such magnificent facial features it made her reconsider, whether she should have actually gone for it. 

If she decided to fuck things up, there was no going back from that. 

She couldn’t help but bite her lower lip, for she had never seen such a handsome man. Maybe she had, but none of them had the elegance to compliment their attractiveness. He did. 

She found herself wondering if she had seen him before. As she felt like she had. 

“Is this seat taken?” She spoke, her heart beating in her chest. She had to give herself kudos for even talking to him. 

”It's all yours _._ ” He offered. There was something about the way he said that. Without any smugness, not even a small trace of it. Made her even more interested in who he was. He sure wasn’t British, his accent gave that away.

“I’ll have an Old Fashioned.” She said batting her eyelashes to the bartender. Her ways sure worked with him. 

“ _Old Fashioned,_ huh?” The handsome stranger spoke, glancing her way. “You don’t seem the type.” 

“Care to elaborate _sir_.” She couldn’t help but smile a little, as he had started a conversation with her. 

“I hope I haven’t offended you, I apologize if I did.”

“You haven’t. But please, enlighten me.” 

“I would’ve expected you to order something like a Cosmopolitan.”

“That’s awfully stereotypical of you.” She pursed her lips, as the drink she had ordered was served to her. “Now it’s my turn to make assumptions about you.” 

“Go ahead.”

“You’re one of those men who has everything their perfect life figured out, who can charm their way in and out of anything.” 

“I wouldn’t call my life perfect.” He chuckled, as he shook his head. “About the charming part, I wouldn’t know about that.” 

“I’m sure you’ve been told many times. By several women.” She said as she circled the glass in her hand, in hopes to look more mature in his eyes. She had no idea what he wanted. “Charming and modest.”

She usually knew what men wanted from her the instant they opened their mouth. But not him. 

She didn’t know what game she had to play. He was perhaps too mature to play games. 

Y/N watched every step she took, from politely thanking the bartender, to raising the glass to her lips, always in that pout she found men going crazy for. 

She still wanted to talk to him, but didn’t want to push. He was one of those ‘untouchables’, the kind of man any woman would’ve been lucky to spend even just a night with him. 

Y/N had to admit her heart was pounding like crazy in her chest, unsure if she was able to play smooth for much longer. 

The man was stunning. She subtly checked for a wedding band. He wasn’t married. Nor did he appear to be taken. 

_How was he single?_

Maybe he was a psycho. 

“So what brings you here this particular night?” He spoke, interrupting her from her thoughts. Oh God, was she just starting at him without saying anything? 

“I don’t know. I guess I needed some fresh air.” 

“That makes two of us.” He replied as he finished the remainder of the brown liquid in his glass. He looked so smooth doing something as simple as drinking. 

So she took a few more sips of her own drink. In hopes it’d make her more emboldened to flirt with the gorgeous man. 

“Pardon my directness, but you must be the most handsome man I have ever seen.” There she was. She had shot her shot. 

“You are pardoned.” He said as he smiled. “I have to say it’s not everyday a beautiful girl sits next to me.” 

Did he really say that to her? 

“You think I’m beautiful.” She couldn’t help but blush a little. She was thankful for the pinkish lighting that impeded him from seeing that. But her voice did go up a tone. So much for seeming smooth.

“I think you know that already.” _Was he flirting? It couldn’t be…_

“I’m glad you think so.” She could swear she saw him get closer to her, his hand getting closer to hers, their fingers barely grazing each other. “I wore this dress hoping to gain some positive reactions.” 

“I think you got theirs” He pointed out at the men who were sat at a table, looking their way, not so subtly checking her out. 

“What do you think about it?” 

“It’s no Valentino, but it suits you.” 

She daintily wiped the corner of her mouth with her finger, and subtly put it in between her lips, sucking the sweetness from it. Her eyes were still fixed on him, the way she was looking at her was exactly the way she hoped he would look at her at the beginning of her night. 

And now she knew exactly how it was going to end. 

“Your place or mine?” 

  
  
  



	4. great expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: SMUT, vaginal sex, oral sex (on male), A WHOLE LOT OF TEASING 
> 
> PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE UNDER 18, BECAUSE IF YOU DO, IT VERY MUCH BECOMES MY RESPONSIBILITY AND I DONT WANT TO GET INTO TROUBLE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

_“Your place or mine?”_

_That question kept burning at the back of her mind as she carelessly stepped in the front seat of his Audi. Her dress hiking a little bit higher when she sat herself down. Her hand on her thigh, waiting for what was to come._

_She kept mentally high fiving herself for going home with him, although she had no idea what his name was. He was quiet, so different than he was in the bar. He had barely touched her, but just a brush of his fingers on hers, made her wet._

_He, who was still without a name, looked so sexy with his eyes focused on the road ahead of him, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, as he licked his upper lip. He probably had no idea he was having such an effect on her. It was most likely not even on purpose- the man just oozed sex appeal._

_Y/N was glad she had decided to wear a decent pair of panties and bra, sure they weren’t the latest Agent Provocateur lingerie, but they were acceptable enough to be seen by a man like him._

  
  


**_00:58_ **

Even the dark, the house they drove up to was impressive. It was one of those houses she’d walk by, wondering what kind of person lived there. And now she had her answer. She wondered if it was a good idea, going into a stranger’s house. Especially one who hadn’t shown her any warmth since they were at the bar. 

The moment she stepped inside, she was greeted by the similar scent that characterised luxurious hotels. She didn’t even have the time to open her mouth to say something to cut the tension, as his lips were on hers. 

He took control of her body, his hand bringing her leg up around his waist, caressing her thigh. her back was pressed against the door, and as uncomfortable as it was, she had no intention of telling him, if not he would’ve stopped kissing her. 

And she didn’t want that. He kissed like his life depended on it. And he did it _good_.

“You have no idea how hard it was for me to not roam my hands all over you. To slap that ass of yours, and fuck you right outside.” _Ugh, that voice._

“Why didn’t you?” A little courage was left from the drink she had consumed earlier that night. 

“Gossipy neighbours.” 

“They’re aren’t here to stop you know.” She pointed out, as her tongue poked out of her mouth. As she turned around, she found herself in a huge house. It looked like it came out of a catalogue, or a magazine. It looked exactly like she imagined. Probably even better. 

_How much money did the man have?_

“You’re absolutely exquisite.” He whispered into her ear, before biting it, pulling her zip down, letting her dress fall to the floor. 

The way he said it send shivers down her spine. There was something so incredibly erotic about the way he said it, paired with his hands taking control. 

The man knew exactly what he was doing. His cold hands came in contact with her back, it was unexpected, but certainly welcome. She gasped audibly, loving the way he touched her. 

Her first one night stand in the city, and it was already going better than expected. 

“So are you.” She whispered back, as she turned around to face him, their lips inches away from each other. He looked so much better up close. He had long dark lashes which adorned his blue eyes. 

And blue eyes never looked this good on anyone. 

Her hand stayed on his chest. _God, he had muscles underneath the white Prada shirt._ She must have been dreaming. 

She slowly descended on her knees, as she still kept looking at his gorgeous face, which made him smirk. He liked whatever she was doing. 

She saw how he watched her with intent, his eyes clouded by lust as he slowly stroked himself through his pants. By the looks of it, it was _big_. 

Not too big, but big enough to satisfy her, to fill up every inch of her… 

She was eager to find out, so eager she looked at him through her eyelashes, with pleading eyes. She had never been that desperate, but again, she had never had anyone that gorgeous before. 

The anticipation built as he unbuckled his pants, discarding of each item of clothing on him with carelessness. She didn’t mind waiting. He was putting on a show for her. 

His shirt opened, and she was sure a few buttons flew somewhere. While he slowly undressed, teasing the hell out of her, her eyes focused on his hands. They were huge. She appreciated a man with large hands and his fingers… she made sure she didn’t linger for too long. 

_His chest_ … there were a few hairs but overall her was well groomed. She never minded someone chest hair, in fact she preferred it. And _his abs_. 

He was just perfect. 

_The man was a dreamboat._

She didn’t want to seem _that_ desperate. Her desire masked the slight pain kneeling on the floor brought to her knees. It would’ve been worth it. 

But she was pretty sure she had failed miserably when she found herself face to face with his cock. It slapped against his stomach, revealing itself in all its glory. Somehow it matched her expectations of what it would look like. Slightly curved, a thick vein popped on its side, its tip oozing precum. 

Her hands slid down his thighs. They were so thick, she wondered if he worked our regularly. Of course he did. Regular men couldn’t hold a candle to him. 

She gripped the base of his shaft, where there was a tuft of dark hair. Her tongue dragged over the tip, yearning to taste him. 

Her lips wrapped around his tip, not being able to resist a second longer. She wanted to make him feel good. 

“Oh yeah just like that _baby_.” He praised, with a deep set voice, before letting out a gasp. She couldn’t help but snake her hand between her legs and rub her clit, making her whimper around him. 

She took him further in her mouth, her hand working the rest of him she couldn’t fit. The way he moaned, and repeated ‘fuck’ many times, made her increase the pace of her fingers rubbing her clit. 

He looked so good, with his eyes closed and pink lips parted. 

Just by looking at him she was close to making herself come. The sounds of pure debauchery filled the room, a symphony of wet sounds and quick breathing followed by curse words. 

She moaned around him as she came on her fingers, whilst he came in her mouth. 

She wasn’t tired yet, as it was hardly over. His half soft cock came out of her mouth, as she looked at him in satisfaction. 

“What’s your name love?” He asked her as she made her way towards the bed, swaying her hips seductively. She knew he was staring at her. 

“Y/N.” 

“A name perfect for a woman as enticing as yourself.” 

“What’s yours?” She asked him, sitting up against the headboard, with her legs crossed. 

“Does it matter?”

“Not really.” 

Not so subtly, she slowly opened her legs, revealing herself to him. While she was quite brazen before, it was never that much. But the man had a way of making her feel sexier. He had a gift. 

It had mostly to do with the fact that he was very attractive. With soft dark hair and icy blue eyes, he was the definition of tall, dark and handsome.

“You like it.” She bit her lip cockily as she kept her legs spread open for him. It sounded more of a statement than a question. Her fingers trailed down to her pussy, lightly rubbing her clit,

She was giving her best damn performance yet. He was easily the most gorgeous man she had met during her travels, and she was going to make it unforgettable. 

He inched towards her, with desire in his eyes. He was going to destroy her in the best way possible, she could feel it. 

His body hovered hers, his breath hot on her neck. He looked too good to be true. Two fingers replaced hers, which made him chuckle darkly. 

Her hips bucked towards him. _She needed him_. There was no denying that. 

“ _Please_ .” She pleaded. _What happened to playing cool and smooth?_ Out the window apparently. 

All she could hear were her heavy breaths and his. He was right there. His head buried in her neck, marking her, as his fingers spread her wetness from her entrance to her clit. 

He was teasing her, giving her just a little bit of pleasure, without giving her what she truly wanted. Though his fingers were definitely much better than her own. 

As he slid his hard cock between her fold, lubricating himself with her juices, she tried moving a little to get to a better angle where she could have felt more. But his large hand holding her hip down stopped her. 

“Condom.” She reminded him, all too eager to get him in her. 

He reached for his nightstand and grabbed one, opening the foil packet with his teeth. 

He plunged inside her without any warning, her pussy stretched to accommodate his size, she hissed at the suddenness of it all. Which quickly turned into an embarrassingly loud moan. And that pleased him. 

He thrusted in her, very slowly so she could feel every inch of him. Her pussy clenched around nothing when he pulled out, and when he pushed himself back again would make her long for him to fuck her harder. 

“ _Harder_!” She demanded. “Fuck me harder.”

His pace became relentless, but his thrusts were timed nonetheless. She was in pure ecstasy. She didn’t want it to end. 

A fire burned within her and his appetite fuelled it. He was ravenous, and she was letting him use her to his pleasure. 

_Her pleasure too._

“You’re so fucking tight…” He groaned, the comment alone making her moan. “You were made to take my cock weren’t you?” 

All that came out of her mouth were a series of sounds that were hardly words. And as if that wasn’t enough, his fingers added to the ecstasy heightening her senses. She was going to come. She could feel it. 

His large hand went on her neck, gently grabbing it, as he left a bruising kiss on her lips. 

_There was something to remember him by._

  
  
  


**08:30**

He was woken up uncharacteristically early, by the alarm he had forgotten to turn off. It was a shrill arpeggio, that irritated him, prompting him to reach out for his phone on the nightstand and turn it off. He was too tired to wake up, though the light from outside beamed in through the sheer curtains and the chirping birds warmly enticed him to start the day.

His attention was soon caught by the soft snoring that was coming beside him. 

_She had stayed over._

She was facing the other side, her bare back towards him, her ass was covered by a thin sheet. He usually wasn’t the type to bring women home. He would be much more discreet, like a room at the Dorchester. 

It was just a simple rule he had. A condition he had given himself to be able to cheat on his wife. After all, he wasn’t the type to rub things in. 

Though he wasn’t one to pay for any kind of intimacy either, but there he was, in his own bed with a call girl. A young one at that, she looked like she was in university. He didn’t judge those girls. He understood fees had skyrocketed, though he was never one to care much about money, he was in no position to judge either. 

He got up, picked out a clean pair of underwear and a pair of sweatpants which he regularly used to walk around the house (he wouldn’t have been caught dead in them outside). After he got fully dressed, he went to the back pocket of the pants he had worn the night before, pulling out a wad of banknotes which were held together by a platinum clip. 

He left it on the nightstand on her side. 

_Maybe it was rude_. He didn’t know what the etiquette was. As he had never done it before. 

So he walked downstairs with the cash in hand, heading into his home office, and grabbing an envelope. 

He stuffed the money inside, which gave him some peace of mind. At least he was trying to make it somewhat discreet. 

He felt as if he had seen her before, and though he did cross paths with a lot of people, it was highly unlikely they had. Unless she had been of service to some acquaintance of his. 

Which was possible. It wasn’t completely unknown that men of a certain tax bracket hired women to be their dates for big events such as charity galas or a big party, something he had considered sad. 

He didn’t have that problem. His wife lived for events like that, she thrived being under the spotlight, she loved being in the center of attention. 

He despised that she had left pictures of them all over the house. He felt like he was being watched 24/7 by her, even when she wasn’t there. 

It promoted a fantasy, that was what his life was. It was if she was doing it on purpose, so he’d be forced to look at her face. 

He regretted sleeping with her the day before. As it might have reignited whatever hopes she had of them getting back together. 

From the looks of it, she was much happier apart than together, and so was he. 

**_10:00_ **

She had no idea who this man was. He seemed a mystery from what she had gathered the night before. The vase in the bedroom, was a _Baccarat_. 

And by the looks of everything else in the room, she gathered he was pretty well off. But it wasn’t the vase that tipped her off. Rather the large proportions of the room. The immaculately decorated room. He must have had it done by someone else. Or rather a team of people which organised it for him. 

She slipped back into her clothes from the night before. The black dress and the uncomfortable heels. It would’ve been obvious to anyone who saw her that she had spent the night fucking someone’s brains out, not that she cared. And then decided to venture out of the empty room.

As she walked downstairs, she noticed several pictures on the walls, all with him and and a woman. 

When she reached the end of the stairs, there was a modern commode with more pictures and a large mirror above it. 

The pictures were wedding pictures, it was him, and the same woman from the pictures from before. 

She was definitely gorgeous, with a slender figure. She would’ve never been able to pull off a dress like that. 

Photographs always had a way of telling stories, and the ones in his house told her a lot about his life. 

He was married, and a very accomplished man. He had photos beside many important businessmen, and a framed _Forbes_ article from 2013. 

By the looks of it, he was very very successful. 

Her attention was mainly focused on the article. _Barnes International._

She had her suspicions before, the evidence made her pretty sure she had slept with the entrepreneur and businessman, _James Buchanan Barnes_. Next in line to inherit _the_ Barnes International from his father. 

Though she has no idea of how the world of business worked, it was common knowledge that the Barnes family was amongst the most powerful families in the corporate world. 

Judging from the photos, she would’ve guessed he was in a very loving relationship with his wife. But again, nothing was ever what it seemed. 

And as anyone who would’ve been in her same position, she started freaking out. 

She recalled seeing him elsewhere. Definitely on social media… and the first night out with Natasha at that bar. 

He was the blue eyed handsome stranger. 

When she was busy getting trashed. _Fuck_. Way to meet someone. But did he see her that night? 

Probably not. 

She was mortified. But at the same time wanted to high five herself. 

“Natasha please pick up, pick up, pick up.” She chanted, in hopes that she would’ve answered. But the call went straight to voicemail. “Natasha. You’ll never believe where I am right now. I’m at James Buchanan Barnes’. I may have fucked him, and by ‘may’, I mean definitely.” 

“You’re awake. I’ve made breakfast.” He looked at her concernedly. Her eyes widened at the sight of him before her. He was definitely more clothed than the previous night, but his hair was still slightly disheveled, but he had put on a tank top and a pair of grey sweatpants. 

“Are you… ok?” 

“I am. Thank you.” She wasn’t. Everything she had said the night before was perpetually haunting her. Until then, she hadn’t achieved much in life, but now, she could die the very next day claiming to have slept with James. “Breakfast sounds good.” 

Great. Her greatest achievement would have been sleeping with a man who was a (quasi) celebrity. 

How she didn’t realise it before, was even more shocking. And by how casually he talked to her, she deduced it wasn’t his first time cheating on his wife. 

_He was cheating on his wife. Which made her someone she couldn’t be proud of._

James was whipping up eggs as if it was nothing. Just another day for a billionaire. 

There was nothing more she wanted than joining him for breakfast. It would have been an amazing story to tell Natasha afterwards, but she knew it wasn’t right to do so. He was married, which meant no matter how hot last night’s memories were, she couldn’t stay there and pretend everything was peachy. 

Besides, she had no idea how she could’ve talked to him. Without nonsense coming out of her mouth. If it was anyone but the heir to a Fortune 500 company, it would’ve been easy. 

“I left your money in the envelope on the table. I hope one thousand is ok.” 

_One thousand pounds?_

Now she was confused. Why was he- Oh. 

_Did he just pay her for sex?_

She didn’t know what the right reaction should have been. She didn’t want to yell at him, but she didn’t want to fuck him either. Suddenly the spell she was under the night before, wore off. He was nearly nowhere as charming as she had thought him to be. 

“I- I actually forgot I have this...thing today. I have to go.” She said awkwardly, not knowing how to get out. “Thank you.” 

_Smooth. Real smooth Y/N._

She mentally cursed herself for thanking him. What did she thank him for? For the breakfast he had 

made that she didn’t eat? Or the seven times he had made her come? If she had to thank him for something, it would’ve been the latter. She scurried out the house, with coat in hand, and wobbling in her heels. 

She managed to walk around the corner, before she stopped, and leaned onto the wall. She had just slept with James Barnes. And he mistook her for a call girl. 

She was in a seemingly perfect neighborhood, the houses were all the same, in a decadent white, in a perfect row. She was probably an eye sore. A heavy contrast from the elegant buildings, with the impeccably trimmed bushes and luxurious cars.

_It had been made explicitly clear to her, that she did not belong there._

  
  


She ordered an Uber needing to get as quickly out of there as possible. Her feet hurt in her borrowed Louboutins. She deeply regretted the night before. The figure hugging dress, which was receiving a few glares by a few ladies who were jogging in the neighborhood, to the shoes which were killing her feet. 

No matter how sexy she may have felt the night before, the morning after she was a wreck. Her first walk of shame in the city. 

As her ride approached her, she quickly jumped in. She needed to get out of there. 

  
  


Her phone buzzed in her hand, as she flipped it around to look at it. 

**_Nat_ **

“I actually didn’t believe you when I heard the voicemail. How was he?” She asked her excitedly. “Was he as good in bed as he looks?”

“Yeah, he was. It was amazing.” She replied dryly. She wasn’t in the mood to talk about him. 

“You sleep with James Barnes, and amazing is the only thing you can say?”

Though the situation she had found herself in wasn’t ideal, the sex was definitely the best sex she had ever had in a very long time. 

“That’s the thing. I can’t even begin to describe it.” She had no idea how she felt. Was she supposed to feel grateful to him to have even looked at her? Because she sure didn’t feel that way. 

“It is not fair how some people can have it all. Looks, money… and well, stamina.” 

“He’s married.” _As if that was the only problem._

“Well of course he is. Clearly she isn’t giving him what he wants as he’s looking elsewhere for some… release.” With a call-girl. Which she wasn’t, but he certainly thought she was for the whole night.“But are you seeing him again?” 

“Not the point, Nat. I wanted to have a simple one night stand with a handsome stranger. Not some adulterous man from some Forbes list.” She said as quietly as possible, not wanting the driver to hear. “And no, I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again, it was like a once in a lifetime experience. Never to be repeated again.” 

“Tragic. You’ve always been so dramatic. When I’m home from the gym, we’ll talk more about it.” 

  
  
  


Third week in London, and she had finally gotten laid. She could help but think about he handled her. How his expert hands roamed all over her body, his lips against her skin… and he hadn’t left any marks. 

Nothing to remember him by. It was a good thing, as she wouldn’t have dwelled on it much. A part of her regretted to not have stayed for breakfast. Maybe get to know him. 

_Who are you kidding Y/N? No one wants to talk to a stranger they had fucked. It was just about the sex._

Especially when he thought she was an escort. She should’ve gotten the money and left. Instead her pride and fear made her run off. 

  
  


She had soon realized that the hottest man she had slept with by far, was a complete _asshole_.

So maybe, no one was as perfect as they seemed. 

  
  
  



	5. it’s you again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): vaginal sex 
> 
> PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOURE UNDER 18. I CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. I DONT WANT TO GET INTO TROUBLE.

**_08:00_ **

_ Meet you downstairs in the bar and hurt, _

_ Your rolled up sleeves in your skull t-shirt... _

She walked beside Nat as she listened to Amy Winehouse. She had no idea where she was, but it was all overwhelming. The city was more alive than ever. She had no idea at what time she had woken her up. Early. Very early. 

At eight they were already out, going about their day. Nat liked to be early, so there would be more hours of the day to enjoy. If only everyone was like her. She was different. And not in that asshole-y way people would say they were different. She didn’t live like she did. 

A life that was deemed a ‘waste’ by her mother. But being there, walking into her next adventure, she didn’t feel like it was a waste. She had been blessed by the city, despite it being low key polluted and very loud. 

There was something magic about it. It was the center of arts, culture, and dreams. Perfect for someone who had idea what to do with their life. And no one cared if she was wearing a lace bodysuit (though underneath a denim jacket). That was the special thing about a big city. Everyone minded their own business. 

“Are we getting closer to the bakery? I’m hungry.” She asked her friend, pulling one earphone out. 

“Trust me. The croissants will be worth it.” The same thing she told her the day before to make up for the fact that they were going to wake up early the next day. 

“You know who works here?” She stopped in front of an impressive building. From what she could tell, it was a University. It didn’t take a perceptive person, as it literally stated it was. 

“No? George Clooney?” 

“Haha, very funny. But  _ James Buchanan Barnes  _ works here.”  _ Fuck _ . So she had dragged her here for that sole purpose. And she woke up early for that? 

“Ugh. So were they really croissants or did you lure me here for this? Also why do you say his full name?” 

“Is there any other way he’s supposed to or  _ likes _ to be called?” She suggested, making her scoff. 

“I’m still not telling you anything.” 

“Oh come on… its eight he might be coming in early.”

“I’m guessing there were no croissants.” She mumbled under her breath. 

“There are but it’s still a twenty minute walk.” 

“Twenty minutes?” 

“Oh here he comes.” 

As she turned around, there he was again. Tall, and even more handsome than she remembered him to be. It was mortifying to be there. But at least she looked good enough to be seen by him again. 

Before he could walk in, he took off his glasses in the coolest way ever and smirked at her. Yes, smirked. It was smug, and there was nothing of it that she liked, though she had to admit it turned her on a little. 

“I have the feeling you are following me.” He mocked, irritating her. She didn’t recall him to be so annoying. She wouldn’t have slept with him in the first place if she had known.

“Don’t flatter yourself. My friend dragged me here.” 

“I see, maybe I can buy you coffee? You fled my house the other day, it looked like you were eager to get out of there.” 

His offer seemed genuine, however she ad no intention of playing his game, whatever it was. 

“Eager? You’re married!” She exclaimed, trying to be as quiet as possible, as they were still in public and didn’t want to cause a scene. “Of course I was eager to get out of your house. You offered me a wad of cash.” 

“My mistake. I shouldn't have assumed, if anything it’s a compliment.”  _ Where was the logic in that?  _ “However you didn’t give me much time to even tell you my name.” 

Damn. He was right. That attractive bastard. Though she knew it already. 

“Ok it was partly my fault, but usually married men don’t invite women they think are call girls into their home to fuck.” He chuckled at her use of words, which made her blush. 

“Well I’m a different kind of married man.” 

“That’s what every man who cheats would say about themselves.” She rebuked, rolling her eyes. 

“There aren’t no other men like me love.” His tongue wetted his lips. Usually it would’ve been a douche-y move, instead when done by him it was insanely sexy. She hated herself for it. For feeling that way. But it was simple human nature. “As much I’d love to stay and chat, I have somewhere to be.” 

And with that, he was gone. The air around her still smelled like him. It had sweet tones, not just like the strong colognes men usually wore.

“You owe me a coffee.” She told Nat, who stood there smiling. 

“I know.” She nodded knowingly. “He offered you cash? What an asshole.” 

“Exactly.” 

“But he’s so handsome. I thought he’d be different. It’s kind of a disappointment.” 

_ Disappointment _ . She wasn’t wrong. 

**_London, 12 March 2018 - 16:30_ **

Once she had arrived back home, she kicked off her shoes and made herself comfortable on her bed, with her laptop on her lap. Her fingers ghosted over the keyboard, wondering if she should really type his name. She didn’t, though she really wanted to. Seeing his face would’ve just dragged her further down the rabbit hole. 

She should’ve known better than to sleep with him. Anyone in the world could’ve told her he was married. She avoided looking both of them up. It would’ve made her feel worse. All she knew about her was that she was a beautiful redhead, who wore great dresses and had an obnoxious (handsome) asshole for a husband.

She was the nameless  _ Mrs. Barnes. Lucky her.  _

_ ‘There aren’t any other men like me love’  _ It was a cheap line, something she knew she heard elsewhere, probably from some movie or book. 

Overused and annoying. 

She was sure there were other men like him. The world was full of James Barneses. Pompous self righteous assholes who thought the world was in their hands, all because of daddy’s cash. 

She wasn’t sure why it bothered her so much. Why  _ he _ bothered her. Probably because she let him do whatever he wanted with her. 

She let him use her like a sex toy and she let him. Mostly because he was insanely attractive. 

As if her dignity flew out the window. 

She felt guilty for enjoying it. But looking back at it, it was really good. Better than  _ really good _ . 

_ “Again…” She breathed out after he made her come for the umpteenth time. After the fourth time, she stopped keeping track. It was better that way.  _

_ He was still in her, she felt his warmth, his musky scent drove her wild. And though she was getting tired, there was no way she was letting him know. She wanted more.  _

_ He let out a deep chuckle, which she felt deep in her quivering pussy. The man was sex incarnate. She would’ve let him do anything he wanted to do to her. He jerked himself with his hand while his eyes, darkened with lust were fixed on her naked body.  _

_ He ripped another foil packet open, as she laid on her back, anticipating what she had already experience plenty of times that night.  _

_ He was going to fuck her all night long. And she was going to happily let him.  _

_ “Hurry.” She purred as she kept her legs wide open. She was always bold when it came to sex, but it was like she was insatiable. Her hands grabbed her own breasts, squeezing them as she watched him roll the condom on.  _

_ Just as he was about to slide himself in, she stopped him.  _

_ “Let me ride you.”  _

_ God she sounded desperate. He was probably used to women doing whatever he wanted.  _

_ He climbed off of her, laying down on his back, as she straddled him, grinding her wet pussy against him, before sinking down on him.  _

  
  
  


_ “Yes, yes, yes!” She chanted as she rode him, her breasts bouncing up and down. She was slowly wearing down. She was tired. But that didn’t matter.  _

_ “Oh fuck.”  _

_ The obscene sound of skin slapping filled her ears, as his thrusts met hers, making it near to impossible to keep quiet. Along her moans, his groans, and panting. It seemed all too perfect.  _

_ It went on for some time. She didn’t know exactly how long as she didn’t have a watch on her, but she was pretty sure she was fucking him for some time before she let him take over, mostly due to the fact that she wanted him to.  _

_ At times he’d make her stop moving right before she was about to cum, and he’d take over, fucking her harder than before.  _

_ And it went on and on.  _

_ She never wanted it to stop.  _

_ She found the strength to rock her hips to meet his thrusts. She was almost ashamed of how loud she was being. In a state of pure uninhibitedness.  _

_ His hands went to her hips, sliding down to her ass, guiding her towards her orgasm. And she was close. Each time his cock slipped in and out of her, her walls snugly welcoming him back in each time.  _

_ And by the way he was breathing, it seemed like he was close too.  _

_ A string of curses, a symphony of ‘fucks’, followed as she clenched around him, as she felt him pulsing inside of her. His hands grabbed onto her ass as he came, the hottest sight she had seen. She had seen it several times, and yet she had yet to grow tired of it.  _

_ And that would have been the last time they had slept together that night, as after that he fell fast asleep, leaving her contemplating whether she should’ve left or not, instead the warm pillow inviting her to rest for a while.  _

_ Before everything turned black.  _

She didn’t know when she felt more shame. While he was inside of her, or when she had her mouth around him, saliva dribbling down her chin. 

Despite his house being very large, it seemed like he was the only one living there. His wife wasn’t. Though the way it was furnished and arranged suggested a woman used to live there. Maybe they were separated. 

She didn’t know the circumstances. 

She was one who liked to have her fun, but she didn’t want to do it at someone else’s expense. It was wrong. Y/N wasn’t a cheater so she couldn’t understand what would bring someone to cheat on someone they chose to spend the rest of their lives with. 

She walked around the house, trying to find something to entertain herself with. If there had to be a Natasha museum her apartment would’ve been it. 

The university textbooks sat heavily one on top of the other on the dinner table, with her thin rubber pencil case on the side. Nat enjoyed being a college student. After all, that was the plan she had built for herself.

It wasn’t detailed, but she always knew she would have studied journalism in London. 

She had the same dream since she met her their first year in high school. While she was part of the school newspaper (she would’ve specified she was the editor), Y/N was nowhere near as sure. 

Sure, she had a lot of dreams, but as her mother reminded her each time, dreams were never enough. 

That was exactly what she told her when she told her she wanted to travel around, and leave her studies behind. She knew whatever she did, whether it was the people, or a new dream, that it never stuck.  


So she eventually would find herself aimlessly wandering around, searching for her next adventure. 

And she had a feeling London was it. 

There’s something about being in a new city. The thrill, the feeling of uncertainty, though there was nothing thrilling about staying indoors. Though it might have been for the best, since the weather wasn’t top notch. 

It was raining. 

  
  


**17:15**

  
  


_ He was miserable _ . He just didn’t show it, not to the hundred students in front of him. Or to anyone else for that matter. He hated his job. Though no one would’ve guessed it, by the way he spoke so passionately. He was told to step down from his CEO position temporarily, a position he had earned. It was his birthright. 

And though being a thirty something year old man, he was still forced to step down as her request of his father. And do something humbling, that would ‘give back to the next generation of business owners’. It was also a favor to the department head, to which his father owed. 

He felt guilty about sleeping with his wife again. It was a mistake. A huge one. God knows what she would’ve thought they were after that. He didn’t want to be putting ideas in her head. They were broken, beyond fixing. 

The girl,  _ Y/N _ \- or so he remembered her saying, was just a bandage for the problem that was his wife. 

She was as young as his students.

In fact he could see her being in his class, biting on her pen seductively, making eye contact, wearing the tightest sweaters that would show off her figure, brushing up on his arm as she asked him for academic advice. 

He usually never slept with much younger women. It wasn’t his thing. He had known plenty of acquaintances, powerful men like him, that would cheat on their unsuspecting wives with their twenty something secretary. 

_ He always thought himself to be different.  _

But that night he needed a change of routine, and she just happened to be there. And saying she was skilled would have been an understatement. She was a sex kitten. In just one night it had him wanting more. 

Perhaps younger women had that to offer. Something that was exciting. The thrill of having someone submit to his every desire. 

They were less emotionally demanding, and were more open to being sexually adventurous. 

  
  


He didn’t even know what he was talking about in his class. Once he started talking his brain would take care of the rest, and could go on for hours.  _ Business administration  _ or whatever it was. 

He hoped the lecture would be over soon. He couldn’t wait. 

  
  
  


**_London 12 March 2018 - 18:00_ **

‘ _ Tonight I’m at Clint’s. See you tomorrow!’  _

The text read. 

She waited there for a second. Looked down at her sweatpants, and old graphic tee she had since high school. She was in the most exciting city in the world, and she was indoors, on her phone scrolling through social media. 

And then looked at the door.

As if she had somewhere to go all at a sudden, she grabbed the first pair of pants and a clean shirt she could find, grabbed her keys and bag and was out the door in a millisecond.

It was probably the stupidest idea she ever had, which she didn’t realize until she was halfway there by tube. While she was in there, sat beside a couple of tourists, she tried to find justifications to why she was going. 

There were no reasons. And she would’ve probably regretted it, but she wouldn’t know if she sat there doing nothing. 

She ran like crazy. Amongst people. The streets sure looked different in the evening. She recognised them though, simply for the fact that she remembered the first night she went out drinking with Nat. The bar was conveniently near the University. 

_ Oh God, I’m going to look like a total psycho.  _ She then realized as she stood in front of the building, slightly regretting her decision to be so spontaneous. 

As she was starting to panic, he walked out. In a black  _ Burberry _ wool coat, which fitted him perfectly. He pulled off the academic look really well. He was looking down at his phone, but looked up for a second. 

That’s when they stood face to face, as she stared at him, not knowing what to say. 

  
  
  
  



	6. a deal between a gentleman and a lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: office sex

He was first to speak. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” 

It was near to impossible how good he looked. A lecturer or whatever he was, shouldn’t have looked as distractingly gorgeous as he did. 

“I may have reacted a little too strongly earlier, and I wanted to apologise.” Her apology was somewhat sincere, suddenly standing in front of him seemed like a _very bad_ idea. He was so much more intimidating up close. 

He didn’t look hostile or anything, but he exuded a suaveness only a few men could pull off. 

“Would you like to join me back in my office? I still have things to do, and don’t feel like going home just yet.” He offered with a smile, his magnetic blue eyes inviting her to accept. His tongue poked out of his pink lips, licking them in the most seductive way. 

She wondered whether he knew what he was doing. 

Of course he did. 

She had no choice but to follow him inside the building, her heart fluttered each step she took. 

As she walked up to his office, her heart raced. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what would’ve happened. Although they had sex before, it felt a little different, that time, she knew who he was. He was the kind of man who didn’t need to utter a single word to get a woman in his bed. 

She was going to play her cards right. 

“Take off your clothes.” She demanded, as she sat back on the leather couch, crossing her legs as she looked up to him. 

James didn’t object. His blazer was on the floor in an instance. His fingers flew to the buttons on his shirt, and unbuttoned them one by one, her eyes immediately went to his fingers. They were so long, and way thicker than hers. 

She imagined what it’d be like to have them in her. Probably way more fulfilling than her own.

“Nice panties.” He said as he smirked at the sight of her cotton panties with little pink hearts on them. **_Not_ ** the underwear she wanted to wear to fuck him. 

“Shut up.” She breathed out, which slowly turned into a controlled moan once he started rubbing her clothed core. 

“You’re not wearing a bra.” He noted, once his eyes went to her pebbled nipples peeking through the thin fabric of her shirt. 

“No I’m not.” 

His lips attached to hers hungrily. The attraction was there, palpable. It sent her heart into a frenzy. His lips were so soft, and is beard scratched her skin, she started imagining about how glorious his lips would feel elsewhere, while his beard rubbed against the insides of her thighs. 

The man knew how to kiss. Though there was no doubt in that. He looked like someone who could ruin her completely. 

It was a risk she was willing to take. 

He managed to slide her panties down her legs, and she watched them as they were discarded on the floor. 

“Lick.” He told her as he held two fingers out for her, they touched her lips ever so gently. His tone awakened something in her, it was deep and sensual. 

She slightly parted her lips, as she felt his fingers slide in a little, before wrapping her lips around them, sucking them as if they were his cock. All the while she kept looking at the man in front of her, the salt that peppered in his dark beard. 

His eyes turning into a deeper shade of blue, than usual crystalline blue eyes she couldn’t stop staring into. 

When he pulled his fingers out, they were shiny, and wet. 

“You have to keep quiet now… are you able to do that for me?” 

She nodded as her breathing became quick. His breath was hot on her ear, as his hand hovered over her pussy, the other one had this thumb caressing her hardened nipple. 

“Fuck…” he cussed, his fingers slowly rubbing her lips spreading her wetness. “You’re so fucking wet. Is this for me?”

She mewled, unable to say a full sentence. It was quite pathetic, how a man could have so much power over her. 

“Of course it’s for me, you’ve been so good… how can I ever reward you?” He teased as the tip of his finger touched her clit, sending shockwaves throughout her whole body. “What do you want me to do?”

“Your fingers…” She moaned out. “ _Oh fuck._ ”

His fingers, two of them to be precise, prodded at her entrance as he emitted a dark chuckle. A chuckle which she felt deep within her, making her moan. Loudly. 

“Shh… sweetheart you don’t want me to get into trouble do you?” 

She managed to shake her head, he mouthed ‘good girl’, as his fingers pushed inside her, making her squirm in her seat. The leather couch beneath her was starting to stick to her skin, it she couldn’t care less. 

The amount of pleasure she felt was incomparable to any other experience, she was right. His fingers were definitely better than hers ever felt. His thick fingers pumped in and out of her, with the same rhythm of her heart. 

She was helpless, she was headed towards her orgasm and there was no stopping it. Not that she wanted it to stop. 

She attempted to squeeze her legs together as the pleasure was starting to become too intense, but he pried them opened again, holding one leg down, his mouth on her breast, sucking on her nipple. 

She had to keep her eyes shut, if she took one look at him she knew she would’ve come undone. 

“I-I’m gonna come.” She announced, her voice weak. 

“I got you. Come for me.” He told her in a reassuring voice, yet erotic. “Squeeze that pretty pussy around my fingers.” 

There were a lot of times she had to cum quietly. Like the semester abroad with the French guy in his bedroom or when she was back at home for the holidays with a house full of people and desperately in need to use her vibrator. 

It was different. She had never felt anything as intense as what she was feeling. She felt like she was going to explode. 

A warm wave completely engulfed her body as she came around his fingers, her mind totally blanking out. 

Her body was spent as it tried to recover from her orgasm, she still felt it, as his fingers still filled her. She didn’t want him to remove them, but she also wanted to feel him. 

As he removed his fingers, slick with her juices, he brought them to his lips sucking on them. 

_She had no control over her body. Everything happened so quickly._ She removed his pants with his help hurriedly, it was so fast in the next second he was already pant less, his pants strewn on the floor. 

She managed to straddle him, feeling his hard cock in his briefs. She rocked her hips against him. She couldn’t resist any longer. She needed him in her. The memory of the first time they fucked was at the back of her mind, making her way to experience it again.

“ _Fuck me_.” She pleaded, moving her hips to get some relief. 

He didn’t reply, instead he pulled his cock outside, and that was it. 

He wanted her to do it. He wanted to see how desperate she truly was.

_And desperate she was._

She grabbed him and lined him to her entrance, sliding down on him, moaning as she did so. 

She gasped at how he filled her up. He was big, thicker than big. But still more than enough to satisfy her every need. She could easily get used to the feeling. 

In the past, the men she had been with who were gifted, didn’t always know how to use it to their advantage. _But James?_ She knew exactly what he was capable of. She had been there before, and she wanted to go there again.

She didn’t hold back she rode him, his hips aided her, thrusting upwards meeting her movements each time. They were in perfect sync. There were no moans, just heavy breathing and the inevitable sound of sex. 

Then came a knock. 

“Professor Barnes?” A voice called. It was a woman’s. Though she was too focused on fucking him that she couldn’t care less who was at the door. All she wanted to do was to come. 

He didn’t stop either, he guided her hips as they rocked against him, his cock hitting her deep. She wasn’t going to last any longer. 

Her breathing got heavier as his fingers found their way to her clit, applying just the right pressure to make her toes curl. 

Unexpected were finding his lips once again on hers, as she moaned into his mouth, at how sexy it all was. Her riding him in his office just as someone was outside his door. 

The prospect of being caught turned her even more, as if it was even possible. 

The person outside eventually seemed to leave as there was the faint sound of feet walking away. His lips left hers, making her lament the sudden loss, not before they found their way on her collarbone. 

She felt herself inching towards her orgasm, and by the looks of him, (the heavy panting, the half closed eyes and the sexily parted lips) he was very close too. She found the strength within her to quicken her pace, her pussy clenching tightly around him. 

She held back some moans but some escaped from her mouth, at that point she could hold anything any longer. And then everything came crashing down, in an earth shattering climax. Her toes curled to the point of pain, as she arched her back feeling him deep inside her.

  
  
  


Unlike his home, his office looked more like him. It looked like the University spared no costs when it came to him. He had a large mahogany desk - perfect for fucking on, with a vintage desk lamp on top of it, which looked like it was a key piece in the room. 

There was a bookshelf behind the desk, probably of unread books, as it looked too perfect to have been touched. 

She put her clothes back on, after finding where they had been flung to. She felt heat rise to her face, as she saw him with his back to her, putting his shirt back on. She had slept with James Buchanan Barnes, twice. 

She would’ve never thought it to ever happen, but there she was, hurriedly adjusting her clothes, in his office. 

“You want to go out for coffee?”

“It’s past eleven, I doubt there’s an open coffee shop.” 

“Let’s go.” He said, and she followed. “Grab a jacket, you’re gonna get cold.” She looked at him point at the black jacket, definitely too big for her to walk around in. But at least it would’ve shielded her from the breeze. 

The second she put it on it felt heavy, it weighed her down, and despite that, she liked it. It smelled exactly like him. She had sex with him, and she was now wearing his jacket. 

It all felt too much. She was never one to be with someone more than once, and somehow she had just made an exception for him. 

He was right. _There were no other men like him._

  
  
  


The air was cold, against her warm skin, a contrast from the stuffiness of his office which reeked of sex. She watched him as he guided her through the streets, he looked so stern when he wasn’t inside of her. Even then he commanded authority. 

He stayed silent as he walked at a regular pace, he didn’t glance at her one second as he did so. It seemed to her like he wasn’t one for small talk. Though neither was she. 

Why did he invite her for a coffee? Was it to apologise for his assumption the first time? Or was it something else?

Questions flooded her mind, as she followed him, as she contemplated whether she should’ve said something to fill the void occupied by silence. 

It wasn’t awkward or anything, but she hated silence. 

The shops around them were mainly closed, it seemed like the night was starting to engulf the city. Until they stopped in front of bright lights. 

Neon pink ones to be exact. 

The inside looked cozy, and inviting. The place looked like it came out of a Wes Anderson movie. The colors that immediately caught her eye were a bright baby pink and turquoise. The cafe was nearly empty, with only three other customers. 

The lights were pinkish, giving it a surreal feel to the whole place.

That was exactly what she needed. A warm cup of _something_ , with him. 

They sat on the high stools, at the elongated table by the window, facing the narrow street. The dark city starkly contrasted with the inside of the cafe that seemed to come out from a fever dream. 

Behind her, there were a narrow set of stairs, leading to a speakeasy where she saw a few more people there. It seemed like a portal to another world. 

The young server came to where they were sat at and they ordered their drinks. An espresso, and a hot chocolate. She was warm and friendly, despite working very late, whereas James replied with a gruff voice. 

As they waited for their hot beverages, there was still silence between them, it was appropriate but she didn’t like it. Somehow she wanted to be liked by him, and by the looks of it she wasn’t succeeding at it. 

It wasn’t long until their drinks were ready and placed in front of them. She watch him sip on his coffee without even blowing on it first. 

She felt weird just staring at him while there was complete silence between them, so she decided to make the much dreaded first move. 

“It was starting to be very _Last Tango in Paris_ , but now I know your name.” She commented nonchalantly as she scooped some of the whipped cream on her cup, bringing it to her lips. Sweet. 

“You have watched the film, haven’t you?” 

“Not really I read the synopsis and didn’t want to.” 

“You don’t want this to be like _that_ movie. Trust me.” It wasn’t like he was cold. Maybe it was just his nature. It seemed like he wasn’t used to small talk. 

“Why not?”

“She kills him.” 

“No… really? Now you’ve spoiled the ending.” 

“I thought you read the synopsis…” 

“Kind of…?” She said with a big smile. “I skipped over it.” 

With that, he showed a hint of a smile. 

**…**

“So how long are you here for?” He asked her. It wasn’t like him to ask personal questions. He had always found them to be invasive. 

But it seemed like she was making an effort to speak to him. And he knew he wasn’t the easiest person to speak to. 

“Probably two months, maybe three. Depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether I find something worth staying longer for.” She licked the spoon clean his eyes fixed on her lips wrapped around it. _Fuck, she looked so sexy while doing so._

“What’s your next destination?”

“I don’t know… maybe Italy, Venice if I find the money.” 

“Venice is really beautiful. You should visit the island of Torcello if you go.” 

“I will keep that in mind.” She said as she kept licking that spoon. And by the looks of it she knew exactly what she was doing. _That little minx._ “Do you take all of your booty calls for coffee?”

_No he didn’t._ And even if he did, they (the women he usually slept with) would’ve ordered tea or a coffee. Her ordering hot chocolate showed how young she actually was. 

Not too young, but _definitely_ young. 

“I’ll remind you I wasn’t the one who called you, you came to me.”

“ _Touche_ ”

**_…._ **

“And we’ve enjoyed each other’s company both times.” He said suggestively. It seemed like he was getting _friendlier_. With slight suggestive undertones. 

“Do you have a point?”

“I see no reason why this should end. Let’s see where it goes. No commitments, just two people who enjoy sex.” 

This would’ve probably been the worst idea ever. 

If only he hadn’t been so sexy. 

She quickly drew out the pros and cons. The cons were easy. He was married. She didn’t want to wreck a marriage. 

However their marriage was already wrecked to begin with. 

Secondly she didn’t do more than one night stands, and she definitely wasn’t looking for friends with benefits. What romcoms taught her was those arrangements never worked. 

But with him… James was the only pro she could see in that kind of arrangement. He was **_the_ **James Barnes. And he wanted to sleep with her. 

Granted he was a cheating bastard, clearly with commitment issues, but with a great jawline and an even greater cock. 

She already knew what her answer would’ve been, but as she didn’t want to come off as too desperate, she kept it simple. 

“Why not?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cafe I mentioned in this chapter actually exists in London. I exaggerated some features but from what I remember it was a cute cafe with a pink aesthetic (and it had the speakeasy-esque bar downstairs). 
> 
> Though I forgot it’s name so it’ll be hard to find it again.


	7. terms and conditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: vaginal sex, edging (kind of), public 
> 
> In synthesis they fuck around a lot.

**_09:00_ **

She was just drying her hair as she received a text. Her lips formed into a smile, as she read who it was from. 

_ ‘I’m free today, come over.’  _

She intended to go to around the city, as she couldn’t get enough of it, but it seemed like she had other plans. With Nat at uni she had more time to herself. Alone time was really daunting. 

It was during alone time that her thoughts came out. Even the darkest ones. She was in her twenties, without a career plan. 

It was a commonly known fact that one's twenties were supposed to be the most exciting, crazy years of a person’s life. 

_ She hated hearing it constantly.  _

She was already stressed generally, she didn’t need the added societal pressure. She watched as her peers went clubbing every other day, graduating from university or moving in with their significant other. 

They were already enjoying their adulthood. 

She was nowhere ready to join them. She liked where she was at the moment, though it felt like a purgatory. A grey area. 

Which was why she had accepted. Being the other woman. There was nothing more exciting than a new city, than an exciting new man. 

She turned off the dryer, walking towards the guest bedroom, grabbing a cute flower patterned dress. Remembering his rule. The first one of a list of them. 

_ No jeans. Only dresses and skirts.  _

That narrowed down her choice of clothes by a few. It was cotton dress she had worn around Mykonos, it wasn’t too long, it fell just underneath her knees. 

She knew she was going to look good in it. The cute waiter at the restaurant she ate at thought so. He seemed to like it even more after his shift ended, in the janitor’s closet with his hands down her dress, squeezing her breast. 

She slid her panties down her legs, she wasn’t going to need them. 

_ No panties.  _

That was another of his terms. Violating his rules would end up in being punished. Not that she would’ve minded. 

He wanted easy access and that she gave him. 

She grabbed her phone as she already felt shivers at the idea of walking around commando. It was thrilling, definitely not boring. 

_ ‘I’m gonna run a little late.’  _

  
  
  


**_09:25_ **

_ ‘I’m gonna run a little late.’  _

The text read. 

He figured he could go out for a short morning run. He liked keeping in shape, it used to be less of an ego thing when he was younger. But he found that women responded well to his fit body, so he made sure to keep himself in shape.

His wife didn’t care anymore. She used to, but she drowned herself in work to not be near him. 

He knew she hated him. Which was why it felt so good to have Y/N respond so well to his touch. 

He got dressed, and put his headphones on, as he closed the door behind him ready to start with his usual morning jog. 

He decided to start lightly, stretching before he started running, the cool breeze against his skin felt good, as he tried to not breathe in the polluted air too much. 

Just as the music started playing in his ears,one of his favorite to run to, he turned the corner, only to bump into someone familiar. 

Not  _ very _ familiar yet, but he was definitely getting used to having her around. 

“I thought we were gonna work out together… but looks like you’ve started without me.” Y/N said cheekily, as she bit her lip. She had no idea what he was doing to him. 

His heart raced a little knowing underneath that flower patterned number, she had no panties. He could taken her right then and there, fucked her nice and deep against the bushes. He knew she would have complied. 

She was such a good girl. 

  
  


The door clicked shut behind them, he caught her lips in his, his tongue slipped inside her mouth, asserting his dominance over her. 

It was just like the first night. The passion was an ardent fire, with no means of going out. It kept on burning with the added bonus of sparks. 

His body responded to hers, he was already hard. She giggled as she made herself home, walking up the stairs as if she owned the place. 

Lifting her dress a little so he could see her ass. She was doing it on purpose. 

He liked her more because of it. The cute little giggle she let out when she turned around biting her lip, to probably see the look he had on him. He was going to ruin her. 

He could get behind  **_that_ ** kind of cardio. 

**_…._ **

Somewhere between the beginning of the hallway, and the master bedroom, he got a hold of her upper arm in a tight grip. 

“You remembered.” He whispered against her skin as his hand travelled down her dress kneading her ass. “You’re such a good girl.”

He was already naked, his hard cock slapping against his stomach. She wanted to get her mouth around it. 

“Go over the rules sweetheart.” Her dress was bunched around her waist, as she felt his hot breath on her pussy. 

“ _ No panties when I’m around you… _ ” she let out a gasp as she felt a cold finger on her folds. He started massaging her clit, in a painstakingly slow pace. 

“Go on…” 

“I’m-“ she paused as she felt his finger at her entrance, but whined internally when she realised he wasn’t going to put it in. “I’m to wear dresses or skirts. So  _ daddy _ can have access to my pussy.” 

“Say it again… what do you want?” 

“You.” 

“Ask for it.” 

“Please I want your mouth on my pussy.” She writhed under him, watching him as his mouth hovered over her core. He was teasing her. 

“Your pussy’s so pretty you know that? Now it’s mine.” “Such a waste, a tight cunt wasted on an older man like me. Tell me sugar… you like old men?” 

That question sent a jolt down her body, straight to her aching core. He wasn’t even that old. But he was probably a decade or so older than her. Which did make him old. 

But she couldn’t deny the small amount of grey in his neat beard didn’t turn her on. 

“Yes….” 

“I figured. What was wrong with college guys? They couldn’t fuck you right?” 

They were alright, but they were no James. No one felt like him. It seemed like he had years and years of experience and no one could match up to that. 

She was lucky. 

“Don’t worry baby, I got you.” With that he flattened his tongue against her clit, making her unexpectedly moan, and clutch the sheets under her. 

Oh, he really did  _ get _ her. It was the first time he ever was in between her legs, his mouth on her pussy. She couldn’t even follow all of his movements, as the pleasure of it all consumed her. 

He was a giver. And a very good one at that. 

“ _ James _ .” She whimpered at every lap of his tongue, she found the rules to be a little off putting, but the sex was definitely worth it.  _ He _ was worth it. 

His tongue was ravenously working her clit as his fingers found her entrance as her (not so) embarrassingly wet entrance welcomed them.  _ It was all for him.  _ Her hand went to his head in the blinding pleasure. 

She found his hair to be incredible to hold onto. 

“ _ Oh God. _ ” He started sucking on her clit for a second, then continue to lap at her pussy like a man starved. And he went on like that, as her moans grew louder, as did the lewd squelching sound. 

She couldn’t hold back anymore, everything was just becoming too intense for her to handle. And just as she was on the brink of her orgasm, he swiftly took his fingers out. 

He watched her for a second, then sheathed himself inside her, barely giving her time to adjust. 

“Fuck… you’re so fucking tight.” 

**_…_ ** **.**

_ She was driving him crazy.  _

She was so good. In a different way.  _ Her tits, her ass, her pussy,.... her face. _ It all made him wild, like she awoke a part in him that he felt like had turned off. 

She was lively. So unafraid of life. He wanted that. He never had that. 

As she gasped, writhing underneath his hot body, his lips connecting to her neck, one leg of hers wrapped around his waist. 

The women he had been with were all sexy too. He had been with a lot back in the day. When he was around  _ her _ age. He had forgotten about them. But he would’ve remembered if any were as wild as  _ her _ . 

Even her name was pretty as her.  _ Y/N _ . It suited her. 

He was falling into an abyss of pleasure, he found it hard to keep his composure with her pussy clenching around him tight. And her sweet moans… those made him rut into her faster, wanting to hear her scream his name. 

“Scream my name.” It was mostly an ego thing. 

“James…” 

“Louder.” 

“James!” She screamed in pleasure. He loved seeing her like that, knowing it was him that made her that way. 

“Just like that. Fuck you look so hot.” 

He felt himself throbbing inside of her, as her walls clamped down around him. He knew he wasn’t going to last any longer, as she felt so tight and warm around him. 

“Come for me, come around my cock. Don’t be afraid to make a mess.” 

With that she fell apart beneath him, his room filled with delicious moans. The way she looked, with her hair disheveled and a sheen of sweat covering her forehead, made him rut into her uncontrollably, until groaned loudly, making sure he came inside her. 

He stayed like that within her warmth for a while before pulling out. His cock was drenched in her sweet juices, his eyes went to the place in between her open legs, his come dripping out of her. 

“Feel free to use the bathroom down the hall.” He offered, and she gave him a smile of gratitude, making his way towards the bathroom. He was in dire need of a shower, though he didn’t want to wash the smell of her on him.

**_……_ ** .

**_11:47_ **

While James showered, she felt small in such a big bedroom, she picked her dress up, barely being able to stand without feeling tingles all over her. 

She ventured around it, he liked to keep it tidy, but she could tell there was a woman’s touch in there. The walk in closet was partly open, so she figured it wouldn’t have been a sin to take a peek. 

There were so many clothes. The ones her eyes turned to were the expensive dresses, all color coded. She noted to herself that whomever the clothes belonged to, liked neutral colors. Like white, beige, navy and black. With the occasional dark green. 

She almost forgot with who she was sleeping with, until she noticed the perfectly ordered collection of Louboutins, to which she squealed at the sight of them. It had always been a fantasy of hers to see an entire collection. 

It was a world unknown to her, that in which  _ he _ lived. It must have felt surreal, to live surrounded by luxury. The kind of surrealism which became the norm after a while. 

Even a self proclaimed realist like her couldn’t help but feel like a kid in a candy shop. 

  
  


She walked down, to the living area. It was pretty spacious, complete with a fireplace and very expensive looking armchairs and a grand couch. 

He had good tastes. He or whoever had decorated the place. It could have been the allusive Mrs. Barnes. 

All she knew was that she had copper red hair, bright green eyes, married to a handsome man, and probably was the one who had a an affinity for vintage pieces. 

The mail she received gave her a few more clues to who she was. Magazine subscriptions, Vogue, Elle… as well as a letter from a country club. She was an affluent person. 

And by the looks of it she was supposed to live there, but James hasn’t given her indication to where she could’ve been. 

She wondered what was there to fight about when she lived in a dream. She had the perfect house, a hot husband, and expensive clothes. 

As much she wanted to know about her, she gathered it was best not to pry. He hadn’t mentioned her for a reason, and for her to investigate was probably not the best idea, as she would’ve felt bad about it. 

She probably needed to clean up. After all she still had his come trickling out of her. As he came down dressed a little more casually than usual, all she could think about was doing it all over again. 

So in an attempt not to jump his bones, she went a different direction. 

“I’m hungry… let’s go out and eat.” 

“Ok, I’ll get my keys.” 

“No I don’t think you understood. You have your rules, I have mine. And you won’t be needing the car.” 

.. 

She walked as if she hadn’t just been fucked into the mattress, as if she wore panties underneath her dress, which she didn’t. 

He could tell she was confident, daring even. She liked to play games, and so did he.

He hated public transportation, he had never been because he never required it. It was evident that he didn’t belong there. 

She was pushed close to his body as more people stepped in the carriage which was starting to crowd. They were right at the corner, his body in front of hers. No space in between them. 

_ Maybe public transportation wasn’t bad after all.  _

“Open your legs.” He whispered in her ear, garnering a confused look from her. 

“In here? It’s gross.” 

“Well if you haven’t insisted on riding  _ the tube _ I would’ve been doing this in my car.” He growled trying not to bite her ear in front of everyone, though everyone seemed to be way focused into their headspace to mind what was happening around them. 

“But since we're not in a nice italian car, I suggest you do exactly what I say.” 

He saw her giggle demurely, which turned into her a stifled moan once his hand went underneath her dress. 

_ Fuck she was so wet. _ He wanted to say something about it, but opted to not to say anything due to the nature of the situation. He needed to control himself.

His fingers expertly delved in between her folds, wasting no time in pushing them inside her, slowly pumping them in and out of her as he watched her trying to control her moans. 

She was so responsive to his touch, her hand clutched at his bicep as he didn’t stop. 

As her walls tightened around his fingers, he kept pumping his fingers as he let her chase after her climax. 

He was curious about how it would’ve ended. Whether she would’ve kept quiet or moaned in a carriage full of people, making them alert that she was getting fingered right then and there. 

She came very quietly, her facial expression was the sole indicator for it as well as her squeezing his fingers tightly. 

Somehow he felt free, he didn’t exactly know from what but that was the feeling. It was a rush, something he could only equate to being high. And in the moment, all he could do was kiss her. 

So he did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter on will get more into the plot, and introduce new characters into the mix.


	8. the adonis and the piano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song sung in this chapter is ‘I’m kissing you’ by Des’ree
> 
> Warning(s): explicit content (mentions of sex)

For as long as she learnt how to understand what others were saying to her, there had been one recurring question. 

_ What are you going to be when you grow up? (Alongside the much more annoying ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’)  _

Each time she answered with a different question. At age three she wanted to be a fairy princess, at six she wanted to be a ballerina, at twelve she wanted to be one of those sexy backup dancers in music videos. Thing is, nothing ever stuck. 

Until she came at the age of deciding what to actually do, and had no idea. After all, it was a lot of pressure to put on a teenager. 

**_Who was she?_ **

She was James Barnes’ mistress. She certainly didn’t envision herself fervously blowing him in his living room. At least she had found something she was  _ really _ good at. 

**_09:23_ **

“ _ Fuck you’re so good. _ ” His breath accelerated, she could tell he was getting closer. There was something about seeing him like that. A powerful man falling completely in her hands, or in her case in her mouth. 

It didn’t take him long, as she took him further in her mouth, she felt his hand on her head, guiding her mouth up and down his shaft. He let out the sexiest moan before he came in her mouth. 

“You’re amazing, you know that?” He commented, with a deep chuckle. 

She swallowed and slowly licked her lips. She already knew what he liked. It wasn’t that hard to figure out. She gathered herself up, walking barefoot towards the television, turning it on. 

As she switched it on, she changed channels a couple of times as James composed himself, stopping on a channel when she heard a familiar voice. 

“I’m very passionate about this project it’s something that’s very close to my heart.” The woman in the television said, as she spoke to the interviewer. Not just any ordinary woman. 

_ Peggy Carter.  _

Peggy Carter wasn’t just any ordinary actress, she was  _ the _ actress. She was only in her thirties and had worked with every respectable film director she could think of. Everyone wanted to either work with her, be with her or be her. 

She wasn’t just a very respectable movie star, she was also philanthropic and fought for women’s right all around the world. If she wasn’t the perfect woman, Y/N didn’t know who was. 

She was regularly reminded of her stature by the big billboard of her at Piccadilly Circus for an ad for Estée Lauder, looking more flawless than ever. All she could do was lament, like everyone else, at the fact that she never would’ve looked or could’ve been as majestic as her. 

“And I’ve been told it’s your birthday… how are you going to celebrate it?” 

“I’m having a close gathering with my closest friends in London.”

….. 

He scoffed as he turned off the tv. Sure, her closest friends. What she really meant was the entire british film industry was going to be there, alongside high profiled people. 

To which he had been invited. A few weeks prior, an invitation to which he had never answered. And as things got worse with his wife, he had soon forgotten all about it. 

“Hey, I was watching that.” She complained, he liked her better when he had his cock shoved in her mouth. 

“Come on, I have class in an hour.” He said as he checked his watch. 

“Can’t I stay for a little longer and finish watching her interview? She’s gorgeous.” 

He had known Margaret for the longest time. And would’ve been closer if she wasn’t all over the world all the time. 

He still couldn’t believe that the mud covered, short haired little girl he used to go to school with had become as glamorous as she did. 

Though he was surprised he had been invited at all. Considering the amount of times he had cancelled on her. Between red carpet events and industry dinners, he had never been there. 

“I’ve been invited to her birthday.” 

“Really? Is that why you’re so grumpy?” She asked with an amused smile as she inched towards him. 

“It’s not really me. I’m too old for those events.” 

“But if you’ve been invited it means you’re her closest friend. You have to go and tell me all about it.” 

“How about you come?” It was a totally stupid suggestion, but part of him must have wanted it. 

“I can?” She asked with a big smile, her eyes sparkled with something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. 

“Show me how much you want to go.” 

That twinkle in her eye remained as she unbuttoned her shirt slowly, revealing her naked body. 

“I thought you had class sir…” She purred, as the shirt fell on the floor. She straddled him, their breaths becoming one. 

“I can go in a little late.” 

_ And so he did.  _

…… 

**_The next day, 18:30_ **

When the next day came around, she could barely stay still. She had carefully chosen her dress, something that didn't break her bank account, but still fitted her well. 

A baby pink silk slip on dress. It was perfect, hugging her body perfectly. She decided to wear panties, lacy white ones just in case. She didn’t want to go commando to Peggy Carter’s birthday party. 

And though James had rules, she was sure he wasn’t going to touch her in front of other people. Especially if those were people he knew. 

He told her exactly how it would’ve gone as he sat up against the headboard. He would’ve arranged a date for her. They couldn’t be seen together. Paparazzi would’ve most likely been there. 

She cursed at the false eyelashes a few times as they decided to not cooperate with her. It was imperative that she looked her best. 

From the mirror in front of her, she saw Natasha behind her, leaned against the doorframe. 

“So what’s the deal between you two?” She asked as she eyed her from head to toe. She knew she was trying her best to hold her judgements, but she wasn’t good at hiding them. “Are you his mistress?” 

“Kind of.” It wasn’t kind of. She was definitely his mistress. The word felt weird. She always hated being a type. Pigeonholed into a box, but there she was, being someone’s mistress. 

“You’re sleeping with him right?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Y/N!” And there it was, her judgement no longer contained. She could see it on her face, the look that was not so condescending but was still not so positive either. 

“What?” Nat couldn't have understood. Her circumstances were completely different. She had been with the same guy for years. She couldn't have understood how lonely some days could become. “We’re just two adults who like sex.” 

And it was just that. Great sex. 

Someone like James was not capable of giving her more than that, and she was fine with that. She was fucking him every chance she got. That was more than enough. 

“Do you really want to be a mistress?”

“I don’t know... I just want him.” That was the most honest answer she could’ve given her. 

“Don’t get your heart broken.”

“I won’t.” She said as she looked at Nat through the mirror, setting the lipgloss down. “But thank you, for worrying about me.” 

“And what is he to you?” 

“An emotional support dick, and a much needed distraction.” 

“You gotta tell me all about it. I’m kinda jealous? I mean you’re going to Peggy Carter’s birthday? He sounds more serious than emotional support dick.” 

“I’m not going with him exactly… I have another date.” 

“And who’s this other date?” 

“He didn’t say. But he’s picking me up.” 

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang, indicating that her date had arrived. He was late, but at least he was there. She walked down the stairs, pacing herself so she wouldn’t have fallen down in her strappy sandals (which had unfortunately happened in the past). 

When she got out of the main entrance, she was greeted by a sleek black stretch limousine. The driver got out, and opened the door for her. Which was a clear indication for her to get in. 

But she didn’t expect to find who she did inside. 

“ _ Sam Wilson _ .” 

“I know.” How couldn’t she. He was everywhere on social media, for spending his holidays galavanting around on private yachts, surrounded by scantily clad women. She wasn’t fully sure what was that he did, but all she knew about him was that he was as filthy rich as he was handsome.

“This is  _ Fleur _ .” Probably his flavor of the  _ week _ , or even just of the  _ day _ . “ _ Our _ date.” 

Though she didn’t expect him to bring another date, she wouldn’t have expected any less from him. 

“Nice to meet you.” Her name reflected her aesthetic. She looked like a beautiful flower. She was elegant, with olive skin, and dark hair that was neatly done in an intricate bun. 

“Who are you?” He asked as she gave him her hand to shake it, but he brought it to his lips, and kissed her knuckles, making her blush. 

“Y/N.” She replied softly. “Sorry you had to come pick me up. James insisted.” 

“No problem. So what’s your deal?” 

“My deal?” 

“How do you know James?” He asked, and her heart rate increased.  _ Was she supposed to say? Or did he already lie for her?  _ “I’m kidding. He told me you were his sister’s friend.” 

_ Thank God.  _

“You’re Rebecca Barnes’ friend?” Fleur asked her as put held onto her champagne flute. “You must travel all around the world.” 

“I do.” 

“That’s fascinating.”

“Where’s James?” She asked to divert the conversation elsewhere. People seemed to know a lot about James’ sister so she didn’t want to say something that would’ve blown her ‘cover’. 

Though it was interesting to discover something new about him. He had a sister. 

“Oh he likes to ride on his own. He’s not much of a talker, as you might know already.” 

_ Oh she knew. He wasn’t much of a talker, but he sure loved to talk dirty. And suddenly she was transported back to the day he had his hands on her on the Tube, the lewd things he nonchalantly whispered in her ear.  _

_ It wasn’t just that day, James was insatiable.  _

“No, he isn’t.” 

….

When the limousine stopped, she heard the clamor from outside. Something she wasn’t used to. She saw it often in movies, but it wasn’t a movie. As she got out alongside Sam and Fleur, paparazzi snapped away from a distance, as police patrolled the area for safety reasons. 

It was an event with very high security. When they got in through the high gates that had been put there for that event only, to ensure everyone’s privacy was protected. 

It all felt surreal. Like a fever dream. But she didn’t want to wake up from it. 

Once they were on the other side, they were met by James. Who stood there by himself.

“Hi.” She said in a small voice. He looked handsome as always. He was different, in front of others she couldn’t see that fire burning in his eyes. He returned to his stoic self. 

She didn’t blame him. What they were doing wasn’t the most moral thing, so she wasn’t frightened by his volatile demeanor. She knew what to expect from a man like him, and she knew what to expect. She had been with men like him. 

The mysterious guys she didn’t know much about. Difference was James wasn’t that much of a mystery. Mostly because most things about him could easily be found on the internet. 

As she walked towards the main entrance, she wondered how he came to know Sam. For all she knew, they were polar opposites. The only thing they shared was money and good looks. 

He was  _ very _ affectionate by what she had seen in the car with Fleur (a whole lot of touching, giggling and kissing) whereas James would have never been like that in front of someone else. 

  
  


The venue was the  _ Somerset House _ , a grand building which overlooked the River Thames. Somehow she imagined the venue to be as big and majestic. After all, Peggy Carter was a movie star. No expenses would have been spared.

“ _ Champagne _ ?” A waiter offered, which she took. She needed it. Especially if she was going to be at a party where she knew no one. 

“Thank you.” 

“Come on, Y/N. Looks like we’re the only cool people here.” Sam quipped, earning some condescending looks by neighboring guests. He offered his other arm, which was unoccupied, and she took it. While Fleur, took his right arm. 

“Events like these are boring stuff. Nobody really comes here to have fun you know?” 

“Why do they come if they don’t like it?” 

“Because events like these are just one massive circle jerk. Their egos need this.” She nearly choked on her champagne. She didn’t expect him to be so direct. “We’ll have field day deciding on who’s the biggest asshole.” 

She was grateful at the fact that Sam allowed her to hang around him and his date. He was naturally charismatic and fun to be around, and she wasn’t the only one to think so, as they were soon surrounded by a group of women, and some men. 

The evening slowly progressed as she stood there, listening to Sam’s stories about his most recent trip and the misfortune he had encountered during it. 

While her eyes travelled in the sea of people mingling, they fell on James. How at ease he seemed. Of course, it was his world and he fit in it perfectly. 

……

“Anyways I was saying-“ He didn’t listen that much, after a while his brain blocked out the noise, and he was hearing nothing. It was a skill he had acquired throughout the many years attending events like that. 

The chatter was the usual stuff, a ski trip to Gstaad, or yachting in the Mediterranean, followed by excessive bragging. 

In his line of view, was her. She was looking at him with a glass of champagne in hand. She smiled. It wasn’t much of a smile, more of a smirk, and slightly raised her glass. He watched her, even after she stopped looking at him. 

She looked dangerously sexy in her little outfit. A simple satin dress. Which stopped right beneath her knees. 

She didn’t look like any of the ladies there, he could tell she lacked the polished refinement other women there had, not that he minded, he liked it. 

He wasn’t even that worried about people suspecting she came in with him. As she was exactly the type of girl who Sam would have on his arm. And by the way he was surrounded by women, she fitted right in. 

Though he knew she was his. Whether she knew it or not, she belonged to him. 

He hated to be presumptuous but he knew she wasn’t wearing any panties. They had their rules, and he particularly liked that one. 

All he wanted to do was walk up to her and tease her core until she was trembling. But he wouldn’t do that there. Not when so many people knew who he was. 

**_20:30_ **

One hour and half into the evening, and all Y/N had eaten were a few salmon tartlets, some shrimp served in skewers with some nice tasting sauce and a two more glasses of champagne. 

She had gotten bored. Which was the last thing she had imagined being. She had only seen Peggy once, and it was from afar. Though she wore the most gorgeous golden dress, which made her look like a statuette. 

Then she noticed something truly odd. Around her people seemed to have their attention in the same direction.  _ And for good reason.  _

“Who’s that?” She asked as she watched a tall handsome man walk towards the grand piano. 

Everybody’s attention went to him. He certainly did attract the attention of every woman there, their gazes softening as he passed by. Y/N couldn’t help but stare, if she had previously thought James was the most handsome man she had met, the man was an Adonis. 

Just as attractive, but there was more to that. 

“Steve Rogers. He’s part of one of the most powerful political families in the States.” Fleur said as she leaned over. “His father was governor for a while, you know?” 

“Extremely handsome, but emotionally unavailable. Trust me, I tried.”

Somehow that made her jealous. If someone like her, wasn’t able to get him, she wondered who could. She watched him as he sat himself at the grand piano, saying a few words to the birthday girl before he started to play. 

_ Oh he was good. Like really good.  _

The first few notes echoed in the space around her, and she immediately recognised it. A romantic song, that she recognised and when he started singing along, her heart fluttered within her chest.

_ Pride can stand a thousand trials, the strong will never fall, but watching stars without you my soul cried _

She was entranced, for she had never heard such a beautiful melody before, and hearing such beautiful words sung by an attractive man did something to her. Her heart fluttered as she watched him play the piano. 

She knew he wasn’t playing it for her but it sure felt like it. She felt the amount of passion and emotion he put in, which gave her goosebumps. 

_ Touch me deep, pure and true, gift to me forever _

And much like everyone else in the room, she was moved. As the string quartet joined him, playing the melody in unison, she was more than convinced that she felt something. 

The music spoke to her very being, for it filled her with wonder holding every inch of her attention. It’s lyrics were so touching it nearly made her cry. 

It was an unshakable feeling that she was meant to be right there, in that moment, watching whatever was unfolding before her. 

After the music ended, there was a brief silence after that. No one said a word. All she could hear was the remaining echo of the last note. 

“Fuck that was beautiful.” She said as everyone started applauding, some even cheered, as the blond haired man who she knew was called Steve, stood up, bowed and smiled. 

“Please that’s the only decent song he knows how to play.” James scoffed, as he downed the remainder of his martini. 

“Well, can you play the piano?” 

“I don’t have time for that.” 

_ He probably wasn’t as capable.  _ He was already rich and handsome. Giving him more than that would have made him perfect. 

But Steve, he seemed to have everything. And the amount of emotion he evoked in his performance was an indication that he wasn’t afraid to feel. 

He had such kindness in his eyes, and though she knew he had to have some kind of flaw, she refused to believe otherwise. To her, he was perfect. 

As much as she wanted to say she was immune to his charms, she wasn’t going to deny she was attracted to him. Just like every other man and woman in the room. 

….. 

  
  


“Are you gonna introduce me?” She asked out of the blue. He already knew who she was speaking of, but he didn’t want confirmation. 

_ Not her too.  _

“To who?” 

“Him.” He followed where her gaze was set upon, as he took another sip from his glass. 

“Steve? No you don’t want to speak to Steve.”

“The fact that you say that, makes me want to speak to him even more.”  _ Damn was she stubborn.  _

“Trust me, you don’t want to.” He said, that time a little more sternly to get his point across. 

“I don’t trust you, and I  _ do _ want to.”

“Can you be anymore stubborn?”

“Can you be anymore grumpy?” 

“What are we talking about?” Sam interrupted as he arrived with two glasses in hand, and minus his date. 

“Absolutely nothing.” He interjected before she couldn’t respond. 

….. 

“We were talking about  _ him _ .” Y/N tried not to point at him, to not be rude, but ended up doing so. And as if pointing at the unbelievably handsome man wasn’t enough, he noticed her eyes (and finger) pointing in his direction. 

“Oh God” 

“Don’t worry, Steve’s used to it. All the attention from women. I’m  _ almost _ jealous I’m not him.”

“What makes you not  _ fully _ jealous?” She asked with curiosity. 

“He can’t get away with half of the stuff I do. His family’s quite an important one.” 

“So I’ve heard.” She watched him attentively as he was engaged in what seemed a passionate conversation. 

“I’m having a real party back at my place after this ends. Wanna come?” 

“An after party?” 

“If that’s what you want to call it.  _ I have a stripper pole _ .” 

“Now I got to see that.” 

“And he’s gonna be there as well.” He told her with a smirk. As if she needed more reasons to go. 

“I’ll be there.” 


	9. foolish games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): rough sex, spanking, oral (female on male)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d really appreciate it if you could leave some feedback ❤️

**00:12**

She herself didn’t even know what she was doing. But she was having fun, which was a good thing considering she was past making a good impression on everyone. She wasn’t drunk, but she had one drink to loosen her up. 

But others might have thought otherwise, when she started grinding against the stripper pole in Sam’s living room. 

Her body moved alongside the rhythm of the song blasting around her, _Crazy in Love._ As she lip synced to the song. She had always wanted to use a stripper pole. 

She didn’t have the muscles to perform the crazy acrobatics pole dancers were capable of, but when it came to grinding she knew a move or two. Her performance turned dirty very soon, as she hiked her dress up enough for someone to see the color of her panties. 

It wasn’t long before James stood in front of her, with a stern look on his face. He was certainly not very fun at parties.

“Come on, let’s go home.” He commanded, he didn’t even give her an option, which was completely expected from him. 

“Home? I’m having fun!” 

“I wasn’t asking.” He nearly growled, and that was enough to make her wet. She hardly could keep her cool around him. Suddenly she felt very hot, and she was pretty sure it wasn’t just because of her little show. 

  
  


**23:06**

In the age of social media where the one you spend the night with could easily be found through dating apps which promised you to find ‘the one’, was the reason why she found herself less at parties. 

Though people like _Steve Rogers_ or _James Buchanan Barnes_ were the kind of people she wouldn’t find on there. 

Which was the downside of apps. Mostly men on there were not catches. With the exception of a few. Though she had always had the luck to meet up with the worst. 

It wasn’t like she didn’t like to party, she just preferred the comfort of a night in. But she was glad she had come. Sam’s penthouse was every bit of the luxurious bachelor pad he had promised her it would be. 

Though he had failed to mention the artificial waterfall in his living room. _As if having a stripper pole wasn’t enough._ His home had clearly no female influence, catering to his every desire. 

Of all the bachelors in London, he had to be one of the most famous ones with such a high net worth. Though there were a lot of wealthy bachelors, the ones who claimed to be posh gentlemen, Sam was the real deal. 

The _creme de la creme_ of single people. And with people like that came a reputation. She had heard all about his reputation, everyone had. Though the reviews were mostly positive. 

She understood how he could be friends with the already drunk reality star who stumbled to get herself a drink, or the soap opera star who was way too into himself. 

But she had no idea how he was friends with James. And Steve apparently. 

She watched them as they talked, and her being nearby, she couldn’t help but hear some things. 

“Where’s Peggy?” Steve asked. His voice was seemingly much better than what she had imagined. 

“She didn’t come. We can still have fun though.” 

“You’re right.” 

She didn’t want to eavesdrop, but they were right there. And as much she wanted Sam to introduce her, she knew it wasn’t the right time. 

  
  


“You came.” She said with a smile as James walked towards her. 

“I couldn’t leave you in the hands of Sam and his sycophants.” 

“Why? They’re fun.” He raised his eyebrow. She was already very lucky, sleeping with a man who looked like that, she had no idea why she had to be greedy. “I thought you couldn’t speak to me.” 

“I mean you’re my sisters friend. I’m allowed to speak to you if I wanted to.” 

“Yes, that’s what I am to you. Your sister’s friend.” 

“James! Nice to see you here. You know where the drinks are.” Sam exclaimed. Had James been there already? Were they closer than she thought they were? 

“You’ve been here already?” 

“James and I go way back. We’re really good friends.” 

“Ok shut up already.” James interjected, quite annoyedly. 

“He doesn’t really like to talk about it but we are very close, aren’t we, Bucky?” 

“Bucky?” She was having quite a lot of fun. Especially when she discovered what Sam called him. It was a cute nickname she had to admit, though didn’t fit him at all. 

“Don’t you have something else to do?” 

“As a matter of fact, I do. You see those girls?”

He not so subtly pointed at a group of three women, all dancing with each other. One thing they had in common was they were all drop dead gorgeous. One of them being his date from the birthday party. 

“All three of them?” 

“What can I say? They’re a package deal.” 

“I have to say, I’m impressed.” 

It didn’t take her long to find herself with a martini glass in hand, taking slow sips from it as she looked around her. Sam completely took her under his wing, though he didn’t have to, which was thoughtful of him. He wasn’t just handsome and flirtatious after all. 

Which was probably why women flocked to him. Meanwhile James seemed to hang out with a few people he seemed to know. She had no idea whether he was having fun or not. 

At times he didn’t look much interested in the conversation. Though that was just how he looked most of the time. 

Steve on the other hand, looked like a dream. She knew she was being greedy, as she was at the party with someone else, but she couldn’t help it. She was pretty sure if she walked up to him, she would’ve been a giggling mess. 

So she wanted to avoid that as much as possible. 

  
  


**00:03**

He was starting to get bored, being entangled in the same old stories, though it was strange to be in the same environment he used to be part of years prior to getting married. 

He had seen everything at parties like the one he was attending. Nothing would’ve surprised him anymore. And just when he thought he had seen everything, something completely unexpected happened. 

“ _I love this song_!” Y/N abandoned her drink as soon as the very familiar intro to _Crazy in Love_ started playing from the speakers. 

Her hips swayed with the music attracting a lot of attention to her. 

He watched as Steve watched her dance, with a smile. He didn’t know if he was amused or not, but it irritated him. A lot. He had come to dislike Steve for many reasons, which seemed to be crazy considering they used to be very close. 

“Steve just asked me about your girl.” Sam said after he came over. 

“She’s not my girl.”

“She’ll never be if don’t act upon it now. Girls like that don’t stay single for long” 

“I said she’s not. I’m married for fuck’s sake.” _As if that ever stopped him_. And Sam knew too. 

“Hey I’m not judging here. I’d be the last person who would.” 

He didn’t respond, as he was far too busy watching Y/N so caught up in her performance. She was so confident, he knew that by the way she moved. Her hips swayed as she walked up to the pole, and grinded against it in such a sultry way he had no idea how he could just stand there. 

“I have to say, she has got the moves.”

He heard some people cheering, then fully realized she wasn’t just dancing for him. He wasn’t happy with it at all. As he watched some men at the party eye her like she was going to be their next lay. 

She was his. 

Of course they could see other people. That was one of the rules, but he didn’t want to think that. He wanted to be the only man who made her scream the way she did when she came. 

Steve was also watching, while he took a few sips from his drink. And he had asked Sam about her. Did it mean he was interested? Probably not. He knew for sure Steve was in love with someone else. 

But he sure had no problem watching her. 

He was filled with rage. He didn’t like other men watching her, he was the only one who was supposed to see her like that. 

It wasn’t until she started hiking up her dress provocatively that he knew he had no other choice but to intervene. 

He looked at his watch. **_00:13._**

“Come on, let’s go home.” He told her with a annoyed tone. He wanted her to stop. 

“Home? I’m having fun!”

“I wasn’t asking.” 

  
  


**00:15**

“We’re leaving Sam. Thanks for the invite.” 

“Thank you Sam.” She said giggling as she walked up to him, and kissed him on both cheeks. She made sure she took her time. After all, she didn’t want to leave yet. So she decided there wasn’t going to be any harm in kissing Fleur on both cheeks either. 

After all she had met her too, and it would have been rude of her not to. Then there he was. The Adonis otherwise known as Steve. She looked at him with a grin, the things she would’ve done to him. 

He was even more gorgeous up close. He had beautiful blue eyes and the longest lashes she had ever seen. And he smiled. He was smiling at her. Did he think she was pathetic? Or was it a regular smile? 

“Bye.” She said before she left with James leading her through the dancing crowd of people, leaving Steve behind. 

Her little performance emboldened her a little. She felt powerful. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He asked when they were far from prying eyes. His hand suddenly grabbed onto her wrist pulling her up the set of narrow staircase near the main entrance. 

She had no choice but to follow him, as he was practically dragging her to a new floor. 

It seemed like he had been there before, as he seemed like he knew exactly were he was going. 

  
  


**00:17**

They reached a bedroom, and once the door closed behind him, there was nothing holding him back. He was ravenous. Her dance turned him on more than he liked to admit. He was painfully hard for her. 

He came close to her, she smelled sweet, floral. He liked it on her. He had to remember to ask her to wear it often. It was strange how close they were, considering he knew so little about her. 

But the way he touched her, and she touched him, it felt like he had known her a lifetime. 

“You’re wearing panties.” He pointed out as he slightly lifted her dress. 

“Perceptive.” 

“Rules are rules.” 

“It’s a party, what did you want me to do?”

“To follow the rules.” 

“What are you going to do? Punish me?” She asked, taunting him. It was almost like she wanted to be punished. 

“That would be the idea.” 

“Right now?” 

“Well it seems like we are in a bedroom.” Sam’s bedroom to be precise. Though he couldn’t have cared any less. Considering he did something worse in his vacation house in _Malaga_ , and it wouldn’t have been the worst thing his room had been subjected to. 

“You wouldn’t… not with your friends downstairs.” 

“I’m not going to be gentle.”

“I know.” 

He bit down her lip, she tasted sweet, but her lips were sticky. Gloss. He usually would have hated it but he was too hungry to stop. He didn’t want to. 

He tilted her face to she would look at him, though he was careful to be gentle. He didn’t want to hurt her. Though a punishment was what she needed. 

She was pretty, beautiful in fact. He was going to ruin her. 

Thing is he didn’t know a thing about her. Except the thing that their arrangement had a clear expiration date. 

“Take off your dress.” He commanded, she watched him with sultry eyes, as she zipped down her dress, the straps were pulled down her shoulders, swiftly falling to the floor, bunching around her feet. 

She looked almost virginal, with white lace panties separating him from what he truly needed in that moment. Though it she was far from it. 

By the way she conducted herself the night they met, he was sure she was as dirty as he was. 

And that turned him on. _A lot._

He felt himself harden inside his pants, needing some kind of release. He felt like a teenager again, getting excited at the sight of a semi nude woman. 

He could help it. She did that to him. He had no idea how. There was a pull that drew him to her. Something he couldn’t explain. He wanted her even more than he ever had.

Especially after seeing other men watching her, wanting her. 

And as much as he wanted to push her on the bed, and pay attention to her breasts, teasing her nipples with his mouth, grazing his teeth against them, only to watch her arch her back and beg for more. 

He had a job to do. 

“On your knees.” 

“Touch yourself and you won’t get to come. Understood?” 

She nodded. 

“I asked you a question.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Good girl.” He praised. “You know what to do.” 

She complied, ever so obedient. She hurriedly unbuckled his belt, and pulled his pants down, his hard member slapping against his stomach. 

She didn’t waste any time in wrapping her lips around his tip, her tongue lapping the bead of precum. He watched her for a while, her eyes looked up to him as her mouth slowly descended on him, her hand massaging his balls. 

It was perfect. _She_ was perfect. 

He started fucking her mouth slowly, his hands grabbing locks of her hair. His eyes closed shut as he sped his thrusts. She felt so damn good. 

Her mouth was warm around him, it wasn’t like her pussy, but it felt amazing regardless. It had been a long time since he had fucked a girl’s mouth like that. Roughly, in such a perverse manner (though he wasn’t sure if there was a non perverse way of doing it). 

It was like she was made for him. 

He picked up his pace, as he started chasing his orgasm, fucking her mouth relentlessly, until his thrusts stuttered. 

When he came he made sure he spilled every last drop inside her mouth, he loved watching her swallow. As she sat on the floor, her mouth worn out and her lips lacked the glossy shine it had to them the beginning of the night. 

“I’m not done yet.” He declared as he took off his shirt, tossing it on an armchair. 

“Show me how much you want me. I want my own performance.” 

…..

Seeing him like that, with his voice so deep and commanding, she had no other choice but play his game. It was usually never like that. 

She liked equality in the bedroom, but for him, she had forgotten everything she used to be into, opening her up to a whole new set of rules. And his game was so much more than the same old foreplay and straight up sex. 

Playing a new game excited her. Especially when it was a game no one could lose. 

_Who knew being punished was so fun?_

She swayed her hips to a non existent beat, she was aware her breasts slightly bounced as his eyes were fixed on them. 

She felt sexier than ever, bending over so he could see how the sheer material barely covered her dripping core. She heard him groan a little, she smiled at herself knowing what she was doing had a certain effect on him. 

She figured she had given him enough of a show, opting to go for something more hands on, straddling him, her mouth inches away from his. 

“Is for me?” Of course it was, she felt him getting hard again. It was certainly for her, but she loved to play coy, though the anticipation was killing her. 

“Fuck.” He gasped as she circled her hips on his lap slowly. “Just like that.” 

“You’re so fucking sexy.” 

“And you’re ready to go again.” She teased as she chuckled. Not bad for a punishment. Though she was already her limit. Are you going to fuck me or not?” 

“Impatient are we?” He teased back. After all, she was playing his game. So she had to expect him to be an expert player. “Remember, this is supposed to be a punishment.” 

“But I’m really enjoying myself. And I’ve been very good.” 

“Can’t argue with that doll.” 

He picked her up very easily, and threw her on the bed, making her squeal at the suddenness of it all. 

  
“I need you on all fours, can you do that?” 

“Yes sir.” 

She said as she put herself as he requested. 

She propped herself on her forearms, as she wiggled her ass in the the air, hoping he’d get the message. 

**_Slap_ **

And he did. It was completely unexpected, but she would’ve been lying if she said she didn’t like it. In fact a small moan escaped her lips, and though she couldn’t see his face, she knew he had a smug smirk on his lips. 

She wanted more. 

“Do you want more?”

“Yes sir.” 

His hand connected with her sensitive cheek again, bordering the threshold of pleasure and pain. She was in a state of pure ecstasy. If being bad was what he needed to do things like that to her, she noted to herself that she needed to be bad more often. 

And it went again, and again. She was pretty sure he left a red mark where he kept spanking her, her hands clutched against the comforter which she was pretty convinced was Versace. 

She felt tingles, a mixture of pleasure and pain, when he speared into her without any warning. He was rough, setting a relentless pace to his thrusts, not giving her any time to adjust. It was a punishment after all. 

“Have you learnt your lesson?” 

“Yes.” 

“Yes what?” He asked through gritted teeth. There was something dark about his tone which made her moan loudly. 

“Yes sir.” 

“I love it when you call me that.” He sneered, before forcefully turning her around, putting her leg over his shoulder, before plunging himself inside her again. That time he went in deeper, hitting the right spot. 

Her toes curled as he fucked her into the mattress. He sure knew how to fuck. She knew was going to feel him for a while after.

She couldn’t hear anything around her, the pleasure was overtaking her whole body it was hard to concentrate on anything else. His hands kneaded her breasts as he ravaged her, his mouth on her collarbone, his cock hitting her g spot with each thrust. 

At that point she was unsure whether she kept her moans quiet or loud, though he wasn’t shutting her up. 

And being so wrapped up in her own bliss, she was unaware of the door opening. But when she did acknowledge the open door, and the person standing there, it was a little too late. 

“ _What the actual fuck.”_

  
  
  
  



	10. a series of uninvited guests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: shower sex

**_00:52_ **

“Did you see his face?” He chuckled, while his eyes never left the road ahead. He was focused, and yet it seemed like he wasn’t. 

His Audi drove fast, in middle of the night on the empty street. The window on her side was partially open, the wind blowing through her hair, cooling her warm skin, that still glistened from their rendezvous. 

She liked that he was a good driver. His strong hands gripped against the steering wheel, the same hands that handled her body so expertly a ten minutes or so before. 

“How could I not? He was horrified.” She laughed a little. It was funny. “And I’m mortified.” 

“Are you really?” His hand was on her thigh, as he faced her for just one second. Desire filled her again. 

“Not really, no.” She bit her lip. “Where are we going next?”

“ _ My place. _ ” 

  
  


**_00:38_ **

James kept thrusting, as if he had never been interrupted. Pleasure kept rushing through her, though she was alert of the person in the room.  _ Sam _ . 

“James, he’s watching.” She managed to say, her words turning into moans. The bed rocking beneath them, as the warmth within her grew with each thrust. 

“He’s probably too drunk to even remember.” 

“No I’m not that drunk, and I don’t think this picture will ever go away from my head. Probably with copious amounts of drugs.” She heard Sam comment. 

“Fucking hell Sam, just leave and let me finish.” James grunted as he kept fucking her, she needed to block the exchange from her mind, as she was so close. 

“Fuck I’ve seen your ass that’s so fucking gross.” Sam complained, though he wasn’t leaving. “Though she has really nice tits.” 

“ _ Get the fuck out.”  _ He growled, it was a little scary, though mostly a major turn on. 

“Fine. Have fun. You owe me new sheets, and a new bed.” With that, the door closed shut, as he brought her closer to her climax. 

“ _ Where was I? _ ” 

**_01:15_ **

He watched her as she stripped from her dress, satin slip on. He felt like a pervert, especially because she was  _ younger _ . But he couldn’t help himself. 

“Why did Sam call you Bucky?” She asked out of the blue, her breasts exposed with her nipples hardening. 

“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask.” 

“Well I am asking right now.” She said with a smile. Almost adorable. 

“It’s just a stupid nickname.”

“I like it.  _ Bucky _ .” The way she said it made him almost not hate it completely. It mostly had to do with the fact that she was beautiful woman. 

Anything said by a gorgeous woman sounded good. 

“ _ Don’t call me that. _ ” He warned her as she smiled, and shimmied out her panties, leaving her completely naked. 

A lump formed in his throat. No matter how many times she got undressed in front of her, it always felt exciting. 

“I’m headed to the shower. I was wondering whether you wanted to join me.” He offered. 

“We just had sex.” 

“No sex. I’ll keep my hands to myself.” 

“I’d like to see you try.” She chuckled as she followed him towards the bathroom.

**_01:23_ **

“ _ Can you pass me the body soap? _ ” She asked, and he reached for the bottle, handing it to her. Their fingertips ever so lightly brushing against each other. 

How could she not have sex with him right then and there? 

He stood there in all his naked glory, staring at her with  _ ‘fuck me’ _ eyes. He was already half hard. It didn’t take him much it seemed. 

She squirted some on her hand and lathered her body with with gentle movements. She knew she had said no sex, but there was nothing wrong in tempting him. 

Her hands went to his pecs, and ran them down to his abs, her hands stopping right where his happy trail started. 

“I thought you said no touching.” He said in a gruff voice. He was resisting. 

“I said no such thing. You said it.” 

“You’re testing me…”

“You’re gonna keep your word aren’t you?” She smirked at him mischievously. “Can you get my back?” 

She asked him as sweetly as possible. It wasn’t long before he failed to keep his word, as she felt his hands on her ass.

“I thought you said you were going to keep your hands to yourself.” 

“I know… but can you blame me? You’re so fucking sexy.” 

One hand snaked up to her breast squeezing it, while his other hand went to her pussy, pleased to discover she was already wet for him.

She was already familiar with shower sex, though in her experience it turned out to be harder than it seemed. After all, there was a lot of water, and it was easy to slip. 

He fucked her slowly with tempo, his hands on her hips, driving himself in her over and over again. 

It appeared as if he had done it before. Though she didn’t want to think about all the times he had fucked someone other woman in his shower. Was it his wife? Did he do it with her? Or some other woman? 

She didn’t want to think about it though. Of course he was seeing other people. They weren’t exclusive. 

He slid in and out of her as water kept pouring, the steam fogging the glass around them. James held her body close to his, as water trickled down both of their bodies. 

It was the sexiest thing she had ever done. Not the dirtiest, but the most sensual. It was soothing, clearing her mind completely. 

The way he held her, it was as if he didn’t want to let go of her. 

So she didn’t let him. She stayed there, as her vision started to blur, and the the coil in her stomach started to tighten. 

  
  


**_10:34_ **

It felt unusual waking up in his bed. Naked, except for her underwear. The white lacy ones. 

Men she usually slept with wouldn’t like it, it was something about being unattached. Though James seemed to not have that problem. He didn’t think of it period. 

Especially because he loved morning sex. She did too. 

She went into the bathroom to freshen up. Just because she looked  _ God awful _ in the morning didn’t mean he had to witness it. 

The there wasn’t an official guide on ‘ _ how to be the other woman _ ’, she imagined it didn’t entail her to be comfortable around him, as that was the wife’s job. 

Her job was to give him everything his wife wasn’t giving to him. Warmth, her youthful nature and sex. Lots of it. 

She had seen it often around her. Relationships not making it past the three, four month mark because it was proved it was the longest anyone could pretend to be someone else.

She adjusted her hair with her hands, enough to make it seem like it was messy, but in an effortless kind of way. As cold water splashed onto her face, she felt like her senses were slowly coming back to her. 

She squeezed a bit of toothpaste onto her finger, and brushed her teeth with it. The minty taste making her mouth feel clean and fresh. 

Once she was done, she tiptoed towards the bed, where he still was asleep. His features were softened, his eyes closed, impeding her from seeing the eyes she loved gazing into. Though his dark eyelashes were just as pretty. 

She climbed onto the bed, laying beside him, rubbing her behind with his morning wood. 

“Good morning  _ beautiful _ .” He mumbled in a hoarse voice, a small smile appearing on his lips. It did things to her. Though it was just something casual, she had never been over for the morning after. 

“ _ Morning _ .” 

“What are you doing?” He was already awake, she figured since she started palming his erection. 

“Take care of it for you.” 

“You’re so thoughtful.” He praised her, making her feel proud. “As much as I’d love for you to wrap your pretty lips around me, I’m afraid I have some things to take care of.” 

“Today?” 

“Yes.”

“Fine. I’ll go make us some breakfast.” She said as she climbed off the bed, and grabbing his shirt from the party to wear downstairs. It smelled like him, like his cologne. 

She didn’t bother buttoning the shirt up, as she figured he had already seen her naked. Though the open shirt it’s covered her nipples, making it a little more modest. 

“You’re perfect.” 

“I know.” 

  
  


**_10:56_ **

She wondered what he would’ve liked for breakfast. It all depended on what he had in his fridge, though he didn’t seem the type of man to even use the kitchen. She hoped he at least had some eggs and some bread. 

As she walked downstairs, she heard some footsteps.  _ Weird _ . It was probably James. 

Then her mind went to the worst place, as she looked at the picture of James and his wife.  _ His wife. _

_ Holy fucking shit.  _ Was it possible she was home?  _ It wasn’t possible. James would’ve been more cautious.  _

She stood quietly, then heard it again. A clicking of heels. Unless James started wearing heels, it must have been a woman. 

_ It was coming from the living room.  _

One thing was on her mind,  _ getting the hell out of there as soon as possible _ . He would’ve understood. It was an emergency. 

The situation however precarious, really intrigued her. At least she wanted to know who she was up against. And since she was best known for her bad decisions, she figured taking a peek in the living room wouldn’t do any harm. 

Or so she thought. As she held the shirt closed with one hand, she walked towards the living room, peeking inside. 

_ There was a woman, _ sat on the couch, her legs crossed elegantly. Whoever she was, she looked very poised. As she stood up, she could noticed she wore a strapless baby blue dress, which fell just below her knee.

Her white coat was wrapped around her, her hands covered by gloves. Looking like she had just come from fashion week. Was she who she thought she was? 

Was it possible, standing there in front of her, was the allusive Mrs. Barnes she had never heard about? 

Though she didn’t remember her as a blonde, in fact, from the pictures around the house, she was supposed to have fiery red hair. 

The woman took off her sunglasses,  _ Celine _ probably, to reveal her big light blue eyes they reminded her of marbles, the lightness of her eyes contrasting with the darkness of her long lashes. 

She was beautiful. Then it her. Was she another of James’ women? 

She knew they weren’t exclusive, but would he call another one in while he was still with her? She didn’t know the answer. He was far too secretive. 

“Y/N, I may not have classes for another two hours-” She heard James come down, his voice getting louder as he got closer to where she was stood. 

“ _ Hello James _ .” The woman spoke, in a silvery voice.  _ She had such a nice voice. _

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“That’s no way to talk to your  _ little sister _ .” She quipped, making Y/N looked between them to find a familial resemblance. 

_ Little sister _ ? Was she the sister Sam mentioned? 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Rebecca. Call me  _ Beck _ .” She introduced herself with a warm smile.  _ And she was gorgeous. _

“What the hell are you going here?” 

“I just wanted to see how my big brother was doing. And Peggy Carter’s birthday party. How can I miss it?” 

“It was yesterday.”

“Oh...” She seemed a little confused. “Kinda explains the text Sam sent me last night. Apparently I have a very fun friend. Which was weird, because I wouldn’t describe my friends as fun nor I could imagine them dancing on a stripper pole.”

“I’m so-“

“I had to tell Sam she was your friend.” James interjected. 

“Well if that’s the case, you have to join me for brunch. I have a reservation, and you have to tell me all about last night.” 

“Me?” She wanted to have brunch with her?  _ Surely she was mistaken.  _

“Yes you. I’ll wait here while you get dressed.” 

“I don’t have any…”

“I might have an idea…” 

“Don’t say it.” 

“I know there’s a closet full of clothes she can choose something from there.” 

  
  


**_11:17_ **

The clothes were more beautiful and expensive than anything she ever owned. She grabbed a simple  _ Ralph Lauren  _ sweater, unsure of what to pair it with. She didn’t want to use something that wasn’t hers. Especially when it belonged to his wife. 

“Put this on.” He said, as he passed her a simple fuchsia sundress, it was pretty, but it was too much. She couldn’t. 

“I can’t…I’m”

“Gorgeous? These clothes are never worn once bought. They just sit in the closet, and you’ll look ravishing in them.”

Even then he never mentioned the wife. It was probably for the better. 

“Don’t forget to choose a pair of shoes.” He reminded her. “I’ll leave, before I’m tempted.” 

She held the dress up to her body, as she looked at herself in the mirror. Perhaps James was right. She was going to look gorgeous in them. 

Dressing up as someone else for one outing wasn’t going to harm anyone. 

  
  


**_11:25_ **

“Why doesn’t your wife reply to my messages?” His sister asked him casually. 

“I don’t know... probably because she can’t be bothered?” 

“Well I won’t stop sending them. Who knows? Maybe she hasn’t received any of them.” 

“Don’t take it personally. Lately she doesn’t respond to any of my texts either.” 

“You should call a divorce lawyer.” 

“I should say the same thing to you.” He commented as he crossed his arms. “You don’t even love that twat.” 

“I know, but we’re both working on it. I admit, I had to come to London to escape. Being in my own home was making me insane, and there is such thing as  _ too much decorating _ .” 

He hated the idea that his own sister was trapped in a world she was forced into. He was too, though he was able to escape from it from time to time. She didn’t. 

“You’re unhappy being married, you’re not made for marriage.” She commented as she shook her head. He knew she was right. Though he didn’t like hearing he wasn’t good at something. 

_ Being a husband was one of those things he wasn’t good at.  _

  
  


“Where is  _ she _ now?” The she, referred to his wife, though Beck knew him well enough to not use her name around him. 

“A hotel room. I think.”

“So who’s the new girl? She’s pretty…  _ young _ .” 

“You think I don’t know?” 

“Well I like her. There’s something about her… isn’t there?” 

There was. And right that second, as if it was planned, she came down, dressed in the dress he had picked for her. She looked better than if his wife had worn the same dress. 

There was something about her that made him crazy. He wanted her at all times. It was an uncontrollable urge. 

“You look gorgeous.” Beck told her before he could. “We’re leaving. Bye!”

  
  


**_11:56_ **

James was sat at his desk, and though he should have been grading papers, something drew him to his phone. Or rather… someone. 

He was tempted to ask her how brunch was going, but it would’ve sounded unnatural. It wasn’t them. They played sex games, drove each other to their limits. Her meeting his sister was completely unexpected. 

Maybe he should have pumped the brakes a little, see someone else. 

And he had the person in mind. His colleague. He didn’t feel like going out and looking for someone. He wanted it quick. 

Then the doorbell rang. 

He wasn’t expecting anyone. Perhaps Beck had returned from brunch… but so soon? He had his doubts. She loved to talk. A lot. 

As he opened the door, he was met with a surprise visitor.  _ Steve _ . 

“ _ James _ .” 

“What are you doing here?” His voice was tainted with disdain. He wasn’t in the mood to see him, as he was the last person he wanted to be at the other side of his door, alongside his mother. 

“I came to visit an old friend. We haven’t had the chance to catch up last night.”

He didn’t like him. Though he forgot the reasons why. It was odd, as they used to be very close. Until time, amongst other factors, did its thing and made them close to strangers. 

Steve hadn’t changed one bit. He was exactly the same since the beginning of time. Maybe that was the reason why they weren’t close anymore. 

“I’m busy.” 

“I understand, how’s Dot?” He was unprepared. It seemed like he was prying into his private life, though he knew he wasn’t. It was irritating. 

_ How the fuck am I supposed to know? _

“She’s doing good.” He lied not so well, as Steve seemed to note it, but didn’t say anything. 

“I hope we get to talk some time.” He said before leaving, it was all so quick. And he was thankful for that. He couldn’t have stood there for a second longer. 

  
  


**_11:50_ **

“Wait… you’re Beck Barnes, the supermodel.” She exclaimed as the waiter brought her her avocado toast, trying not to cause a scene. She knew she had seen her somewhere, and was trying to figure it out all throughout the ride there. 

“In the flesh.” Beck replied with a smile, as she held her tea cup tightly. “Though lately I’m more of a housewife.”

“James didn’t tell me Beck Barnes was his sister.” 

“James he isn’t much of a talker.” She said as she took a short sip of her tea. “He doesn’t like to talk about himself. Which is weird because he has a  _ huge _ ego.” 

“You two seem very close.” 

“We are. He basically raised me. I owe him a lot.” She put down her teacup, and looked at her. “Which is why we’re here.”

“At brunch?” 

“Yes.” She paused, and sighed. “I know you’re with my brother.” 

“I-“

“I mean you were in his house, in your underwear and you being in  _ his _ shirt totally gave it away.” 

“Yeah… about that…”

“Don’t worry, your secret's safe with me.” She smiled and winked at her.  _ Did she know about her brother’s indiscretions?  _

“Aren’t you going to judge me just a little?” 

“Not my style.” She shrugged. “If you make him happy then who am I to judge?”

“I don’t think happy is the right word...”  _ Horny _ was more appropriate. But happiness might have been the consequences of uninterrupted nights of mind blowing, toe curling sex, followed a quick session the morning after.

It was sex. Any man would’ve been happy with it. 

“It is. He’s different. I can tell. He looks happier.” 

“He does?” She couldn’t tell. Mostly because he had one expression around her, his brooding face. 

“Yes, now, let’s have a couple mimosas shall we?” 

It wasn’t hard to believe she was his sister. Sure, they bore some resemblance. Both had big blue eyes, and both very attractive. They sure had good genes. 

Though they seemed the complete opposite. James was reserved, and kept to himself, whereas Beck liked to talk. 

As she made through her avocado toast, she told her a lot about herself. 

She was married, and lived between  _ Cannes _ and  _ Monte Carlo _ . Her husband was an oil tycoon, twenty years her senior, who was introduced to her, by her mother of all people.

Though she didn’t disclose any further information, and she didn’t expect her to. She had just met her. 

After a few more mimosas, and pastries, she felt like it was time to leave. She didn’t want to impose on her. After all, she was a busy woman, and she was tired. 

She had done more in one and a half days than she had in the two weeks she had been in London by herself. 

The mimosas had gone to her head, as she called for an Uber. She was finally going home. She needed the rest. 

**_19:51_ **

“What are you doing here?” He asked as he opened the door to reveal his sister in a different outfit than the one she had in the morning. “In London, I mean.”

“I can explain, if you’ll follow me to my car.” 

“What?” 

“My car. You have to follow me in there.” She repeated. “It’s confidential information, I can’t disclose it out in the open.”

“Fine. But make this quick. I have somewhere to be.” 

He followed her to her town car, and once he climbed into it, he motioned her to speak. 

“There was a reason why I came to pay a visit.” She spoke, as she crossed her legs “How careful have you two been?” 

He thought about it. They had been in public a couple of times, and he always very covertly played grab ass or whispered all the dirty things he wanted to do to her. Or there were some occasions he liked to be more hands on. 

But he was always careful. He had a reputation to maintain. 

“I guess not enough.” 

“Exactly. Somehow our mother heard about it.” It was truly felt like the day in which people he hated came to torment him for their amusement. And knowing his own mother, he wouldn’t put it past her. “Don’t worry, she doesn’t know her name yet but she’ll soon find out.” 

“Can’t she mind her own fucking business?” 

“You know that’s not her thing. I just wanted to warn you, you don’t want to repeat  _ 2014 _ again.” 

_ He didn’t. _ He didn’t like to think about it either. 

“You did good. What are you going to do?” 

“I’m flying back tomorrow. Though I imagine my husband hasn’t even realized my absence.” 

“I told you to marry a better one.” 

“I’m happy James. My life makes me happy if not a little empty. You’re different though, don’t let anyone take that away from you.” She said kindly. He truly had no idea how he would’ve survived growing up in his household without her. “You know where to find me when you need me.”

“I’m afraid Monte Carlo isn’t my speed.” He told her as he got out of the car, holding the door open. 

“Then it means I’ll come to visit more often.” 

“You better.” Smiles were exchanged instead of hugs, and with that, she left. 

Though her words never did. 

_ They were being watched. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading as always. I’d appreciate some feedback ❤️


	11. basic pleasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): SMUT, sex party (it’s an orgy), oral sex
> 
> And if you're UNDER 18, DO NOT READ THIS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though I’ve taken a while to write this chapter, I’m quite satisfied with the outcome. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. It’s filthy.

**_18:30_ **

“ _ Professor… _ ” She whimpered as he teased her slit. The light in the room started to get dimmed. He had to call someone to fix that. 

It annoyed him. 

It was just another regular evening. He still felt the tiredness from the party,  **_two days before,_ ** a clear indication  _ he wasn’t young anymore. _ He couldn’t handle them the way he used to. 

In an effort to prove to himself he wasn’t getting old _ -er,  _ after his usual lecture, he found himself someone to entertain him. 

It wasn’t difficult to find someone to have sex with. Once he realised he had a rather positive effect on women, he knew he could find anyone after he finished his lecture. 

_ Enter the flirtatious girl who stopped to talk to him on his way out.  _

Some PhD student he had found around campus, and fairly easy to invite back to his office. In only a few minutes he had managed to get her out of her jeans, and bent over his desk. 

He pushed into her, feeling the warmth of her sex around his cock, however his mind was unfocused. It shouldn’t have been. He was fucking a pretty woman in his office.

It was supposed to be simple. As usual. 

_ Maybe accelerating the pace would’ve helped? _

The woman was a whimpering mess as he railed into her from behind.  _ It wasn’t helping. _

He looked up to the clock above the door.  _ Was he really looking at the time while he was fucking? That was a first.  _

_ Mischievous eyes. Pouty lips. The ability to make everyone stop and stare at her.  _

He thought about not so long ago, when she performed a little dance for him at Sam’s after party. He knew it was for him. She was practically begging him to fuck her. 

_ Y/N was a sexual deviant.  _

_ The way she moved with the music, her hips swaying sensually, as her breasts bounced a little.  _ He was sure everyone else noticed it as well. 

After all, it was something a man couldn’t resist from eyeing. But to know she was all his, turned him on. 

_ He thought about when he brought her to Sam’s room, the noises she made when he fucked her into the mattress.  _

He held in his grunts as he felt himself getting closer. He imagined her lips,  _ soft and sweet  _ when she kissed him, and they looked even better around his cock. 

Her breath started to become more laboured, and before he knew it, she came around him, as did he. 

Her back arched, before she fell on top of the desk, chest first. 

  
  
  


“ _ Who’s Y/N? _ ” He heard her ask as he pulled his pants back up, and buckled his belt. 

“What?” 

He walked towards the window, opening it a little to let the air out. The room smelled like sex to him. 

“Y/N… the name you said instead of mine.” 

He didn’t even remember what her name was. 

“No one…” 

“Is she your wife or something?” She asked again,  _ when did people start asking so many questions after casual, meaningless sex _ ? 

He didn’t answer her, but he handed her her shirt that had flown across the room. 

“Whatever. Will I be seeing you again?”

“I’ll text you.” A lie. He didn’t intend on seeing her again. 

“See you professor.” 

_ Saying her name meant nothing. _ It was a force of habit. As she was mostly the person he found himself inside of. 

At least that was what he kept repeating to himself on his way home. 

  
  


….

  
  


_ Chances _ . Life was full of them. 

But when life, or  _ Sam _ , presented her one, she had to take it. She had no idea how he had gotten her number, but when he texted her the night before, she was surprised he talked to her as if they had known each other for years. 

It was  **_a little after 20:00_ ** , whilst she helped Nat with dinner that her phone lit up, a familiar chime following shortly. 

_ ‘Tate Modern, tomorrow at 10:30. You’re welcome xx. _ ” 

Which was why she found herself at Tate Modern.  **_The very next morning._ **

**_10:12_ **

“I had no idea you were into modern art...” Nat commented sarcastically as she walked around, looking around for what she was looking for. 

“I’m a huge fan.” 

She had arrived earlier than the time Sam had indicated, but she wanted to make sure she was punctual. 

“Right why do I have the feeling there’s something else?”

There was something else. She wouldn’t have put on her most low cut baby pink sundress for no reason. 

  
  


In a city so big, a girl could only hope to bump into the one person she was hoping to bump into. She had to thank Sam for that. After going around in circles, in the big museum, she spotted him. 

_ Steve Rogers. Or better known as Sam’s ‘sex on a stick’ best friend.  _

She wasn’t one to believe in destiny, so she knew she had to improvise.

He simply stood there, by himself. He admired the photographs in front of him, as if he actually understood them. 

He was dressed casually, something she never saw James do. A shirt, a size too small struggled to stretch over his impressive torso. And jeans that  _ really _ fitted him well. 

She wasn’t blind. She saw some women passing by him, and doing a double take.  _ Yes, he was that handsome.  _

Y/N had always been attracted to the most handsome man in the room. Just like with James, she usually had her way. 

It suddenly felt weird. She had no idea why she had such a stupid idea. 

Sam had told her the information of Steve’s whereabouts as he was incredibly sorry of barging in while James was on top of her.

In truth she had no idea what she would’ve said when they would’ve met.

Before she could decide on what to do, she walked towards him, her heart wildly beating in her chest. It was probably one of her most stupid ideas, but she hoped it would’ve worked. 

She stood beside him, at a distance, but close enough she could hear him breathing. His eyes never left the photograph in front of him. 

It was a photograph of a woman, in black and white, from the mouth down. She was smiling, perhaps laughing. It looked like it was taken in the moment, definitely not staged. 

She wondered what was so special about it that made him stare at it like that. Maybe he was familiar with the artist’s work. 

Just when she was about to walk away, he turned her way. And if she wasn’t feeling the nerves before, she was definitely feeling them. 

_ Tingles within her.  _ He was even more beautiful up close. The kind of beauty that took one's breath away. His eyes held such kindness to them, as if they were constantly smiling. 

“ _ Hi _ .” He spoke, with a smile. As someone who read people often, he did it just for the sake of smiling. No ulterior motive.

“Hi.” 

“I know you.” 

_ He did?  _ She tried to say something, but nothing came out of her mouth. 

“You’re huge.”  _ Fuck. Shit _ . Did she really say that to his face? What was wrong with her? Evidently everything. Out of everything she could’ve said to him, she had to go with the creepiest (though completely true)

She needed to say something else to make things less awkward. Though he seemed to be amused. At least he wasn’t offended.

“I mean... you’re tall.”  _ Nice save.  _

“Yes I am.” He chuckled. At least he was laughing (and he was sexy while doing so). “Y/N, right?”

Her name out of mouth sounded so much more melodic than it was. And the fact that he knew her name made her giddy. 

“Nice to meet you...” 

“Steve. I’m Steve.”  _ I know! _ She wanted to scream, but given what she had said earlier, that wasn’t the best idea. “You were at Sam’s after party... I remember...” 

Fuck. He remembered. He remembered her. 

She had no idea what was it about him that made her feel so pathetic. She knew how to act around men, in a way they liked. 

But with Steve, she wanted to be liked by him. The moment she laid eyes on him at the party, playing the piano. 

“What are you doing here?” Her phone vibrated in her hand, but she didn’t check. It would’ve been rude. 

“I’m checking out some art, I always come here after my morning jog.” 

“Well I don’t want to keep you from it. You have a nice day.” As much as she wanted to stay there, it was enough interaction for a day. 

“Thank you. You too. It was real nice meeting you Y/N.” 

“You too.” She held out her hand, which he took and she shook it. Giving him a polite smile before leaving. 

_ A handshake? _ What was wrong with her? 

She cursed herself a million times as she walked back to where Nat stood. She was wearing a shit eating grin. Maybe she shouldn’t have brought her. 

“Don’t tell me you dragged me here for that?” She playfully teased her. “And was that a handshake?”

“Yeah just don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 

“Was that Steve Rogers you were talking to?” 

“You know him?”  _ Did everyone know about him?  _ It’s not like she hadn’t heard of him before, maybe she had in the news or something but she didn’t care to check it out. 

She would’ve been more interested in the news if she knew he looked like  _ that _ . 

“Who doesn’t? Being an aspiring journalist I like to keep myself informed with all current events.” 

**_10:45_ **

“Steve Rogers is American royalty. His father, former governor, and presidential candidate, but that didn’t fall through.” Nat explained as they walked along the Thames, as they passed by a group of school kids and tourists outside the Globe Theatre. 

“He comes from a long line of politicians. He’s like JFK, but hotter.” 

“I never understood the hype with JFK.” 

She almost didn’t want to believe Steve had any flaws. Or maybe that was exactly what he wanted to come across as. Coming from a long line of politicians she wouldn’t have been surprised if he was a little corrupt himself. 

“Lucky for you, you had the chance to meet him.” She said as she wiggled her eyebrows. “Unlucky for you, he’s been with Peggy Carter for as long as anyone can remember.” 

“What? So he and Peggy are...” 

“Together?” She had to know from the way he was looking at her during her birthday party, or how upset he looked when he discovered she wasn’t coming to Sam’s after party. 

“You didn’t know? They’re basically the it couple. The paparazzi love them.” 

“I didn’t think they’d be together. I mean, he did play the piano and he sung this romantic song, but I didn’t think-“ 

“Wait... you like him.” 

“Ugh don’t say that.” She scoffed.

It wasn’t like she stopped herself from liking things. She liked Natasha, London, and her kitchen that always smelled like apple cider vinegar. 

“I know you, and the reason why you insisted on coming to the museum is because you like him.” 

“He’s hot, but I don’t even know him. Who knows, he might be one of those guys who pretend to be nice when they’re the complete opposite.” She explained. “Do I want to fuck him? Yes, definitely. Is he good looking? Yes. But I won’t cry over the fact that he’s taken.” 

Like any woman with eyes, she did want him. But like for most women, he was majorly out of her league. And the only woman who was perfect for him was Margaret Carter.

“I’m not convinced.” She insisted. “Maybe we should split a brownie. Only then I can be fully convinced.” 

“If you wanted me to buy you a brownie, all you had to do was ask.” She smiled at her as she pushed open the door to a coffee house. 

As they waited in line, she was left alone to her thoughts. A person being taken has never stopped them from pursuing others. Like James for example. Most rich men must have liked the same things. 

After all, men were mostly driven by sex. At least it was like that in her experience. 

“Anyways, who told you he was there?” Nat interrupted her thoughts, as they neared towards the counter. 

“Sam.” 

“And Sam is....?”

“Sam Wilson? The guy on social media with the scantily clad women, flaunting his wealth from every possible angle?” 

“The one who slept with the academy award winner right?” 

“Probably.” He probably did. Sam sounded like the type to do something like that. “But enough about men. What have you been doing while I was gone?”

“Studying, freaking out over the fact that I haven’t heard from the internship people yet.” 

“Assholes.” She replied, as she got to the front of the line. “You’re so good it’s impossible they haven’t. Maybe they forgot.” 

“That’s what I’m hoping.” 

  
  
  


She held the plate with to brownies in her hand while Nat carried their beverages to their table. When she sat down, she instinctively took out her phone from her bag, to see the message she had received earlier. 

_ ‘We’re going out tonight. Wear something sexy, no panties.’ _

It was from James. It didn’t say anything else, nothing alluding to a time and/or location. It was very vague. How the hell was she supposed to get ready? 

“Is everything alright?” She must have seen the look on her face. 

“Yes, I just have to call someone who likes to leave vague texts.” 

She waited for two rings before the other line was picked up, she sighed in frustration, her best friend chuckling at her predicament. 

“What was that text about?” 

“We’re going out.” He spoke with a seemingly smug tone. 

“Why do I have the feeling I don’t have a choice?”

“If you do come, I’ll reward you.” As if he didn't reward her enough already. She had been having more sex with him than she had with past flings. Granted most of them were one night stands. 

“As good behavior should always be well rewarded.” 

“I’m come.” She relented, as she knew he would’ve continued. 

“I have no doubts about that.” He mused, making her let out a giggle, which didn’t go unnoticed by Natasha. 

“I’ll see you tonight.”

“I’ll send a car. Give me an address.”

“That’s incredibly generous of you. But considering you’re filthy rich, it’s the least you can do.”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to thank me later.”

“Sure. I’ll text you the address.” She told him, hanging up. “Apparently I have plans tonight.” 

  
  


**_23:25_ **

“You look ravishing.” He complimented her as he got in his car, in a little tight black dress. As if she knew what was waiting for them that night. Her lips were painted in a bold red color. 

Not just some knock off red. His favorite shade. Royal red. 

“Was this what you had in mind?” Way better than he had imagined. His rule about only wearing dresses was just perfect. 

“Yes. You’ll need this.” He handed her a mask made entirely in lace. He alternated between watching her and the street ahead of them. 

Curiosity overcame her, as she touched the lace with the tips of her dainty fingers. 

“What kind of a party is this?”

“The kind that needs to stay secret.” 

“A secret party? Doesn’t sound sketchy at all.” She teased as she leaned back on the leather seat. His wife wouldn’t have done that. 

She would’ve been too concerned about her hair, rather than to rest her head. And he wouldn’t have brought her to Sam’s parties. Partly because she wasn’t quite fond of him. 

Though he had never told Sam, as he was convinced everybody liked him. 

“Don’t worry it’s Sams party.”

“Sam doesn’t seem the kind of person who’d want to keep a party a secret...”

“You’re asking an awful lot of questions.” He replied a little harshly. Though he didn’t mean for it to come out that way. 

Though rather unexpectedly, he felt her hand on his thigh, gently rubbing it 

“I’m sorry daddy… maybe you can find a way to shut me up.” 

“You’re so salacious.” He teased, licking his lips. “I love it.” 

  
  


**_23:47_ **

She knew it wasn’t like any other party when she saw women dancing provocatively in cages in skimpy leather outfits. It reminded her of a fever dream, the lights were red and dark, so she could barely make out what was around her. 

It was a house, like any other house. Except it was huge, the living room had all kinds of people mingling, as the night started. While others wasted no time in going at it, up against the wall. 

She grabbed a glass of champagne, as she made her way around the main living area, alongside James. 

The servers, women wearing very see through lingerie walked around, were carrying decadent glass bowls, containing condoms or little blue pills. 

“So you’ve brought me to a sex party...”

“Have you ever been to one?” 

“No... I’ve been invited once, I couldn’t go but I’ve always been very curious.”

“There are some private rooms... if you want to have some fun later.”

She couldn’t see the people well, she only saw masked figures all over each other. She watched as a man sat on the ottoman was getting head by two women, taking turns in sucking him off. 

“Hey handsome.” A tall blonde walked over to James and he wasted no time in flirting with her, before he had his tongue shoved down her throat. 

_ She didn’t waste any time.  _

Seeing him ravage someone else with the same intensity and passion he had shown her angered her a little. Though it felt completely irrational to her. 

Just because they had talked about non exclusivity didn’t mean she wanted to see it in front of her eyes.

She tried to maintain as much as a cool and collected front as possible. After all it was a sex party. There was no other way of behaving. 

So she put on her best coquettish smile paired with a hunger she needed to be sated. If not by James then by someone else. 

_ Anyone, at that point.  _

It was what she sought for in the city after all. The joys of being in her twenties. 

She observed the room, sipping on her second glass of  _ Dom _ , as she glanced at the people looking in her direction, interested in her. 

And as flattered she felt, she knew just anyone couldn’t have made James jealous. 

“Having fun?” 

Sam approached her, he was easily recognisable. Even with the mask on. It was one of the downsides of being as known as he was. 

Though she wasn’t sure he wanted to keep his identity hidden, as he was the host. 

“Not yet…” she replied, as she watched a threesome going on by them. “What about you? I would’ve thought you would’ve had Maxim cover girls or something equally as exciting.” 

“I’m looking for a warm up before the main event.” 

“Which is…?” 

“A gentleman never tells.” 

“How did you know he was at Tate Modern?” 

“Because, there’s a photograph of Margaret. It’s been up there for a week only and yet he goes there every morning.” He commented as she felt something tugging inside of her. “He’s been in love with for God knows how long.” 

_ Of course he was. They were the perfect couple.  _

“Are they together?” 

“He wishes, but no.” 

So they weren’t together. She didn’t want to think of it too much. After all, she was surrounded by temptation, the perfect distraction. 

“You know who these people are?” 

“Of course, I’m the host. I know every single person at this party. But they, including you, don’t. It’s the whole point of wearing masks. It’s very  _ Eyes Wide Shut _ .” He said pretty satisfied with himself.

“They’re pretty influential people, you’d probably recognise some, they have a lot to lose if ever caught.” 

“I just need you to direct me to the most influential and handsome man in here.” 

“Here I am sweetheart.” He flirted as he pointed at himself. 

“As much as I’m curious, I don’t think James would be too happy about it. There’s a bro code, isn’t there?” 

“You seem to know a lot about it.” He winked before he continued. “Fine, there’s a man in here whom James isn’t particularly fond of.” 

“You’ve already got my attention.” 

“I can’t say his name, but what I can say he’s richer than God and from what I’ve heard his tongue is as sharp as his mind.” Sam’s short description caught her attention. This man sure seemed interesting.

She followed his eye line, her eyes landing on a gentleman sat on a couch his arm around a woman, whispering something in her ear that made her giggle. 

Though he was masked, she could tell he was handsome. 

“That’s all I need to know.” She reaches for the bowl a woman was carrying, getting herself a blue pill. The night’s preferred party favor.

“That’s-“ He tried to warn her. 

“I know. I’ve always wanted to try.” 

She put the pill on her tongue, washing it down with champagne. 

“Good luck.” 

She walked with a little more confidence to her. Though she was usually confident, she had to admit an environment like that was not her usual scene. 

The clicking of her heels were drowned out by the moaning around her, paired with the bass pumping out from somewhere, she assumed speakers. 

As she got closer, she watched the gentleman’s gaze on her, their eyes locking. It seemed like he liked what he was seeing, as he licked his lips. 

_ She was glad she wasn’t wearing any panties.  _

“I’ve been told you’re the one to be sought after.” She was the first to speak, in the most sultry voice she could muster. 

“ _ Indeed I am. _ ” His mellow voice completely hypnotized her, from his accent she could tell he must have been British. He was definitely British. 

_ Fuck _ . She knew herself well enough to know that was one of the accents that made her a complete slut. That and Spanish and French. 

_ His voice was pure sex, beckoning her towards temptation.  _

All she knew about the man was his eye color, a beautiful shade of green with a hint of blue, the fact that he had a British accent and that he was very wealthy. 

“I know who you came here with.” He said very smugly. Maybe he wasn’t a fan of James either. 

_ It couldn’t have been anymore perfect.  _

“You do?” 

“I know everything.” He was probably another egotistical trust fund prick. No wonder James didn’t like him. They must have been too similar. 

“Well I bet you didn’t know I didn’t come here for you, but for your  _ friend _ here.” 

“No I did not.” His lips curled into a devious smirk, as he waited for something to happen. 

The woman gladly stood up, and moved closer to her, their lips touched ever so softly at first before she went in and tasted her. She felt the waxiness of her lipstick and hints of whiskey. 

Her neck smelled like heaven, if heaven smelled like expensive perfume with floral accents. 

Her skin was soft, and supple. It was so different from what she was used to, but she was enjoying it. Very much. 

A sweet moan escaped the woman’s lips, she had no idea if it was performative but it made her smirk. 

She understood why men loved sex.  _ It made them feel powerful.  _

In that moment, all she could think of was how James could go fuck himself, because she was winning. She was going to make sure he knew. 

As her lips detached from the woman’s body, she saw him stand up, slowly clapping his hands. 

He was dangerously close to her, definitely in her personal space, as if he was inspecting her up close. His eyes looking down on her, his finger under her chin as he made her raise her head. 

“You’re impervious to my charms.” He whispered, but loud enough so she could hear him 

“I’m not. I’m just really good at hiding what I want. I’m just like any other woman here. Dying to to feel your weight on top of me...”

“Let's not waste anymore time.” 

  
  


**_00:13_ **

He placed her on a circular bed nearby, carefully climbing onto the bed. His touch burned hot on her skin, he reached for the champagne bucket nearby holding an ice cube in between his thumb and index finger. 

Her dress was bunched up to her waist, revealing she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. 

He seemed to like that.  _ Men were so easy to please _ .

She turned her head to notice people looking at them entertained, as they drank from their champagne flutes. Some of the men adjusting themselves in their slacks. 

“You don’t worry about them. Focus on me…” He told her as the cold ice cube came in contact with her slit, making her shudder. It felt better than imagined. 

Actually it felt amazing. An involuntary moan escaped her lips. His chuckle echoed inside her head, as she tried to block out what was happening around her. 

His touch was smooth as porcelain, and smelled divine, he pried her legs open not so forcefully, running the melting ice cube up and down her sex. 

“Such a pretty pussy…” His lewd comment making her moan, as she yearned to be touched. Her legs were so spread wide she was sure the people around them could see how wet she was. 

His fingers lightly grazed her clit, she could feel his hot breath down there, at that point she had long forgotten about pay back. She didn’t care about that. 

His tongue suddenly started lapping at her pussy, making her arch her back against the mattress, bucking her hips desperately. 

She moaned loudly, there were no restrictions there. No inhibitions. 

And he sure was talented. She had no idea what he was doing to her, but it sure made it feel like her entire body was on fire, as a bead of sweat formed on her forehead. 

“ _ Fuck… yes...” _

He on occasion paid generous attention to her clit making her moan even louder, and by the amount of times he did it, it seemed like he was doing it on purpose. 

The amount of stimulation would have been too much or anybody, even for her. The pleasure was so intense she couldn’t stop herself from coming on his face.

“ _ Oh God _ !” Her whole body spasmed, as her vision blurred for a split second.

Though she was done, her legs shaking, he didn’t show any signs of stopping. He kept lapping at her oversensitive clit, trying to get a second orgasm out of her. 

“You taste divine.” He commented, making her want him even more. 

She hoped to stay there with him longer, maybe for one more round. She figured if he was so apt with his tongue, he would’ve been better with his cock. 

Before she could ask, she saw someone she recognized in the group of people watching them. 

_ James _ . 

“Excuse me, I need to go. I hope to find you later tonight.” She apologized as she steadied herself on her feet, realising with high heels and having just a powerful orgasm, her legs were like jello.

“It was pleasure making your acquaintance.” He said like the perfect gentleman as if he hadn’t just eaten her out. But he was the perfect gentleman, and also a very generous lover. 

“The pleasures all mine.” She said before she walked towards James with a satisfied grin on her lips. 

_ She had won.  _

“Shows over.” He growled in her ear. 

“What? I was just about the begin ‘act two’.” She taunted, trying to incite some kind of reaction. Hopefully the kind that ended with her back against a wall or a mattress. “You know the jealous role really does suit you.” 

“Not jealous.” 

“Sure you aren’t, and I didn’t enjoy my time with my mystery gentleman.” 

“You’re mine.” 

“I thought this was casual.” She pointed out. Knowing she was right. “And you started it..”

Without realizing it, she had ended up once again in a room far away from the main event.  _ One of the private rooms. _ With black sheets (probably not the wisest idea) and dimmed lights. As she toyed with the strap belonging to her dress. 

“Was it a ploy to get my attention?”

“Maybe...” She let her dress fall to the floor, leaving her naked. “Now fuck me.”

“Tell me you’re mine.” 

“Is that what you want to hear?  _ That you’re the only man for me? _ Because we both know that’s not true.” She touched him, he was already rock hard. 

She didn’t know if it was for her or for that blonde earlier. But at that point, she didn’t care. 

“I don’t care if it’s not true.” He told her in a whisper. “Lie to me.” 

“You’re the only one.” 

She told him, and with that, she felt his lips on hers. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess who the mystery gentleman was?


	12. good vibrations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: dirty talk, Bucky uses a sex toy on reader

His touch was domineering, he wanted to mark her up. Not because he thought she looked pretty in purple. 

But because he wanted to mark his territory.  _ And taking her to an orgy was a really bad idea.  _ He had displayed the signs earlier.  _ He thought of her as his.  _

At Sam’s after party, then at Sam’s other party. 

She had been with similar men before. Men who thought of her as theirs. But alas, she was never that interested in them as she was in James. 

It was those piercing blue eyes of his that made her want him. And his jawline, his beard, his voice… everything. He was  _ the _ man. 

She managed to cover up the marks on her neck with a good drugstore concealer, not bothering with the ones that he and left on her body. 

**_Two days after the_ ** **_sex_ ** **_party, 14:47_ **

  
  


“That guys been checking you out ever since we sat down.” Nat pointed out, her eyes never leaving the laptop screen in front of her. 

It had been half an hour, and she hadn’t looked elsewhere but the assignment she had due soon. Though she did stop writing for a brief twenty minutes during lunch. 

“Yeah more like perving on me while he’s playing with his son.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “We should totally go out for drinks tonight.” 

“Tonight? Sure.” She agreed. “As long as you don’t get shit faced.”

“I’m not going to make promises I can’t keep.” Y/N chuckled. Though she promised herself she wouldn’t get that drunk again. Though she knew it was a lie. “It really depends on my day.”

She laid down on her jacket, as she looked up to the clear blue sky. It was such a beautiful day, and agreeing to spend an afternoon at  _ Regents Park _ with Nat was a good idea. 

She missed the moment of peace, the simple bliss of not doing anything for a while. And even in a busy city, she found the places that made her feel relaxed. 

She felt something by her, something that she could sense even with her eyes closed. Her eyes opened to find a Labrador that had rested its head on her stomach, making her giggle. 

“Hello there, and where do you come from?” She asked affectionately, her voice turning into the voice many used to talk to babies. 

She propped herself up, as the the dog nudged her hand to coax her into petting him or her. Nat awed as she finally got off her laptop, and watched them. 

“ _ Bentley _ !” She heard a voice call, as the dog wagged its tail and ran towards the person who the voice belonged to. 

A familiar voice at that.

_ Holy fucking shit.  _

A very handsome man was walking towards her, and not just any handsome man. 

“Steve...” 

He was just the man she had been thinking about. And by thinking, she carefully researched him.  **_The night before._ ** When she had nothing else to do. 

She learnt quite a lot about him. 

Steve Rogers had an impressive political pedigree, members of his family were all well respected politicians. The most known being his father, Joseph ‘Joe’ Rogers III. Who passed a few years back in 2012. 

He graduated from Oxford, went on to study at Yale for his masters. 

Though she didn’t want to pry too much into his life, as what she was doing already felt stalker is her enough, she couldn’t help but notice the words  _ Tahiti _ and  _ 2017 _ popping up frequently. 

It was probably public news, by how many gossip sites had covered it. Even the legitimate ones. 

So it wouldn’t have been creepy if she checked it out. As probably most people had already heard about it.  _ Right?  _

That was what she told herself to make it better. But as soon as she clicked on it, she understood why people were so interested in it. 

_ Steve and Peggy.  _

No wonder so many people were rooting for them to get together. Her heart sunk a little when she scrolled through the images that the browser had provided her. 

_ Ok so maybe she was infatuated with him, just a little bit.  _ There was no harm in that. 

He wore a cornflower blue shirt, which was left unbuttoned all the way which showed a lot of his toned body, and beige khakis. While she was a complete vision. In a white bikini. She managed to make such a simple bikini look so glamorous.

_ No wonder he liked her. Anyone would’ve.  _

She continued looking through their vacation pictures as she went through half a bottle of Moscato.

“Sorry, he has a weakness for pretty women.” He apologised.  _ Wait, was it referred to her? _ And even if it was, he was also referring himself to Nat as well. “And chicken.” 

_ Ugh he’s so cute. And charming.  _

He added with a chuckle, and she giggled, as she bent down to pet his dog again. She was down on her knees, in front of him, as Bentley licked her face. She made sure he had a direct view of her cleavage. 

_ He literally had on her knees without doing anything.  _

“Steve, this is Natasha, my best friend .” She said, trying not to look at him for too long. 

“Nice to meet you Natasha.” 

“Nice to meet you too.” Nat spoke with a huge shit eating grin on her face, while looking at her. “I’m going to get a bottle of water… want anything?” 

She asked with a smirk as she looked between the two of them. 

_ Oh _ . She knew what she was doing. 

“No thanks.” 

“It was nice meeting you, Steve.” 

“Likewise.” He replied curtly, and they were left alone. Courtesy of Natasha. She had to buy her a brownie or something.

“He’s gorgeous.” She was the first to speak. “How old is he?”

“Two.”

“Well he’s a handsome boy.” She thanked God she had something to talk about.

Anything else would’ve been not appropriate seeing as they had just met the other day.  _ She had to take it one day at a time.  _

The dog, Bentley, was a perfect conversation starter. And it gave her the chance of smiling at him a lot, which wasn’t deemed creepy since she was talking about the dog. 

“Are you going to be at the dinner party tomorrow?” He asked her, making her look up at him. And it suddenly made her feel nervous, her breath quickened as she felt her palms getting sweaty. 

“Dinner party?” 

“The dinner party at Sam’s.” 

“I don’t know-“

“You have to. You’re a friend of Sam’s.”

_ Is that what you people always do? Attend parties?  _

“Only when we are in the same city. I understand your point though.” 

“Fuck. Did I just say that out loud?” She was mortified. 

“Yes, I’d very much rather stay in, but Sam’s a good friend of mine, I do it for him.” He explained, her head was elsewhere, namely on how she ad just embarrassed herself in front of him. 

“So I’m counting on you being there.” 

“I will be there.” 

“Hey, you just ran away I couldn’t find you.” A third party interrupted their conversation. Sam. 

“Did you get her number?” Steve asked him, as she looked at both men. 

“I obviously did.” 

“Sam wanted to ask a young mother out for dinner.” Steve explained to her. “I don’t we were allowed in the playground area, but he insisted.” 

She giggled. And Sam noticed it by the way he looked at her. 

“That’s not what I asked her.” 

“I was paraphrasing.” 

“Steve, I have to speak to Y/N in private…” 

“Oh sure. I’ll see you soon then.” He said to her kindly, she didn’t want him to go, but apparently Sam needed to speak to her. 

She watched him leave with his dog, and that alone was a sight to behold. 

“You can stop staring now.” Sam teased her as she turned her gaze back to him. 

“I didn’t know you stalked me.”

“I’m not.” 

“So then why was he here?” 

“Something about his dog sitter moving cities.” He told her, though it seemed he wasn’t entirely sure. “Which I might have been partially responsible for.” 

“What?”

“She was a good lay. A little shy, but great technique.” 

“Sam!” She chided, which made him laugh. He was cavalier when it came to women he slept with, but at least he didn’t hide it. 

She had no idea if James was like that, he wasn’t outright with it like Sam was. Which made him so hard to read. 

“Don’t worry. She got an unconditional offer from Oxford.” 

But it looked like he cared about them just a little. Enough to get them what they want. 

_ Which was nothing like James.  _

“Which happens to be your alma mater.”

“Now who’s the stalker.”

“I have a photographic memory. Besides I needed some more information on a man who invites me to sex parties.” 

“Great event wasn’t it? Speaking of, I have something for you.” 

“A souvenir?” 

“Sort of.” He fished for something inside his jacket, immediately retrieving a card, handing it to her. 

It was a business card, matte black. 

_ L O K I O D I N S O N  _

Was written in bold fancy letters, with a phone number under it. 

On the back of the card was a note, written in a neat cursive handwriting. 

_ ‘I’d like to see you again. Call me.’ _

It was concise. Went straight to the point. 

“I thought it was an anonymous party?”

“He wanted you to have his number.” 

“Loki Odinson?” She read his name slowly. It wasn’t ringing any bells. 

“Make sure to call him. He doesn’t like when people keep him waiting.” 

“He has a pretentious name.”

“He does, but he has the right to.” 

“Anyways I’ll be coming to your dinner party.” 

“You heard from Steve huh?” He asked with the same shit eating grin Nat had on earlier. “Then I’ll be seeing you there.”

“Why are you throwing so many parties?”

“Because I have the money, it’s nice doing something others can enjoy. Money’s great and all but it means nothing if you don’t have any friends to do cool stuff for.” 

She smiled at him. Though he was kind of an asshole when it came to sleeping around, he was actually sweet and cared for his friends. 

“And also because models love guys who throw awesome parties.” 

“You know, you started out really sweet and then you ruined it.”

“I mean models are models.”

“Tell me one great thing about them.” 

“Killer legs, fit body, do I need to say more?”

“And they perpetuate unrealistic beauty standards.”

“You should know, you’re having an affair with the modelling expert.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“James, Bucky, had a thing for runway models in his twenties. He used to sit front row at every fashion show to check out his next lay.” 

“That sounds respectful…” 

“It works. It’s the only useful thing he ever taught me.” He told her, not realising it made her read into his words more than necessary. “And thank God he’s married, more for me.” 

  
  


_ It was so obvious _ . He was so obvious. He was handsome and wealthy he could’ve had any woman he wanted, and of course that included models.

Women who were blessed with both the looks department and the height. Y/N might have been one of the prettiest girls back in her hometown, but it was nowhere as big as London. 

A melting pot of cultures, which also meant women from all over the world. 

And since the city had one of the four most important fashion weeks, there was bound to be a few models walking around. 

So when she received his text, that urged her to come over to his place, she doing herself on her way. 

**_15:34_ **

She saw him as a challenge. She wanted to be better than anyone he had ever slept with. She wanted to be the first person he thought of when he touched himself, or was fucking someone else. 

Though she made her wonder whether she was good enough for him. Whether she was enough for someone who had his fair share of beautiful women. 

She pulled down her dress to reveal more of her cleavage before she rang the doorbell. 

**_15:52_ **

The door opened to reveal her, she walked into his house as if she owned it. The amount of confidence she had even just when she walked was a turn on, as was the way she looked at him, the  _ ‘come fuck me’  _ look she always gave him. 

“I hope I didn’t disturb you.” He told her as she took off her jacket. 

“I wasn’t doing anything important.” She told him as she walked into the living room, and put down her jacket on the couch. 

“I’m gonna grab a glass of water... then I’ll be all yours.” 

He grabbed her jacket that she left on his couch, to put it somewhere else. And as he did that, a small black card fell on the floor. 

The size of a business card. 

It was a business card. Though he knew of no one who made matte black business cards like an absolute douchebag. 

He picked it up, and inspected it. 

_ Loki Odinson.  _

All that was wrong with the upper class, condensed in a slender form of pure narcissism. The very essence of his being. 

And it wasn’t just because he had an unparalleled talent for making anyone feel inferior. 

Though in his thirty something years had never had a job. As he leeched his lavish lifestyle off his father, who was some aging aristocrat. 

He was a Shakespeare quoting, name dropping, parasite. 

He wanted Y/N to know that. 

_ And how did she even know him?  _

By the looks of what he had wrote on the back, they had already seen a lot of each other and he seemed to enjoy it. So much so he wanted to see her again. 

It was none of his business. 

She had a life beyond fucking him. He couldn’t expect her to be his and only his. That wasn’t what he wanted. But he didn’t want to imagine her with anyone else. 

_ Least of all Loki.  _

  
  


**_16:01_ **

“ _ Daddy? Is this for me _ ?” She asked as she picked up the navy box that sat on top of his bed. 

He nodded.

She bit her lip, as she pulled on the satin bow, undoing it a little too eagerly. As she lifted the lid, she led out a little gasp. 

“It's so pretty daddy.” A smirk appeared on her lips as she held the rose gold vibrator in her hand. “Are we going to try it out?”

His hands went to her back, as he ripped the dress off her like it was nothing. The material was thin, and all she wore underneath it was a black cotton thong. And nothing else. 

But all he could hear was Loki’s taunting voice, as he pleasured her. Making her toes curl, and back arch in pleasure. 

His lips attacked hers in a bruising kiss, slipping his tongue in her mouth to assert his dominance.

“Someone didn’t follow the rules.” 

“I was out today, I had no choice.”

“Rules are rules.” 

She grew wet just by the way he said it. 

“I thought today was going to be about you.” 

“It is, and I decide what I want to do.” He said as he reached for the vibrator, pulling it out of its box, he watched her on his bed, with her legs parted.

_ She was so perfect for him.  _

Her pretty pussy was covered by the black cotton, he gave in and touched her gently with his finger, he could feel even through her panties that she was wet. 

Her nipples were hard, as he sucked on each of them. Then a thought raced through his mind. He really wanted to see her body tied up for him, with red rope.  _ She’d look so good.  _

Just the thought of it made him hard. 

He turned the vibrator on to its lowest setting, putting it on her inner thigh. The buzz was weak, the vibration still too low to get her off properly. 

It traced up to her slit, leaving it there just to punish her. He watched her squirm as she waited impatiently, yearning for something more. 

“James...” She moaned, as she bucked her hips. He roughly held down her hip with his hand. 

“If you’re good I’m going to give you what you want.” 

Y/N hadn’t done anything inherently bad, or against their rules. About her wearing panties, he knew it wasn’t her fault, as she couldn’t have walked around all day without any. 

It was clearly about Loki, though he didn’t want to even think about it. 

_ That fucking bastard. _

“You’re mine… you’re fucking mine…” He growled as he touched her clit with the buzzing vibrator, and the lowest setting still managed to make her mewl. 

“I am…” Her pussy quivered around the vibrator as he increased the intensity. The buzz got louder, as did her moans. 

He moved the toy in and out of her, the buzzing was accompanied by a obscene squelching sound, with a few moans here and there. 

He held her down with one hand to prevent her from fucking herself on it. 

It was such a beautiful sight. Her wet pussy spread open just for him, the rose gold toy sliding in and out of her, as her walls tightened around it. 

“ _ Daddy… _ ” She whined as she clutched at the sheets beneath her. 

“Does my baby girl want to come?” He asked, licking his lips. He really wanted to taste her, and he was tempted, but decided against it. 

She nodded in frustration, her eyes closed shut. 

“Look at me.” He told her, as he fucked her harder with the toy, increasing the vibration. “Look at the toy sliding in and out of you… you like it when I fuck you with it, don’t you?” 

She struggled to reply, and all she did was nod, slowly opening her eyes and looking down where he told her to, letting out a loud moan when she watched him fuck her with it. 

_ She liked it. She was so dirty.  _

“I’m gonna come daddy.” She announced, as she threw her head back. 

“Come for me.” 

And with that, she did. 

  
  


**_16:33_ **

“You were such a good girl.” 

“Thank you daddy.” She said as she straddled him, kissing his cheek. She was still wet, leaving a small wet spot on his briefs. 

“I’m going to take a shower.” 

She told him as she climbed off of him, and walked towards the bathroom in his room. 

Fuck he knew that look she gave him. She was insatiable. Just like him. 

She smirked at him before she left for the bathroom completely naked. 

He sat there even after the door closed, and he heard the water running. As he opened the drawer in his night stand. 

The small black business card was in plain sight, right on top of the latest issue of the New Yorker. He felt a little guilty taking it, but he didn’t want Loki to have her. 

He was not good for her. 

So maybe it was best she didn’t call him. After all, he was doing it for her own good. 

“Are you coming?” Her voice asked from the bathroom. 

_ He didn’t have to be asked twice.  _


	13. guess who’s coming to dinner?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: public sex 
> 
> Also James is low key tipsy when he has sex with the reader, and if you do have drunk sex, please make sure it’s consensual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I attached links to the characters outfits for visuals. 
> 
> This chapter is longer than usual, so I hope you enjoy it. I had a lot of fun writing it.

**_Present_ **

Nothing good ever starts at dinner. It might be a nice time of the day, in which people sit down after a hard day, and eat a lovely meal in company.

But once you sat down at the table, no matter how many conflicts emerged, you couldn’t leave. 

It was bad etiquette. 

So there she sat, in the midst of a very tense environment. She knew the one who took the news the worst was Steve, who was sat right beside her. His frustration was palpable, as he made through the second course. 

She had no idea how things had escalated that quickly. 

  
  


**_Earlier that day- 10:00~ish_ **

She placed down the plates with their breakfast on it. Somehow it felt natural. A mistress’ job was to do everything the wife wouldn’t do. And that seemed also making breakfast. 

He watched her when she sat down and spread the butter on her piece of toast. It was probably because she was wearing his shirt. The white one from Ralph Lauren. He had thousands that looked the same, he sure wouldn’t have minded if she took one. 

Just to wear to breakfast.

“You know, I should have room in your dresser for my stuff.” She spoke as she reached for the strawberry jam. 

“What?” His head shot up, fear written all over his face. 

“I’m kidding. You should’ve seen the look on your face.” She giggled giddily as she grabbed a blueberry from his bowl and popped it in her mouth. “Priceless.” 

“You almost got me.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love fucking you, but I’m not whipped.” 

“How lucky am I?” He asked, as he bit his bottom lip. That made her weak.

“Very.” 

“Tonight, I have the evening free, so you can come over and we can have some fun like last night?” 

“As much as I’d love that, I have plans.” 

“Plans?” He furrowed his eyebrows, as he cocked his head. “With who?”

“Sam.”

“You’re getting too friendly with him and I don’t like that.” 

“Why he’s your friend.” 

“We’ve grown apart, because he's a manchild.” 

“You know he speaks highly of you. Besides you’re also a manchild.” 

“How so?” 

She was going to get in trouble whatever she decided to say, because at that point she knew what was in his head. They were going to get it on right then and there. 

“You hate it when you don’t get what you want and you act up.”

“Then you better do what I want.” 

“ _ Yes sir _ .” 

He swiped his finger on the strawberry jam and butter covered toast that was in front of her, and put it in front of her mouth. She didn’t even have to be instructed in what to do next. 

Her lips wrapped around his finger, tasting the very sweet flavor of the jam mixed with the richness of the butter. She looked up to see him licking his lips.

“Give me a taste…” He said, as her lips touched his, pulling him into a passionate kiss. She wasn’t sure if he could taste the jam or the butter, but he seemed to really enjoy it. 

  
  
  
  


**_19:30_ **

“You’re early.” He told her as she watched him get ready, as she sat on his bed. Careful to not crease her  [ dress ](https://www.zalando.co.uk/missguided-floral-milkmaid-bodycon-mini-dress-jersey-dress-blue-m0q21c1ij-k11.html) . The one she had bought just for the dinner party. 

And though she wasn’t supposed to dip into her savings she figured she would’ve worn it again, with James’ ridiculous rules still in place (Also because she looked amazing in it). 

“I’m ten minutes early.”

“These people never arrive early, it’s an unspoken etiquette. The later you are, the better.” He said as he held out two shirts out to her, and she pointed at one randomly. 

“Oh. I had no idea.”

“Don’t worry.” He took off his t-shirt, putting the shirt she had chose on, she tried to keep her eyes off of his body as possible, but she couldn’t help but peek at his impressive body. 

“But now that I got you here, there’s something I need to speak to you about.” 

“Ok, what is it?”

“Steve.” The second he said his name, she felt something. “You like him.” 

“What?” She feigned shock. She wasn’t probably as subtle as she thought she was. 

“You do. You got all giggly and blushed the other day.” 

_ Not subtle at all.  _

“I did?” She asked, hoping Steve didn't know anything. That would’ve been embarrassing. She was in her twenties and was harboring some school girl crush on someone. “Did he notice?”

“Steve? No, he’s as handsome as he’s bad at picking up signs.” He told her with a chuckle, while he buttoned his shirt up. “You’re fine.” 

“Steve’s not himself around Margaret. It’s been over a decade. He needs to get over her.”

“Why?”

“Because he needs to get laid. And not just anyone would do.”

“I’m the just anyone. I’m nothing special.” 

“In our world you are. You’re different, and that’s good.” 

“And how does that have anything to do with what Steve likes?”

“Steve likes different. He likes Margaret because when they were kids, she kicked ass. He likes the ‘real people’.” He told her as he put air quotations on the last words he said. 

“You already made an impression on him.” He turned around, and spoke right to her. “At the after party for Margaret’s birthday? Besides I see you wore a dress that’s definitely going to do that.”

“How do you know?”

“Because no matter how above Steve seems from everyone else, he’s still a man.” He took strides towards the bed before he sat down next to her. “And you look smokin’.”

“Thank you. You do too.” 

  
  


**_20:25_ **

One hour later, the party was starting to take shape. As his living room filled with people. It was different from his other parties. It was tasteful. With a smaller guest list. There were probably twenty or so people gathered in his living room all of them deeply engaged conversations. 

Alcohol was always good, it helped to fuel an otherwise boring conversation, or it gave her the balls to talk to someone important. And all the people gathered in Sam’s living room were. 

She was fairly certain she recognised some of them from the pages of magazines or from tv. 

She felt someone’s lingering gaze on her, she looked over  _ very subtly  _ to find out that someone was indeed looking at her. 

It was a man. A very dashing one. He was more beautiful than handsome, there was something so sophisticated about his face. He was elegantly dressed, in a monochromatic suit. Black. 

The way he looked at her was as if he knew her. She would’ve definitely remembered if she had met him before. 

It wasn’t a face she would forget. 

As he got up, and walked towards her, she gawked at his height. He was tall. She would’ve definitely remembered him. 

“Do I know you?” 

“You most certainly do.” He said with a smirk, the voice recognizable. And before she knew it, she knew exactly who was standing in front of her. “ _ Loki Odinson. _ ” 

That was Loki? If she had known she would’ve called sooner. Though she had lost his business card. 

She sure was lucky. She was surrounded by handsome men, more than she was in a lifetime. 

All the hunky god like men were apparently in the elite, and like in any exclusive club, they were for club members only. 

“I have to say I was surprised I didn’t receive a call.” 

“I lost your card.” 

“Of course…” He chuckled, not quite believing her. “It’s not an everyday occurrence a man meets a woman who is entertained by the same things he is.” 

“What are the ‘things’ you think I’m entertained by? Please,  _ enlighten me _ .” 

“You like to be adventurous, for ordinary things tend to bore you.” 

“You don’t know me.”

“But I do. I know how you liked to be touched, and who you’re currently involved with.” 

“I don’t think that conversation is appropriate at this moment.”

“Why? Because people may hear all the naughty things you’re into?” He teased as he got closer, and she tried to get away as they were surrounded by people. “What’s wrong with that?” 

“Everything has its time and this is not it.” 

“Fine,  _ love _ .” The pet name made her shudder. She didn’t know if she liked it or hated it. “Then guide me through an appropriate conversation.” 

“Why were you at that party?” 

“So much for appropriate.”

“I’m curious.”

“I usually host those kinds of parties, but Samuel, he wanted to try for once.” He explained, he seemed quite entertained. “I’d definitely love to see you at my next one.” 

“ _ Sans _ Mr. Barnes of course. I wouldn’t want him to cause a scene.” He added. 

“Why does he hate you?” 

“I never said he hated me, though if you’d like to know, come to my next party and I’ll tell you.” 

“Thanks, but no thanks.” She said as her eyes roamed around to look for a valid excuse to leave the conversation. And there he was. “Excuse me, but I have to thank the host.” 

It was as if he knew what he was doing. To get some kind of a reaction from her, and he was succeeding. She made her way to the other side of the room, where Sam spoke to a woman.

“Y/N! This is Hope from Vanity Fair.” He said as he introduced her to a brunette in a sleek bob. 

She smiled at her, as she shook her hand. She could tell the smile wasn’t genuine, but she had bigger fish to fry. 

“May I grab Sam for a second?” Even before an answer could be given, she pulled him away, far away from the Hope girl or any other person who could eavesdrop on the conversation. 

“What the fuck is Loki  _ Whatshisface _ doing here?” 

“I completely forgot about inviting him.” He told her, she couldn’t tell if he was telling the truth or not, as he bore a huge smile on his face. “He’s a really good guest at dinner parties, plus he has an aristocratic title. Which helps break the ice.” 

“So that’s why he’s so cocksure.” 

“What happened with him at the party?” She didn’t expect Sam of all people to beat around the bush. Considering he’s someone who threw sex parties and had probably done worse. 

“Why don’t you ask me the question you’ve been dying to ask?” 

“Did he fuck you?”  _ There it was.  _

“No he ate me out.” She told him. “There's your answer.” 

“Was it good?” 

“Sam…” She warned. 

Though her memory couldn’t help but go back to that night. It was good. More than good. The man was skilled. She couldn’t deny that. 

The way he made her writhe, her hands clutching at the sheets beneath her for dear life, his skilled tongue doing that thing she liked-

“I heard a few girls talk about his ‘silver tongue’.” 

“I’ll tell you all about his pussy eating skills when we’re not at a dinner party.” 

With that, they both chuckled, as Sam wrapped an arm around her and guided them back to the party. 

“I’m going to make it all better.” He told her as they walked back into the living area. 

“How?” 

_ Steve _ . He stood there in the living room with a bottle of something. Probably some expensive wine. 

He looked amazing, though he wasn’t wearing anything special he was easily the best looking man there. 

The only sound in her ears was her heart thumping loudly within her chest. She hoped she looked good in her dress, as she had worn it for him. To impress him. 

Though her attention was also on Loki, who occasionally glanced her way as he sipped on a martini. 

She also needed a drink. A very strong one. 

As the man she liked, and the man who made her come at a sex party were in the same room. 

And so was Peggy Carter. Who stood in the corner talking to some people. 

_ It was going to be fun.  _

  
  
  


“Steve! Come here!” Sam beckoned him as she watched Steve walk towards them. “We were just saying that Y/N’s new to London. Maybe you can show her around one day?” 

“It’d be my pleasure.” Steve replied, as she looked at her. The look that made he want to run away and climb him like a tree at the same time. “How do you like it so far?” 

Sam walked away from the conversation, leaving just the two of them. And Steve didn’t seem to mind. 

“I like it enough to stay a little longer.” She said, putting a strand of hair behind her ear. “There’s a lot I haven’t seen yet. But so far the sights are...  _ breathtaking _ .” 

“Speaking of breathtaking, have you been on the London Eye? The view is different from up there.” 

Sam was right. He was clueless. Or maybe she hadn’t made things  _ that _ clear. 

“Can’t say I have. Maybe you could take me sometime.”

And as she looked behind Steve, she saw him. He was still looking at her, that  _ Loki _ . He sure knew how to get under her skin. Grinning at her as if he knew her secret and he did. 

She couldn’t hear her answer as she was too distracted by the presence of Loki. He looked like someone who liked trouble. And she wouldn’t have put it past him to interrupt her conversation with Steve. 

“How long have you been playing the piano?” She asked him, turning her attention fully to him. 

“Since high school. It was actually nice to be decent at something back then, since I wasn’t good at anything else.” 

“I don’t believe it.” 

“It’s true.” He smiled a little, probably at reminiscing the memory of his past. “I practically begged my mother to let me take piano lessons because I thought it’d make me a hit with the ladies.” 

“Did it work?”

“No not really.” He laughed as he shook his head, making her smile. He was so much more handsome when he laughed.

She understood why people liked him so much. He was so good with people. 

“Seeing as I only knew how to play  _ Twinkle Twinkle Little Star _ back then.” 

“Well that song is a hit.” 

Then he laughed, which made her laugh as well. And in that moment she wanted nothing more than having a few more seconds of that moment, so she could live in it a little longer.

“So what about you?” He asked her, but the moment didn’t seem to die down. It was still there.

“Haven’t you heard about me?” She asked him jokingly. Not really thinking about what came out of her mouth. 

“I did, but I want to hear it from you.” 

_ He heard about her?  _ Her heart started to beat like crazy, not knowing how to answer him. 

“I have no idea what you’ve heard about me, because I don’t know what I am.” 

“Sam said you travel a lot. That you’re an avid traveller.” 

“That makes me sound more adventurous than I actually am. I dropped out of college and I’m using that money to see what I haven’t seen yet. And since I have no idea what my purpose in life is, I figured by seeing as much as I can, I’d be able to figure it out.” 

She had no idea of what he was thinking as he stood there, listening to her. So she continued. 

“It’s irresponsible isn’t it? My mom won’t stop reminding me.” 

“No, it’s honest.” He admitted. “I’m in my thirties and in all honesty, I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“You don’t?” 

“No idea sometimes.” He said with a little laugh, as he shook his head. 

“Well it helps to know someone who’s so put together like you are doesn’t know what they’re doing at times.” 

“It must remain a secret though.” He joked, as he held out his pinky finger.  _ God he was so cute. How was that fair?  _

“Your secret is safe with me.” She replied, their fingers intertwining. And there it was again. The moment. 

  
  


“Ladies and gentlemen, the dinner will be ready in ten minutes.” Sam announced cutting their moment short. “If you ladies would like to touch up your makeup right now, please do so. I won’t appreciate it if you go to the ladies room while we have the best Osso Buco you’re ever gonna have.” 

Some guests chuckled, as the ladies made their way to the bathrooms (plural because Sam had a lot of bathrooms in his bachelor pad).

“I’ll go touch up my lipstick too.” She told Steve. “It was a pleasure talking to you.”

“Likewise.” 

  
  


**_21:04_ **

She took a deep breath as she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked good. And everything seemed to be going perfectly. Except for Loki. But that was just a small bump in the road. 

She was sure he wasn’t going to mention anything. About the party. 

She pulled the cap off of her tube of red lipstick and applied one more coat, puckering her lips after she was done. 

Red was her color. 

“You’re Y/N right?” Someone who placed herself next to her said, and by looking into the mirror in front of her, she quickly realized who it was. 

“Yes, and you’re Peggy Carter.”

_ She was talking to Peggy Carter _ . She wanted to pinch herself to make sure she was there and it wasn’t a dream. 

She wore a  [ cream blouse with hearts  ](https://www.ssense.com/en-it/women/product/charles-jeffrey-loverboy/white-and-red-silk-rofl-heart-print-blouse/4886861?gclid=CjwKCAjwssD0BRBIEiwA-JP5rAlSIG7Aku2HC2c9Z-d83-8_6b8p_7TOwds09KhXVLber8YvdVG7RxoCFNsQAvD_BwE) on it paired with black flared pants, which was a look she pulled off perfectly. Her hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail. 

“Margaret.” She corrected her, which made the heat rise to her face. Did she fuck it up? 

“Fuck I’m sorry.” _Did she really curse in front of Margaret Carter?_ _She wanted to punch herself._

“Don’t be. Peggy Carter is my stage name. I prefer people to call me Margaret.” She replied with a smile. She opened her tube of lipstick, Dior  _ of course _ , and started applying it. “I think Steve likes you.” 

_ That alone made her heart stop.  _

“What? No, that’s not possible…”  _ How can he like me when he’s smitten with you?  _

“He never talks about girls with me, which is why I know.” He perhaps didn’t because he only ever had eyes for her. 

“And the way he was looking at you earlier when you two were talking.” Was he? Was she also bad at picking up signs, or was Margaret seeing things no one else did? 

“He’s a good guy.” She told her, as she put her lipstick back into her mini bag. 

“I know.” 

“Take care of him for me.” Her voice was earnest, though she was confused to why she was telling her that. “Can you promise that?” 

“I promise.” 

“Good. Now we can’t be late to dinner can we?” 

She didn’t want to think she was nice. But Margaret Carter was very nice. Which was probably why Steve was so into her. 

But now she had made a promise to her, and now she had to keep it. 

Though she had no idea what she meant by that, which left her in the bathroom more perplexed than ever. 

**_21:12_ **

She made her way to the dining area where a long table was already set, with the really expensive looking plates and cutlery. It had everything. Really long candles were lit and put at the centre. 

And place cards. There were place cards with each of their names handwritten in cursive. She imagined that wasn’t Sam’s own handwriting. 

All of it felt very official. 

She walked around looking for her name. She had to walk to the other side to find her seat, behind her she had a beautiful view of the city. She wondered who sat beside her, and read the name on the place card. 

_ Steven G. Rogers _

Oh fuck. 

“Looks like we’re sat next to each other.” A voice said from behind her. It was him. How was it that whenever she thought of him he appeared? 

She looked over to Sam, who winked at her and subtly raised his glass. It was all his making. 

“Yes we are.” She replied as he pulled out her chair for her, making her blush. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

“So… you’re called Steven.” She pointed out, making him scrunch up his face.

“Yes, but no one calls me that. Not even my mother.”

“And what does the G. stand for?”

“Grant. My mother couldn’t help herself but call me after our 18th president.” 

“That’s very on brand with the political dynasty thing you’ve got going on.” 

“Who told you that?” 

“Let’s just say I also heard things about you.” She said with a wink. 

Soon, the entree was brought out and the guests dug in. As more wine was poured, the conversations started flowing. And unlike before, Y/N couldn’t walk away. She had to stay there. 

“So Loki, I’ve heard you’re back for good.” She heard a woman’s voice say, as everyone’s attention was turned to the man dressed in black. 

“I don’t know about that… I’ve never been good at staying in one place.” That was a subtle brag if she knew one. 

Of course, he probably went on lavish trips all the time. It was hardly interesting dinner conversation. 

“You’ve been travelling…” Y/N commented, and it wasn’t until his gaze fell on her that she regretted it. She could’ve stayed quiet and got away with having dinner in peace. 

“You could say that…” He chuckled as he sipped his glass of wine, as if he wanted to say more. 

He wouldn’t dare mention anything about the sex party as it would’ve damaged him as much as her. Though he seemed like he had more to lose. 

“I heard all about your time in Japan.” Another woman gushed, which fuelled that man’s ego even more. 

“I had a wonderful time. The imperial family were so welcoming. The first day I was there I had the honor of dining with the Crown Prince.” He told everyone as they listened in awe. 

She watched everyone as they were enraptured by him. How could they when all he did was brag about how rich he was? 

“Can’t say I have dined with an Earl before.” Someone said and she rolled her eyes. They were really throwing themselves at him. 

“Now you can.” He pointed out and everyone laughed a little. They were truly embarrassing. “But I prefer Count. Earl is such a British term.” 

“Though I can’t say Y/N is very interested in that. She’s very special.”  _ What the fuck _ .  _ What was his game?  _

Now everyone knew they knew each other. And everyone was looking at her.

“Do you two know each other?” The lady she had met before, Hope, asked him. 

“Let’s say we’re very close.” And he said that while he was looking at her. Giving her a look that could only be described as ‘bedroom eyes’. In front of everyone. “ _ She knows me really well. _ ” 

And just like that, it was as if everyone had discovered she had slept with him. He didn’t fuck her though. She was interrupted before anything could happen. 

But it didn’t matter. 

As most people caught the true meaning behind his words. And apparently let their assumptions run wild by the looks on their faces.

Not knowing what else to do, she silently sipped on the wine that had been poured into a new glass. Noting the hints of cherry. It complimented the food really well. 

She tried to focus on the food, but felt like too many eyes were on her.

“You know him?” Steve asked her whispering. 

“Yeah unfortunately.” 

The one thing she didn’t want happening had happened. And she thought nothing else would top that. 

But she was wrong. 

  
  


**_21:50_ **

Nothing else had happened except the night going on normally, though everyone thought she had slept with Loki. It was just like high school. Maybe worse, as they were all adults. 

She knew they were whispering and could only imagine what they were saying about her. 

But the whispering stopped only when  Peggy Margaret stood up, with her wine glass in hand. And the room went silent. She was  _ that _ powerful. 

“I’m gonna take the chance of having you all here, to say something.” She spiked as she held onto her glass tightly. She was nervous. Y/N could tell. 

She let out a sigh, and continued. 

“The next movie coming out, is going to be my last one. I’m officially retiring. I’m leaving after the London premiere, to go back to New York.” 

She saw the way Steve looked at her. And it was a look she had only seen in movies. The look that showed disappointment but yet his gaze carried a certain softness, which she couldn’t quite describe. 

His face was clearly telling her to not leave.  _ To not leave him _ . He was begging her, without even uttering a word. 

Margaret just glanced at him for one split second, before she resumed to talk to the person sitting next to her. 

The whole moment only lasted about a minute or so, but to her, it felt like a lifetime. 

“Does anyone want more wine?” Sam’s voice interrupted her thoughts, as everything seemed to go back to normal, except there was the slightest of tension. 

He was walking around as if nothing had happened, trying to keep the dinner as calm as possible. But after what had just happened she had no idea how that was going to happen. 

Margaret Carter was a star, and her leaving the industry was such big news it was hard to keep a secret, but they had to. 

And just like that, Margaret has diverted the attention from her. And she was grateful. 

“You have a guest.” Sam whispered into her ear, as he filled her glass with wine to the brim. 

“Me?” 

“It’s James.” He said through his teeth. 

“Excuse me. I have to powder my nose.” She told everyone blankly, standing up and following Sam towards the foyer.

  
  


“Why is James here?” She asked him before she dared to open the front door. 

“Why are you looking at me like that? I have no idea.” 

“You sure you don’t?”

“I’m pretty sure. I didn’t do anything.”

“Then why is he here?” 

“I have no idea.” He repeated himself as she hesitantly opened the door, dreading what was on the other side. 

“Y/N.” James was right there, dressed a little more casually than she had ever seen him. He must have thrown on the first clothes he found. At least that was what it looked like. 

“James, what are you doing here?”

“The dinner party. I wanted to come.” 

“James you can’t.” She told him, and he looked upset. Like genuinely. He was acting strange. 

“Why the hell not.”

“Because you’re the one who didn’t want to come in the first place.” Sam said. James was also originally invited? She didn’t want to imagine how the night would’ve gone if he had actually been there. 

“Please?” She had never seen him plead with anyone before. And she had to admit it was entertaining. 

“Alright, I’ll handle him, you can go back to your party.” 

“You’re a saint. Thank you.” He kissed her forehead, while he rubbed her shoulder, then left. 

Though she had no idea how to handle James. 

**_22:25_ **

“Come on, let’s call you a cab.” She walked onto the sidewalk, immediately regretting not grabbing her coat, as she was more concerned with James. 

Thankfully she had managed to get him on the elevator and then outside the building. 

“I’m not going home.” He stated. “You owe me a night of fun.” 

“Are you kidding me? Is that why you came all over here?” 

“I had my reasons.” 

“You had no right to come over here and interrupt Sam’s dinner. It’s selfish. And you’re a bad friend.” 

“Am I now?” His tone wasn’t playful anymore, his voice was deeper, and she yelled as he dragged her into an narrow alleyway nearby. 

She had nowhere to run. She had her back against the wall, the cold wind giving her goosebumps. And the man sent shivers down her spine. 

As he got closer to him, she smelled the faintest hint of scotch. He had been drinking. Which explained a lot. 

“You’ve been drinking.” 

“And you’ve been  _ very naughty _ .” He replied angrily. “Did you miss me?” 

“I’m not your little plaything. It doesn’t work like that…”

He chuckled she wasn’t sure whether it was at her or at something else. He wasn’t entirely sober. But he wasn’t drunk either. 

“Why are you here?” 

“That fucking video… have you seen Sam’s Instagram?”

“No I haven’t.” Her voice grew small. 

“What do you think you’re doing? You’re playing a dangerous game.” 

“What game?”

“Don’t play coy. You were throwing yourself at the  _ golden boy _ .” So that was why he came over. So he could claim her before anyone else could. “You’re so obvious going after Steve Rogers. Just like everyone else.”

“I’m obvious? I heard about your obsession over models.”

“You’re my current obsession doll.” 

“Am I?” 

“You drive me crazy…” His hand went under her dress, and pulled down her panties, exposing her pussy. 

“James…” 

“You have no idea what you do to me. Do you feel it?” Her hand went instinctively to his crotch feeling his hard cock through his pants.

At that point she went to a place where she knew she couldn’t come back from. 

“Fuck me…” She whispered, her lips just brushing against his. 

“Right here?” 

“Why? Do you have a problem with it?” 

“Not at all.” 

He hoisted her up against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist. His hand haphazardly trying to get her dress out of the way, pulling out his cock from his pants. 

She let out a stifled cry, as he sunk her down on him. She felt every inch of him, he filled her up nicely. As if he was made for her. 

He fucked her nice and slow, against the wall in an alleyway. It wasn’t romantic. It was  _ carnal, raw fucking _ . 

And she was enjoying every second of it. 

“ _ Yes… Fuck… James _ .” She moaned as he kept grunting, the sound of skin slapping and him entering her wet cunt filled her ears. 

He gave it to her hard and fast. As if he was trying to not get caught. But the thought of being caught turned her on, and she knew it turned him on a little too. 

She came around him, resting her head on his shoulder as he fucked her for a little longer, before he came as well. 

And they stayed like that for a while. 

  
  
  


It felt strange as she walked into the elevator on her way up to Sam’s penthouse. She had just had a quickie and was acting as if nothing had happened. 

Initially she thought she couldn’t be more different than everyone else at that table. But it seemed like she belonged there more than she thought. 

They were all the same. Just pretending. 


	14. the fine line between reality and fantasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): SMUT, pool sex, thigh riding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I couldn’t help myself but put Bucky in a tiara even if it’s just for a while as E, B just came out. And I just loved the idea of him wearing one.
> 
> Also the Maria in this chapter is Maria Hill. I just didn’t mention her surname because it wasn’t relevant to the plot.

**_16:07_ **

When she received an unexpected call from James, she didn’t know what to think of it. He had invited her to come over, though the address he had sent her wasn’t one she recognized. It was the usual one. 

This one was in _Primrose Hill_. A posh suburb overlooking Regent’s Park. 

She didn’t think anything about it, as he was rich and probably had two houses in the expensive city. 

It was a Saturday, and had nothing else to do but stay in the apartment all day in her sweatpants, which were very comfortable but didn’t make her feel very sexy. 

So she opted for the sexiest outfit she could come up with. 

A cream lingerie set, complete with garter belt. It was one of those things she had bought but never had the occasion to wear it. 

It had been quite expensive set, but she liked to splurge every now and then. 

Topped off with a pair of cat eye sunglasses which were reminiscent of the _Celine_ ones, though hers weren’t as expensive. 

She wanted to surprise James. At the same time making herself feel sexy. It was a win win. 

  
  


**_16:24_ **

  
  


“How many spoonfuls of sugar do you want with your tea, _Lady Bucket_?” 

“Three?” 

He had no idea how he ended up in that position. Sat in a ridiculously small chair holding out a pink plastic teacup. Around the small round table sat a selection of stuffed toys.

A plastic tiara sat atop his head awkwardly, as he smiled at the little girl who was carefully counting the times she pretended to put the non existent sugar into his teacup. 

“Thank you very much, _Princess Grace_ and _Princess Lily_ for the invitation to your party.” 

“ _Tea party_.” Another little girl who wore a princess costume and held a teddy bear corrected him as she fed the stuffed animal a fake bottle. 

“Having fun girls?” A voice came from the doorway. She leaned against the frame as she watched them play. 

“Yes mommy!” 

“If you need anything, you have my number.” She said adjusting her earrings, giggling as she watched him sip from the plastic teacup. 

“I know. It’s the fifth time you told me.” 

“And no candy after dinner. But I think that was a given.”

“Did you hear your mom girls? No candy after dinner.”

“Noooo” The twins said in unison. They were very dramatic given their age. But they soon stopped when he started winking and they started giggling, very adorably. 

“James I’m serious.” 

“Girls, your mother is serious.” He winked again, that time it was more obvious, and the twins started giggling even louder. 

“Come give mommy a kiss before she leaves.” She said as she bent down to receive hugs from the two girls who sprinted towards her, peppering her face with kisses. 

  
  
  


**_16:43_ **

Her eyes couldn’t believe the house that stood in front of her. She had no idea how one could own such a grand house in a city as expensive as London. 

The gate was open. It didn’t look like it but James must have kept it half open for her. She sneaked in as she stared at the silver Rolls Royce parked in front. It was perfect. Though she didn’t see James’ Audi. 

She wouldn’t have been surprised if he owned more than one car, considering who he was . 

She walked up to the front door, and as she stood on the Italian marble front porch, she unbuttoned her trench coat, to reveal what was underneath. 

When everything was in place, she pressed the doorbell. And waited. 

She pushed up her breasts before she heard the door click open. As soon as she realized it wasn’t James who was staring at her, she closed her coat shut. 

The woman who opened in James’ place was tall. Modelesque, with great cheekbones. Her dark brown hair was done up in a neat chignon bun, and even though she wore something as simple as a Burberry sweater and mom jeans, she looked amazing. 

_Was she one of James’ hookups? What was he thinking?_

There was an uncomfortable silence between them. The woman did not looked pleased at all. And Y/N didn’t like the way she looked at her. At all. 

She had no idea how many minutes had passed before she saw a familiar face behind her. 

_James_. 

“Y/N…” 

He stared at her realizing what had just happened. Though she couldn’t take him seriously with that tiara on his head. 

_What was happening?_

“Whatever, I have to get my suitcases.” The woman said as she turned around and walked away. She was wearing the nicest patent leather boots she had seen by far. She wanted them. 

But she didn’t like the woman. Who was she? 

“Is there a surprise for me under there?” He asked as he licked his lips. He was so indecent. Yes, they were not exclusive, but he just had another woman over. And suitcases? 

_Did she stay over or something?_

Did she really have to pretend like she wasn’t disgusted by it all? 

“Nice tiara.” Was all she could manage, as she pretended not to be bothered. After all, it was her duty to be as carefree and adventurous. 

So what if James had sex with a woman who was basically a model? It was none of her business. 

“Thanks.” He replied, as he quickly took it off. What was the tiara about? Were they role playing before she arrived? “Please, come in.” 

“Thank you.” 

“I thought I sent a text.” He said closing the door behind them. 

“I didn’t receive a text.” 

She walked into the foyer. The floor was marble, and the ceiling was high, complete with chandelier. It felt like the entrance to paradise. The foyer alone was at the height of opulence. 

“Would you like some tea?” He offered as they walked into the living area. 

“No thank you.” _Was he really going to ignore the fact that he had another girl over before her?_

“Are we gonna ignore the fact that you ‘double booked’ the same afternoon?” 

“ _Double booked_?” He asked in confusion, before he realized what he was talking about. “Wait… I know how it looks like but it’s not.” 

“It’s ok, I just wished you’ve told me…” 

_It wasn’t… but he didn’t have to know._

“I did send a text to tell you to come later, but it’s not for the reason you think.” He told her as he shook his head. As she was trying to wrap her head around what he was saying. “I don’t think I was even connected to the wifi.”

“I thought this was your house.” 

“It’s not” The brunette woman said, as she came back. “James, a word please.”

  
  


**_16:56_ **

  
  


“What were you thinking?” Once they were in the kitchen, she smacked his arm. “You brought a call girl into my home.” 

“She’s not a call girl.” 

“I know a call girl when I see one, I work for Tony Stark. And she’s wearing lingerie under her trench coat James. What were you thinking?” 

“She’s my... my mistress.” He cringed at that word. But he couldn’t find any other word to describe her. He was married, and he was having sex with her. 

“Your mistress?” She asked surprised. He had no idea why she was. Having a mistress was like tradition. Perhaps more aptly considered a rite of passage amongst the wealthy. “She’s a child.”

“Ok don’t exaggerate now. She’s in her twenties.” He explained, he didn’t have to, but it would’ve left things weird between them. “Don’t judge me, you were in your twenties when you started seeing my father.” 

“Fine, but what does that have to do with inviting her here? I asked you to babysit. And you alone.”

“In this big house alone? I’d get bored.”

“You were planning to have sex while you were babysitting my kids?” She asked disgusted and a little angry. “I swear to God James, if you-“

“Relax. You’re supposed to be on your way and I’ll be fine babysitting your kids.”

“Your _half sisters._ ” She specified. 

“Yeah that. We’ll be fine. I promise, and if anything bad happens then I’m to blame.”

“Why would you even say that?” She smacked his arm again. The same spot as before. “You’re an asshole.”

**_16:58_ **

  
  


The house looked even more majestic from the inside. The interior was surprisingly modern, with white and beige as it’s main colors. It managed to look both minimal and lavish at the same time, a modern art painting was put up on the wall, giving the place the splash of color it needed. 

She walked around, the living area, spotting a few photos.

The brunette from before was in most pictures, though not with James. With an older gentleman, she would’ve guessed at least twenty years her senior. With blue eyes and dark hair, with a little silver in it. 

And by the looks of the wedding picture in the forefront, she was married to said older gentleman. 

Which could’ve meant James was her secret lover. 

There was another picture that caught her attention. It was still of the bride in her expensive (probably custom) _Vera Wang_ , in a picture with her husband, and two other people that were very recognizable. 

_James and his sister Beck._

_It made absolutely no sense._ The photos somehow confused her even more. 

“That was the best day of my life.” Someone said from behind her, and it wasn’t James. Not even the woman. But the older man from the photos. “Well it’s a tie between that and the birth of my children.” 

“Nice to meet you. I’m George.” He introduced himself, extending his hand towards her. “Are you a friend of Maria’s?” 

“No… I’m here for James.” She said as she shook his hand. “I’m Y/N.” 

“James? Oh.” Maybe it was wrong for her to mention James. As she was unsure of what implications would have been made, as James was a married man. 

But she couldn’t lie on the spot. Not because she was incapable of doing so, but because the man seemed so nice. 

“Your house is lovely.” She told him to avoid a moment of silence. She hated those. 

“Thank you. Maria gave life to the place.” He paused, sat on the couch and spoke again. “So you’re a friend of James?”

“Yes. You could say that.” It was a little more complicated than that. She wouldn’t have called him her friend. 

On a side table, where there sat one photograph in a nice silver frame, she noticed two teenagers in it. One was dark haired, a boy, with a big goofy smile and was wearing formal wear, minus the blazer. She smiled at the fact that he was wearing suspenders. 

A blonde girl, a little shorter than him stood beside him. Her hair was in a bob and she wore black rimmed glasses. 

She wouldn’t have recognised her at all if it wasn’t for the fact that the girl looked a lot like Beck Barnes. In fact she was, and the boy that was standing beside her was James. 

And suddenly, everything clicked. 

“That’s James and his sister Rebecca.” The man told her. _The man who was their father._ The original Mr. Barnes.

“You have raised them right. Beck is so nice.” 

“So you’ve met Beck…” He said, which sounded a little like a question by the way he did. He was taken aback by it, she could tell. “You must be really important to James.” 

“I don’t think so.” _Maybe to his dick,_ but she was sure she wasn’t that important to him. 

“I’m headed out for the weekend, but you’re that welcome to stay here with James. Take care of my children with him.” He offered, he instantly became kinder, even though he was already very kind at the start. 

“Children?”

“I have two young daughters.”

“How young?” She asked. 

“They’re four.”

“I think I can manage.” 

“Then please accept this.” He reached into his pockets and took out some cash. It was a lot. “For your time.” 

“Oh… legally speaking I’m not allowed to accept it. But I’m sure it’s going to be my pleasure.” 

“Legally speaking?” 

“I'm just visiting the city. I’m a tourist.” 

“If you ever want to become a resident here, don’t hesitate to ask. I know some people who can make that happen.” 

_Did he just offer her the possibility of residency there?_ She knew the process was long, and tedious. Not to mention expensive. But she guessed to people like him, things like that were considered nothing. 

_Who were these people?_

“Thank you.” 

“No problem. You’re a friend of James’.” He said friend as if he knew what she really was. But was too polite to say. 

  
  


“Y/N… so you met my father.” James came back into the living area alongside Maria. Who she understood was not his lover. 

And suddenly all her previous thoughts felt irrational. 

“I have…”

“I’m Maria.” She extended her hand towards her, and she shook it. She wasn’t warm to her, which was very unlike her husband, but she didn’t blame her. She was a strange woman who flashed her. 

Not exactly the best first impression. 

“Do you remember what I told you?” She asked James, and he rolled his eyes. 

“To call you if anything happens.”

“And…”

“Yeah I know. Can’t promise anything.” He winked at her and she scoffed. She had no idea what was going on between the two of them, but she gathered it was about whatever they talked about when they were gone. 

“What are you two talking about?” George asked her as he put an arm around her. 

“I’ll tell you in the car.” She told him as she picked up her suitcase and walked out of the house. 

“Have fun!” Her husband told them before leaving. He was probably referring to spending time with his children, but what she had in mind was a little different. 

  
  


**_17:25_ **

“Why did you make me go through that?” 

“I thought they would’ve been gone by the time you arrived. I miscalculated time. I just wanted to see you.” 

“So this isn’t your house, but it’s your father’s?” She asked, and he nodded. “Nice suspenders by the way.” 

She pointed at the old picture of him and Beck. It was a long time ago. 

And he was a whole different person. _A worse one_ , he’d say. 

“His and Maria’s.” 

Being at his father’s place always made him feel bad. As there were hints to the person he used to be, to the person he could’ve been, and the person he ultimately became. 

Everything in there was a constant reminder of how little he had. His father had managed to completely reinvent himself, got himself a younger wife, and had a new perfect family with her. It was something he couldn’t do. 

Not because he didn’t want to, but because he knew there was no way out of his own unhappy marriage. 

“Your stepmother.” 

“She’s my age. Don’t call her that.” 

“Technically she is.” 

She was, but he didn’t like to be reminded of it. Especially the fact that Beck and Maria used to be friends. 

And how the his father met Maria through his daughter at her twenty fifth birthday. Beck had just gotten dumped by her latest douchebag boyfriend. Whilst her new friend from St. Andrews had made a connection with her father. 

He didn’t like to think how fucked up it all was. 

**_17:30_ **

“ _Lady Bucket! We haven’t finished playing yet!_ ” Lady Bucket? 

Two girls ran towards James. One was wearing a pink princess costume while she held a teddy bear that was half her size and the other wore a lilac fairy costume complete with wings and a wand. 

They looked like twins, but they weren’t identical. She could tell. The one in pink had light brown hair, whilst the other was blonde. 

They just have been his half sisters. 

“Who is she?” The blonde asked him as they both looked at her with their big marble-like eyes. 

“She’s Y/N, my _very_ special friend.” He didn’t have to say it like that. Luckily, they were still children and they retain such an innocence that she hoped they’d have for a long time. 

“Hi!” She said with a smile, unsure of their reactions. She was a woman they had never seen before, who was their brother's very special friend. And maybe she looked a little sketchy with the trench coat. 

“You’re very pretty!” The one in pink spoke, making her smile. “I’m Lily!”

“And I’m Grace!” 

A little after introductions, she found herself in their room, playing with them. It reminded her a little of her own childhood. Not so long ago. Just a little more than a decade. 

She smiled, as she was given a plastic teacup of her own. It wasn’t the afternoon she had expected, but she found herself to be quite enjoying it. 

  
  


**_17:45_ **

“Bucket... I want to go out!” Lily started whining after minutes into playing with Grace and Y/N.

“We can’t. Your mother will kill me.” 

“Please??” Grace begged him as they both gave him puppy dog eyes. Y/N sat in the same small chair he sat in earlier that afternoon, as she watched them interact. “Come on Bucket... lets go and have some fun.” 

Y/N walked towards him, and in that moment it was hard to focus on anything else but her. Knowing she was wearing little underneath that trench coat….

“Come on _Bucket…_ let them have fun.” She said as she batted her eyelashes and ran her hand up and down his arm. _Tease_. “If you listen to them I’ll let you do whatever you want to me.” 

“Alright girls, lets go get dressed and go out.” He clapped his hands as his sisters started jumping up and down enthusiastically. 

“Yay!”

“But I need to get you something to wear.” 

So that was how they found themselves on public transport, after Y/N insisted they had to as he didn’t have the car seats for the kids. It felt weird walking around with two little girls, he didn’t do that often. 

Even though they were his sisters, he couldn’t say he was around that much. He only visited when things in his own home were bad or because he didn’t have anything else to do. 

He watched Y/N as she enthusiastically talked to them. She was a natural. 

And she looked like she belonged into his world, once he had picked out a something which belonged to Maria, an argyle sweater he hadn’t seen her wear in a while. 

  
  


He couldn’t remember the last time he had been to Harrods. It had been a while. He usually avoided it like the plague to avoid getting shoved around as it was always full of tourists. 

That day wasn’t any different, but at least he had Y/N with him. She held both of the girls hands as she ran towards the entrance. 

She fucked like a grown woman, but inside she was still a young. After all, she was at an age where she was trying to figure herself out. 

“Where do you want to go first?” She asked them, with the same voice that Maria used on them. 

“The toy store!” They said as they rushed towards the escalator, while they followed behind. 

“Why do I have the feeling that I’m going to spend a lot of money?” 

“Come on, they deserve it. They stand you as a brother. That’s reason enough to reward them.” 

“Careful how you speak to me… I won’t hesitate to show you your place in front of everyone.” 

“I’d like to see you try.”

He not so subtly smacked her ass making her squeal. For once not caring who saw. 

“That was a warning.” 

“Noted.” She replied, giving him a cheeky wink. 

  
  


**_18:15_ **

The toy section was every kids dream, she watched the many kids as they walked around with huge smiles plastered over their faces. There was even one crier, but the rest were pretty happy. 

She wasn’t a big fan of kids, but it didn’t mean she didn’t like them. She found them cute, but she has no desire of staying around one for very long. 

“Come on! Let’s go!” Lily said as she pulled her towards the Barbies. She had the same enthusiasm Y/N only reserved for food. Grace was already there, getting a head start in picking out several dolls from the lower shelves. James just stood by her watching his sisters get excited over toys. 

“Excuse me Ms.? Can you please get me the Barbie with the pink ball gown?” Grace asked a sales assistant nearby, who was more than happy to help her out. 

“Thank you very much Ms.” She thanked her politely, with a big smile. _Adorable_. 

“You’re very welcome.” The lady replied, and then walked to up to her. “You have two beautiful children.” 

She had no idea what it looked like until someone told her, but it did seem like they were a family. Though the two girls looked nothing like her. There was a resemblance between James and his sisters. 

Before she could say anything, the sales assistant walked away, making James chuckle. 

“They’re the cutest.” She said as she watched the girls bush over the selection of dolls, picking some of them. They were just the most adorable little girls she had been around. 

She had never seen James like that. That was probably because he was never around kids. But that got her wondering whether he had any of his own. Though she hadn’t seen any indication that he had one. 

“You’re really good with them…” She began. “Kinda makes me wonder if you have any of your own.” 

There it was. He looked at her quizzically, not knowing where it came from. But he still answered her. 

“Not that I know of.” He was very cavalier about it. Like he was about everything else. “Don’t get me wrong, they’re adorable little creatures. I just don’t want to have my own.”

She understood him. She never saw her having children in the future. At least not in her near future. 

Though her decision was usually met with a lot of condescending comments. 

And sure, maybe she did gush at a few baby videos her peers put on Instagram. 

But it didn’t mean she wanted them. 

A baby was a lot of commitment. And seeing as she couldn’t even commit to a man, she was doing everyone a favor. 

“Doesn’t it get lonely? In that big house?” She asked trying not to pry too much. It was none of her business. But she couldn’t imagine herself not being lonely living where he did. 

“That’s why I have you to play with.” He sultrily whispered in her ear trying not to draw too much attention to themselves. 

“Come on girls, did you choose the doll you wanted?” 

He became a whole other person, like he wasn’t the same person who was whispering sensually in her ear one second ago. 

And for a split second, their hand brushed against each other, before he left her side. 

**_19:10_ **

They had been walking around for a while when they passed the jewelry section. She usually didn’t stop by, as she knew she couldn’t afford anything there. 

And she wouldn’t stop unless something really caught her eye. 

She couldn’t help but stare at the diamond necklace on display in its glass case. It was simply beautiful. It shined so much against the light she couldn’t help but be completely mesmerized by it. 

She knew it would’ve looked amazing on her, _if only she could afford it._

It was calling her name by the way the diamonds caught the light, sending her some kind of message through all that sparkle. 

_A girl could only dream._

“Y/N…” She heard James voice bring her back to reality. “The kids want a snack. Can you take them to _Ladurée_?”

“Sure. Where are you gonna go?”

“I need a new shirt. The Prada section had a gorgeous sales assistant.” And he ruined it. She tried to not to show her disappointment. 

“Oh. Have fun.” 

“Enjoy the macarons.” 

“I most certainly will.”

  
  


**_21:04_ **

They had gotten home soon after the macarons, and Y/N tried not to think too much about how James was picking up the Prada sales assistant. She most likely would’ve given him her number. 

It shouldn’t have bothered her as much as it did. He was allowed to fuck others, but it always felt like a competition. 

She didn’t say anything to him throughout dinner, which the kids didn’t eat much of as they ate before. And she didn’t say anything after either while she bathed them. The whole evening, her attention was fully on the children. As it should have been from the start. 

After she tucked them into bed, she decided she had some time to kill, so she decided to tell them a story. 

**_21:05_ **

“Once upon a time, there was a princess called Cinderella…” 

He watched her as she told a story he had heard a thousand times. Not even the original fairy tale version, but the Disney one. Complete with talking mice and a cat named Lucifer. 

They seemed to be enjoying it though. 

She reminded him of someone. 

It was only half way through the ball scene that they fell asleep.

“You’re a natural.” He told her, as she tried to walk past him. 

“I used to babysit when I was younger.” 

“You were a babysitter?” 

“Just for one summer, to earn money.” She explained, she wasn’t as cold as she was before. “It’s easier during the summer... you just have to take the kids to the pool. They love that.” 

He could imagine her in a bikini. The way the fabric would barely cover her breasts, he could only imagine how many dads watched her saunter around having no idea the effect she had on them. 

Perhaps while she suggestively sucked on a popsicle. 

“Do you want a glass of wine?” 

  
  


**_21:15_ **

“I have something.” He told her, and she put down her glass on the coffee table. 

He walked over to where the shopping bags were in the corner. He reached into the bigger bag where the toys used to be in and pulled out a medium sized bag. A deep emerald one.

She knew what was happening, but somehow her brain didn’t quite register it until he sat next to her holding a velvet box out to her. 

She grabbed it with both hands, her heart wildly beating in her chest. She had a clue of what it was, but it wasn’t possible… she opened the box and there it was. 

The necklace she had been admiring before. Whilst they were shopping. He must have gotten it while she was with the girls eating macarons. 

“ _Daddy…_ ” She whispered as she looked at him in awe, then looked back at the diamond necklace in its velvety case. “I can’t accept it.” 

“Why not? You’ve been so good to me.” 

She decided to keep it. After all, he was giving it to her. And it would’ve been rude to decline such a beautiful and expensive gift. 

“Would you help me put it on?” 

“Sure.” 

“You know when I saw you looking at it, I couldn’t help but imagine how it would look around your neck while I’m fucking you.” 

She felt the coldness of the necklace against her warm skin, her hands went to it as he clasped it on. His mouth found a way to her neck, plating a single wet kiss. 

Then that one kiss became two, and then three. 

A moan escaped her lips, as his hand went above the trench coat, squeezing her breast. 

“I had a surprise for you.” She whispered, as she bit her lip. 

“A surprise huh?” 

She stood up, standing in between his spread legs, as he sat back and enjoyed the view. She unbuttoned the buttons on by one, painfully slow, as he watched her every move. 

She slid her arms out and placed it next to him. Leaving her in her sheer lace panties and the argyle sweater James had lent her, which belonged to his stepmother. 

She pulled the sweater over her head and discarded it aside, before standing in front of him clad in lingerie that made him adjust himself in his pants. 

“Holy fuck…”

“Is this sexy enough?” She asked him with the kind of fake innocence, she knew would drive him insane. 

His hands went to her waist, placing a kiss in between her breasts, while his eyes never left hers. 

“No touching…” She tutted, as she straddled his thigh. “You’re going to watch me come.” 

She moved her hips, trying to get some friction on her clit. She became wetter as she rubbed herself on him, drenching her panties in the process. A held back a moan as she rode his thigh faster.

“You like that? Riding my thigh, rubbing your wet little pussy on it like the good girl you are…” He said through gritted teeth, palming himself through his pants, as he tried so hard not to touch her. 

As she sped up her pace, her soft moans grew more frequent and desperate. The way he talked to her drove her closer and closer, as he whispered the most filthy things to her as she tried not to make too much noise. 

Her eyes closed as her orgasm took over her body, she couldn’t control it anymore, she came almost quietly, biting down onto her lip, being careful to not draw blood. 

She panted as she readied herself for what was to happen next. Surely it wasn’t the end. 

It was only the beginning. 

  
  


**_21:48_ **

“How about we go for a swim?” He asked her, and by her reaction, he understood it wasn’t what she was expecting. 

“A swim?” She asked, as she climbed off of him and sat next to him on the couch. 

“Come on… follow me.” 

He had an ulterior motive. He didn’t just want to swim. She probably caught on to that, as she was pretty smart herself. 

As he guided her towards the pool, he watched her as she looked around her in awe. Sometimes he forgot her age, as they mostly didn’t do much talking. But she was still young. With her whole life ahead of her, probably dreaming of big things for herself. 

Much like he did when he was younger. 

  
  


**_21:53_ **

“What the-“ She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. An indoor pool. She didn’t expect any less of a pool in such a luxurious house. The pool area was bigger than Natasha’s apartment. 

Outside the glass sliding doors which led to the back yard, _it was pitch black_. 

“How much money does your family have?” She asked as she looked around her. The deckchairs had monogrammed towels placed on them. 

[ Jazz music ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0J6kTSVez9OjHlfoDqAJAB?si=Y2PiZ2QuQAq7p0uqvDm4zw) playing from the speakers, which made her sway her hips a little. 

It was all very extra. 

“Most of it comes from the family company. My father founded it, and in due time it’ll be mine.” He explained, as he pulled his shirt over his head. Leaving his shirtless. 

Then her attention was fully on him, and not the opulence that surrounded her. 

Her bottom lip caught between her teeth as he stripped naked right in front of her. His hard cock slapped against his stomach, and bobbed as he walked towards the pool. 

It wasn’t the biggest she had ever seen, but it was definitely big. 

Him stripping was totally unnecessary, but it was appreciated. He swiftly dove into the pool, expertly swimming towards the shallower side. 

“You know you didn’t need a excuse to get me out of my clothes…” She purred, as she played with her bra strap. 

“You don’t have to.” 

He watched her as she walked towards her. 

“But you know that the material of my bra and panties are gonna itch, leaving me no other choice but to strip.” 

“Then what are you waiting for?”

“This isn’t your pool.” She pointed out. “We shouldn’t do this here.” 

“Why not?”

The shallow side of the pool had marble stairs that led into it. And he was right there, sitting on the second step. Where his legs were barely covered by the water. 

She knew she couldn’t go back once she had stepped down, standing on the first step. “It’s private property…and I have my necklace on.” 

He looked at her while his hand stroked himself, slowly. She watched his hand drag up and down his shaft, and watching him touch himself did something to her. Even though she knew it was just a ploy to get her to fuck him. He was tempting her. 

And it was working. 

Her hands travelled to her breasts, unhooking her bra from the front. She let the straps slowly slide off of her arms, and threw it to the side. 

It didn’t change much, as she was already very much naked even with her lingerie on, but she could see the change that was brought in him. The way he looked at her, while she wiggled out of her panties. 

He was going to wreck her. 

She slowly advanced towards him, stepping down to where he was sat , and stood in front of him in all her nakedness. 

He looked at her, pleased. 

“Fuck you’re so fucking sexy.” 

“I know.” She whispered as their lips barely touched. And just as she had anticipated, he couldn’t help himself, as he pulled her in, giving her a hungry kiss. 

He was ravenous. All the teasing had pushed him to the edge. 

The kiss was a prelude of what was to come, and she expected it to be wild. His tongue slipped inside her mouth dominating the kiss. 

She sat on his lap, then managed to straddle him. She moaned into his mouth as she felt his hard cock against her sex. 

He booked off the kiss to kiss down her neck, down to her breasts, taking one into his mouth. Teasing her pebbled nipple with his skilled tongue. 

Everything happened really quickly, and suddenly she felt him at her entrance. Their foreheads touched as she sunk down on him. Seeing his face so close to hers, and seeing his reaction so closely really turned her on. 

So much that she started moving. He really did fill her up perfectly, his cock hit all the right places in her. 

She couldn't control herself when she was around him. As much she wanted to please herself, she wanted to please him even more. She wanted him to moan out her name, continuously. She wanted to be his. To belong. 

“Yes… fuck don’t stop.” He said, as his lips caught hers, as her breasts started bouncing up and down. 

Pleasure expanded all throughout her body, making her moan obscenely. Thankfully the music drowned out the filthy sounds they both were making. His hand was placed on her hips guiding her towards her orgasm. His touch was electric, so warm and rough. 

“I’m yours.” She told him, once their lips were no longer attached together. “I’m yours.” She repeated again in case he hadn’t heard. But he had. 

And that alone made him thrust his hips up to meet hers, completely taking over. He drove himself into her roughly, as if he had been awakened by her confession. 

A confession mid coitus, but a confession nonetheless. 

“Say it again.” He demanded, as he held her closely to him, just as her toes started to curl. 

“I’m yours. And yours only.” She moaned loudly, as her walls tightened around him, milking his cock towards his own climax. 

But in that moment her own was just there, as she came around him. 

And he’d fuck a couple more orgasms out of her. But the second one was the most intense. 

  
  
  


**_22:45_ **

“What are we doing?” She asked as she picked up her lingerie that were discarded on the tiled floor. She needed a shower, the chlorine smell stuck to her masking what should have been the musky scent of sex. 

“What do you think we’re doing?” He asked playfully as he sat still, watching her every move. 

She sighed. Her legs were barely keeping her up, while she wiggled back into her panties. 

“I mean today… we were playing house.” She said as she tried to read his face. He apparently seemed to not know what she was talking about. Or he was just playing dumb. “We need to set a few boundaries.”

“We just had sex. Do we really have to?” 

“I just think we need a few boundaries. I just met your family.” She hurriedly put her bra back on. 

“Point taken.”

Meeting the family. Kind of a big step in any relationship. It was basically how any relationship got locked down. 

It was harder to escape a relationship after that. 

But she wasn’t in a relationship. She was his mistress. 

“So I think I’m going to take off.” 

With that she started walking towards the door they came in. 

“I thought you were going to stay for the weekend.”

“I know, but boundaries.” 

“What am I going to do without you?”

“I’ll send you nudes. Or a video if I’m feeling generous.” And with that, she was gone. 

  
  
  


**_23:02_ **

Leaving was the smartest thing she had ever done. Her place was everywhere but there with him. And she realized that as she walked to the station. 

No matter how hot he was, didn’t excuse the fact that she spent a whole afternoon and evening playing happy families. She got on the train, looking down at her phone hoping no one would notice her. 

And in that sweater and trench coat she was guaranteed anonymity. 

She looked around her and noticed a group of people her age, ready for whatever the night brought them. They laughed, as they had what looked like a very engaging conversation.

_That was what twenty looked like in her mind._

Young, always waiting for the next adventure. In Adidas sneakers and a sparkly bandeau top. Probably religiously listening to the 1975 and planning to get some inspirational quote tattooed on them. 

She craved that. She didn’t exactly know what ‘that’ was, but she wanted it. Especially then, as she stood in her long trench coat, after getting fucked by a billionaire in his thirties, in an indoor pool that was part of a house that she knew she could’ve never bought (not even after selling her kidney). 

And not to mention the necklace that sat around her neck, the gorgeous diamond necklace… 

Without thinking, she went on the app she only used when she felt lonely. She swiped left on a few until she found someone interesting. _Cute_. 

A college guy. 

As she swiped right, she delighted to know it was a match. 

Though she knew his name, she didn’t care for it. 

_‘wanna meet up rn? xx’_

And she knew his answer even before it popped up. 

_Yes_. 


	15. nice to meet you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The songs I listened to while writing this chapter are Something and Hello, Goodbye. Both by the Beatles.

Mondays were always the worst. There was nothing worse than teaching to an uninterested group of students. What was he doing even? 

He as supposed to be CEO. _Not a lecturer or a professor._

His weekend was uneventful, as he spent it looking after his younger (half) sisters. He figured they’d be tired of playing tea party for the tenth time, he was wrong. They played the same game for fifteen times, in the course of two days. 

And in those two days, he had a lot to think about. He liked his life. His ‘wife’ was not around and not speaking to him, he had a hot younger mistress, and he still indulged in the company of attractive women he’d never have to see again. 

His mind would stray to the day before, from time to time, distracting him from the lesson he was teaching. 

_**22:45, the day before**_

He made sure his half sisters were fast asleep before heading to the guest room and taking his phone out as he laid in bed. 

He called her. He missed hearing her voice.

“ _I missed you_ …” she moaned into the phone as soon as she picked up. He wasn’t even going to ask her what she was wearing. 

He wasn’t like that. She would’ve turned him even in a potato sack. 

“How much?” 

He was already palming himself through his briefs. 

“So much…” She purred, _fuck she was so fucking sexy_. “I could barely stop touching myself at the thought of you.” 

_Oh God._

He couldn’t wait. He pulled out his semi hard cock, and wrapped his hand around it, slowly dragging it up and down. 

“Touch yourself for me…” He groaned, whilst holding the phone with his other hand. “Tease your clit like I would…” 

“Yes… daddy…” 

His hand pumped himself, imagining her doing it to him. He imagined her wet mouth, taking him in deep. Slightly gagging. But she would’ve taken it like the good girl she was. 

He felt himself get closer, as her moans got louder. His eyes closed, shifting closer to orgasm. Her voice coaxed him, he wasn’t sure what it was, but his warm seed came spurting of him, landing on his stomach and all over his hand. 

He usually would’ve hated being by himself, he never had to get himself off because he always had someone else to do it for him. But with her it felt exciting, like he was a high schooler again. 

As he panted, all he could think about was her being there with him. In the same bed. 

Not naked. 

He had no way to identify that feeling, so he just assumed he was horny. But he had an early morning. 

He said the wrong thing at the moment. 

“Meet me tomorrow by my class, at 16:30” 

  
  


_**16:29** _

So she did. 

Wait for him. She got there a little early to make sure where his class was, as he didn’t tell her where it was, but she had managed to ask around. 

She waited by the door as students walked out, she looked at her phone. It was 16:30. 

It was time, but there were still people coming out of the class, and she didn’t want to draw too much attention to herself. 

Though she was wearing a dress with a plunging neckline that showed a little too much of her breasts. 

_So much for not drawing attention._

A group of four male students walked by her, with shit eating grins not even hiding the fact that they were staring. She scoffed and looked down at her phone. 

She wondered when the room would’ve been free so she could get in and fuck him. Maybe not in the room, but his office. 

It felt weird waiting for an afternoon hookup outside a class, but there wasn’t any other time. 

  
  


“ _Excuse me, can I help you?_ ” Somebody asked her. Fuck... was she caught? She froze. 

There was no way right? Though she wasn’t dressed like a student. The people who walked out of his class did look like they didn’t even bother to dress up. 

When looked up from her phone, there was a cute guy in front of her. Roughly around her age. Brown eyes and hair. Dressed decently enough. No pjs. 

_Very cute._

“You would do that?” She asked as her lips turned into a smile. 

“Of course.” He replied. There wasn’t a hint of a British accent...“Are you looking for someone?”

“Maybe.”

“I figured. You don’t look like you go here.”

Did he imply she was old? In truth she had no idea what he meant. 

“Excuse me?”

“Shit, I meant that if you went here, I would’ve certainly known your name. Because you’re stunning.” He said flustered, and very quickly, she was impressed he said all that in one breath.“Fuck. I ruined it, didn’t I?”

He was so cute. And she could teach James a lesson. About not being late. It was perfect. 

“You can make it up to me by buying me a cup of coffee.” 

“Are you sure? Weren’t you waiting for someone?”

“It doesn’t matter now does it?” She asked, rather mischievously. 

“No it doesn’t.” 

  
  


From experience, men wanted what other men wanted. It wouldn’t have hurt to go out on one coffee with Peter (that was what she discovered his name was as they walked towards a cafe). 

She had always had a problem with younger men (the ones her age). It wasn’t like she didn’t find them attractive, she did. But there was something about the older man that gave in an advantage in bed. 

They had lived life, whereas the younger man was still starting. Just like her. 

“You’re staring.” She said as she stirred some sugar into her coffee. 

“I know, I’m sorry.” 

Peter was a gentleman, or so she thought in the few minutes she had known him. And not the suave type, but of the adorkable variety. 

“Don’t apologize, stare away.” She smirked at him. It wasn’t exactly the afternoon delight she had in mind at first, but he sure was a delight. “But if you have anything to say, please let it out.” 

“I was just wondering... you don’t look like you’re from here at all.” 

“What gave that away?”

“I haven’t seen anyone like you before. What I mean is that I haven’t seen anyone as beautiful as you are.” 

He clearly didn’t have much game, but she wasn’t disappointed by it. In fact she was taking a liking to him. 

She didn’t take enough time to talk to guys her age because mostly they were just moaning and panting messes. 

“I have the feeling you’re going to compliment me a lot.” She smiled at him. He was good looking, she could my deny that. “You’re adorable.” 

She was going to have fun with him. 

_**17:04** _

As he sat in his office, he wondered where she was. He has clearly indicated the time. And she was very late. 

He didn’t like to be kept waiting. He didn’t know anyone that did. She was supposed to be already in his office, sat on his desk, as she rode up her dress to give him better access. 

But he was alone. 

He didn’t want to seem desperate, so he contemplated in whether he should have called her. Maybe she forgot. 

He kept staring at his phone, just waiting for that text that said.

‘ _Sorry I forgot.’_

But that never came. 

She did tell him they needed boundaries. It was probably her way of distancing herself. He did feel like an idiot for calling her over to his father’s house. It was too much. 

But he wasn’t even thinking about it, because of her. When she was around, he couldn’t think about anything else than her dresses and the way her legs looked in heels. 

He reached for his phone, and called her. Waiting for her to pick up. 

  
  


_**17:10** _

  
  


“So where are you from?” He asked her as he gave her half of his doughnut. She thanked him, and took a bite out of it, completely ignoring the phone buzzing in her handbag. 

“Everywhere. I’m a citizen of the world.” 

“That’s... very vague.” 

“That's because we barely know each other.” She stated. 

“Then let’s get to know each other.”

“You don’t want to know me.” She told him as she shook her head. She wasn’t that interesting, or maybe she hadn’t been asked questions like that before. Men didn’t exactly love her company because she was a great talker. 

“I’m not that interesting.” 

“Maybe we can have dinner, and you can tell me all about yourself….” _Smooth_. 

“Dinner huh? I’ll have to think about it.” She told him, looking down at her phone. A one missed call. James. 

She fished for something in her bag, finally finding what she was looking for. A pen. 

She grabbed a napkin and scribbled her number on it. In a way that was legible. She had always been told her handwriting was messier than a doctor’s. And that was saying something. 

“I have to go…” She told him as she stood up, but he didn’t look upset, once she handed him the napkin. “This is my number, if you ever want to call it. I’ll answer.” 

“Thank you-“

“Y/N. That’s my name.” 

“Pretty.” 

“Like me?”

“Exactly what I wanted to say.” He said, making her chuckle. “I will call. Probably in a day or so. I’m quite busy…”

“Then I’ll be waiting.” She smiled as she walked away. She had interacted with a guy without ripping her clothes off. That was a serious improvement. Maybe she was changing. 

She opened the door, and walked out of the cafe, unsure of where to go next. When her phone buzzed in her hand. 

_Unknown number._

“Hi, it’s me.” A familiar voice said. Peter. She turned around and saw him looking at her, with his phone against his ear. “You want to go out tonight?”

“Sure.”

And that was how she met Peter. The very cute guy from James’ class. 

  
  


_**20:32** _

  
  


“Is James taking you out?” Nat asked her as she sat down on her bed, as she tried on clothes. 

“No I think I have a date.” 

“You think?”

“I think it is, but I’m not sure. I’m not quite experienced in that department...”

“I might not have had a scandalous affair with a billionaire, but I am an expert on dates.” Nat told her. “So who’s the guy?” 

“I’m assuming he’s a student from James’ class.” She took out a dress from her suitcase.

“Wait... you’re going out with his student?”

“Yeah but it’s not like he’s gonna know...”

“So it’s a secret?”

“Though what we have is completely open, he’s shown to be very possessive.” She said, stripping down to her underwear. “I think it’s better if he doesn’t know. Besides it’s his student... I doubt the man who has everything would be jealous of Peter.”

“At least you know his name. That’s a good start.” 

She slipped on a dress she had bought at a vintage market. A vintage Versace dress. She knew for sure it was authentic, and she had paid too little for it, as the authenticity couldn’t be proven. 

She felt bad of not telling the nice lady who sold it to her. But she had put some extra money in her donation jar, and that dress looked amazing on her. 

“Is the night going to have a _happy ending_?”

“Most likely.” 

  
  


**_21:20_ **

If a week ago someone would’ve told her she would’ve been _~~on a date~~_ out for dinner with some cute college guy, she would’ve scoffed. 

But she had to admit he was pretty handsome to turn down. She was having the best luck in London. He took her to a cozy restaurant in Chinatown where he claimed to have had the best noodles. 

She decided to believe him, as he told her he had spent the first week he moved into the city searching for the best foods to had to offer. While she had been exploring the city in another way. From one bed to another.

At least she had become familiar with the streets. 

“So what is this?” She asked him as she ate her noodles, blowing on them before digging in. 

“Just a lucky guy having dinner with a gorgeous woman.” 

“I’ll drink to that.” She said, grabbing her glass and raised it. Clinking it with his. “So what do you do?” 

“I’m a full time student. For now. But I’m hoping to score a job at Stark Industries once I graduate.” 

“Stark Industries? That’s ambitious.” She was always surrounded by very ambitious people. Maybe it was her thing.“Why Stark?”

“It has been a lifelong dream of mine. To work for the great Tony Stark…” He smiled, laughing a little. She forgot what it was like to have a lifelong dream. “What about you? What’s your dream?”

_Oh no… that question._

“I don’t know. I guess it’s reaching a point in life in which I’m completely satisfied with myself.” 

“Aren’t you now?”

“I’m not even close.” 

“You’re young, beautiful, from what I can adventurous, it’s only a matter of time the world falls at your feet.” 

“You’re really sweet.” 

“I still don’t know who I kept you from spending time with today. You were waiting outside my class, but I never got any answers.”

“That’s because I’m mysterious.” 

“Got it, but hopefully, I’ll get to know you better before the next date.”

“There’s going to be a next?”

“I hope so.” 

  
  


**_21:35_ **

It was like a routine. It had been a while since he had been there, 

It was the place he had met her for the first time. Y/N. He went straight for the bar, ordering the usual, and casually ignoring the woman sitting beside him at about one metre and a half. 

She looked young, brunette, with her breasts on display in a tight dress. 

“Can I buy you a drink?” 

“Sure.” She replied as she turned to him. Making sure he noticed her breasts. _And he did_. “You're James Barnes.” 

“You know me?”

“I know of you.” She spoke in an breathy voice. Probably fake. To get laid, but it was growing on him. “You fucked my friend over a few months ago. She was devastated.” 

“Well I would apologise if I remembered her.” 

She chuckled, as she finished her drink. “Aren’t you married?” 

“It’s complicated.” 

“I bet.” She chuckled, twirling a strand of her hair. It was on. “By the way, I live nearby.” 

  
  


**_21:40_ **

“What do you say about skipping desert, and going back to your place for a little fun?” She asked him after they had both finished dinner. Somehow it felt a little too cheesy she decided to change things. 

“As much as I’d love that, I’m not like that. I’m more traditional.”

“I can work with that.” She wasn’t used to that. The guy who didn’t have an ulterior motive to asking her out. 

She had been so used to James’ rules, and his reward system, that she was shocked to find not all men were like him. 

With that, she concluded that whilst all men think about sex, not all of them act upon their urge to ripping their clothes off for the sake of real connection. 

She forgot what that even was. And even though she had her reservations about going out with a college guy, maybe it was her window to explore things with a guy her age. 

“How about we go check out that busker right around the corner, and then go home?”

“That’s sounds good.” 

He smiled back, as he called for the check. 

He sure wasn’t like any other guy she had met before. 

  
  


**_21:45_ **

He started undressing the moment he stepped in the woman’s apartment. Quaint. It looked like there was more than one person living there. 

She slipped out of her dress, leaving her with nothing. Except her bra and panties. They were matching. Black lace. 

He loved it. He loved the feeling it made him feel. The sex, the casualness of it. He didn’t care about her. He didn’t even know her name. It could’ve been Rachel, or Madison for all he knew, but he wouldn’t have cared for it. 

He felt powerful, like his old self again. 

And he had missed that feeling of power. He liked being worshipped. It was the only thing that made him feel good. 

She moaned as he bottomed out inside her, her walls tightening around him. He thrusted in and out of her, just focusing on chasing his own high. He needed it. 

All he could think of at that time was that he still had it in him. 

_He was the same old James._

  
  


**22:37**

The night turned out to be better than expected. After the third Beatles song the guy played on his guitar, they decided to leave. It was hard to do so, as the busker was very talented. 

In fact his rendition of _Something_ was so good she felt... something. 

“I’m guessing this is where we say goodbye.” She sighed, as she looked at the station, and then back at him. 

“Yeah… I had a really nice time.” He smiled, hugging her. _That was it? The climactic end to her night, was a hug?_

“Wait… I thought you wanted to kiss me.” 

“I didn’t know you wanted me to.” His hands in his pockets. Could he be anymore adorable. “A kiss always changes things between two people…” 

“That’s true, but a kiss is nothing.” She stated, inching closer to him confidently. “A kiss is merely another way to say goodbye, or _hello_.” 

“Then let me give you something to remember me by.” With that, his lips caught hers, in a kiss that wasn’t hungry, nor chaste. It was completely new. And she had no idea what it was. “That wasn’t a goodbye, it was a _hello_.” 

_Oh it was definitely a hello._

“Have a good night.” 

“You too.” 

  
  


_**22:40** _

He bent down to pick up his shirt and reached for his pants. It was the ending to another average night. The sex was amazing, but there was something missing. 

“I’m gonna need my belt back.” 

“Fine. You were amazing. You should call me.” She handed him back his belt, with which her wrists were previously bound together. “If you ever feel like doing this again.” 

“Yeah I will.” He lied. He had told women the same lie for ages. Some would pick up on it, and others would be completely oblivious. 

Thankfully, the brunette seem to see through it. It seemed like it wasn’t her first rodeo. 

“ _Bye_.” 

And with that, he was gone.

  
  
  


**_23:12_ **

  
  


As she stepped out of the train, and walked out of the station, her phone buzzed in her hand. She looked down to see a text from an unknown number. 

But that wasn’t why her heart stopped in her chest. Then it started to flutter. It was as if everything that had happened to her that day was the last thing in her mind. 

‘ _hi Y/N, this is Steve Rogers. I hope it’s ok Sam gave me your number.’_

  
  



	16. lights, camera... action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): SMUT

  
  


**_18:30_ **

“Help yourself to anything in the fridge. And Bentley’s biscuits are in here.” 

_How did she end up at Steve Rogers’ place?_ Well it was a long story. The gist of it was that Sam had given him her number telling him she was an expert dog sitter. 

Which she wasn’t. 

Initially she was a little worried. What if Steve caught on and called her out on her bullshit? 

But the moment he opened the front door and greeted her into his home, her worries just ceased to exist altogether. 

_Was it even legal to look that good?_ Probably not. He wore a simple black suit, it was nothing special, but he looked better in it than anyone else. Even James. 

They both looked good in suits, but Steve in a suit just did something to her. 

“You look really handsome.” She couldn’t stop herself from saying, to which he chuckled. He probably thought she was just some kid. 

“Thank you.” 

She was almost upset he wasn’t pervy enough to look down her shirt. Her cleavage was well showing, but he was the perfect gentleman. Not even a peek. 

She would’ve been lying if she said she didn’t wear that shirt to impress him, because on her way there, a couple of people had taken a look down her shirt. Some even wolf whistled. 

But not him. 

“I’ll be back by eleven, hopefully. Maybe even later, I’ll call you if it gets late.” 

“Ok, Bentley and I are going to have so much fun.” 

“I hope so.” “Thank you so much for doing this. I can see Bentley likes you so much, so I can’t imagine anyone else for the job. You’re a life saver.” 

_A life saver._ At least he knew who she was. 

  
  


**_18:45_ **

His heart nearly stopped at the sight of the woman standing in his living room. [ A emerald gown. ](https://www.farfetch.com/ao/shopping/women/alessandra-rich-puff-sleeve-gown-item-15183604.aspx?storeid=9681)Which she probably paid a lot for and was going to wear it only once. 

She turned around to reveal herself. 

The woman he had willingly married. _Dot Campbell_ _Barnes_ . Senior partner at _Pierce & Campbell _. A position she got on her own merit, a detail she never failed to remind him. 

“ _What the fuck are you doing here_?”

A half smirk appeared on her face, the same one she gave him whenever she was about to say something he wasn’t going to like because she was going to benefit from said thing. 

“What do you mean? It’s my house too.” She shrugged, her arms crossed. “Get dressed.”

They weren’t even living together, and yet she still made demands. 

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. We’re going out to Margaret Carter’s premiere, you’re gonna be by my side as we pose for pictures.”

“Why the sudden change? I thought you didn’t care about me.” 

“You’re right. The last time I stopped caring was 2014.” He froze for a second at the mention of it. He didn’t like to be reminded. “You stopped caring even before that.”

  
  


**_October 2014, 4 years ago._ **

“ _Aren’t you even gonna deny it_?” She asked on the verge of tears, her voice tainted with a mix of anger and sadness. 

The evidence she had presented him were placed back into the Manila envelope, and he had a loose grip on them.

“ _No_.” 

“I’ve done everything for you, and you threw it away.” 

She said out of anger. Which was justified, considering what he had done to her. But he couldn’t help but see red. He was pissed. 

“ _Everything_?” He asked with a hint of venom in his voice. 

“I knew you were going to throw that in my face.” She cried as she pointed at him angrily. 

“I fucking hate this city. My life was in New York, until you decided it wasn’t anymore.” 

“So that’s why you decided to break what was left of my heart?” He had never seen her like that. Broken into pieces. Maybe he didn’t know her at all. “I tried, Bucky. I tried, for so long. But I can’t do it anymore.”

“Are you gonna ask for a divorce?” 

“I don’t know. I need time to think.” She said, her voice softening. “Away from you.” 

She walked past him, and when she did, she smelled like the perfume she always put on. The one that smelled expensive. The one he told her smelled amazing the first time they met. 

The one the first time they went together. Because that was all he could smell in his car after she left. And the song that played on the radio, the Carol King song, _It’s Too Late_ , felt like an ominous foreshadowing. 

  
  


“I just want you to know I loved you. I really did... but I can’t do this anymore.” She sobbed, and he couldn’t deny he felt bad a little. But she always did it. She always cried to make him feel guilty. 

It wasn’t his fault he didn’t love her. 

And she left. That was the first time she had left the house. Their house. 

Around him books were scattered on the floor, as well as their wedding china shattered all over. She had even managed to tip over the ottoman. There wasn’t a part of the living room she hadn’t destroyed. 

What she had left behind were the spoils of a broken marriage. 

  
  


And he thought it was the last time he’d see her. 

He didn’t know what happened, but he was surprised she came back two weeks later, as if nothing had happened. She was still cold, and refused to be near him. 

But she did not file for divorce. 

Only after a few months, he’d discover that his wife had met with his mother in those two weeks, and had been a guest in her home. 

  
  
  


**_19:24, Present_ **

  
  


“What are you doing right now?” She had nothing else to do but to call Nat. As dog sitting wasn’t as hard as she thought it to be. 

Bentley was surprisingly very well behaved being a puppy. Though she wasn’t that surprised. He was Steve’s dog. After all, she had heard that dogs took a lot after their owners. 

He just liked resting on her a lot. Which was really sweet. And he followed her around when she walked around. 

“Dog sitting. I mean this dog is really calm. At least for now.” She petted Bentley as he rested beside her on the couch. “I have nothing else to do.” 

“How’s the house?” 

“It’s nice, modern. Very on brand.” She described as she looked around. It was nothing over the top, but she knew everything in there was _very_ expensive. It looked like it. “It’s very him.” 

“I bet.” She could only imagine the smile plastered on her face. “I still can’t believe you’re in his house. You’re living the dream of everyone who has ever fantasised of him.” 

“I should really thank Sam. He really did me a solid.” 

“Are you going to… you know?”

“I have no idea. Besides, he’s out of everyone’s league.” She made a funny face at the dog who just looked at her. “I’m trying to figure out how not to speak gibberish around him.”

“Good luck with that.” 

There was a picture of his family, framed. He must’ve been close with his family, or else he wouldn’t have framed it. He was handsome. And the more she looked at it, the more she realized how weird it was. 

That she was in his house. Because of a lie. 

She felt a little guilty. 

At least she really liked his dog. He was really cute. 

“I need to go. I’m making Marsala chicken, and Clint is about to arrive.” Nat said as her voice got further away, probably to tend to the chicken. 

“Have fun with Clint.” 

“You too with the dog. I’ll save you some chicken for when you get home.” 

“That’ll be great.”

And then she hung up. Maybe taking care of a dog wasn’t the ideal way to spend an evening. But it was when he was important to Steve, and he was growing on her. Not that she didn’t like him at first. 

“Are you hungry? Let’s go get you something to eat.” She stood up and the dog followed her into the kitchen. 

_It was definitely worth an evening._

  
  
  


**_19:37_ **

The car stopped, and he already heard the clamor from outside.

He watched her as she pulled out a compact mirror from her clutch, and adjusted her lipstick. Once she was done, she turned to him. Always with that annoying half smirk. 

“I’d suggest you put on a smile out there.” 

“ _Fucking hell_ Dot. Did someone put you up to this charade?” 

“Is there something so wrong with a wife wanting to spend time with her darling husband?” She said in a voice so saccharine, he would know it was fake.

“There is, especially when the husband and wife in question are the two of us.”

“You know exactly _who_ is behind this. So I suggest you put on a good show.” 

  
  


She smiled at him while they walked into the theatre, without going on the red carpet. It was fake, but she sure knew how to be convincing. 

It was a joke. Except he was the only one who didn’t find it funny. He didn’t like pretending. He was used to it, but things had gotten out of hand. 

Someone was talking to both Dot and him, but he wasn’t listening. 

Instead he spotted Steve accompanying [ Margaret ](https://www.farfetch.com/ao/shopping/women/elisabetta-franchi-tuxedo-gown-item-15249131.aspx?storeid=10030) with his arm around her waist, grinning like an idiot. The paparazzi going crazy over seeing the two of them together. 

There was an idiot who didn’t mind pretending. Everything with Steve was a big lie. He knew it because they used to be close. He pitied him. Knowing his feelings would’ve never been reciprocated by her. 

And yet, it seemed like he didn’t mind. 

He almost felt sorry for him. 

He had always known Margaret never liked Steve. At least not the way he liked her. She had always treated him like a younger sibling. 

And perhaps all that time together had gone to his head. But it wasn’t his business anymore. As he was no longer close with Steve like he used to be. 

He felt Dot’s nails digging into his arm as she dragged him around. He needed a way out. So the second she let him go to talk to someone, he started leaving. 

But of course, she wasn’t going to make that easy. 

“Where are you going?” She asked through a obviously fake smile. She smiled at a few people that passed by who recognised them. 

Only she was pretending. Maybe she should have become an actress. 

“I’m just going to get a breath of fresh air.” He lied as he started walking away. She must’ve known. She was probably used to his lies.

“Fine, when you come to your senses, I’ll be sat inside.” 

She turned around as well, and started kissing people she knew on the cheek whilst enthusiastically listening to what they had to say. 

Meanwhile he just walked away, trying to find a quieter corner of the theatre. To call Y/N. She would’ve made his night better. 

But that was when he came across Steve and Margaret. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop but in his defense, they were right there. He hid himself around the corner and began listening in. And even taking a little peek. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving _before_?” He heard Steve say. They were right there, in a corner far away from everyone. “Why did it have to be with everyone else?” 

“I don’t know, it was selfish. I didn’t want you to be angry at me.” 

“How can you think that? I would’ve been happy for you.” He told her. “Stay. For a little longer. You can stay at my place, like you used to.” 

“Steve, I don’t think it is a good idea.” She sounded hesitant to hurt his feelings. “I already booked my ticket.” 

“ _Peggy-_ ”

“Steve, you don’t understand. I’m not Peggy anymore. Peggy is the little girl you grew up with. I’m Margaret.” Her hand caressed his cheek, as she gazed into his eyes. 

James could tell it was a pretty intimate moment, but he couldn't help but keep listening in. 

Steve averted his eyes, he could tell he was in pain. After all, she was the woman he had loved for the longest time. 

“Steve... please look at me...” 

She pleaded, but he wasn’t listening. 

“ _Stop doing that_.” He stepped back, so her hand was no longer on him. James didn’t understand, wasn’t he in love with her? And if he was, wouldn’t have he wanted her to touch him? 

“You know exactly how I feel about you and you keep touching and looking at me as if something can happen between us.” 

“Steve-”

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.” 

“Steve!” 

  
  


**_20:37_ **

The front door opened much to her surprise. She wasn’t expecting anyone to be home so soon. And the last person she expected to see was Steve. Even though it was his home. 

He seemed so excited at the beginning of the evening. But he looked completely different. Still handsome, but he seemed a little down. 

“Are you ok?” She asked him as Bentley ran up to him jumping up and down. 

“I’m just tired. It’s been a long evening.” 

He gave her a small smile. That definitely did _not_ send her heart racing. 

“Here, for all your troubles.” He said as he held out a couple of bills out to her. 

“I can’t. Legally speaking. Just consider it a favour.”

“Oh... if that’s the case, do you want to stay over for dinner? I’m ordering takeout.” 

Her brain stopped working for a split second. Dinner, alone with him? She would’ve most likely stopped functioning during it. She wasn’t ready for all that. 

“As much as I’d love to, I have somewhere else to be.” She instead told him very calmly. “You two have a good night.”

“You too.” He said as she walked past him. “One of these days I’ll treat you to some dinner.”

“Make that a drink. And you have yourself a deal.” 

Her heart raced like crazy as she closed the front door behind her. Holy fucking shit. Did that just happen? And how did she even reply with that level of confidence? 

  
  


**_21:23_ **

“We’re going out for dinner.” She announced out of the blue as they stepped out of the movie theatre. Before he could object, she spoke again. “I have made a reservation. You remember the Chapmans right?” 

As a matter of fact he did. Wes Chapman was a major movie producer and when they went golfing that one time he wouldn’t shut up about he had once slept an Golden Globes nominee at a party. 

Whilst his wife, Deb was one of Dot’s friends from the country club. She was younger than her husband, James’ same age. 

And every time she found her husband cheating on her, she had something done. 

Which was how she had gotten her breasts in the first place. 

_“I believe we met._ ” She said with a mischievous smile painted on her lips. 

Another small detail about Deb Chapman was that he had fucked her in her garden one afternoon. And all that was in his mind when he saw her was the memory of them going at it on one of her deckchairs. 

He knew she remembered it too because of the way she looked at him. _For fuck’s sake._

It was going to be a _very_ long night. 

  
  


**_21:45_ **

Her mind kept going back to his face, the smile he had when he asked her if she wanted to stay for dinner. 

So what if she liked him? He was a pretty likeable guy. Everyone liked him. Except James, but James seemed the kind of person to not like anyone, because he thought of himself to be above everyone else.

And Steve, she couldn’t get him out of her mind even if she tried. 

“You’re back already?” She heard Nat’s voice once she closed the door. 

“Welcome back Y/N.” _Clint_. She had forgotten they were having their date night. 

“Yeah he came back early.” 

“You can tell us all about it when you join us for dinner.” Nat told her. The dinner table was arranged really nicely. With candles lit and everything. 

“I’m going to take a quick shower. Then I’ll come right over.” 

  
  


She stepped inside the shower, after making sure the water wasn’t too hot nor too cold. She watched as the steam fogged up the glass and enjoyed the peace that surrounded her. 

Then it dawned upon her. 

She was completely alone. With the shower going. She could’ve done anything and no one would’ve heard a thing. 

That was when her mind started going places. About Steve. 

She gasped at the thought of how his touch might feel. Gentle, but rough. As she trailed her hand down to her aching core, she imagined him right there with her. His strong muscular body beside her as he teased her pussy with his thick fingers. 

He would pick her up so easily, ruining her for any other man. She imagined him to be rough, though he was seemed so gentle. 

He’d easily slide inside her, his cock filling her up, making her roll her eyes. Her fingers kept a constant pace, as her mind filled with all kinds of images of Steve and her. Him taking her in the shower, then railing into her on the kitchen table. 

He’d whisper deeply in her ear, ‘come on, come all over me.’ And that would’ve been the end of her. 

She moaned, her muscles tensing, thankful for the running water that suppressed the noise. 

At the end of the day, she had gotten an orgasm from Steve. Just not in the way she had expected. 

  
  
  



	17. you keep me hangin’ on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I’d like to thank everyone who’s been incredibly supportive of this story.
> 
> And I’d appreciate it if you could leave some feedback 💗

**_07:34_ **

“ _Breakfast_?” She asked as she sat at the table, with everything set out on his best looking plates. Which she had carefully selected. Like everything else in the house. 

She was already dressed up in a black pantsuit, which if it served his memory right she threw it out after he told her it didn’t fit her right.

But there it was. Though it wasn’t the pantsuit he hated. 

“Don’t tell me you made me breakfast. Are you trying to poison me?” 

“I bought it from the _patisserie_.” She replied coldly, making to sure to use the correct pronunciation of the French word. “And even if I was, putting it in your breakfast would be an amateur move.” 

She never once looked at him instead her eyes focused on the newspaper as her hand carefully brought the teacup up to her lips, before taking a sip.

“Don’t be a child and sit.” Her voice was always so condescending. “And try not to throw a temper tantrum.”

He annoyedly walked towards the table, a cup steaming coffee was waiting for him, as well as an assortment of pastries. 

He sat down, trying not to make a face and took a sip of coffee. It wasn’t bad at all. But he wasn’t about to thank her. She didn’t even make it herself. Even when things were good she used to order coffee from a coffee shop and pour it in his cup so he wouldn’t notice that she didn’t make it. 

But he did. 

The woman didn’t know her way around a kitchen. She never had to. She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, just like everyone else he knew.

And there she sat, nonchalantly sipping on her tea. Not speaking a word, concentrated on the article in front of her. 

“What is this?” 

“It’s breakfast.” 

“There aren’t any paparazzi here, so spare the show for another time.” 

“May I remind you, this is my house. I live here too.” She spoke so calmly. “You can have the master bedroom though, God knows what obscenities that room has been subjected to.”

“Are you here only to insult me?” 

“Oh no.” She shook her head, as she raised her head. Her gaze directed at him. “ _I’m moving back in.”_

  
  


**_12:23_ **

_Fuck_. 

“What’s wrong?” Did she say that aloud? She must have. As both Nat and Clint turned their heads to her. 

They had decided to get out of the house for a day and go out to eat. There was nothing better than eating street food at the food market on a sunny day. 

It was hot, and they had walked around a lot. Thankfully she had borrowed a pair of Nat’s sneakers for the day. She wasn’t about to walk around the city in heels. 

She had learnt her lesson. 

Nat and Clint were cute together. Definitely not the picture perfect couple, but she could see them going the distance. 

Sometimes she felt left out. Most of the time. Though Natasha was her friend, she did spend a lot of time with her boyfriend. In fairness she had also been having some fun on her own. 

“I got this text from Peter.” 

“Is that the guy who you went on a date with?” Nat asked, drinking water from her boyfriend's bottle. 

“The one who didn’t have sex with you?” He said rather loudly, causing some people around them to look their way. 

“Nat!” 

“Sorry! We share everything. He wanted to know how your date went.”

“Isn’t that what you want though? Someone who doesn’t have their brain in their dick?” Clint asked her, and he did have a point. 

Though at that point in her life she had adapted so well to the kind of men who did think with their dicks she wasn’t used to guys like Peter. 

“Yes but not having sex leads to texts like this. _‘Hey want to hang out again?’_ ” She read the text out loud, as they listened. “What does that mean?”

“I think it means he asked you out again. Maybe you’ll get lucky this time.” 

“I don’t know… he’s cute, but he isn’t…”

“A handsome billionaire?” Clint asked with a shit eating grin, causing her to look at Nat accusingly. 

“You told him?”

“I tell him everything.” Nat shrugged, as she kept eating. 

“So you haven’t seen him since the _pool debacle_?” 

Really? Had she told him about that as well? The memory was still fresh in her head. The way he moaned, held her closely to his body, the urgency of it all made her shiver. In the good way. 

It had felt so intimate, not just fucking fantastic. She couldn’t put a finger to it. 

“The pool debacle? Really Nat?” 

“Answer his question.” She ignored her, as she seemed to want to know the answer. 

“No I haven’t. I have been busy.” She wanted to, she really did. But she had met his family. His sister, his father and his new family. 

It was all so fast. But again, she had never met anyone like him. He was everything she could’ve ever dreamed of. The looks of an Old Hollywood film star, with an edge to him. And it wasn’t the money. 

Maybe the fact that he was taken made it all the more exciting. She was known to actively seek thrilling experiences, and being with him was just that. 

“Not having sex.” Clint pointed out, which made Nat choke on water. How didn’t she realize he was so snarky? She liked him even more because of it. 

“Are you done?” 

“Not even close.” 

  
  


**_16:05_ **

She was gone for the rest of the day. He was grateful for that. He didn’t like having her around. Maybe it was fine at first when they first got married, but things had changed. 

She was angry at him. It was obvious. Everything that came out of her mouth was an insult masked as a remark. 

Though she didn’t seem to be raising her voice anymore. They had gone through a lot. And she was as he was, tired of fighting. 

The older they got together, the more she reminded him of his mother. 

He still vividly recalled of the time he used to live with her, a long time ago. When he was just a young boy. He’d always know whenever she was around, as his leg used to tremble uncontrollably. 

He still hadn’t fully forgiven his father for letting her take care of Beck and him after the divorce. He still remembered tears streaming down his cheeks after he had found out his father had moved out. 

The memory was bittersweet. He practically raised his sister in his mother’s absence. He had learnt from one of the housemaids to French braid Beck’s hair. That was until they were both sent to boarding school. 

There wasn’t a single nice thing he had to say about her. 

_She was selfish, calculating, controlling and blindly ambitious._

And he was pretty sure everyone else thought the same of her. Though they couldn’t say anything, as she was feared. And with fear came the respect. 

James knew her more than anyone else. Not because they spent time together, but because she had a pattern. She was known to _fix_ his family’s problems even before his parents got divorced. 

He rushed to his office, inserting the passcode to the safe underneath his desk. 

He pulled out the contents. A few documents, some extra cash, the most valuable watches from his collection… but he didn’t find it. 

It should have been sandwiched between the copy of the prenup and their marriage certificate. _Two things he knew would’ve stayed untouched._ They both didn’t need the reminder of their mutual unhappiness. 

_It was gone._

  
  
  


**_18:17_ **

There was nothing to do that evening. James hadn’t contacted her. It wasn’t something she cared particularly about, but he only did call her when he was horny. 

Though if that was the case, she didn’t understand why he had treated her differently. Even introducing her to his kid sisters. It couldn’t have meant nothing. 

And as _My Best Friend’s Wedding_ played on the tv, she sat on the couch, away from Nat who was in Clint’s embrace. They were adorable, but God forbid she ended up like them. 

It wasn’t for her. 

But it must have been nice, not having to go out to search for viable partners to have sex with. 

Maybe she should have gone out for a drink and met someone. It was only six. She had time. But the more she sat there and watched the scene in the restaurant where they started to sing all together, the less she wanted to stand up and get ready. 

Fate had always a funny way of sending messages. And that fateful evening, her message came in the form of a call. 

Her phone rung, interrupting the movie, both Nat and Clint stared at her, whilst she started to hyperventilate. 

“ _Oh my fucking God_.” She turned her phone towards Nat, who also started freaking out with her. 

“Steve? _Oh my God_!” “Answer it.” Nat told her as she turned off the tv, much to Clint’s dismay. 

“Should I?”

“Are you serious!? One should never play games with a man like Steve.” She said with her boyfriend right beside her. “No offense babe.” 

“None taken.” He shrugged. 

“So I should answer?”

“Yes!” They both said in unison, as she answered the call. Her heart leaping in her chest. 

“Hello?”

“Hi Y/N. It’s Steve.” _Fuck_ . He sounded so good even on the phone. “ _Rogers_.” 

The fact that he had to need to clarify which Steve he was was adorable. As if she knew more than one Steve. 

_She needed to get it together._

“Hi Steve.” 

“I was wondering if I could treat you to a dinner, to thank you for taking care of Bennie.”

“ _Bennie_? You gave your dog a nickname?” She smiled as she spoke. The man had such a power over her. 

“I try not to call him that so I don’t confuse him.” 

“That’s cute.” She giggled. “Yeah dinner sounds good. When is it good for you?”

“I was wondering tonight?” 

_Tonight_? So much for staying in and doing nothing. But Nat was right. Playing games would’ve been useless with a man like him. 

“Tonight?” 

“I mean if that’s ok with you. I know it’s last minute.” 

“Sure. How about in two hours? I have some things I need to do.” She said casually, barely keeping it together inside. 

“In two hours sounds great.” 

“ _Then I’ll see you at eight._ ”

  
  


**_18:37_ **

“You’re going out with Steve?” Nat said as she sat on her bed, watching her try on a dress. “That’s great.” 

“Is this too much?” 

She asked, as she turned around the tight dress showing a lot of her body. It was of a beautiful periwinkle shade, but that wasn’t what Nat’s eyes immediately went to. 

“Yes.” 

“What do you mean yes? It looks amazing on me.” 

“I think it’s too revealing.” She wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t just that it was a bodycon dress, but the fact that on top of that it had a plunging neckline, that made her breasts the center of attention. 

Not that she minded. She needed to pull all the stops. After all Steve was still a man. 

“But that’s my thing.”

“I’ll ask Clint.” She told her, before she called him. “Clint!”

“What’s up?” 

“Do you think that dress is too boob-y?” Nat asked her boyfriend as he stepped into her room. 

“Depends. What’s the occasion?”

“Steve asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him at his place.” 

“Steve, as in Rogers? The hotter, newer version of JFK?” He asked, as they both looked at him, not expecting him to say that. 

“What? I’m confident enough of my own sexuality to recognise when another man’s hotter than me.” 

“That’s really good to know.” She said then turned around towards the mirror, adjusting the dress a little. “You know what? I am going to wear it because I like it. And it’d be for myself.” 

“That’s a _‘fuck me’_ dress.” Clint stated which was accurate. That was the end goal after all. Was it? She didn’t just want to be ravished by Steve Rogers, she wanted everything from him. 

Maybe that was too much to ask. 

“Clint!” Nat chided. 

“No he’s right. It is. God knows Steve needs more than a clue. Maybe this will do.” 

“So what about Peter?” Y/N asked Nat as she stepped out of the dress. 

“Peter? I’m wearing a _fuck me_ dress for Steve and you’re talking about Peter?”

“Yes, he asked you out and you didn’t even reply.” 

“Peter’s cute, but he’s too young for me.” 

“Too young? You’re the same age, _Mrs. Robinson_.” She remarked sarcastically. “For tonight, forget Peter. You’re going out with Steve.” 

She was right. 

  
  


**_20:32_ **

She felt great. Walking around in that tight dress. It took her little more than two hours to get ready but she felt fantastic. When the Uber stopped in front of Steve’s house, she applied another coat of gloss to her lips. 

Needless to say she was feeling herself. She made extra sure she looked flawless when she got out of the apartment. 

She bit her lip before she rung his doorbell, waiting for him to open the door. When she heard a click, she stood up straight, unbuttoning two buttons from her coat so her breasts were showing. 

It felt a little desperate, but when the door opened to reveal him, it was all worth it. 

Her heart nearly stopped. He was in his sweatpants and a tight white shirt. 

It deliciously fitted him perfectly. 

All at a sudden she was feeling warm. Heat rose to her cheeks, and she found herself hoping he didn’t notice her getting flustered. 

She had to stop her eyes from wandering all over his figure, if she didn’t want him to think she was being creepy. 

She felt a little dressed up. She let out a giggle as he let her in the house, Bentley rushed to her and greeted her at the door. 

She crouched down and greeted him back properly, knowing well from that angle he would’ve gotten a good view of her breasts and the lacy bra she was wearing underneath. 

She stayed there for a while as Bentley licked her face, before standing up. 

_Nothing_. 

“Can I get your coat?” He asked her politely. _What was it with the man?_ She just needed him to be less perfect. 

“Yes, thank you.” 

She slipped out of her coat, and he seemed to notice her dress. 

_Finally_. Maybe getting his attention wasn’t so hard after all. 

“Did you go somewhere nice?” 

_That was it?_ At least he had assumed she went somewhere nice, by the way she was dressed. 

“Yeah, I had a drink with the girls.” 

_Lies_ . There were no girls. She had dressed up for him. _Two hours_. And he hadn’t even once glanced at her breasts. 

Maybe she felt a little pathetic for dressing like that just to have drinks at his place and she had misread his text. 

Though in her experience, no one had ever asked her to come over for _just_ drinks. 

“He missed you.” He commented as he led her towards the living room, Bentley followed behind him. 

“I missed him too.” The dog. He was obviously referring to the dog. But she hoped he meant himself as well. Though only an insane person would have referred to themselves in the third person. 

“I ordered some food if you’re hungry…” 

He pointed at the dining area, where there were a couple of takeout boxes on the table. But that wasn’t what she was hungry for. 

Especially when he started walking towards the kitchen to get the glassware. 

_She had admit she loved watching him walk away._

  
  


**_20:46_ **

He laid in his bed, not thinking about much when he heard his door open. He didn’t look immediately, because there could’ve only been only one person. 

And knowing that, he didn’t look. 

He didn’t care. It was her room too. Her stuff was still in there. 

And she didn’t even look at him. So it was mutual. Two miserable people in the same house. He had no idea how long she was going to stay there, but he was already starting to feel stressed out. 

She stepped out of the walk in closet, and that was when he saw her. Her hair wet, with her body wrapped in a fluffy white towel. The monogrammed ones. She had ordered them when they had gotten married. 

When things were still good. 

Where had the younger Dot gone? Was she gone completely? Or was she hidden underneath that hard shell? 

He hadn’t had sex in a while. Though the memory of Y/N’s wet body against his was etched in his memory, he had jerked himself off to the thought. 

Seeing his wife the same way Y/N was that night at his father’s house awakened something in him. 

_And he wasn’t proud of what he did next._

It was a primal instinct that made him stand up and kiss her. And for a second she wasn’t his nagging sharp tongued wife, she was a woman and he was a man. 

He pulled away for a second, awaiting for some kind of reaction. It was a mistake. A huge one he wished he hadn’t made, but it was something he couldn’t possibly control. 

So he blamed it on human nature. 

She stared at him, and he did believe in that moment she would’ve pulled him back in. After all, they had done that countless of times. 

But it that time was different. 

“ _You’re pathetic_.” She whispered, as she slowly and calmly pushed him away from her. 

She wasn’t angry or anything, but he could hear the subtle mocking tone in her voice. 

Especially when it transitioned into a chuckle. 

“You’re not getting any from your mistress are you? _You must be truly desperate_.”

“You know what? I don’t know what I was thinking.” He spat. He wasn’t sure if he was mad at the rejection or at the fact that he found some truth in her words. “Why are you even here?”

“You know your mother did this.” She told him, always with that all knowing smirk painted on her lips. “She isn’t very happy. She told me to tell you she knows all about your new little harlot.”

“I truly didn’t expect that from you. A sleazy middle aged businessman? Probably, but not you. What are you doing with jailbait?”

“She’s in her twenties. _Hardly_ jailbait.” 

“Does she make you feel like a man?” She asked, chuckling softly. “I bet she does. You’re going to ruin her. Maybe unknowingly, but you are going to. Then your mother’s going to destroy her. You know how she can be.” 

“You can tell her to fuck off.” 

“Maybe I will the next time I see her. She’s rather busy in New York. You know her.”

“I do.”

She gave him one last look, before she started walking away, resuming what she was doing before _that_ happened. 

“ _By the way, you’re a lousy kisser._ ” She added, before she walked out of the room. 

  
  
  


**_21:05_ **

_What the hell was she doing?_ She was sat on his couch as they talked. Everything had gone so quickly. First dinner, then they moved to the couch, where they sat and started talking. 

Everything about he way he spoke left her speechless. Quite literally. He was just so perfect. And he was sitting so close to her. She had no idea how she hadn’t fainted yet. 

She was doing surprisingly well for herself. Maybe a little too well. A little giggle here and there, paired with some lip biting. 

“I’m assuming you had a privileged life, attending lavish parties, prep school... you were most likely the most popular guy in school.” 

“I did go to prep school, but I wasn’t popular at all. The only reason I could go through with it was because of Peggy.” Peggy. _Right there_. She was naive if she thought he wouldn’t have mentioned her. 

_Maybe he had one fault._

_“_ Now I feel stupid for having made such assumptions.” 

“No worries. It makes me happy you think of me that way.” He said with a smile. _Holy fucking shit._

“But you’re right. I did lead a privileged life. I still am. Though it wasn’t easy. My life has been documented for everyone to see from when I was very young. I had no freedom whatsoever.”

“Oh I saw that very staged campaign video for your father.” _Why wasn’t nobody stopping her from talking?_ “The one with the alpaca and the confetti?” 

“Oh God. Sam showed you didn’t he?” 

“Yeah… Sam...” _Sam didn’t._ She had found it online _‘by chance_ ’, after having some too many glasses of berry flavored vodka. 

“I should’ve known. He didn’t stop talking about it after he found out sophomore year of college.” “Then something embarrassing happened to him and he stopped.”

“What happened to him?”

“It’s better if he tells you. He made me swear to never tell anyone.” 

“If it makes you feel better I continuously embarrass myself whenever I get drunk. To my luck, I don’t remember what happens. Most of the time.” She told him as he listened attentively. It wasn’t like he pretended to listen. He _listened_ . “Though I do remember I did dance to _Crazy in Love_ at Sam’s party.”

“Oh yeah. You were good though. It wasn’t anything like the _alpaca_.” 

“I was good?”

“Yeah I remember thinking you were talented to be drunk.”

Talented wasn’t the adjective she expected. She wanted to hear sexy, or hot. But talented was like he was complimenting family members. 

“I wasn’t that drunk. You should’ve seen me at my graduation party. I remember that night in segments.” 

“Kinda sounds like my prom.” He laughed a little. It was nice to see him like that. _Happy_. She wondered how someone could always be so positive. “This was me from that night. Before I went drinking with James and Peggy.” 

There she was again. Before he could speak of her again, she pointed at a photograph. 

“So this was you?” The photo in question had a much younger Steve in a hideous cornflower blue tuxedo. He was much skinnier. Both his body and his face. 

She nearly didn’t recognize him if not for his eyes. 

And beside him, stood Peggy in a navy dress. She looked beautiful even back then. Maybe less polished, which made her feel a little better, but she was still Margaret Carter. 

“Yeah. Back when no one knew who I was. Back then no girl wanted to go out with me.”

“ _I would’ve_.” 

“Back then I would’ve wished a girl like you looked at me.” 

She stopped herself before she could say anything that would’ve ruined the moment. Did he really say that? If he did, it made her even more confused. What was his deal? 

_She had to stop reading too much into it. It could’ve been nothing._

“Whats your deal with the two of you? I’ve heard stories, everyone had their own version, but I don’t know the real one.” She figured she wanted to rip off that band aid instead of just sitting there wondering. 

“I don’t think you want to hear about it...” 

“I do. Maybe over a glass of wine, because I feel like it’s going to be long.” 

  
  


**_21:32_ **

“I first met her in elementary school. These older kids were picking on me, and she came up to them, and kicked their asses.” He smiled at the memory, then continued. “I have to admit I had never seen a girl kick ass like that until that day.” 

_She was jealous of Margaret Carter._ Not only she was the woman who had everything, she had the affections of Steve. And that was something not any other woman, no matter how beautiful, rich or successful could say they had. 

“Back then I had absolutely no idea how to talk to women. The only two women I had ever talked to at that point were my mother and Peggy.” He shook his head and chuckled, before he took a sip of beer.

“She never treated me any differently. So when no one wanted to come to the prom with me, she asked me to be her date.” It became clearer why he still carried a torch for her. Even when he didn’t look like an Adonis, she still treated him like he was. 

“Everyone wanted to go with her, but she chose to go with me. Probably because she felt bad for me, but I didn’t care…” 

Steve’s words came to life in her imagination, as he kept narrating. 

It was clear that the prom was an important memory of his as that was the one he had decided to tell her. He didn’t describe where they were, but all he talked about was the dancing.

The way she led him, as he wasn’t as good as her at dancing. She was a natural. Like she was at everything else. 

Y/N had never felt like that before. The only association she could make was to the feeling she’d get when she listened to a song that reminded her of something nostalgic. 

How the lyrics would get inside her mind, and stayed there for a while. And so did Steve’s words. 

_She yearned him_. It was no secret. But being there so close to him, talking about something so important to him triggered something in her. 

_Something she had no idea existed._

  
  


There was something strange about the night. Like a beautiful woman, there was a little dark side to it. It brought forth darker thoughts. Darker than the ones she usually had. 

_They were meaner than darker._

_The feeling of unworthiness_. The feeling that she couldn’t have done anything to make the man that sat next to her like her back. At least not in the way she wanted to. 

Feelings were bullshit. They only had the power to make a fraction of the world population happy. The rest wallowed in loneliness. And a part of those lonely people pretended to not be lonely. 

_Just like her._

While Steve was single, he was not lonely. And James, ~~_an asshole_~~ a married man. 

And living with someone who was happily taken, didn’t make the loneliness easier. 

As Steve disappeared back into the kitchen, she took her phone out and clicked on the messaging app, staring at the open chat for a while. 

She didn’t want to feel lonely. 

And if there was someone who was going to make her feel less like that, she was willing to give it a go. 

She was young. She was meant to make mistakes. 

She let out a sigh, as she typed in her answer. 

_‘Yes_.’

  
  
  
  
  



	18. the thought of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader finds it hard to come to term with her feelings, as she goes out with Peter. 
> 
> This chapter is 99% from readers point of view, except for the ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): rough semi public sex

**_11:02_ **

There was a light drizzle that day, she had seen worse days, but the sky was tinted ever so slightly with grey. She could barely see the people from where she was stood, and when she did, they were as tiny as ants. 

Somehow being in Sam’s penthouse made her feel like she mattered. Significant. 

She wasn’t sure if she was friends with him, but he always seemed to welcome her into his home with open arms. And his home was much more impressive when she wasn’t under the influence of alcohol or nerves. 

She had arrived there at eleven, as per his text. But when she got there, she found a woman lounging on his couch in a silk robe. 

And another one strutting into the living area in one of his shirts. 

Sam was a man who lived in style. Which paired well with beautiful women. 

When he eventually appeared into the living area, he  _ sans _ shirt, much to the delight of the women. Sam was a very good looking man, and she didn’t mind his lack of shirt either. 

And just as he was about to open his mouth, a lingerie clad woman emerged from what she guessed was the kitchen. 

_ How many women did he have over?  _

“Coffee, Mr. Wilson?” She asked biting her lip. 

“You just woke up?” Y/N asked him as she watched him walk towards her not before kissing the two women who sat in his living room. 

“No. I didn’t sleep much.” And with that comment, she heard the women chuckle. Of course they didn’t sleep. She knew Sam got around a lot, but she never realized  _ how much. _ “Yes please, I’ll have an espresso. French press.” 

The lady in lingerie sauntered off back to the kitchen. She was definitely not shy I’m showing off her figure. 

“Ladies, this is Y/N. My new friend.” Sam told them. “Y/N, these are Piper, Teagan and their friend Nyla”

He pointed towards the kitchen. 

“If you ladies could excuse me, I have a very important meeting with Y/N.” 

They walked off towards the kitchen, and Sam led her towards the couch. She hesitantly looked at the couch. 

“Is this clean?” She asked him as he plopped himself down. 

“Very.” 

“Let me rephrase that. Did you have sex on it.” 

“Not yesterday. I had three guests.” 

She sat herself down next to him, not too comfortably, as it wasn’t her house. 

“Three women? Really?” She whispered, in case the women in the kitchen could hear their conversation. 

“ _ Not just any women _ . They’re both  _ Miss January _ . Just one of them held the title two years ago and the other this year.” 

“What happened to the one of last year?” 

“Last minute scheduling conflict.” He briefly explained. That was all the answer she needed. She didn’t need to know the specifics. 

“I can’t decide if that’s gross or genius.” She said, making him laugh lightly. “What about the cute one with the coffee?”

“Nyla. She’s a friend of one of those two.  _ Two for one _ .” He cheekily commented before changing the conversation. “So how was the dog sitting?” 

“It was good. He invited me to dinner.” 

“Oh I knew it. Steve is quite predictable.” 

“Thank you. I wouldn’t have got to know him like I did if it weren’t for you.”

“It’s my pleasure.” 

“It’s just he’s quite stuck on Margaret isn’t he?”

“He is. It’s been decades now, and she hasn’t shown interest. If she reciprocated, they would be together.” 

He explained as Nyla brought him his coffee, and slowly bent over to place the cup down. She knew what she was doing. But Sam went on talking. 

“And yet she has never turned him down. It’s either the kindest or the meanest thing she could ever do to him.” Once Nyla was gone, he reached for the cup. He paused to take a slow sip. “All he needs is closure. And being the romantic he is, he needs someone new to focus on.” 

Someone new… she presumed that was where she came in. The shiny new thing. Not everyone liked the new thing. Some people preferred the one with which he had most history with. 

She didn’t have that. Except for a couple of memories with him. They had just met. 

Margaret and Steve had known each other a lifetime, and yet never got together. Officially. 

But there must have been a reason why he was so hung up on her. There was a chance she had thrown him a sign she was somewhat interested… 

“Did Margaret and Steve have sex?” 

She didn’t want to know the answer, and yet it came out just like that. She preferred knowing than not. 

“Yeah she was his first.” 

“What? There’s no competition then.” Most people didn’t forget their firsts. Except her, as it lasted for two minutes while an embarrassing song played in the background. 

By the time the song reached its bridge, it was done. 

“There is. You two will probably get married or something.” 

“That’s not funny. He’s chasing his dream woman. I can’t compete with that.”

“And since when is it a competition?” A grin formed on his lips.  _ Fuck _ . He knew. “You like him.” 

“So what?”

“Not in the casual ‘he’s cute’ way, you’re in deep.” 

“How did you know?”

“Please, I know a enamored woman when I see one.” “Why don’t you come to Peggy’s farewell party?” 

“Is it a good idea?” 

“Why not? Even if you don’t talk to Steve, there’s an open bar, which means free booze. Not the cheap kind.”

“Who am I to turn down free booze.” “By the way I have somewhere I have to be.” 

“A midday rendezvous with  _ Mr. Grumpy _ ?” She chuckled at his nickname for James. 

“No it’s with someone else.” 

“Steve?” 

“No not him either.” 

“You’re pursuing three men? I’m impressed, the more time passes, the more I like you.” 

  
  
  


**_12:38_ **

She met up with Nat in Chelsea, who was already there with Clint. She insisted on accompanying her to her ‘date’ as she wanted to see what Peter looked like. And Clint just tagged along. 

So there they were, walking towards the meeting spot they had agreed upon. A casual restaurant by an art gallery. 

“So how are we feeling?” Nat asked as she held onto Clint’s arm. 

“Kinda nervous.” 

“Aww.” She started gushing. That was the reason why she didn’t want to tell her about said date. 

“No not because I like him.” She was quick to dismiss her reaction. “I’m not even sure I even like Peter.” 

“It’s normal, liking someone at first sight is highly unrealistic. I wasn’t sure of Clint first, but with time I fell for him.” 

“Wait, why is this the first time I’m hearing about this?” He asked her, unexpectedly. Their interactions were entertaining to watch at times. Though most of the time they were so boring she preferred watching reality tv. 

“I told you a year ago.” She argued, making Y/N laugh.  _ Ok, that was funny.  _

“We’re not talking about falling for anyone here.  _ I’m not going to fall for Peter. _ ” 

“That’s exactly what someone who eventually falls in love says.” Clint remarked as they all stopped before crossing the street. 

“That’s definitely not going to happen.” 

“Only time will tell.” Nat told her in s sing song-y voice, just as they arrived at the restaurant. 

He was already there. In a simple white shirt and jeans combo that worked well on him. 

“Hi I’m Natasha.” She introduced herself as if she was her mother.  _ Embarrassing _ . 

“And I’m Clint. Nat’s boyfriend.” 

She didn’t know what Peter was thinking. He must’ve thought she was insane to bring her friends to a date. Not that they were staying. 

“Nice to meet you.” He instead said with a smile. 

“He’s cute.” Nat whispered, not so silently as Peter clearly heard. “Just like you said.” 

_ Someone please smite me.  _ She thought to herself as her friends and the guy she was supposed to have lunch with interacted. 

_ So much for wanting a normal lunch.  _

“Ok you can go now.” 

“Have fun.” She said giggling, saying their goodbyes to Peter before going off, giggling. 

“Nat and Clint seem nice.”  _ God he was too polite _ . But she kinda liked it. The politeness. Not him. 

“They are, a little insufferable to stay around 24/7 though.” 

  
  


**_13:13_ **

After they sat down, they started talking. The conversation didn’t slow smoothly, but she felt like it was normal, as they didn’t know each other well. But he was passionate for sure. About the things he loved. 

She appreciated that. If she liked Peter, things would’ve been a lot simpler. As he looked at her, like she looked at shoes during a mid season sale or at Steve. 

And he was adorable too. He waited for her food to arrive, instead of just starting to eat. But she guessed that was common courtesy. 

“So how are your classes going?” She asked him right after they started eating. 

“I’m doing fine in most of them. Actually I have  _ James Buchanan Barnes _ as my professor this semester.” She almost choked on her food as he told her. “The guy who was featured on Forbes?” 

“Haven’t heard of him…” She said rather convincingly. Or so she hoped. The last thing she wanted was him to know they were sleeping together. As he was married. 

Or to know the reason they met was because she was waiting for James to fuck her senseless in his office. 

“Anyway he’s such an amazing professor, which was unexpected. One doesn’t imagine someone like him to be a professor.” 

She found it harder and harder to keep a straight face, so she kept eating. She figured the more she stuffed her mouth, the less she would have talked. 

Which seemed to be working, since the conversation slowly shifted into a different direction. 

The more he talked, the more interesting he seemed. Not that she thought he was bland before, but after meeting a lot of interesting men in the city, she had high expectations. 

And yet, whenever he talked about something, she couldn’t help but think about Steve. And the similar way they talked about the things they loved. 

So she sat there, and listened. Maybe she should have given him a chance. 

He was cute, just like Steve. Though Steve was a man. 

Maybe Sam was right. Maybe she was starting to like Steve more than she was willing to admit. Not because she was ashamed of having feelings. 

She wasn’t like that, she just didn’t trike to shout it from the rooftops because she knew how annoying people would get. 

Case in point, the one and only time she told Nat she was going out with a guy, she made  _ ‘ooh’ _ noises like she was in the fourth grade. 

Also because she didn’t want to be another sad cliche. Which meant she was just like everyone else, falling for Steve’s charms. 

She was a cliche. And no matter how nice Peter was, all she could think about was Steve. 

And the more she tried to think about something else, the more persistent her mind was. 

She had to do something about it. 

“There's a cute bookshop around here if you want to check it out.” She blurted out. She needed someplace she could walk around, and not sit directly in front of him.

“Sure, let’s do it.”

  
  


**_13:56_ **

Everything seemed to be going well, as they walked towards the bookshop.

Then he did it. He held her hand. 

It was sudden, but his fingers were intertwined with hers, as they crossed the busy street. 

It was definitely unexpected. It wasn’t like she didn’t like it, the only person who held her hand ever was her mother when she was a child. 

She wanted to like Peter, she really did, but it was too early. He was good looking, but she didn’t feel anything else. Not the fluttering sensation in her stomach when she was with Steve, or the fire burning as she did with James. 

She wasn’t used to hand holding as she was with getting railed in a public setting. 

Thankfully, once they had got to the bookshop, she let go of his hand. 

At least she had an excuse of being excited to be around so many books. 

She always loved book stores. Though she hadn’t picked up a book in ages, she loved the smell of them. The smell of fresh pages welcomed her into the store, as she casually wandered around.

She had been there before. It was a small bookshop, but it had these narrow wooden stairs that creaked leading to a whole new floor of books. 

She walked towards the biographies section, where it held an impressive number of biographies belonging to different people. Of course the most interesting ones were showcased more. 

Just beside Jackie O’s biography, sat Sarah Rogers.  _ Or at least her story. _

She held the book in her hand. It wasn’t that heavy. The cover had a black and white picture of Mrs. Rogers when she was younger. She was gorgeous. 

She certainly understood where Steve had gotten his looks from. He had her same eyes. 

_ ‘To my son, Stevie. I told you I’d eventually write this.”  _ She smiled at the sweet message inside. It wasn’t sappy or anything or the kind, but it was evidence of his closeness to her.

“The biography section? Are you looking for something in particular?” Peter’s voice startled her, as she slammed the book shut and clutching it tightly against her body. 

She felt like she was being caught red handed. Though all she had been caught with was a book. She slowly placed the book back in its shelf before she had the brilliant idea of distracting him. 

They were basically the only two people in there, which made it easy for what she had in mind. 

“Can I kiss you?” She asked him as she approached him. 

“Yes. Absolutely.” 

At that point all she craved was the rough touch of a man. And though Peter seemed content to fulfill her needs, she knew deep down they weren’t being met. 

Afterall a kiss was just a kiss. But it had so much potential to become something more. Especially when it started to get a little heated, their hands all over each other. 

It seemed like she wasn’t the only one who saw said potential. 

The kiss was sweet, just like he was. 

And God only knew how much she missed feeling someone’s lips on hers. 

_ Regardless of whom they belonged to.  _

  
  


**_16:38_ **

It was fun. But there wasn’t much to it. As he didn’t invite her back to his place. Which she didn’t mind, as everyone moved at their own pace, just most college guys would’ve jumped at the chance to sleep with her. 

It was clear Peter was different than your average sex crazed guy in his twenties. And it showed. 

And as Nat was ‘getting busy’ with Clint back at the apartment, she figured she had some time to kill.  _ But where?  _

Was the city fun to be in by oneself? She wondered, until a sign was thrown her way in the form of a sweater inside her bag. A sweater that wasn’t hers.

Oh. She realized where she recognized it from. 

So she figured it couldn’t hurt to take a detour from whatever she didn’t have planned. 

And so she was on her way towards Primrose Hill.

  
  


_**17:20** _

The house was still intimidating to look at. It was so grand she couldn’t imagine living in a place like that. She waited for someone to answer the door with sweater in hand. 

The last time she had been there, she was with James. In fact it was the last time she had seen him in person. 

She had to admit she missed him. 

As the front door opened, the first thing she head was  _ Ella Fitzgerald’s _ melodic voice being played inside the house. Then she realized who was standing in front of her. 

James’ stepmother. Maria. Though it was weird to call her that, as they were basically the same age. 

“Thank you, you didn’t have to. I forgot I even had this.” She said as she handed her her sweater back. “I must apologize I admit haven’t been the most welcoming.”

She did notice. Maybe it was because they didn’t interact much. But she appreciated the apology. 

And she understood why. She would’ve as well if her stepson brought a woman she had never met before into her home. 

“Don’t worry, I've met people far less welcoming.” 

“I bet. Do you have sex in their pools as well?”  _ That was unexpected.  _ She didn’t know what to say. Did she have to justify herself? But what would have such a justification sounded like?

_ I’m so sorry we were so horny we did it in your pool?  _ It didn’t sound much like a viable thing to say. 

“Oh.” 

That was all she managed to utter. 

“Yeah the pool area has security cameras. I had them installed after the last au pair invited a bunch of people over.”

“I’m mortified.” And that wasn’t an apology either. 

“Don’t be. I stopped watching before Bucky started stripping.” 

“Bucky?” 

“That’s James’ nickname.” She told her. She didn’t look  _ that _ upset. And it confused her. “Anyways. It seems like he likes you. Which means I might be seeing you around, so I’ll try to be nice.” 

“That seems unlikely.”

“Treat him well ok? Bucky might seem tough, but like his father he feels a lot. It’s one of the things I admire in him.” Maria held onto the sweater daintily. “If you see him before I do, which is very likely, tell him I’m sending him the pool cleaning bill.”

  
  


_ James, James, James.  _ He had no place in her mind. 

_ She missed him.  _ Even more than usual as she horny. Peter was too much of a gentleman to have taken care of her  _ problem _ . And Steve was merely a fantasy. 

But James, was more than real. And she knew it. She was scared of real. But in that moment, it didn’t matter anymore. It was the last thing on her mind. 

She rushed to his house as she got out of the train, trying to compose herself as she got closer to his place. 

  
  


**_17:56_ **

He opened the door to Y/N, standing there in front of him in a thin blouse and skirt. She smelled sweet. The same perfume she’d put on when he called her over.

Was it possible she came back from a ‘date’ with someone else?

“Y/N… What are you doing here?” He whispered so his wife wouldn’t hear. 

“I want you…” she practically moaned. He stepped outside not closing the door entirely behind him. 

“My wife is home. She moved back in.” 

“I missed you.” It seemed like she wasn’t listening. She was blinded by lust. “Have you missed me too?”

“You have no idea.” 

An unexplainable force attracted him to her, he was not able to resist her soft lips. 

_ He had missed her so much.  _

He grabbed her hand and dragged her to the narrow path on the side of his house, leading towards the garden in the back. There were two bikes against the wall, which were Dot’s from the time she convinced him biking was going to be fun.  _ It wasn’t.  _

There he was, sneaking around with a younger woman outside his own home. He was grateful for the fact that his neighbours stayed mostly indoors, if not they would’ve noticed what they were doing. 

It was exciting to say the least. 

_ She made him feel alive. She was unpredictable like life itself.  _

She had so many reservations even at her age. He remembered when he was her age. 

He had nothing in his mind. 

But he could see it in her eyes. There was a lot going on in her head. Even her touch felt like that. It was urgent, she wanted to feel something. To distract herself. 

“Fuck you’re so wet.” His hand went under her dress, feeling her arousal with his fingers. “Is it for me?”

“Only for you.” She moaned in a way it was hard for him to restrain himself and not rip her dress off of her. 

“You’re not wearing my panties.” 

“I took them off.” 

“ _ Good girl _ .” He praised, before he slid two fingers inside her, vigorously pumping them in and out, then silencing her whimpers with his lips. 

He felt the electricity through her lips, as he kissed her. It was pure unadulterated passion. Her very being was addicting. The more he had, the more he wanted. 

His tongue slipped inside her mouth, possessively. Somehow he knew she had been with someone else before him.  _ That very same day _ . Or maybe in the time they hadn’t seen each other. 

_ He was attempting to erase any trace of another man on her. _ No one deserved her. 

Her hands tried to open his shirt, but slipping as her attention was elsewhere. Not one of them was relenting. Both wanted to dominate, as she bit his bottom lip. 

He couldn’t control himself any longer. He hiked her dress up and hastily pulled down his pants, aligning himself to her sex. 

His lips connected to her neck, sucking on her skin in hopes of leaving his mark on her. 

As he pushed himself inside her, a stifled moan escaped her lips.

None of the women he had fucked in her absence were like her. None of them smelled like her, or had that look of pure ecstasy on her face as he fucked them. 

The sex part was always the same. But he convinced himself she was different. She felt so warm, and snug. So did the others, but he wasn’t as excited as he was with her. Y/N. 

The young, seductive tourist who caught his attention from the very first night. 

He thought he had fucked things up by inviting her to his father’s house. It was too early, and a miscalculation by his part. 

_ But she was there _ . Right there with him. 

His laboured breaths filled his ears alongside her sweet moans, as he fucked her roughly up against the wall of his own home. The home he shared with his estranged wife. 

He knew deep down she would’ve come back to him. 

She belonged to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I write scenes between Reader and James, I mostly listen to Fleetwood Mac. That’s the vibe I imagine for the two of them.


	19. hard to say goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): SMUT, rough sex, oral sex, sex on furniture...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s going to be a lot of sex and drama in this chapter, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.

**_09:43_ **

The door clicked shut behind her as she took off Bentley off his leash. He took off to look for his owner, meanwhile she stayed there, wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead. 

The weather had been perfect for a walk in the park, so she decided to take the dog out. Steve had asked her to look after him for the morning as he ran some errands, and without even hesitating, she had shown up at his place. 

“How was your walk?” Her jaw nearly dropped. There was Steve, barely dressed. 

Not dressed at all. Except for a towel wrapped around his waist, which he was holding with one hand. 

That was certainly not what she was expecting to see, not that she was complaining. From the looks of it, he had just taken a shower. 

_It was such a glorious sight._

“We had fun, didn’t we Bennie?” She asked the dog in a slightly higher pitch than she would usually talk in. 

“You’re so good with him. He really likes you.” 

“About that…” She began, trying not to look anywhere else but his face. “I have to come clean about something. I actually never dog sat before. I think Sam exaggerated my experience in that field.” 

“That’s just Sam. I love him, but he tends to exaggerate things.” He smiled, and then shook his head. “ _Are you hot?”_

Was she hearing things? She sure knew he didn’t mean that suggestively, _a girl could only dream._

“Am I?”

“I think so. You look parched.” 

She was parched. Ever since he had appeared in nothing but a towel, his body in full display. 

“You have no idea.” 

He chuckled, before turning around, revealing his back. She had never been _that_ turned on by a back before. Nor by calves by that matter. 

And the way that he strutted away, looking back and uttering the sexiest _‘let’s go_ ’. Made her wild. She was probably imagining all of that, but she didn’t care.

She followed him into his kitchen. It was beautiful, not that she expected anything less from him. She leaned against the marble counter, as she watched him get a wine bottle from the wine fridge. 

She watched him as he looked at the wine bottle, probably reading something on the label, before he placed it on the counter, right in front of her.

“Can you open this bottle for me?” He asked her. “I’m afraid if I do it myself, the towel will fall.” 

He was right. The towel was kept up only by his hand, and if he did open that bottle, he would’ve been naked. 

“I… I need a screw.” She trailed off as she barely could process what was happening. “A corkscrew.” 

“It’s in the top drawer.” 

She walked towards the top drawer, she was sweating. She tried counting to ten, but it didn’t work. She was sweating even more than when she was outside. Even though the AC was on, pebbling her nipples through her thin dress. 

She grabbed the corkscrew, and held it tightly, walking over to him. Her hand held onto the neck of the bottle, and tried to open it, but the more she tried, the more she felt her hands get more sweaty. 

She just couldn’t. And as time passed, heat rose to her face as he watched her amused. 

“I’m afraid my hands are slippery.” _Oh great._

“Don’t worry… I got it.”

He said, which was followed by a weak thump. _Fuck_. His towel. 

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

His hand briefly brushed hers as he grabbed the bottle from her, and opened it in less than half a second. 

But his bottle opening skills wasn’t the thing she was focused on. 

There he stood, completely naked. _He was big_. She somehow knew it, and expected it, but she was nonetheless exceeded her expectations. 

_It was happening._

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” 

  
  


She was suddenly on the table, her legs spread wide enough so he could fit in between them. He kissed her neck ever so sensually, as shushed moans escaped her lips. 

The table was incredibly uncomfortable to sit on, but she didn’t really care for it. She cared about nothing at the moment, except for the pleasure she was going to feel at the hands of Steve Rogers. 

“I thought you wanted Margaret…” She said in between breaths. 

He stopped and looked at her. Never had she thought she’d see him like that. With flushed skin, so close to her. The smell of his aftershave driving her to a point of insanity. 

“I thought I did, but I didn’t realize you were right in front of me this whole time.” 

He undressed her, lifting the dress over her head so she’d be as naked as he was. 

He seemed to enjoy what he was seeing. _Good to know_. 

Her panties were pulled to the side, exposing her wet sex to him. He let out a low chuckle. 

His tip prodded at her entrance, she had no idea when it would happen but she braced herself for the ride of her life. She was distracted by their short labored breaths. 

In that moment, she decided to count to ten. Not knowing when he’d give her the greatest pleasure she’d ever felt. 

_1… 2… 3… 4…_

He entered her with ease, her walls tightening around his thick cock. She was a moaning mess even before he started fucking her, hitting all the right spots. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, her mind solely focused on the lewd sounds they were making. 

“ _Steve_.” 

  
  


Then the pleasure dissipated, opening her eyes to reality. Was it possible she was dreaming out loud? 

James stopped thrusting and stayed still inside her, trying to grasp what had just happened. 

It wasn’t her fault her mind drifted off whilst having sex. Everyone had a fantasy they wanted to fulfill, and hers that day was her getting fucked in the kitchen by Steve. 

She has never said a wrong name during sex, or so she had thought as she didn’t ask for names that often, but she did feel guilty. 

And just like that, he slipped out of her. 

She didn’t blame him. She had said another man’s name during sex. Especially a man he wasn’t so particularly fond of. Though admittedly, James wasn’t fond of a whole lot of people.

  
  


**_10:25_ **

“James… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” She apologised as she sat up against the headboard. She brought up the sheets to cover up her breasts. 

“You called me by _his_ name.” He scoffed. “I know you like him. Just like everyone else. Just to make things clear, he’s never going to be with you. He’s too in love with Margaret. He’s been in love with her, and has been for his whole life.” 

It was unnecessary and he knew it. He knew he could have spared some of those words, as they most likely could have hurt her, but in that moment, there wasn’t much thinking. 

It was as if he wanted to hurt her as she did in that moment, though it wasn’t something he was willing to admit. 

“I know…”

“You know? But you’ve been spending time with him anyways? Hoping you’d get some?” 

Y/N was a beautiful woman. And he was sure Steve noticed that. 

Would Steve pursue her? Probably not. But it didn’t mean there wasn’t a chance he’d be attracted to her. 

And that didn't sit well with him.

“No… that’s not what I want.” 

Her voice grew small. He hated doing that to her, but his ego got in the way of things. 

“I didn’t get to finish because of you.” He said cooly, he needed to restrain himself. “On your knees.”

He watched her as she climbed off the bed, and kneeled in front of him. Then everything changed. His own desire took over his body. 

“You’re not allowed to touch yourself.” He growled as he pumped himself with his hand, just waiting for the warmth of her mouth. “Do you understand?”

“Yes daddy.” 

“Open up sweetheart.” 

She opened her mouth wide enough for him, and he groaned when his tip went past her lips. He thrusted his hips forward, making her gag around him. 

She looked so pretty with her lips wrapped around his cock. 

“You’re going to be a good girl and let me fuck your mouth.” 

Anger and desire took part in his pleasure, as he roughly fucked her mouth with no regard. He was angry. Jealous. 

And he hated being jealous. He had always considered it a petty feeling. He imagined Y/N and Steve laughing with each other, enjoying each other’s company. 

Steve could have had everything, but not her. She was his only. 

He didn’t like sharing her, but he figured it was the only way to not ruin her.

“ _Fuck yes_ … just like that.” His hand grabbed her hair as he pumped himself in and out of her mouth, saliva dribbling down her chin and tears pricked her eyes. 

And it felt good. It made him feel powerful as he chased his orgasm, making her deepthroat him. She moaned around his cock, the vibrations heightening his pleasure. 

He moaned as he emptied himself in her mouth, though he wasn’t ready to let go of her hair just yet. He reluctantly pulled out of her, his seed trickled down her chin swallowing the rest. 

She was a good girl when she wanted to be. 

Usually a morning session helped clear his mind, but it didn’t. 

He dressed up, not even looking at her once, as she stayed there on the floor as she wiped his release off of her chin with her hand. 

He needed to be alone. With a cup of coffee. 

Sadly, without her. 

“Clean yourself up.” He told her sternly before he left. 

  
  
  


**_11:26_ **

It was like her paradise on earth, until she was faced with reality. 

It had been just one day of spending their time inside the hotel, she had packed lightly for the occasion, just the two of them. They had been outside for awhile, but due to the fear of being seen together, they decided staying inside their suite was the best option. 

Considering there wasn’t much else to do but to have toe curling, mind blowing sex. And ordering room service in between breaks. 

The man was insatiable. He was never done, it was as if he had not gotten any since their last meeting, which was unlikely knowing him. 

Words were replaced by touch, and it was the only way through which he communicated. 

The sex was undeniably fantastic. They had chemistry. A lot of it. 

And she would’ve hated to ruin everything just because of one mistake. He must have made the same mistake as well. Thinking about some model he had been with whilst fucking her. 

Things happened, especially when two people had an open relationship. Even though their relationship was purely based on physical pleasure. 

Usually when a slip like that happened to her the other person ignored it. But not James. She told tell it truly bothered him. 

  
  


**_18:58_ **

As the late afternoon rolled around, Y/N had gone out to get her hair done. Which meant he had time to place the box he had delivered that morning on the bed. 

Despite the events of that same morning, he still wanted to go through with his plan. 

They hadn’t talked for a few hours. And it was starting to get a little weird. Thankfully the suite was big enough for two people to avoid each other, if not it would have been more awkward. 

It felt as if he hadn’t left his home at all. If he wanted a woman avoiding him, he would’ve just stayed home. Though he wouldn’t have gotten laid. 

Dot liked to watch him suffer. 

And then he waited. He normally wouldn’t have waited for anyone, but as he got ready, he found himself looking at his watch very often. 

  
  


**_19:36_ **

When she walked back in their suite, the first thing her eyes seemed to catch was the box that was laid out on the freshly made bed. 

He watched her as she opened the box, careful but excitedly unwrapping the tissue paper inside, her face lighting up as she pulled out the [ dress ](https://www.farfetch.com/pt/shopping/women/jacquemus-la-robe-saudade-asymmetric-hem-dress-item-14373918.aspx?storeid=9053&rtype=inspire_portal_pdp_generic_d&rpos=3&rid=f9003cd4-5ea9-4910-9621-f9dc019cceae) so she could admire it. 

It was hard not to smile at that moment. He was still angry, but he almost forgot about it as soon as a soft smile appeared on her lips. He could tell she was being careful too not to show too many emotions. 

“It’s beautiful…” 

“You like it?” He asked her. He really wanted her to. He had called his sister just for that reason. 

She was more than happy to help him choose a dress for Y/N. 

“I do.” She nodded.“I just can’t accept it.” 

“You’re going to.” His voice was firmer. He wanted her to have that dress. 

“Thank you.” 

His own stubbornness and his ego prevented him from staying there for a little longer and watch her enjoy his gift. 

So he left, before his mind decided that he wanted to stay. 

He had said the wrong name countless times in the throes of passion, and he would’ve been a little more ok with it if it was anyone else. 

But not Steve. _Perfect_ Steve. With his perfect singing voice and piano skills. Which he only developed to get girls. 

He was no better than everyone else in their closed off world. They hadn’t talked in over a decade, but he was pretty sure he stayed the same. 

He just had a better PR team than him. Everyone was just gullible. 

And Y/N was too. 

  
  


**_20:47_ **

By the time they had arrived, the party had already started. And it was over the top in every way imaginable. It seemed like a whole club had been rented out for the evening to make space for a private event. 

And Margaret Carter’s goodbye party was going to be the most talked about event that week. 

Y/N had been to a couple of parties in her lifetime, but that had to be one of the most amazing ones. 

She knew she was going to remember it forever. 

“There you are. You look gorgeous.” Sam complimented her as she walked towards the V.I.P section where he lounged, socialising with a group of people. Just usual Sam behavior. 

“It’s a new dress.” 

“I can see.” 

She was handed a champagne flute and started drinking. As an incentive to have fun. And maybe some liquid courage to speak to a certain someone that night. 

As she looked around, she spotted James. Who ever since arrived at the party with her, walked off. 

And he seemed to be enjoying the company of a gorgeous woman with very long legs and long flowy hair. He laughed at something she said. 

She forgot the last time they had a laugh. He spent the whole day being angry at her.

“This is what life looks like.” Sam said, his eyes fixed on the celebrations going on in front of him, though her mind was elsewhere. “Chaotic, crazy and amazing all at the same time.” 

“Where’s the lady?”

“What lady?” 

“The usual lady or ladies you have on your arm, who ends up in your bed at the end of the night.” 

“Tonight’s not about me, it’s about Margaret.”

“That’s very nice of you.” 

“And what about your plans tonight?” She looked over at where James was. But he seemed to have disappeared. She wondered if he vanished with the woman with the long legs. 

“Getting drunk.” 

And just as she said that, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Steve.

It seemed like she wasn’t the only one with her eyes on him, as a lot of women looked his way as he made his way through the crowd. 

“That’s boring. Steve’s here and he’s going to be very sad. _Emphasis on very_. And he’s going to need a shoulder to cry on. Then you swoop in and make him feel better.”

“That’s such... a bad plan.” She said. “But is it bad I’m actually considering it?” 

“Not really. If you want something go for it.” 

He was right. The bolder she was, the more it was going to make an impact. And she did want him. A lot. 

She didn’t remember the last time she wanted something that much. 

“You’re going to need this.” Sam said as he dished for something inside his jacket pocket and pulled out a condom in between his middle and index fingers. 

“I’m on the pill.” 

“If things don’t work out with you and Steve, and I’m still without a date for tonight, you know where to find me.” He propositioned her. 

She chuckled. “Bring it on.” 

  
  


It wasn’t until a few hours later, after dancing with Sam for a while and doing a few shots with him, a few models, a ballerina, a photographer and an actor who she had seen at the Oscars, she had finally crossed paths with the night’s guest of honor. 

_Margaret Carter._

She seamlessly pulled off a [ sequined jumpsuit ](https://www.farfetch.com/kw/shopping/women/alexis-sequinned-jumpsuit-item-13425286.aspx?storeid=9579&rtype=inspire_portal_pdp_generic_d&rpos=3&rid=e894640b-cc28-4742-8ee7-91a9ce448143). Her hair was blow dried to perfection. There was no way Steve was not going to fall all over again for her. 

“Great party.” She said unsure of what else to say to her. Besides they had only talked one time. 

“It’s all thanks to Sam. He’s very dedicated, but he also has plenty of spare time.” 

She smiled, as she held her glass with both hands. She was a nice person. And there was no doubt she and Steve would’ve been perfect together. 

But she still hadn’t abandoned all hope. 

“So where to next?”

“L.A. I need a change of scenery.” 

“I can’t wait to see what you do next. It must be exciting, to be able to travel whilst doing what you love.” 

“I must admit, I am a little scared, I’m not sure if people in the industry are going to take me seriously as a director.” She admitted. Maybe it was the alcohol, bf it sure was making her talk. 

“But you’re so perfect.” 

“I’m not. I’m just just very good at pretending I am. Everything I am, is because of advantages I’ve been given at birth.“ 

Up to that moment, she never had seen her. Sure she thought she was the typical perfect movie star, but she had never expected her to reveal something like that. Especially to her. 

“I’m not saying you’re perfect because you’re beautiful, successful or rich. But because you’re fiercely independent. I admire you so much. I wish I could be more like you. You’re changing the world.” 

She told her. She meant every word. Especially because Steve won’t look at any other woman the way he looked at her. 

“I can see why Steve loves you so much.” 

“Steve... he loves me for all the wrong reasons, you know? Maybe if he did harbour genuine feelings for me I’d consider him.” There was a weird void inside her, as she said those words. The same feeling she’d get when she got when was on a roller coaster, just the moment right before she knew the drop was coming. 

“In all honesty I have not met anyone as kind as he is.”

And as Margaret went on to speak, she stopped listening. She had heard everything she needed to hear. 

  
  


**_22:22_ **

Life had given her one of those once in a lifetime opportunities. And it came in the form of a confession. Margaret telling her she would’ve considered Steve as a romantic partner. 

And Steve... he loved her. But if she told him, he would’ve gone to her, and they would’ve lived happily ever after. 

If she didn’t tell him, he would’ve stayed a bachelor. 

However even if she weren’t to tell him, they would’ve found a way to each other again. Things always seemed to work out in the end.

It was a funny thing that she always bumped into the people she least expected. And that time, it was into Steve himself. 

“Hey, how are you doing?” He asked her. She wasn’t sure anymore. There were so many decisions to make. Not really. There was only one right one. 

But seeing him right in front of her made her question everything. 

“I’m fine I guess. It could be better.” 

“Maybe we head towards the bar together? Drinking in company is always better.”

“I have to disagree. Drinking alone is more fun than I expected.” They took a couple of steps towards the bar and ordered their drinks, sitting down as they waited for them to arrive. 

And as they did so, she watched him as he looked into the distance, on the dance floor, where Margaret was dancing surrounded by people. 

And if before she felt like she was on a roller coaster, she felt even worse. 

“Steve?”

“Yes?”

“You love her don't you?” It was more of a statement than a question. 

“Who?”

“You know who I’m talking about. Everyone knows.” She had never expected to be so straightforward with him, but it felt refreshing. “You know she’s leaving right?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He replied coldly for the first time ever. 

“Feelings suck. But from experience, you lose more when you don’t express them. Than when you do.” She told him as much as it pained her. “Margaret deserves someone who is willing to follow her to the ends of the earth. And if you’re not willing to do that, then I’m sorry, but you don’t deserve her.”

He looked at her for a while, and in that while, she realized how much she liked him. 

It wasn’t just because he was as handsome as a Disney prince. It was so much more than that. He was adorkable, he made her smile so much that her cheeks hurt. And he was kind. 

Kinder than any other man she had ever met. 

She really liked him. And it hurt so much. Especially as she had to let go. 

He gave her a gentle smile. She didn’t know if it was genuine feelings or not, but all she knew in the moment was she liked him. And that she had done the right thing. 

“Who are you?” 

“You already know who I am.” She replied confidently. 

He chuckled softly. “Thanks for the speech, but she doesn’t want me.” 

“What if told you she does?” 

And she swore in that moment, his eyes lit up as he turned his head to the dance floor. In the most beautiful way possible, she had no idea how to put in words. 

_It was love._

“Thank you.” He thanked her, before he walked off. 

“It’s nothing.” 

  
  


As she watched him walk up to Margaret, there was something within her that ached. For once she liked someone and had to let go. It was bad. 

But watching him declare his love for her, made her realize though it might have seemed briefly that there could’ve been a window for Steve and her, she would’ve had to force herself into a narrative she really didn’t belong in. 

It was Steve and Margaret’s story. 

And as Margaret pulled Steve in for a kiss in front of everyone, she knew it was the end of his bachelorhood. And their beginning.

She looked away for her own sake. She knew James’ words from that morning were true. He was never going to feel the same way. And while she liked to pretend like it didn’t bother her, it did. 

It did hurt. _She wasn’t fine_. At all. 

So she let it out in the only way she’d allow herself to. Drowning her sorrows in booze. 

Trying not to think about the house in the suburbs Steve and Margaret would have together once they get married, the one with the white picket fence and the front porch where they’d grow old together on. 

She thanked God for the open bar. That was the only thing that was going to keep her company. 

  
  


**_22:51_ **

“Where’s Y/N? I just saw Steve and Margaret…” Sam said as he finished his drink. “A few girls have already gone into the bathroom to have a group cry.” 

“I was looking for her myself.” He told him, what he had said that morning was harsh. Especially when what he had said had turned out to be true. “So Margaret and Steve huh?”

“Who thought that would happen?” 

“I guess if you hold on, dreams really do come true.” 

He was pretty sure a picture of the two kissing would have appeared on every gossip website. For the next few days it would’ve been the only thing people would have talked about. 

He had heard her. He was nearby when he heard Y/N let Steve go. He could hear the undertones of sadness in her voice. 

She didn’t have to, but she did. 

He wanted to make sure she was ok. 

  
  


**_23:04_ **

Outside she was given the clarity that being indoors wouldn’t give her. It was probably the cool air, and the proof that life went on, as people went out and about their lives. 

She knew she was going to be ok. She had to. 

There was no choice. 

She stood there still, immersed in her thoughts, not even turning to see who had just opened the door and walked outside. 

“Why aren’t you inside?” James asked her, inching closer towards her. 

“Because it’s not my place.”

“You fit in seamlessly though. You look breathtaking.” 

Then she looked at him. She could tell he wasn’t angry at her anymore. His eyes were soft, and he offered her a small smile. 

“Thank you.” She replied and let out a sigh. She was tired. All she wanted to do was go back home and drink. She needed to be alone. 

“I know what you did in there, it takes a pretty big person to do that.” 

_Had he seen? And if he had, how much of it?_ She didn’t feel like it though. Not one bit. She knew Steve could finally be happy, even if it wasn’t with her. She didn’t have a shot with him anyways. 

But it did hurt to let go. And it was hard to admit. 

“You were right. He was never going to go for me.”

“I said that because Steve’s an idiot. He never realises how good he has it.”

He told her, still smiling a little. She didn’t know if he had said that to make her feel better, but it certainly helped. It helped to know there was someone with her in a moment like that. 

Even though she had been completely disrespectful to him that same morning. 

“Let's go back to your place.” She watched him as he licked his lips. “I’ll make it up to you for this morning.” 

“What about a hotel room?” 

“ _Perfect_.”

He took her hand, and they never returned to the party. _It was for the best._

**_23:27_ **

It was dirty, and she knew that well. She was taking out her sorrows on him. But he was just so good. 

Her back was up against the thin wall, trying to grind herself on him, to find some kind of release with no luck. He aggressively turned her over, her cheek against the deep blue wallpaper, which still had the residual warmth her back had left moments before. 

He wasted no time in ripping her new dress open, he was going to tear her apart. God only knows how much money that had cost him. 

“I liked the dress…” She lamented in between pants. 

“I’ll buy you two. _Of different colors_.” 

“I don’t your sugar.”

His hands caressed her skin, and she flinched at how cold they were. 

“Then what do you want?” 

They slid down her sheer panties to her feet, and she carefully stepped out of them, intent in not getting her heel caught in them.

“ _You_.” 

He took her panties in his hands, and brought it up to his face, chuckling at the wet spot on them.

“Open your mouth.” 

What was he going to do? She knew what he was going to do, but pretended to ignore him. Albeit she knew of the consequences that awaited her. 

“Open your fucking mouth.” He growled as he forced her panties in her mouth. “Now you can be as loud as you want to be.” That chuckle though. She felt that, imagining it against her wet pussy. 

_Slap_. 

His hand harshly made contact with her ass, making her scream at the unexpected roughness. 

“What did I tell you? What were the rules?” He whispered in her ear, as he dipped one finger inside her. His other hand squeezed her sensitive cheek hard. He was going to leave a mark. 

“ _Mrghjkl_ ” She tried to reply, her words muffled by the fabric that was jammed in her mouth. His fingers found her g spot, taunting her by going painfully slow. She tried to beg, but there was no way he was going to understand her. 

“Such a naughty girl.” He sucked on her ear. “Tell me... was it them who made you this wet, or was it me?” 

It’s you. She tried to say, wiggling her hips in hopes he’d understand her and to also feel more of him in her. 

“Patience.” His voice was the only thing she could focus on, the pleasure kept her mind off of her surroundings, that was until he dragged his fingers out. “Good things come to girls who wait.” 

She felt him. _All of him_. The hint of desperation in his voice, the warmth of his breath on her neck, his hands on the sides of her hips, and his cock, hard in his pants, as he ground himself against her. 

He hastily unbuckled his belt, and let his pants fall down around his ankles, kicking them away. 

“You do this to me.” He whispered into her ear as he freed his cock from its restraints. “ _Just you_.” 

She had no idea why that last part made her heart flutter. Probably because she felt rejected by a man she knew could never be hers. 

But it felt good to be wanted. Even if she was gagged, in a room that didn’t belong to a five star hotel. 

He entered her without warning, filling her up completely. Every ridge of his cock accommodating well inside of her. 

_She just knew in that moment she was in the right place._

It wasn’t until he took out her panties out of her mouth and kissed her with passion, that she realized it. She got lost in the kiss for a moment. And the more she tasted to bitter taste of whatever drink he had lingered on his tongue, the more she craved him. 

His smell was intoxicating, and she couldn’t let go. 

She wasn’t going to. 

And he wasn’t either. 

Not when they were back into their own little world again. Where she felt special, and he had no limitations. 

**_10:01_ **

When the morning came around, they found themselves in bed, her head on his chest. They had fallen asleep somewhere in between round three and four. Though she still felt a little sore from the night before. 

The room in the light of day didn’t looked a little worse than she had remembered. It was definitely not a lavish suite. 

But it was their perfect world. Just for the two of them. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I’d really appreciate it if you left some feedback 💗


	20. firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): SMUT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify, Peter is in his twenties in this Fic.

_**07:45, Two days before** _

“Are you feeling better?”

“Much better.” She breathed out as she laid naked on the bed, her eyes fixed on the light above them. 

A thin sheen of sweet covered her body, the expanding warmth in her body contrasting with the cool air from the air conditioning. 

He put his briefs back on and faced her, as she objected. She liked admiring his ass, as she had learnt the night before. When she had commented on it and he fucked her on the spot. 

“There’s nothing like fucking to help with the pain.” 

He told her as he put back his watch on. A _Jaeger LeCoultre._ Like everything else on him, it was fucking expensive. 

Crazy expensive. She couldn’t deny it turned her on a little. 

“What do you know about losing someone?”

“Believe it or not, I did lose someone, and it hurt.” He turned towards her. “Now come on, let’s go and have breakfast. I don’t think they even do room service.” 

“Fine. But I really need a bowl of cereal and milk.” 

‘You are so fucking young.” He chuckled, as he shook his head. 

“Yeah but you like fucking me.” She replied. “And everybody eats cereal with milk.” 

“I don’t.” 

“That's because you’re a snob.” 

“I’m not a snob.” He scoffed, which made her giggle. 

“Yes you are.” 

“You want to say that again?” He nearly growled into her face. _Fuck. It was so hot._

“You’re a fucking snob” She repeated with a shit eating grin. She liked pushing his buttons. It brought out the side of him that was untameable. 

Besides, she was craving his cock more than cereal. 

Just as planned, he pushed her on her back and climbed on top of her. It seemed like they weren’t going to have breakfast any time soon. 

  
  


**_09:30, Two days before_ **

“So you’ve been in love before?” She asked him as she took a spoonful of soggy cornflakes from her bowl. It wasn’t the usual breakfast in a five star hotel he was used to having. Until that very day, he had never had a continental breakfast before. 

Much less stayed at a hotel that didn’t have room or butler service.

“Yeah.” 

He didn’t want to get too much into it. As a matter of fact, he never talked about it. The wounds were still fresh, so he didn’t want to go picking at them just yet. 

“ _How was it?”_

“Scary.” 

It was more than that. And though it terrified him, nothing had ever made him feel alive like that. The pining, the slow burn of coming to terms with his feelings, to the actual point when he realized he was in love. 

Like he had taken a long journey uphill, and had finally arrived at his goal. At the top, with the breathtaking view. 

Love was all of that. But it was also gut wrenching. The thought of it not lasting forever. 

That his happiness was always fleeting. Just moments away from it all being taken away from him. 

That was what scared him. 

But of course, he didn’t tell her that. She was still young. 

“Like I had no control of what was happening.” 

“Sounds about right.” She smiled, as she put down her spoon, and reached for her cappuccino. “Thank God I’ll never have to experience that.” 

“You can’t know for sure.” 

“Yes I do. I fully intend to abstain from that thing. I’ve been let down enough in my life.” She sounded so sure about it. He had no idea how she could speak like that. Though she was being pragmatic. That was what he liked about her. 

“Baggage. I always seem to be drawn to the ones with the most of them.” 

“You have no idea.” 

“If it helps, I have extra baggage as well. But the good thing about us is we don’t unload it on each other.” He said as she listened intently. “So everything stays as we like it.” 

“To everything staying the same.” 

  
  


**_20:07, Present_ **

“ _Can you pass me the wooden spoon_?” 

“Of course.” 

She had arrived just in time at his dorm after getting lost for a while, and then a group of students had helped her. That was how her life could have been if she had chosen another path. 

Living in student housing, sharing a kitchen with many other students and living in a small room. All of which was not included within the price of studying there. 

In all honesty she would’ve rather bought herself a lot of nice things with all the money it cost to study at a higher education.

She sat at the obviously cheaply made table as she watched Peter cook dinner. 

She dressed a little more low key that night. After all, it wasn’t like she was trying to impress someone who had slept with dozens of models. It was Peter. So a cute top and a skirt seemed to work. 

She had applied three coats of concealer to cover up the marks James had left on her. One coat of color correcting concealer and the rest ultra coverage. It was more than enough. 

She stood up and passed him the wooden spoon he had asked for. 

He thanked her as he grabbed it and stirred whatever he was cooking. It had a fairly nice smell. 

She never had a guy cook for her. She never stayed around for long to have a mela with any of them. 

So that was why she had no idea she was giving Peter a chance. 

  
  


**_20:30, Present_ **

“You can’t ignore me forever James.” Dot stated monotonously as she ate her dinner.

Even at the dinner table, they sat as far apart as they could. Ever since she had come back, he had done his best to be away for as much as possible. Hotel rooms made that possible. 

And Y/N. 

“Why? It worked before.” 

“Let’s be adults about our situation.” She said with a forced smile. “It’s not like I want to be here either.” 

He knew she had _it_. It was gone from where he had put it, and he knew she had it. After all, she was the only other person who knew about it. As when she had first found it, she had confronted him with it. 

She had gotten so mad she had wrecked his car. One of his cars. His favorite. 

And she didn’t apologize for it. She never did.

“Fine.” He grumbled. “Where’s the letter?”

“What letter?” She feigned innocence. 

“The one that was in my safe.”

“I have no idea where it is.” 

Whomever was in control of said letter, was in control of a certain narrative. And he couldn’t let Dot win. Ever. He wouldn’t let her have the last laugh in their sham of a marriage. 

He needed that back. _And he would’ve gotten it at any cost._

**_11:00, Two days before_ **

“Margaret Carter and Steve Rogers have been seen together at her L.A home.” He heard the voice from the tv say. He exited out of the bathroom and he found Y/N on the bed watching and listening to a _trashy_ celebrity news source. 

Her eyes were glued to the screen, to a slideshow of Margaret and Steve holding hands. _At least they were happy._

But the way she watched the screen, as if to torture herself, he hated that. 

“Several reports say they’ve been seen canoodling all over the city.”

“Stop torturing yourself.” He told her, as she turned her head towards him. Realizing he had gotten out of the bathroom. 

He grabbed the remote control from her and changed it to the music channel. 

“Come here…” 

He commanded gently, and she obeyed. 

He grabbed her face and kissed her, just as ‘ _Don’t You Want Me’_ started playing in the background. 

He wanted to fuck the memory of Steve out of her. He wanted her to scream out his name, so loudly she could be heard from the people in the room next door.

“ _Yes… Oh James.”_

He’d fuck her all day long if only it meant she’d only have eyes for him. But he also knew he couldn’t force things to happen. It could only happen organically. 

He kissed her inner thighs as she shuddered. He had to keep her legs pried open so she wouldn’t close them or move. 

She tasted so sweet. He had no idea why he didn’t eat her pussy more often. It was probably because he was far too busy fucking her that he didn’t have time for foreplay. 

The way she mewled, it drove him wild. She melted under his touch. 

“ _Louder_.” He slapped her clit making her squeal. _He wanted her to be loud, to not hold back any of her sweet sounds._

“James!” She moaned out loud. 

She was a temptress. Every time she moaned out his name in a honeyed voice, he resisted the urge to flip her over and fuck her into the mattress. 

At that moment he realized he was living the life he had always wanted to live. Confined in a room with a very attractive woman, having sex all day long. 

**_20:34, Present_ **

“ _How is it?_ ” Peter asked as she took a bite out of the dish he had made for her. 

He had been so thoughtful preparing a meal for her, she didn’t want to offend him. Especially because she was having a hard time swallowing it.

“It’s sweet?” 

“I ruined dinner didn’t I?” He asked as he spat out what he had just put in his mouth, making her laugh. 

“It’s ok, it was sweet you cooked.” She ate another spoonful, trying to keep a straight face. She was having a hard time recognizing the flavors. 

“You don’t have to eat it if you don’t like it.” 

“It’s particular. Is it curry?” 

“It’s supposed to be.” He cringed at the sight of her trying to eat it. “What do you say to stop eating this and go and get some fried chicken from the place around the corner?” 

“Sure. I’d love some fried chicken right about now.”

  
  


**_11:33, Two days before_ **

Like any other girl, she loved feeling special. She had craved that sensation for the longest time. Growing up, she never had felt that way. She felt misunderstood, and a little lonely. 

But as she grew up, she learnt the advantages there were to being a woman. She had to admit, there were things she had done she wasn’t entirely proud of, but it was all for the sake of feeling like she mattered. 

James fucking her was the cherry on top. He was the definition of rich, successful, and devilish good looks. 

_It was the ultimate seal of approval._

She wasn’t _desperate_ for someone’s approval, but just having it made her feel more alive. 

Out of all the men she had encountered and slept with, he was the best. 

He thrusted in her wet pussy continuously, making her moan wantonly. 

She was never drawn to any man like she was to James. She always found an excuse to leave, but that time she didn’t want to. It was probably because she had never met anyone like him. 

Just as she felt like she needed to get some space from him, he somehow pulled her back in. 

Everything about him was intoxicating and hard to stay away from. 

He made her body feel as if it was on fire, and she knew she was going to feel him for the rest of the day. It wasn’t like the half assed quickie she had in a bathroom stall at a club she went to the previous summer. 

He knew her body. He knew exactly what to do to make her come undone. 

And she knew it wasn’t going to be the first orgasm of the morning. There would’ve been many more. 

“Yes… yes… _yes_!” 

Steve was no longer in her mind. Her mind was fuzzy, as he leaned down his kiss her sloppily, his cock still inside her hitting her g spot. 

That was a welcomed distraction. 

She walked over to the desk that was placed in front of a large mirror (which was _very much_ used during their stay there). And grabbed the water bottle, emptying it. The plastic made a crunching noise before she tossed it in the trash. 

She was spent. She needed to relax for a while. 

So she did. In the bath. Normally she would’ve been adamant to use a bathtub other people had used, albeit cleaned. But she didn’t have time for that. 

As soon as she immersed herself in the hot water, she felt at peace. Though the white light gave the bathroom a darker feel. Almost unsettling. 

Her phone that she had placed on the sink, vibrated. Someone was calling her. Interrupting her. 

She stood up and reached for it, sitting down in the water as it splashed around her. And answered the call. 

“Hello?” She asked softly. As she knew exactly who it was at the other end. 

“Hi Y/N I hope I’m not disturbing you.” 

_Peter_. 

“No you’re not.” Usually, if a guy were ever to say something like that, she would’ve used it as an opportunity to tell him she was naked. It didn’t matter if she was really naked or not. 

What mattered was that it worked like a charm. Every. Single. Time. 

She wouldn’t outright say she was naked, but she would imply it. That was how the game worked. And she played it pretty well. 

“Listen… I wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner on Thursday.”

A smile appeared on her lips. 

“Sure. How does eight sound?” 

“Perfect. I’ll send you the address.” 

She turned over to the open door, to reveal James standing there in his briefs, leaning against the frame. 

“I’ll see you soon. Bye.” 

“Who was that?” He asked as he advanced towards the bathtub. She placed her phone somewhere safe, where it wouldn’t get wet. 

“A friend.” 

“A friend?” He raised his eyebrow. “Or was it a guy?”

“What if it was a guy?” She waited long for his answer. The silence was starting to kill her. 

“I’d mark you up so he knew exactly who you belonged to.” 

  
  
  


_**20:52, Present** _

“ _I couldn’t wait_ …” She moaned, making a group of people look at her way, as they were dressed for a night out. 

She licked the grease off of her fingers before reaching into the styrofoam container for another drumstick. The oil smearing across her lips. 

“This is definitely the best meal I had in a while.”

“Really?”

“Definitely. I’ve been eating catered food for a while.” 

“Catered?” He asked. “Do you lead a secret life I’m not aware of?”

One thing she never wanted to let tell him was that she was fucking his professor. It would’ve been too weird, and she had to admit she was having a lot of fun with Peter. 

She was enjoying his company a little too much. 

“Lots of events.” 

“So you’re somewhat influential.” 

“Not yet.” She told him with a smile, as she kept on eating. 

  
  


When they got back to his dorm room, they had finished all of the chicken they had bought. And seeing as they both were fairly tired from their walk, they decided to lay in bed and watch a movie. 

“So what do you want to watch?” He asked her with his laptop on his lap. 

“Something I won’t fall asleep to.” 

Once the movie had started, there was complete silence. The volume was fairly low so he wouldn’t disturb other people. 

What did he have that other guys like him didn’t have? She usually didn’t fuck college guys. And if she did, she’d try to not get their name. 

But Peter? She felt like herself. The version of herself that she used to be a long time ago. Granted that was way back when she was in high school.

She felt her age with him. She could talk about herself, and she didn’t have to try to please him. 

And if there was a game, she didn’t know the rules to it. 

It was entirely new. 

She rested her head against his shoulder, as her mind solely focused on his scent. He smelled nice, so much that she wanted to smell more of him. She inhaled, taking comfort in the smell that probably was just deodorant and body soap. 

He seemed to notice what she was doing and looked into her eyes. 

And then started the longest time she looked at someone in the eyes. It wasn’t awkward at all, she was trying to figure out the color of his eyes. And if it had any particularities. 

Then came long the millisecond that changed everything. 

His lips caught hers unexpectedly, taking charge of the kiss. He was a great kisser. 

She closed the laptop that sat on his lap, and put it on the nightstand. She climbed on top of him as she felt the semi he was sporting through his pants. 

“I don’t do this often…” She found herself lying, as she pulled her camisole over her head. She smiled as his eyes went wide at the sight of her breasts in her black lace bra. 

She did it often. _A lot._ Ever since she had started her trips, she found herself very often with various partners. 

Maybe it was Europe. It brought out the adventurous side in her. 

Just that very morning she was getting pounded into the mattress by another man. 

But in that moment it felt like the right thing to say. And he seemed to be content with it. 

And when she kissed him again, she knew she wasn’t going to look back.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	21. the story of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there’s a lot going on in the world, and a lot of us are feeling unsettled. If you want to talk about anything at all, my inbox on tumblr is always open so please don’t hesitate to reach out.

**_08:00_ **

“Good morning...” He said in a groggy, a small smile appeared on his lips as he spoke. 

“Morning.” 

She replied, she felt well rested, though she wasn’t ready to get up just yet. She needed a few more minutes in bed. The bed was warmer than usual, as it wasn’t the usual king sized bed she used to sleep in with James. 

It was smaller. Consequently, it forced her to be closer to him. Something she had never done before. The warmth was strangely comforting, it made her want to stay there for longer. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” 

She could tell he was being honest. Though as she grew up she found it harder to tell if someone was telling the truth or not. 

She liked that she didn’t have to guess what he was feeling. She knew exactly what he wanted and it was refreshing. 

“You’re not so bad either.”

The night before had been good. _Amazing_. They had three rounds before they eventually fell asleep. It had all gone better than she had expected. And it seemed like she wasn’t the only one who thought so. 

“We should wake up.” 

“We should…” She repeated as she rested her head on his chest, and listened to his heartbeat. “But I don’t want to.” 

“I’m afraid I have to start my day.” “I’m going to take a shower, and then we’ll have breakfast.” 

“Or maybe we can take one together? Just to save time and water?” 

“You really are one of a kind you know?” 

  
  
  


She put on one of his T-shirts that worked as a dress and slipped on her shoes sans socks. The hallway was significantly colder than the room, giving her goosebumps 

After she passed a few rooms, she turned left to the communal kitchen. It didn’t smell nice, but she didn’t expect it to be better as it was shared amongst a group of college students. 

  
  


She sat herself at the table and watched Peter prepare their breakfast. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was sweet. 

And she didn’t have the strong urge to leave. 

  
  


“Good morning Ned.” Peter grinned, at the sight of his friend enter the kitchen area with a frustrated look on his face. 

“I couldn’t sleep last night because _someone_ chose to have wild sex all night long.” He groaned as he poured himself a cup of coffee. 

“Come on. It wasn’t all night long.” 

“Trust me, it was.” “You’re like really loud.”

Admittedly, they both had been very loud. Mostly because he hadn’t given her any indication that she had to suppress her moans. He seemed to enjoy the sounds she made as he thrusted into her. 

At that moment she forgot she was in a student house, as she was so used to being in hotel rooms or in an empty house. 

He was very gentle with her, but fucked her real good, so good in fact that she wanted more. Pulling every trick he probably knew out of his repertoire. And it certainly paid off. 

And he made her feel beautiful. He never stopped complimenting her even at the height of his pleasure. That was what she loved the most. 

He was so eager to please her. Almost like his own enjoyment was an afterthought. He put her first. And she loved that. 

_It was all about her._

“We’ll try to be more quiet next time.” 

Ned mumbled something, while he grabbed the box of cereal and exited the kitchen, most likely headed back to his room. 

“Seems like we were a little too loud.” She laughed, and he joined, placing a plate of toast and jam in front of her.

“I really like you Y/N... but I’m not looking for something casual.”

It wasn’t totally unexpected. She knew he liked her. She could’ve guessed only by the way he looked at her. That look in his eye that she well recognized. 

“I understand. And I’m not staying in this city for long.” 

She didn’t want to let him down. And she knew eventually she was going to leave, and for some reason she didn’t want him to be mad at her. 

But he made her feel good. It wasn’t just the sex. 

How many good guys were there in the world? And how many would have liked her like Peter did? 

Not a lot. She always attracted the kind of men she knew were bad for her. 

She wasn’t going to sit around anymore. She wasn’t going to make the same mistakes again. 

Of course, she didn’t like Peter as much as she had liked Steve, but with Steve, half of it was infatuation. 

And she knew she’d grow into really liking Peter, and she didn’t want to miss out on having someone like him by her side. 

Even if it was temporary. 

“I really want to be with you though, and I don’t care about what the future holds. As long as we enjoy the present.” 

“I really want that too.” She told him, as a smile appeared on his lips. His eyes held so much happiness. “But we both have to agree that you’re not cooking anymore.” 

“That’s perfect, because I’m no good at it.” 

He didn’t say anything. There weren’t any clauses to how they were supposed to work. _No rules, no nothing._ She had at least expected something small, like the one she had suggested. 

_Instead he didn’t._

“ _At least you’re aware of it_.” She teased, and he shut him up by kissing her. 

_She could definitely learn to like him more._

  
  
  


**_22:45_ **

She had spent all day with Peter. Somehow time flew by as she spent her hours with him. She must have kissed him at least a hundred times in those hours. It was exciting. 

_Having someone all to herself._ They agreed not to put a label on things, and everything was exactly the way she wanted it to be. 

There was no competition. It was about two people. And she couldn’t deny it felt good. 

_And the sex._

She hated to admit she liked having sex in a dorm room. But after lunch she couldn’t help but ride him whilst covering her mouth with her own hand. 

It was way better than she had ever expected it to be. She never would’ve thought she would’ve enjoyed spending time with a college guy. 

Though there was less talking than kissing or fucking, but it was the most she had shared with any guy. 

She felt like she had been so disconnected from the world when she received a call, at 21:00, she was surprised. 

She didn’t expect Sam to call her and insist to go out. Mainly because he didn’t have much else to do and didn’t want to stay at home for a quiet night in. That wasn’t really for him. 

She was probably not his first choice, but she figured most of the people he hung out with were not in the city. Besides, she was fun enough to party with. 

So she had no idea why he had invited James. 

She still was confused to how they were even friends, being complete opposites. 

That was how she found herself at the back of a limo with Sam and James. 

“Where are we going?” She asked him as he poured champagne into her glass. She couldn’t believe he had booze in his limo, but she wasn’t too surprised. After all, it was Sam.

“We’re going to Valhalla.” 

“What’s _Valhalla_?”

“This super exclusive membership club. It has everything from an actual gentlemen’s club to a night club. And if you’re a VIP member like I am, you can have access to the secret sex club.” 

“So which one of the clubs are we going to tonight?” 

“I don’t know... which one are you in the mood for?” 

“Let’s do all of them.” She told him after pretending to think about it for a bit. “Though I can't do the _sex_ one.” 

“Since when?” Sam raised an eyebrow. She didn’t know if it was necessary to share private information with him, but since he was inviting her to a super secret club and had done her a thousand favors, she had to tell him. 

James just sat there, savoring his whiskey, his head obviously elsewhere. 

“Since I became monogamous.” 

If there was any moment James had to be interest in what she had to say, it was then. In fact his head snapped towards her. _She should’ve known._

“Monogamous?” He looked at James, then looked back at her. “ _With him?_ ”

“With who?” 

James asked her sternly. _Oh fuck_. She hadn’t considered telling James. And considering he had no idea she had gone on dates without him knowing, it must have come as a shock. 

“A guy. You don’t know him.” 

She hoped that was going to enough, taking a big sip of champagne to shut her up. And just as she wished, Sam changed conversations. 

Though she was confused. It was as if James didn’t care. She stared at him, hoping to see some kind of reaction. To be insistent, and ask her who the guy was. 

But nothing. He wasn’t jealous. He listened to Sam, and laughed at his story. 

_He didn’t give two shits about her._

_Why wasn’t he jealous?_

The bigger question was: _Why did she care that he didn’t?_

  
  


**_23:13_ **

The inside of _Valhalla_ ’s main lounge smelled like cigars. She could tell affluent people were there. That night there were more people she had expected, and yet there weren’t as much as she would’ve found at a pub. 

Just to get inside Sam had to say a secret codeword which she didn’t get to listen to. She didn't like the fact that he hadn’t warned her it was a fancy place, or else she wouldn’t have worn a dress so short. 

  
  


“See this painting?” Sam pointed at the painting on the wall. As the waiter brought him his cigar. “It’s a Jackson Pollock.” 

Everything about the place was so decadent she felt a little out of place. Her dress cost a mere fifteen pounds, as she had gotten it from the sale rack. But it did make her feel sexy. 

“It would’ve been in my bedroom if it wasn’t for Loki outbidding me at Sotheby’s two years ago.” He kept speaking while he smoked. “I’m still bitter about it.” 

_Loki?_ The name sent shivers down her spine. And for good reason. She had met him only a few times but in those times he enjoyed taunting her about their time together. 

“Loki?” She asked him. “Then why is it here?” 

“Because that bastard owns this place.” James interjected their conversation as he walked over with a glass of (what looked like) whiskey. 

“Loki owns this place?” She reached for James’ glass and drank from it. “Don’t tell me he’s gonna show up.” 

“What did he ever do to you? Except for that one time at the party where he-“ Sam went on before she playfully punched his shoulder, and then he closed his mouth. Awkwardly admiring the painting in front of him. 

“What did he do?” 

James asked. She knew she couldn’t avoid that question. And a part of her wanted to answer him. Just to see a reaction out of him, the reaction she wanted to see. 

“He doesn’t know?” 

“Of course he doesn’t.” She finished off James’ drink and handed the empty glass back to him. “James gets jealous.” 

“I do not.” 

“You do.” She insisted. “It’s cute.” 

“I’m everything but cute.” He told her with a smirk. It was probably the alcohol messing with her head, but she was going to miss James. 

“I beg to differ.” 

  
  


**_23:54_ **

  
  


“ _Let’s do shots!_ ” Sam exclaimed as she watched two people bring trays of shot glasses filled with what she assumed was top shelf tequila.

After staying a while at the gentleman’s club, they all figured the only way of getting properly drunk was at a club. 

Which was why they walked through the kitchen and just at the end of it, was the club behind a door cleverly disguised as one of those doors that had the _‘staff members only_ ’ sign.

It was a beautiful club. It didn’t smell like sweat and it wasn’t overly crowded. It smelled like cotton candy, and there was a decent amount of people. 

But not too much to not be able to walk through the crowd. Just the right amount.

  
  


She needed a drink. Lots of them. She knew staying around James was going to be awkward, as they had never had a full conversation without having sex. 

It was going to be hard, but she wanted to try. She wanted to try to have something that resembled a functional relationship between two adults. Even if it wasn’t the lovey dovey relationship Nat and Clint had. 

“I’m not twenty. No thanks.” 

Of course James didn’t want to have fun. She didn’t understand his aversion to have fun. It seemed like he liked being so serious all the time. 

“You’re kind of boring to be around you know?”

“She’s right. You’re in a club. Have some fun.” Sam agreed, as he handed her a shot. 

“You dragged me here. I would’ve been perfectly fine at the gentlemen’s club.” 

“ _Snob_.” 

  
  


**_00:04_ **

  
  


He realized as she watched go through several drinks that he knew very little about her. The only things he knew was that she was a tourist. She enjoyed casual sex, liked expensive things and that she had just become monogamous. 

That was pretty much it. 

It was the way he had wanted it. Not to know much about her. At that point he figured Sam knew more about her than he did, and he hadn’t fucked her (that he knew of). 

“ _Truth or dare?_ ” She asked Sam as she brought her half empty glass to her lips and finished the drink. 

“ _Dare_.” 

It was a pretty childish game, but as he recalled, Sam’s version included less prank phone calls and more nudity than most.

“I dare you to go up to that girl over there and ask her for her friend’s number.” Y/N pointed at the girl who just walked up to the bar with a friend. 

Big tits, in shorts and a halter top that showed her something that shined. It must have been a belly button piercing. 

Her friend was a little more covered, though he couldn’t see much of her. All he could see was that she was wearing thigh high boots. 

“ _Fine_.” 

He downed another shot before walking off towards the bar. She watched him amusedly as he started talking to the girl with the piercing. 

“I don’t see this ending well.” He told her as she giggled, both of them witnessing the girl throwing her drink in his face. 

Then those giggles turned into a full blown laugh. And he joined her. 

“I successfully completed the dare.” Sam walked back into the VIP area with a smug smile on his lips, drying himself with a napkin. 

“You just got a drink thrown in your face.” She stated, making him laugh again. It was a sight he could’ve never forgotten. 

He showed her the napkin he was wiping himself with. A number was written on it in a blue ink. 

“But I also got the number.” 

“Impressive.” 

“Of course I am.” He laughed, and sat himself down. “So, truth or dare?” 

“ _Truth_.” She responded clearly. 

“How many people have you slept with?” 

Suddenly his curiosity peaked. Especially when she thought about it for a while. 

“ _On this vacation? Or in general?_ ” So she had slept with other people whilst sleeping with him. He figured she had, but he didn’t like thinking about it. 

Sam guffawed, spilling his drink in the process. “ _Oh my God_. I love her so much.” 

“That high huh?” He asked her as she shrugged. 

“I honestly don’t know my number.” 

“Welcome to the club.” Sam told her, very proud. She took another shot glass in front of her and emptied the contents, putting back down an empty glass.

“So James…” She asked him, biting her bottom lip. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” 

“You two are so boring.” 

“Shut up Sam.” He needed time to thinks both an answer. Especially if it was an embarrassing question, then he really needed to think about a good lie.

“ _What was your first impression of me?_ ” 

He knew exactly what his answer was. “Loud.”

“ _Loud_?” 

“I don’t know if you remember meeting me before the night we… You were at a bar near campus.” He recalled fondly. Everything was so simple back then. “You were drunk… and well… loud.”

“I don’t like that to be your first impression of me.” She whined. It was clear the alcohol was having quite the effect on her. “Change it.” 

“How can I change my first impression of you?” 

“I don’t know, you’re the professor. You figure it out.”

“Truth or dare?” He asked her out of the blue. 

“Oh so you’re playing now?” She half giggled, before she drank again. “ _Truth_.”

“What was your first impression of me?” He wanted to know. And he knew it was wrong, but the best time to ask anyone a question to which he wanted an honest answer was when they were drunk. 

“You can’t ask the same question.” 

“There’s no rule against it sweetheart. Now answer the question.”

“Suave. And that you wore a nice suit.” 

“That’s it?” 

“Pretty much.” 

“You both gave underwhelming answers.” Sam scoffed. 

“It’s not my fault Y/N is a liar.”

“I’m not a liar.” She stated, shaking her head.“You are.” 

“Ok then, Y/N, truth or dare?” Sam asked her. 

“It’s not even your turn.” 

“Truth or dare?” He asked her again, that time a little more firmly, and she answered. 

“Truth.”

“Do you feel anything for Bucky?” Whatever the answer was to that question, he didn’t want to know. Mostly because he didn’t know what to expect, and he didn’t like that.

He liked having clear answers to everything. And he wasn’t ready to hear what she had to say. 

“Bucky? Really?”

“Don’t avoid the question Y/N.” 

“You sound like my mother.” 

“I’m going to repeat the question. Do you feel anything for Bucky right now?”

“No.” It was loud and clear. And couldn’t have been mistaken in no way for a ‘yes’. 

_She had no feelings for him._

“He’s right. You’re a liar.” Sam told her and laughed. 

“No I’m not. I feel nothing for _‘Bucky’_. No offense.”

“None taken.” He told her. He wasn’t sure he was even telling the truth. He had to admit it did sting a little. He had gotten so used to women falling in love with him. He had no idea what rejection felt like. “So truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“What happened between you and Loki?” 

“He ate me out at Sam’s sex party.” _Oh_. At least it wasn’t as bad as he expected it to be. Knowing Loki, and the depraved things he was known for, he had imagined it to be way worse. 

“Was he good?” 

“Is that a follow up question? That’s not how this game works.”

“I decide the rules. Was he any good?”

“Yes. He was amazing.” 

Before he could ask any more follow ups, Sam stood up and headed towards the dance floor as soon as he heard his favorite song being played. 

  
  


**_00:46_ **

“If I had known the hotel room was going to be the last time I would’ve made some more effort and gotten you a nice suite.” He told her as they both laid back on the black leather couch. Both watching in the distance. 

“Aren’t you thoughtful… don’t worry, I’m not your wife. I’m not going to complain about a small hotel room.” 

Even when she was drunk, she wasn’t any different. She did giggle a lot, but that was it. 

“I thought this was going to be really weird, hanging out with you without doing anything, but I’m having fun.” 

“Same.” 

“So who’s the guy?” He asked her. Maybe he was ready to hear who it was after all. He wasn’t at all before. 

“Do I have to tell you?” 

“I don’t know... do you want to?” 

“No, but I shouldn’t keep things from you either. It makes it weirder.” She turned to him, and sighed. 

“So?”

“Peter.” 

He looked at her confusedly. He could really tell she was drunk. _How in the hell was he supposed to figure out who he was if she only told him his first name?_

“I’m afraid you’re going to have to be a little more specific than that.” 

“ _Parker_? He’s from your class.” 

“From my class?” His student? She was going out with his student? He needed to keep himself as calm as possible. But he hadn’t expected it at all. _How was she with one of his students?_

“Yes. Which is why I didn’t want to tell you.” 

“Honestly I don’t know the names of my students.” 

“You’re such a bad professor…” 

He had to admit, her calling him ‘professor’ turned him on a little. And she knew that. 

“Are you sure you’re going to be ok with not touching me?” 

“I’m going to have to get used to it.” 

“You’re right.” She grabbed his hand and made him stand up. “Let’s dance.”

“No.”

“Please? As friends?” She begged him. He couldn’t believe she could sway him that easily. 

“Friends?”

“We can try, can’t we?” She asked, hopeful. “If it doesn’t work, you can cut me out of your life.”

“I don’t think I could ever do that.” He couldn’t. He could do a lot of things, but that. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy to cut her off his life. He knew the reasons. 

“Then you’ll have me in your life forever.” She told him with a smile. She had no idea how much that meant to him. “Which means until I start my next adventure.” 

He almost forgot how she wasn’t staying there forever. And he suddenly wasn’t so ok with it as he used to be. 

“Fine.” 

She dragged him to the dance floor, where she immediately started dancing. He had forgotten how when she drank she instantly danced very provocatively. It had happened at Sam’s after party for Margaret’s birthday party all that time ago. 

He had forgotten about that because he had fucked her senseless in Sam’s bedroom afterwards as a punishment. He remembered he was so possessive of her back then. 

He still was, but he knew he couldn’t do anything about it anymore. 

“You have to dance in a way that doesn’t make me want to tear your clothes off.” 

“But it’s the only way I know how to dance.” She objected, her hips moving rhythmically to the beat of the music. 

“Everyone’s staring.” 

He noted, spotting some men looking at her. He had no idea how she did it. She managed to catch men’s attention so easily. Especially when she demanded it. 

He didn’t like others looking at her like that. They would’ve never known how her skin felt like underneath their fingertips, the sweet taste of her pussy while she bucked her hips, chasing her release. 

None of them would’ve ever had her like that. But he did. 

“Let them.” She grinned. “I like an audience.” 

She was saying one thing, and doing another. Granted she had quite a lot to drink. Her ass rubbed against his crotch, and it took everything in him not to drag her to the bathrooms. 

His hand went to her waist pulling her close to him. 

_Her dancing wasn’t friendly at all._

Her arms wrapped around his neck as she swayed her body sensually to the beat, occasionally her soft breasts pressing against him.

She was so focused on the song, and dancing that she hadn’t noticed the way he was looking at her. 

He wanted to be with her one last time so he’d savour each second, losing himself in her. She made him want to dance, though he didn’t like dancing. 

The purple strobing lights flashed around them, as he forgot where he was for a split second. He wasn’t at Valhalla, but in some other paradise, with Y/N. He liked it. He liked how warm he felt, the deafening loud music and how he lost all of his inhibitions. 

He smiled and looked down at her. She caught him staring, and gave him a smile back. The color of the lights changed from purple to a shade of red, almost pink. 

The song ended, and for a brief moment, he really thought she was going to give in and kiss him. 

If only he had known the hotel room was the last time he would’ve kissed her, he would’ve done it right. 

Every part of his body was telling him to grab her face and kiss her. Right then and there in front of everyone to see. So that the next day pictures of him cheating on his wife would have appeared on the tabloids. 

_But he didn’t._ As she was happy. 

His own student had taken her from him and made her happier. A student he had no idea existed until that very day. 

She seemed so ok with moving on from him. 

He still wanted her. And he had gotten so used to having her that he didn’t know what not having her felt like. 

He admired her. She was smart, and had a whole life in front of her. And just by being near her he felt everything she did. 

He wanted the ability to be able to move on. He wanted to move on from his old life. The one with his wife, but he had gotten so used to it. 

Though a part of him stayed hopeful that she would’ve eventually returned to him. _As he knew nothing ever lasted forever_. 

  
  


**_11:30 - Monday morning_ **

“Peter Parker?” He said out loud just as the students started walking towards the door. 

He waited to see who responded. He had wondered all weekend what he looked like. If he was tall, or short. Handsome, or average looking. If he was exactly her type, though he had no idea what he type was.

He wanted to see who had taken Y/N from him. 

He had almost driven himself crazy wondering who it was. 

“ _Yes Sir?_ ” A voice replied. And a young man appeared in front of him. He recognized him by his face only. He was very active in his classes. From what he knew he was pretty smart. 

“ _We need to talk about your paper._ ” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you reading. I’d really appreciate it if you left some feedback 💗


	22. it happened one night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): talk of abortion and pregnancy

**_00:13_ **

She couldn’t sleep. Just as she was about to go to bed, one scary thought came to her. It taunted her, so much so that she couldn’t fall asleep. 

It was one of those thoughts that popped up from nowhere, scaring the living shit out of her. With good reason. 

She rushed down to the kitchen to grab herself a glass of water. Or something else. 

She needed it. She opened the fridge, the cool air soothing her for a brief moment before brought back to real life. 

She kept counting the days.  _ She was late _ . Exactly a week. 

_ It wasn’t possible.  _ She had been careful. She had always been.

But even though she was, there was always something that was going to work against her. 

She wasn’t sure, but she was scared. So much so that she clumsily dropped a glass to the floor, and she didn’t care it fell near her foot. She didn’t even care about the shards piercing her skin. 

She was too much in her own head to care. 

“Y/N! Are you ok?” Nat asked, rushing into the kitchen. Gasping, when she saw the broken glass on the floor. “Oh my God!  _ Are you ok? _ ”

“I don’t know…  _ I think I’m pregnant. _ ” 

  
  
  


**_00:35_ **

“I need a test.” She said as she patched herself up, with Nat passing her a bandaid. “Is there a pharmacy nearby or a drugstore?”

“They’re all closed.” 

“What do you mean they’re all closed?” 

She felt sick to her stomach. And she cursed herself in her head a thousand times.  _ It was bad.  _

“We’re going to have to wait ‘til the morning.”

She didn’t have until morning. She needed to know. 

“What time do they open?”

“Eight.”  _ Seven hours to go _ . Which if she slept through would’ve passed very quickly, but falling asleep was a challenge in itself.

“ _ Eight _ ? I can’t wait ‘til eight. My head is going to explode.” 

_ How could she have been so careless? _ She never had to face major consequences for her actions but if the test turned out positive, she had to. She had no other choice. 

“Just breathe for a second…” Nat told her, trying to calm her down. Which she appreciated, but she couldn’t. “I’m going to make you some tea after I clean the mess up.” 

“You don’t have to do that.”

She stood up from her chair and walked her way to the kitchen as if nothing had happened. In truth the cuts weren’t even that painful. Or maybe they were and she didn’t feel the pain because she had something else on her mind. 

“You just cut yourself Y/N.” 

“I’m going to help you.” She said stubbornly as she bent down to collect the bigger pieces of glass from the floor. That was until Nat passed her a broom. 

“Fine. But be careful.”

  
  


**_01:24_ **

“It’s not possible. There’s no way I’m pregnant I’ve always been careful. I’ve been doing this for awhile.” She spoke, holding the fifth cup of tea of that night. 

“Condoms aren’t always effective.” 

“ _ I don’t use condoms _ .” She told her as Nat raised her eyebrow. “I do, but I didn’t with one person.” 

“There you go. That’s your problem.” Nat looked at her with her judgy face. The face she always made when she disapproved of something. And even though she always said she wouldn’t judge, she would end up judging. 

“Let me guess...  _ James _ ?”

Her mind went back to all the times James fucked her. He never wore protection. As she was sure the pill was enough. But there was always the possibility something like that happened. 

“Yeah. James.” 

There was a brief moment of silence between them. She couldn’t possibly tell James. It was her problem. She had to find a solution quick. 

Men like James didn’t have time to deal with their mistresses getting pregnant. 

Just at the thought of being pregnant made her sick. Maybe in another life where everything was peachy and had her life together, maybe she would’ve panicked less. 

But she was a mess. That was the truth. Slept with a married man and was possibly carrying his child. 

“Are you going to tell him?” 

_ It was almost as if she read her mind.  _

“No… I don’t think so.”

“What if it’s  _ positive _ ?” 

_ Fuck _ . She didn’t even want to think about that. She usually didn’t think about bad stuff, and tried to avoid them. 

But she was trapped. There was nothing she could’ve done but face the problem. 

“What about it? I can’t tell him. We’re in a good place now, and everything he has told me has led me to believe he doesn’t want children. Not now, not ever.” She shrugged, and Nat looked at her sympathetically. “Besides, if it is positive, I’m not keeping it. And if you’re going to voice your opinion, I’d rather you did that right now.” 

Nat walked up to her and rubbed her shoulder. Offering her a gentle smile. 

“I agree.” She nodded and hugged her. She really needed it. “And I support your decision.”

“Thank you.” 

“No problem.” She pulled away from the hug. “I went through a similar situation last year with Clint.” 

“How did he take it?” 

“I mean I told him I thought I was pregnant then I took a test. Needless to say we were both relieved.” 

“At least Clint is a nice guy.” 

“Yeah he is.” She nodded and looked into her cup, sighing. “But we’re still in college. Kids are the last thing on my mind.” 

It was comforting that she was shared a similar experience with her. Though she wanted her to tell her while it was happening. She wanted to be there for her as she was. 

“You two are the type of couple who’ll go the distance.” 

“That’d be nice, but who knows.” It was strange hearing her talk like that. She knew her as the hopeless romantic. She had been Clint since her first year of university and was still the most functional relationship she had seen. 

“ _ Nothing's ever permanent _ .” 

It was something she had realized early on in her life. The good things disappeared. Though she could find solace in the fact that bad things also didn’t last long. 

So she had learnt early on to not get too attached to things. Which was why she had grown to become someone who got bored easy and always looked for the new shiny thing. 

It was an endless cycle. 

“Exactly.” She agreed and poured herself more tea. “What about you and James?”

“What about us?”

“Did you ever think you’d be with someone like him for as long as you did?”

She had never thought about it. But truthfully, she hadn't. She knew it was doomed from the very first time she woke up in his apartment (and he had offered her money, in his defense he thought she was a call girl). 

Though it seemed like she could never get fully rid of him. As he made a place for himself in her life and just stayed there. 

He never really did leave. 

“No I didn’t.” She finally replied. But they had made it work in their way. 

And that should have been seen as a success. 

_ Then why did it feel like it wasn’t? He seemed so ok with ending things, but she couldn’t help but miss him from time to time. Especially when she had nothing to do.  _

“Do you want some more tea?”

“Maybe some alcohol?” She asked, and Nat immediately walked over to the cupboard taking out an unopened bottle of peach vodka. “I need something stronger than tea.” 

  
  


**_02:50_ **

She was tipsy. After two shots of (cheap) peach vodka, came several glasses of boxed wine. She shrugged as she poured herself more as they both lounged on the couch. 

_ Still five or so hours to go.  _

The alcohol made her miss Peter. Peter, the good guy she had been involved with. Probably the first guy who wasn’t a complete douchebag to take interest in her. 

Everything was easy with him. Maybe a little too easy. He compromised on everything. And he didn’t have the need to be right all the time. 

He had no rules. Which meant she wore the pair of sneakers she had brought on her trip, to walk around the city. Which meant no sandals. Or strappy heels. Or the shoe invented by the Devil himself,  _ stilettos _ . 

She could wear whatever she wanted, be interested in things that didn’t involve sex. 

“Being with Peter made me realise how many things I’ve pretended to like to be liked by James.” 

“So you were faking it.” 

“In the worst way imaginable. This is what’s wrong with men. Women like me who try so hard to fulfil a fantasy. That’s why they expect the same from everyone else.” 

“What was his fantasy?” 

“This perfect girl who looks perfect at any time of the day, who is able to fuck on command and adapt to his schedule. And be perfectly fine with it when in reality I was exhausted all the time.” 

“Why didn’t you tell him that?”

“I couldn’t. That’s the thing with men like them they hold so much power they’re able to make you do anything. I want to put my foot down, but the second he’s in my line of vision all I want to do is please him.” 

“That’s no good. Well I’m really glad you’re seeing Peter. He seems like a good guy.” 

“He is.” 

  
  


**_16:30, A few days earlier_ **

She closed her eyes, as she rested her head on his lap. After lunch, he insisted on taking a walk before returning back to his dorm. And they eventually ended up at a park, both sat on the grass, and enjoying the perfect weather. 

Things couldn’t be any better with him. Though she barely got to have time alone with him as the end of his term neared and he had thousands of deadlines to meet. 

She still managed to squeeze herself in his busy schedule. It was probably for the best. His absence made her want him even more. 

The less she saw him, the better the sex was. 

She didn’t change though. Just because she could sleep with one person didn’t mean her eye didn’t wander. 

After all she was surrounded by temptation. But it was the little things Peter did that made her forget about everything around her. 

“Remember how you told me you were going to Venice this summer?” He asked her, as she looked at the clouds.

“Yes…? And I’ve put a pin in that. I’m not sure yet.” 

“Well… would you be sure if I tagged along?” She sat herself up, her hand on his lap. As she looked into his eyes. A shy smile appeared on his lips, unsure of her reaction. 

“You want to come to Venice with me?” 

“Yeah.” He said. “I wanted to ask because I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to be there.” 

“If you’re still around then yeah. I’d like that.” 

“What do you mean by that?” He cocked his head. “I intend on staying for as long as you’ll have me.” 

“So you want to be stuck with me in Venice?” She asked him, as she inched towards him, and was dangerously close to his lips. 

“Absolutely.” 

**_03:46_ **

The truth was she wasn’t going to stay in London for long. It was a vacation. Her next stop was Venice. So what she had with Peter felt genuine, but in truth it was a ticking time bomb. 

She didn’t know what she was going to tell Peter. 

_ That she was a huge slut and had gotten pregnant with a married man’s baby?  _

_ Was it even James’? _

She counted the days.  _ It had to be James _ . It was after the party. 

But what if there was a chance it wasn’t his? She wasn’t going to be a mother. That was something she was certain about. When she was a child, she never didn’t want children as much as the other girls. 

Sure, she liked to play house with her friends, and dress up dolls pretending they were real babies. But that was completely different. 

If she was pregnant, she couldn’t raise it.

She remembered her mother telling her she’d end up burning in hell if she ever terminated a pregnancy. Abortion wasn’t a thing they ever spoke about. 

“So are you telling James?” Nat asked her, as she laid down on the floor, staring at the ceiling.

After they had been tipsy for a while, they had reached a moment of clarity. 

“After what I told you, do you think he’s the type to want a kid?” 

“Honestly… no.” She replied. She was right. He wasn’t at all. “But you’ll never know if you don’t ask him.”

“He told me himself, he doesn’t want them.” He didn’t even have kids with his wife. There was no way he wanted kids with someone who he used to fuck regularly and was way younger than he was. “And he’s not even the relationship type.”

“And yet, he’s married. Have you ever met her?” 

“Met her?”

“The wife.”

“No. Never.” She had only seen photographs. James rarely ever spoke of her. Sometimes she even forgot she had been fucking her husband on every surface of his (their) house. “I don’t think I could’ve done what I did if I met her.” 

The fact that Mrs. Barnes was someone she had never met, but only heard of, made it easy. As if she didn’t exist. But she did exist, which made Y/N a bad person. 

  
  


Which made her wonder if she had ever wanted children with James. And if she did, it must have been difficult since he didn’t want any. 

Or maybe she didn’t want to be a mother. Which meant they shared something important in common. 

Motherhood was something she was told to aspire to since she was a child. As if it was something she had to do. Same thing with getting married. 

Growing up, she was certain if she had ever become a mother, she would’ve been a bad one. She didn’t know why, most likely because she had been continuously told she was selfish. 

And mothers are above all selfless. At least she thought that was what good mothers were supposed to be. 

_ She was selfish. _ She wasn’t going to deny it. Ever since she had discovered the pleasures that it could bring her, she fell into the habit. 

Being selfless in a self serving world made less sense as she grew up. 

Though there were always consequences to self indulgence. 

  
  


**_04:48_ **

Only four hours had passed, which felt like a lifetime. Nat was still very much awake, drinking coffee and tea to not fall asleep. Even though she had told her to sleep. She was almost as stubborn as she was.

At that point she would’ve been glad to get her mind off of her possible pregnancy. And then she did. 

She thought long and hard about a time in which she didn’t think about anything, and just lived. About the last time she had fun. 

One of those moments stood out the most. The half day she spent it with the twins. The diamond necklace.  _ The pool _ . 

_ Him _ . 

She went to her night stand, where she had put the necklace inside it’s drawer. It was pretty and left untouched since that day. 

For one simple reason. Wearing it made it feel like she belonged to him, and she had fought so hard over the years to not belong to anyone. Drifting from one bed to another. 

Without so much as remembering a name. 

She searched for the superficial pleasures. The ones she knew she could get without much effort. And sex happened to be one of them. 

_ Lots of it _ . And even though she found herself to be exhausted, she couldn’t deny she enjoyed every aspect of it. 

And that was when a very bad idea came to her. She took her phone out and unlocked it. 

_ She wasn’t proud of it.  _

  
  


**_05:15_ **

After staring at the screen for a while, and opening the recently called contacts only to stare at that for another while, she finally found the guts to click on a number. 

There was no way anyone would’ve answered, but she had to do it. To make peace with her own mind. 

As she was about to give up after the third ring, she realized the call had been picked up. 

“ _ I was sleeping. _ ” She heard him groan. She had woken him up. And she instantly regretted calling him. 

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” 

She was, but it was nice hearing his voice. She needed it. 

“It’s fine. But it’s five in the morning Y/N.” It was five in the morning. Time just ceased to exist that night. She had never stayed awake the whole night sober. And now she had. 

He had also never called her by her name before. Or if he did, she didn’t recall. She liked it when it rolled off his tongue. 

“I can’t sleep. I’m so sorry.” Her voice trembled unintentionally as she whispered. 

“Don’t be.” He reassured her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing...” She said shyly. She hated the fact that he still had an effect of her. “I just... really wanted to hear your voice.”

There was a brief silence. After all, it was very early. Or late. She didn’t know anymore. 

“You should tell that to your boyfriend.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” 

“Yeah you do.” He argued, though in a softer voice than usual. He was still half asleep. Chances of him remembering the conversation were slim to none. “I have to go Y/N.”

“Ok… bye…”

“ _ Bye _ .” 

And then he hung up. 

  
  


She never understood how the inside of James Buchanan Barnes’ mind worked. One minute he was warm and kind, and the next he was cold and distant. 

He had people he cared about, she discovered. For instance Sam, his sisters, as well as his new family. All of whom called him  _ ‘Bucky’ _ . An affectionate nickname. 

She had no idea where they stood. Especially since they weren’t having sex. What were they? They were certainly not friends. 

Perhaps it was impossible for two people to go back to being friends after having had sex. 

There were instances she truly believed he cared about her. Even though she was only the other woman. His soft touch, his lingering looks… though they could’ve easily been lust. 

She had to admit it was hard not having him around. She wondered whether she made the right choice to let him go. 

It was. It had to be. Even though it was fun, there was nothing else they did besides have sex. And while it was admittedly the best sex she had in her life, she was happy with Peter. 

Did she miss having his body next to her?  _ Yes _ . 

One of her favorite moments were when she laid next to him after sex. The silence that would follow, which allowed her to admire his beautiful face. 

There was something deeply soothing about the fact that after he had been rough with her, he was capable of being gentle. 

Regardless, because of him, she was able to forget about her worries and sleep for the first time in hours. And for that she was thankful. 

  
  


**_07:50_ **

As the sun shone outside, and the birds chirped, she looked over to the couch, where Nat slept peacefully. She was grateful. She couldn’t have gone through such a stressful night without her. 

She got dressed in the first things she could get her hands on and quickly scribbled down a note, and placed it on the table for Nat. 

It was raining, but she took her time getting to the drugstore down the street. 

She picked up the cheapest test she could find and brought it to the cashier, who looked at her exhausted and disinterested. She handed her a bill and got her change and got out of there as quick as possible. 

As she rushed back home, only one thing was on her mind. She knew whatever the result was, she was going to be ok. 

She had pulled herself from worse situations in the past and it always worked out somehow. 

Her curiosity won over her need to sleep, as she headed straight to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. 

She was exhausted, but she needed to know. She knew she couldn’t think about anything else if she didn’t know. 

She waited  for the result. She had already weighed out the pros and cons. Mostly cons. And she was confident in what she had to do. 

As the timer rang, she made her way towards the sink where she had left it on top of a piece of toilet paper. 

Her hand shook as her heartbeat was so loud she could hear it in her ears. 

She sighed, and a weak smile crept up her lips. 

_ Negative _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a chapter that had Reader deal with real life problems. I know this fic is mostly about an idyllic lifestyle, and though partying with billionaires sounds like an amazing life, it isn’t very realistic. 
> 
> I was so unsure about posting this chapter, so I hope you enjoyed it even though it was completely different from what I usually write. 
> 
> Let me know what you think and I’d be really happy if you left some feedback 💗💗


	23. look who’s back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this chapter to everyone who has supported this story. Having your support really makes me want to write more and more. 
> 
> So thank you. ❤️

**_10:34_ **

One thing he hated about his job was sitting down and grade papers. Well, amongst other things. 

Though he wasn’t going to have to do that for long, as the deal was he had to teach for a semester. It was the one last thing he had to do before he could be reinstated as the CEO. 

He often fantasized about what he would do when he got his old job back. 

The more he didn’t have Y/N, the more he thought about her. Having Peter in his class wasn’t easy either. 

Once he had caught Peter smiling at something the guy sitting next to him said to him. His mind couldn’t help but imagine what about they were smiling about. Perhaps Peter has told the guy about Y/N. 

It wasn’t his proudest moment, but he had called him out on it in front of everyone. After which Peter politely apologised and focused on the lesson. 

He tried not to look at him too much, but when he did, all he could see was Y/N kissing him, touching him with her skilled hands. And he didn’t like that. 

He wondered if he made her laugh. And wondered the kind of adventures they had together. 

He didn’t have many of those with her. There wasn’t much to do in a hotel room. But the ones he had he looked back on at times. 

They weren’t conventional, but they weren’t conventional either. 

  
  
  


**_11:23_ **

“Sam! What was so urgent I had to come here right this second?” She asked annoyedly as she marched into his lavish penthouse apartment. Just as she was about to go somewhere else that morning, she had received a call from him. 

He wasn’t very clear on the phone, as he left her with a very cryptic message. That it was urgent and that she had to rush to his apartment at that second. 

So she did that. 

“There’s a  _ very _ good reason.” 

“It better be.” She sighed. “I have this huge secret, well not so huge now. But I’m gonna spill if you ever so kindly offered me a mimosa.” 

“ _ What’s the big secret? _ ”

Her eyes widened at the voice. It didn’t belong to Sam. It a voice she hadn’t heard in a while. There he was, the man she hadn’t seen in weeks. 

“ _ Steve _ ?”

“Hi” She had no idea how he could look better than the last time she had seen him. Maybe to had something to do with the fact that she hadn’t seen him in a while. But damn. 

_ He was fine.  _

“What-“ 

“I’m back.” 

“I can see that. Why…  _ When _ ?”

“I missed it here. And I flew in last night.” She heard chuckles coming from Sam, who was very entertained by their exchange. “How have you been?”

She hated the fact that every time Steve was around, she was at a loss for words. 

“Fine. I’ve been doing great.” 

“ _ Great _ as in she has a boyfriend now.” Sam added, taking Steve by surprise. 

“Sam!” 

“A boyfriend? Seems like I have missed a lot.” 

“He’s not my  _ boyfriend _ .” She clarified, though it seemed like the two men were not so convinced. 

“ _ Yes he is _ .” He whispered to Steve, loud enough so she could still hear him. 

  
  


“So what are we doing tonight?” Sam asked Steve as he headed towards the kitchen and started making her drink. “You know, to celebrate your triumphant return to London. Having captured the heart of the lady you’ve always wanted.” 

“Maybe we can hit a club?” 

_A club?_ Since when Steve went to clubs? Probably since he got Margaret and started loosening up. 

_ “ _ Yeah I’m up for that.”

They both looked at her in unison. Awaiting an answer. 

“Oh no.” She shook her head. “I’m afraid the  _ ‘boyfriend’ _ and I have other plans.” 

“Come on, we’re going to  _ Valhalla _ .” Sam argued, pouring a fair amount of champagne into her glass. 

“I’m not going back there. I’m not setting foot in  _ Valhalla _ .” 

“Is there a story behind that-“ 

Steve asked as he watched them both. She looked at Sam, waiting for him to answer. His lips curled into a shit eating grin, but she knew he wouldn’t have exposed her like that. 

There was no way Sam would’ve told him that Loki ate her pussy at a sex party. Some people didn’t need to know certain details of her personal life. 

“Yes there is. As a matter of fact, Loki Odinson, you know the extravagant guy who’s a lord or something? So he and-“ She was wrong. He wasn’t bluffing. 

“Ok I’m coming.” She shouted just in time to interrupt him. 

“I knew you would.”  _ Asshole _ . 

“That’s blackmail. And I’ll see you tonight.” 

“Why tonight? Join us for the day.” He winked, to which she rolled her eyes.

“Join you?” It wasn’t a good idea. She wasn’t going to be alone with them the whole day. “No. I have plans. But I’d love to get ready here.” 

“I’ll be seeing you at eight.” 

“Make that six.” She turned her head back, both men watched her leave, and her confidence returned. “It takes time to look fabulous.” 

“Fine. I’ll leave the spare keys with the doorman. You can let yourself in.” 

“Perfect.” 

She closed the door behind her.  _ What had just happened?  _

  
  
  


**_18:01_ **

The door opened to reveal Steve on the other side, in a fluffy white bathrobe complete with wet hair. 

He smiled at the sight of her.  _ Damn it. Why did he have to always look like that?  _

It eerily reminded her of her dream. Though most of her dreams that included Steve, he wore little to no clothes. It was no coincidence. The man was in very good shape.

“Where’s your shirt?” She asked him as she walked into Sam’s penthouse. 

“I just took a shower.” He explained. And she could see that. It was hard to miss. His robe was open enough to see a bit of chest hair on his toned chest. “Sam’s letting me stay here. The water at my place isn’t working yet.” 

It was also very hard not to imagine him  _ sans _ robe. But the butterflies were gone. 

Maybe seeing pine over someone so much out her off permanently. 

“And Bentley? How is he?”

“Bentley is taking a walk with Sam’s housekeeper.” 

“So it’s just us.” She stated, she had no clue why the tension between them had to be thick. It was there. 

He was taken, and she was happy with Peter. But for a second she noticed something. Maybe she was reading too much into it, but the way he licked his lips was outright sinful. 

It probably wasn’t even meant to be suggestive. 

“I’m afraid so.” She made her way up the stairs, not knowing Steve’s eyes followed her. “I’ll be down here if you need anything.” 

  
  


**_19:45_ **

She adjusted her see through bra, her hands pushing up her breasts inside its cups. She hadn’t worn sexy lingerie in a while, as Peter didn’t really care for it. 

But it made her feel powerful. She assumed that was how men felt when they wore expensive tailored suits. She shimmied into a matching thong, and headed to the adjoining bathroom to touch up her makeup. 

  
  


She checked her messages.  _ Nothing _ . It had been like that for a few days. 

And though she knew he was busy, she couldn’t help but feel a little lonely. There was something comforting about being with Peter. 

She snapped a sexy picture in her lingerie, hoping he’d answer. But still, nothing. 

She had assumed once she had become monogamous, the sex would’ve been constant. And days without texts would cease to exist. 

But it seemed like it was just the same. Except for the fact that she couldn’t just go out and find someone else to fuck. 

If she wasn’t going to get attention from him, she knew she would’ve found it elsewhere. 

  
  


As she applied gloss on her lips, she admired herself. She felt like a goddess. 

She put on the diamond necklace James had bought her and slipped into a satin navy dress that hugged her figure. 

Her cleavage was prominent, she knew exactly the kind of attention she was going to attract. And it was exactly the kind of attention she craved. 

Being with Peter made her happy, but she needed men and women admiring her. 

She descended the stairs confidently, her heels making the right amount of noise for Steve to turn his head towards her. His eyes widening as he took her in. 

Her lips curled into a smirk, balancing herself on the rail so she wouldn’t fall an embarrass herself.  _ Which was something she was very capable of doin _ g. 

  
  


“ _ Wow _ .” He said once she had descended the stairs. She could tell he was trying not to look at her breasts. Or her exposed legs. 

“It’s not too flashy?”

She asked him innocently and watched him amusedly trying to be as respectful as possible. 

“Not at all.” He shook his head, as he looked into her eyes. “You’re perfect.” 

The compliment had taken her by surprise, as she didn’t expect him to be so direct, but she liked it. There was definitely something different about him. 

Ever since he had returned he seemed more aware of people’s perceptions of him. He was still very attractive in her eyes and if she had the chance, she would’ve loved to fuck him, but that little thing that he made her feel inside whenever he was around was gone. 

Though Sam was right about one thing. Steve was a man. And men were very visual. No matter how different they presented themselves to be. 

“Thank you.” 

“Shall we?” He offered his arm, and she took it. 

“We shall.” 

  
  
  


**_20:12_ **

She had told Sam she didn’t want to be left alone with Steve. She didn’t outright tell him, but it was implied. 

She didn’t want to be left alone with him. Especially in a limo which had champagne, a small disco ball (that was pretty cool) and  _ Careless Whisper _ , sensually playing in the background.  _ It wasn’t subtle at all.  _

But at that point it seemed like Sam was trying to push them together again. She knew he wasn’t a big fan of Steve and Margaret being together, but he was being a little obvious. 

“Did Sam tell you he was joining us there?” She asked Steve, visibly awkward about the situation they were both put in. 

It was a trap. She should have known. 

“Yes he did. He said something about models, and that he shouldn’t keep them waiting. For too long.” 

“That sounds a lot like Sam.” 

“Champagne?” He poured some in a glass. She figured she needed alcohol to survive a ride as it seemed they were going to have a very long night. 

“Are you trying to get me drunk?”

She asked coyly. She always wanted to flirt with him a little. As every interaction with him involved a little gawking. Though it seemed that night it was his turn. 

She was so glad she decided to wear that dress. 

“I can tell you have something on your mind.” He set the bottle down after he finished pouring his drink, and brought it to his lips. “Is it your boyfriend?” 

“Again. Not my boyfriend.” She commented, trying not to look too much at his lips.  _ Did they always look like that?  _ “Sam just likes teasing me because I hate labels and the idea of a relationship doesn’t arouse me.” 

“Is that so? What’s so bad about being in a relationship?” 

“I don’t think it’s bad, it’s just not for me.” Whatever plan Sam had concocted, it seemed to be working. Just a little. “I enjoy my freedom a little too much.

  
  


**_20:24_ **

She got off the limo feeling different. Somehow having Steve pay her so much attention left her satisfied. Though she had wondered what had happened to him in the weeks he had left for L.A. 

He seemed like an entirely new person. And she liked it. 

When she flirted, he flirted back. And he made it obvious. Seeing him like that, did things to her. 

She hadn’t had sex with anyone in a while (a few days) so she was feeling particularly horny. And though she knew he wouldn’t scratch her itch, teasing him was fun enough. 

“How you guys enjoy my limo?” Sam asked them as he waited in front of the club with a couple of ladies. 

“It was nice.” 

“I know. You’re welcome.” He chuckled. Knowing what he had done. He was probably one of the most calculating people she had ever met. In a good way though. “Ladies, shall we have some fun?”

The model-esque women giggled as Sam guided them inside the exclusive club with his hands on the small of two of the girls’ backs. 

She reluctantly followed them inside, as she saw the last person she expected to be there sat at the bar already nursing a drink. 

“Look who’s joining us.” Sam announced a little too late. 

_ James _ . He pushed away his drink then faced all of them. “I figured I needed something else to do than to stay in.” 

“The more the merrier.” 

As long as there weren’t more surprises, she was fine with it. 

  
  


**_20:30_ **

“ _ You’re so fucking beautiful. _ ” James whispered into her ear as soon as Steve, Sam and his guests left to go to the nightclub section. 

She understood. Only Sam knew about it. As he had fucked her in his bed.

It was a secret. Although there was nothing going on between them, she like a little harmless flirtation. It was just what she needed. 

“Am I? If that’s the case I think you should buy me a drink.” 

“I’ll have a Macallan 25, neat. She’ll have an Old Fashioned.” He ordered for them both. There was something very sexy about him. 

_ Everything _ . 

“You remembered.”

“The drink you ordered when we met?” She bit her bottom lip, and uncrossed her legs. Then crossed them again, making sure her dress rode up just a little. “Yeah I remember.” 

“What are we drinking to?” 

“The fact that I soon won’t have to teach anymore.” He announced proudly, as his drink was being poured right in front of him. 

“You’re quitting  _ professor _ ?”

Flirting with James was so much different than with Steve. She knew James and exactly what he liked. The same couldn't be said for Steve. 

She felt more at ease. 

“I’m not quitting. We had a deal for just one semester.” 

“I get it.” She reached for her glass that was placed in front of her. “You want to be the big man calling the shots again.  _ Times Magazine _ was it?”

“ _ Forbes _ .” 

“Right.” 

If things were different, she knew she would’ve found herself in the toilet with her dress bunched up at her waist, with his cock deep inside her. 

Just the thought made her squeeze her thighs together. Hoping that he wouldn’t notice. 

_ Thinking about having sex with someone else didn’t count right?  _ It was just a fantasy. 

“How’s the boyfriend?” He asked her genuinely. “Come on, I can take it. Promise I won’t die of jealousy.” 

“Peter’s not my boyfriend.” She told him. It must have been the thousandth time she said those words. “And he’s been incredibly busy lately.” 

She had a couple of busy days as well. Starting the pregnancy scare. The one that had turned out to be negative. 

They were both morally questionable people. Not quite the ideal parents. He was cheater and she was a homewrecker. She wasn’t proud that he wasn’t even her first married man. 

Though in her defense she didn’t know back then. 

“Look at you hanging out with an old man, whilst the other two old men are with younger girls at the club.” He teased and it seemed as if no time had passed. 

“What can I say? I know you enjoy my company.”

“That I do.” He nodded. “How have you been?” 

“Ask me the question you’ve been dying to ask me.” 

“How’s Peter?” He asked her directly, without beating around the bush. She liked that. 

“How do you know his name?” 

“You told me the last time we were here.” 

“Fuck. And you know...”

“He’s in my class. And have you two...”

“ _ Fucked _ ?” She asked a little too loudly that she made the bartender blush. “Yes we have.”

“And in that department, you are better. For obvious reasons.”

His experience. The fact that he could go for hours and hours.  _ His tongue. _ His thick uncut cock. The look of satisfaction he had whenever he pounded into her. 

And he seemed to be aware of it. 

“ _ I’m glad to hear that. _ ” 

  
  


**_21:45_ **

“Ms. Y/N...” A bartender handed her with a dirty martini, after they had been talking for a while. He knew it was petty and a little childish, but he loved it when she told him he was better in bed. 

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise as it did, but he liked how it made him feel. 

“Here’s your drink.” 

“I didn’t order it...” She pursed her lips in confusion. 

“ _ It’s on the house. _ Compliments of Mr. Odinson.” 

_ Mr. Odinson? What a jackass. _

He knew he wouldn’t have been as insistent if she hadn’t been with him. But Loki was known to want beautiful women. Especially those who were taken. 

It had happened a couple of times with Sam. And himself. Though with Sam they had reached to an agreement. Some low key creepy deal about the girls they got to sleep with. 

It was not very normal, though nothing Loki did was. 

After all he was an adult who still lived off of his parents’ money. He called it generational wealth, but it was an excuse to slack off. As he did nothing but spend his family’s money on extravagant things. 

“Is that from Loki?”

She stayed silent. 

“You can tell me. I promise I won’t get jealous.”

“Yes. It’s from him.” 

“I should’ve known. The man’s persistent.”

“That’s right... you know him. You’re not his biggest fan.” She stated with an all knowing smirk. “Sam told me.”

“Well Sam should shut his mouth.” 

“What happened between you two?” 

A lot. Thankfully Sam didn’t disclose too much. 

“It’s complicated.” It wasn’t really, but he hadn’t told anyone but Sam, who only knew because he witnessed it for himself. 

“Is it?”

“No.” 

“Then what about you and Steve?” She asked. It was starting to seem like an interrogation. Though he didn’t mind it much, as it was her who was asking the questions.

And in that little dress, he would’ve let her ask anything.

“What about us?” 

“What happened between you two?”

“We used to be close.” He said. “Then we weren’t.” 

“I guess some things aren’t made to last.”

And she knew at that moment she wasn’t talking about him and Steve. 

  
  


**_22:10_ **

He led her past the VIP area, to a corridor which a few closed doors. He opened the first one to his left, and entered the private room. Sam’s private room at the club. Which he won after a high stakes game of blackjack on Loki’s yacht, amongst other things. 

He wasn’t proud to say he had been there before. He had been there once or twice, when Sam had too many groupies and had no other choice but share them with him. 

The lighting in the room was dimmed, giving it reddish hues, though there was more light than the rest of the club. He had noticed the furniture had changed since the last time he had been there. 

It had its own private bar, a stripper pole and an aquarium with glowing fish. Sam always spent his money on things like that. Though the upside was that most nights out were financed by him. 

There were already some girls in there. All of them Sam’s guests. Some of them he had seen before, and others he had never seen. It was usually a mix between socialites, models and actresses. 

He sat back on the leather seats completely detaching himself from what was happening in the rest of the room. 

He wasn’t in the mood to get wild like Sam.he had no idea where he found the energy. 

Y/N followed him, and he honestly didn’t expect it. As she was closer to Sam, but he didn’t mind her company. On the contrary, he wanted it. He wanted her. 

So when she nonchalantly sat on lap he was pleasantly surprised. 

**_22:17_ **

It was harmless fun. She sat on his lap almost instinctively, she could tell he was surprised, but he didn’t tell her to move. 

It was like they were in their own little world, as everyone else was too busy doing their own thing to notice them. 

She couldn’t help but flirt with him. She had gotten so used to doing it, it was hard to talk to him normally. 

He gave her the attention she needed. And she loved that. Even though she didn’t know what they were anymore. It felt right. 

He made her feel like no one else did. 

Just as she was about to change positions so she could straddle him, her attention diverted to something else completely.

  
  


She couldn’t believe what she was witnessing. Steve with a scantily clad woman on his lap whispering something that was apparently funny as she giggled shamelessly, then proceeded to kiss her ravenously. 

_ What about Margaret? How could he do that to her? And what had happened to him?  _

She had previously thought of Steve as a man she just couldn’t figure out, when in reality he was much more simple than he led on. 

She didn’t know what she was feeling at the moment but she surely didn’t like what she was seeing. 

And everyone was acting as if it was normal. Maybe she didn’t know him enough. Sam was too into the latest model he had all over him to notice what was happening. 

Truth was she had never seen Steve like that.

She stood up, and made her way to the bar. She definitely didn’t feel like the most beautiful girl in the room. Not with all the gorgeous women that were there. 

She couldn’t help but stare a little too long at Steve. Who was enjoying himself a little too much as the woman ground her hips on him. 

Maybe Margaret and him had an open relationship. Though he didn’t seem the type, it was possible. After all, the last person she expected to be dry humping some 

random girl at a club was him. 

“I need to get a drink.” She excused herself from James, and headed towards the bar so she could get a closer look. 

_ He seemed really into it.  _

And though it was strange, she couldn’t get her eyes off of them. 

She got herself her own drink, and set it down. She had never seen him like that. So that was probably why it felt so unnatural. 

Steve’s eyes caught her staring, and kept looking at her as he made out with the girl on top of him. 

_ Fuck _ . It was too late to look elsewhere. 

She was completely fucked. 

He seemed to excuse himself, as the girl pouted and walked towards the bar. Towards her. 

_ Was he going to confront her about staring? What was she going to say?  _

So many questions filled her head that when he walked up to her, she was at a loss for words. 

“You want to go somewhere?” He spoke before she could, and all she could do was nod. 

“Sure. I’m going to tell Sam-“

“Don’t. He doesn’t need to know.” He made it sound like they were about to do something bad. 

And at that point, she didn’t even know anymore. 

  
  
  
  


**_23:04_ **

When they got in the taxi, she really thought he was going to take her back to Sam’s place. She knew she couldn’t have gone through with it. She thought about the promise she had made Peter, but he could’ve given her a freebie since Steve was so unattainable.

A once in a lifetime experience. 

Though once he had clearly stated where they were going, the London Eye, she was even more confused than when she thought he was going to fuck her. 

  
  


“Sir, were closed already.” The girl in the jean jacket told him. Though a Steve wasn’t listening to her at all. 

“A whole cabin please.” Steve asked politely as he handed the lady several banknotes. 

It was a lot of money. 

The lady smiled shyly at him, and told him to wait a second, Sure they were closed, but different rules applied to people like Steve. And for that amount of money, the rules were very flexible. 

“You’re  _ Steve Rogers. _ ” 

She said, wide eyed. And Steve chuckled. That chuckle was such a James thing to do. He was definitely drunk. 

“Congratulations on you and Peggy.” And as soon as the lady uttered that sentence, she swore she saw the look on his face change. 

“Thanks. Uh… is that cabin ready?”

“Yes. Just one second. I’ll make sure it is.” 

She watched Steve as he waited, he had a lot on his mind. At the mere mention of  _ her _ name, something switched off inside him. She followed him as they both got inside the cabin, and soon, they were alone. 

  
  


“This is completely unnecessary.” She commented as the glass cabin started moving agonizingly slow. 

“Why is it?”

“Because you bought out an entire cabin.” 

“Isn’t it better this way though?” 

“I don’t know… I thought it was supposed to be closed...” She said, trying not to sound too ungrateful. “Besides, you just used a lot of money.” 

“I made a promise.” 

“To who?”

“To you. At Sam’s dinner party. I told you I’d take you to the London Eye.” 

“Yes you did.” 

_ What that night had shown her was that men paid attention more than she thought they did.  _

“So what’s your verdict?” 

“I love it.” She put her hand on his arm. “Thank you.”

  
  


**_23:23_ **

“So how was L.A?”

“Great. It was hot. Stayed there for a week only, then I went to New York.” He shrugged. “But I sure did miss London.” 

She wanted to ask him if everything was ok with him, but she didn’t want to interrupt him. She could see something was bothering him, but she didn’t know what that was. 

“ _ How’s Margaret? _ ” 

It was a mistake, but the question slipped out of her before she could stop herself. And when she realized, it was a little too late. 

“How am I supposed to know?”

“I thought-“

“ _ Margaret left me _ .”

_ Oh _ . She understood what  _ that _ was. The whole club thing. And the limo. 

Ever since he had returned, she had felt like there was something different about him. And she recognized that look. The facade. Pretending everything was fine when inside he was dying. 

She knew because she did that often. 

There was such sadness in his eyes, a sadness she wanted to help him with but didn’t know how. 

It was strange seeing him like that. He presented himself a certain way. Perfect Steve. The handsome gentleman with a big heart, that she never thought about the other side of him. 

After all, he was human. And he wasn’t perfect. Not in the least. 

His gaze softened on her. There was absolute silence between them. She remembered they were alone in the cabin. 

It wasn’t until his lips were inches from her own that she realized what was happening. Her hands instinctively went to his chest, gently pushing him away from her. 

“Don’t look at me like that.” She pleaded. 

If a few weeks prior he would’ve leaned in to kiss her, she would’ve kissed him back.

Even if he was just using her. 

But things were different. 

“Like what?” He asked her softly. The way he looked at her in that moment was the way she used to want to be looked by him. His eyes spoke more in that moment than his mouth did. 

He wanted her.  _ For all the wrong reasons.  _

“Like that.” 

And she wasn’t going to be a rebound. 

“You still love her.” She stated, and in that moment, she saw how much he still loved her. “I’ll be here, to listen to you, to comfort you. But I won’t be someone to fill the void she left, because I am not her.”

“In L.A we were inseparable, it was as if everything I ever wanted came true. Then we went back to New York, and the more time I spent with her, the less I felt seen by her. I had concocted this fantasy in my head, that once she’d reciprocate my feelings. We’d live happily ever after” 

He let a quiet laugh, almost as if he was laughing at himself. 

“I’m an idiot. I asked her to marry me. Out of the blue. It was a moment of craziness, but it felt so right at the moment.”  _ Fuck _ . 

He looked so sad, and he was angry at himself. For trying. She wanted to be more like that. To be sad for trying instead of being sad for not trying, wondering what could have happened. 

“She said no.  _ Rightfully _ . We were never together.” 

“You’re human.” She told him. “I know, that there’s someone out there who’s just perfect for you, in every way. And when you meet her,  _ everything _ that is happening right now will make sense.” 

As those words came out of her mouth, she felt warm inside. Like she knew what she was talking about for the very first time. 

_ But it wasn’t Peter her mind went to.  _

“I’d kiss you right now.”  _ And it wasn’t Steve either _ . “If were in my right mind, and you weren’t seeing someone else.” 

“Let’s just enjoy the view. As friends.” 

“I’d like that.” 

She looked outside, at how beautiful the city was. 

Feelings were a fucked up concept. They can make one feel on cloud nine, but they also had the power of destruction. And it wasn’t until Steve had come clean about his feelings, that she had realized her own. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it, and if you leave feedback, I love you. You’re fucking amazing.


	24. it’s always going to be you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. From this chapter on there’s going to be a lot of drama. A lot of sex, and angst. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it❤️

  
  


It was the same old story. But she understood that exams were fast approaching. At least that was what her rational side thought. 

The petty side of her wanted to make it even. To hang out with a bunch of attractive men, and turning her phone completely off. 

And what he told her was always the same, or some out of variation. Which went something along the lines of: 

“ _ I’m going to make it up to you ok? Soon exams are over and we’ll have plenty of time to spend together.”  _

She’d stay home sexually frustrated, maybe taking a shower and testing out the water pressure. Fantasising about someone taking her in the shower, ramming into her mercilessly. 

At that point she would’ve fucked anyone.

  
  


So when Sam invited her to yet another party (he insisted it was a small gathering), she immediately accepted. She needed something to distract her from the fact that she wasn’t getting laid. 

It was going to take place at some recently divorced housewife’s house. Although she was one of the many cougars he was sleeping with, she had the biggest house with a new pool. 

There was no sneaking around according to him, which made it easier, though a little dull. So when he wanted to throw a pool party, she had no choice but to accept, to stay one of his favorites.

That was the upside of being Sam Wilson. 

He got everything he wanted. 

  
  


And as assurance that she’d behave, around men in bathing suits, she decided to bring Nat along. After all, they needed a day soaking up the sun whilst gossiping. 

When they got to the party, they seemingly weren’t the first ones there. She could tell it was classier than the pool parties she had previously attended. The garden was vast, with a beautiful pool at the centre. 

It was the kind of pool she’d see on Instagram only, but she had never seen one that big in person. 

She walked down some wide steps to get where everyone was, steadying herself. She didn’t want to look too excited but she was. She needed a day at a pool like that. 

Nat was similarly trying not to lose her cool whilst following her lead, looking around her. 

  
  


**_16:24_ **

“Y/N… I’m so happy you came.” Steve said with a big smile on his face, whilst holding a half empty beer bottle. 

And she was happy too. Especially because Steve was looking good.  _ Sans shirt _ .

She thanked the hot weather for that. She didn’t know where she stood with Steve, they were definitely friendly, but other than that she had no idea. 

Especially as the last time she saw him he tried to kiss her. Before revealing he had unsuccessfully proposed to the woman of his dreams. 

But he seemed to be doing just fine for a man with a broken heart. 

“You look good.” She flirted as she gave him a hug. She had never been so close to him before. She found herself drooling over the fact she was feeling his hard body up against her. 

_ He smelled good too.  _

“Thank you. So do you.” He replied, pulling away. 

“I’m Nat.” 

She introduced herself interrupting the tension between them. At least she thought it was. 

“Yes, I remember you. From the park right?” Steve mentioned, making Nat smile. He was so good with people. 

“Y/N!” She heard a voice behind her. Of course, it was Sam. Her eyes darted down to the speedo he was wearing. 

And she could see a lot. She could tell he had a lot to be proud of. Everyone could. 

“Sam… what the fuck?” She couldn’t help but laugh. But he was strangely pulling it off. Well not that strangely, as she knew Sam was a very attractive man. 

“I know. I was drunk and lost a bet. Bucky made me.” 

“Oh.” She kept on laughing. “That doesn’t make it better. But you’re pulling it off.” 

“I know.” He winked at her then turned to Nat, eyeing her up and down. “I’m Sam. Y/N, why didn’t you mention anything about having such a beautiful friend?” 

She noticed Nat blush. 

“Because she has a boyfriend.” 

“Hasn’t stopped me before.” He shrugged, making her roll her eyes. 

“You’re disgusting,” She told him with a smile. “Also, how is this a small gathering?” 

She looked around. It was a party. 

People having fun inside the pool, whilst others sunbathed and took pictures of themselves mainly. 

“There are fifty or so people. I never did something like this.” 

“Fifty people are still a lot.” She mentioned. “I have to say the speedo is kinda growing on me. And now I understand why you have so many groupies.” 

“What can I say? Word travels fast.” 

  
  


**_16:22_ **

He was minding his business as usual. He had to say he couldn’t pass up an invite to a pool party at the recently divorced housewife’s newly acquired estate, who had inherited her (much older) ex’s biggest house in London amongst other things, making her a very rich woman. 

And apparently she was very fond of Sam. So much so that she had opened her house to him. 

  
  


He was pretending to listen to whatever one of Sam’s acquaintances was telling him. Something about his next project, and working with someone he had never heard about. 

That was when he saw Y/N arrive. 

She looked great, as usual, and seeing her interact with Steve first didn’t make him happy at all. She seemed awfully flirty for someone who was taken. 

Maybe she was like that with everyone. 

It wasn’t until Sam ran towards her, that he stopped worrying about Steve. As she started laughing loudly at the speedo he dared him to wear. 

In reality Sam had dared him to dare him to wear it, but it was nice to know he was indirectly the reason for her laughing. 

He wanted to be the one to make her smile. Happy even. 

After she had dissapered with Steve at the party, he didn’t know what to think. His heart sank when one of Sam’s groupies told him she saw Steve and Y/N exit  _ Valhalla _ together. 

He knew Y/N was in a relationship, but he also knew how all women acted around Steve. It didn’t matter if they were single or married. 

But after Sam assured him Y/N turned him down, he was relieved. He was such in a good mood that he had gone out to dinner with Sam, where the dare situation occurred. 

The pool party in itself was a good idea. It was calmer than Sam’s usual parties, and there was plenty of alcohol. Courtesy of the hostess. 

It was calm, until Y/N decided to take off her dress in front of everyone. 

She pulled her dress over her head and tossed it on a deck chair, before adjusting her hair. 

It wasn’t her hair he was distracted by. She had decided to wear a tiny two piece designed to compliment her figure. 

Once she had glanced his way, with an all knowing smirk, he knew she was doing it on purpose. She was such a tease. 

She was breathtakingly beautiful. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. 

He didn’t want her just for sex. For that he was certain about. 

And he definitely wasn’t the only one looking at her.

A part of him was mad. After all, he was selfish. He wanted her all to himself. Who could blame him really? 

Though he usually didn’t like people he came across, she made an impact on him. 

“Nice body Y/N. You should wear a swimsuit every day.” Sam said. And though he was a little direct, at least he said what was on everyone’s mind. 

  
  
  


**_17:02_ **

“Did you see the way Steve was looking at you?” Nat asked her, looking away from her phone. 

They were both lounging on the deckchairs relaxing under the sun, and occasionally getting up to get some drinks. 

She turned her head towards her. “ _ Yes… _ but tell me.” 

“He wants you. That’s for sure.” She knew that. But she wanted to see James’ reaction more. She knew he had no control, and a part of her wanted to see if he did anything about it. “What happened since he came back?” 

“You can’t tell anyone, but Margaret and him broke up.”

“What?” She exclaimed. “They broke up? Does this mean you're leaving Peter for Steve?” 

“No I’m not leaving anyone.” 

“So you have no feelings for Steve?” 

“Correct.” 

“That's bullshit. Everyone has feelings for him. Even I do a little. And Clint has already assured me I’d get a free pass with him.” 

She was pretty sure even Clint would’ve wanted a free pass with him. 

“I’m happy, and I no longer have feelings for him.” 

“Prove it.” 

“Fine.” She reached her hand back to untie her bikini top. Nat didn’t even realize what she was doing until she called for him. “ _ Steve _ !” 

He walked over to her, and she waited for him laying down on her stomach. She propped herself so she could see him as she took her sunglasses off. 

She could tell he had no idea what he was doing there. 

“Would you be so kind and rub some sunscreen on my back?” 

“Sure.” He agreed almost immediately.  _ Without even a second thought _ . 

She had definitely made the right choice in wearing that swimsuit. 

As soon as his warm hands touched her skin, she shuddered. She was touch starved, and she was getting turned on by him. 

How couldn’t she? And just because they stated they’d be friendly didn’t mean she couldn’t still fantasize about him. 

It was Steve after all. Everyone had a thing for him. It was human nature to be attracted to him that way. 

“ _ Oh… _ ” She moaned gently. It wasn’t subtle, but that was the point. If she still had feelings for him, she wouldn’t have been so unabashed. 

She wanted to be as vocal as she could be. At that point Steve was massaging her back, and not applying sunscreen like she had asked. The more she seemed to be enjoying it, the more pressure he applied. 

“You really are talented with your hands.” She commented, after he finished whatever he was doing, she didn’t know anymore. 

Since when things had gotten so sexual between them? They were supposed to be friends.

Though her track record proved that she was unable to stay friends with men. Except for Sam, though she still had to see. There still was a chance. 

Steve left after telling them he was going to take a swim, and asked both of them if they wanted to join, but they both declined. 

“Do you believe me now?” She asked Nat who was staring at her wide eyed. 

“I don’t know… what did I just witness?”

“Me not having feelings for Steve.”

“That was you showing me you don’t have feeling for him?” She asked her. “You want to sleep with him.” 

“ _ Who doesn’t? _ ” After all Natasha said it herself. Everyone felt something for Steve. 

  
  
  


**_17:31_ **

“Oh God.” She heard Natasha gasp after a while. She had stayed on her stomach with her bikini untied. She had unknowingly taken a short nap, and woken up half an hour later. 

With no idea how that happened. 

“What?”

“Look at James…” She did.  _ Oh he was mad. Jealous. He was definitely jealous. _ “He's glaring at you.” 

“Let him.” She turned around covering her breasts with her hands, so she wouldn’t flash anyone. 

But she wanted to let him know she wasn’t done teasing him. All she had to do was remove her hands to show everyone what he had already seen many times. 

“He looks jealous.”

“I can see that.”

“So how are things between you two?” That was a loaded question. They had agreed on being friendly, but sometimes the way they acted around each other was flirtatious. Both of them were trying to tempt the other. 

But maybe that was how male-female friendships worked. 

“Fine. There’s nothing between us by the way.” 

“Bullshit.” She chuckled. She was right, but she didn’t need to know that. “I saw the way he looked at you.” 

“Because I’m wearing this sexy bikini?”

“No… before you stripped down.” 

“Just because we’re not fucking anymore doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to still.”

“It’s not that. Maybe a little, but it’s the same way Clint looks at me.”

She brushed it off, and went back to rest. Not knowing how much she was right. 

  
  
  


**_17:59_ **

At Nat’s request, she went around the house to find some beer. Also because she felt like she needed a walk after napping and sunbathing for a while. 

It took her long enough to find the kitchen but when she found it, she was exhausted. 

She opened the fridge, and basked in the coolness, before grabbing two bottles of beer. 

She froze. She knew someone was behind her that second. 

“Does your boyfriend know you’re prancing around older men in a skimpy two piece?” She heard  _ his _ voice all at a sudden. As she turned around, she found herself with her back against the fridge, with two cold beers in hand. 

“What? This?” She refused to show him he had an effect on her. Even though he did. He looked delicious in his swim trunks, and he probably knew it.  _ That cocky bastard.  _ “I’d hardly call it skimpy.”

“It barely covers your nipples.”

He whispered, his voice going straight to her core.  _ Fucking hell _ . 

“So you’ve been looking…” 

She was putting up a good fight, and she wasn’t going to back down. The sexual tension was unbelievable, it was there, the question was:  _ who was going to act upon their instincts first?  _

“It’s hard not to.” His eyes went down to her breasts. “I can see  _ everything _ .” 

“And…?” 

“It’s  _ very _ distracting.” 

As if it was perfectly timed, someone walked into the kitchen. A very beautiful woman, who seemed to be eyeing James up. He straightened up, pretending as if he wasn't inches away from her a few seconds ago. 

It felt like it was just the two of them, but the person intruding had stopped them from doing something truly stupid. 

Maybe it was for the best. 

  
  


**_18:42_ **

As time passed, people left one by one. She didn’t notice it as she was having drinks by the pool as Sam entertained a bunch of people. That was what he did. 

He had so much energy for someone who had such a busy life. 

“I have to meet Clint for dinner at his place, but you have the keys right?” 

“Yes I do. Go, and have fun.” 

“Reminder, you have the apartment all to yourself… so don’t hesitate to invite Peter over.” She knew what she was implying. But Peter was the last thing on her mind. “But don’t do it in the kitchen or the living room please. Use the bed, it’s there for a reason.” 

“Understood.” 

  
  


In that moment, her phone buzzed. She looked down at it. Finally a text from Peter.

_ ‘Want to hang out tonight?’  _

The whole time, she thought that was she wanted. To spend more time with the man she had given up James for. But as she reread the text message in her head for the fifth time, she realized it didn’t make her happy. 

Though she knew she wasn’t capable of romantic feelings, being with Peter felt like the right thing to do. To be with someone her age, to live out her youth. 

At least she thought that was the normal thing to do.

Her answer became clearer as she saw James walk towards her. She quickly typed  _ ‘Sorry can’t tonight.’ _ , and put her phone away. 

“Are you staying?” He asked her as he sat down next to her. 

“Maybe for a while. Sam said he was going to whip something up.” 

“Don’t believe him. It’s just take out.” He told her with a smile. “He does it all the time.” 

“Oh…” 

“You need a ride?” 

“Thank you, but I’m going to find my way home. By myself.” 

“Are you sure? It’s pretty dangerous.” 

“Not really… I do it all the time. Plus where I live is on the opposite side and I wouldn’t want you to go that far.” 

She knew it wasn’t a problem for him, but she knew it was for her. Being in a small closed space with him. 

It was a very bad idea. 

“Don’t worry. I’m not driving.” 

“You know I need to stay away from you James.” 

“How about this. You accept my offer, and I will keep my hands to myself. No funny business.” 

She chuckled, finishing her drink. “If you insist, then I will take you up on that offer.”

She hoped she wasn’t making a mistake. 

_ But what was life without mistakes?  _

  
  


**_19:03_ **

When they got into the back of his town car, it was as if no time had passed. Even the silences between them weren’t weird at all. 

Maybe they were a little. Especially when he would look at her. She felt something other than arousal.

There it was. That thumping in her chest. 

That was it was supposed to feel like. The feeling she tried to force with Peter. It always had been there with James. 

No matter how long she had denied herself of those emotions, they all came to the surface. She felt things for him. Feelings even she couldn’t explain to herself. 

They were complicated. 

He was always a hard person to decipher. At times he was cold, but there were times in which he was kind. 

“Can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I’m glad we can be amicable.”

She smiled.  _ Amicable _ . She yearned to be close to him. She wanted nothing more than to be his again. 

She didn’t know if being friends was such a good idea. 

“Is that why you’re driving me home?” 

“I wanted you to be safe. It’s late, and there’s plenty of depraved people.”

“Like you’re any better...” 

“True. But I’d never take advantage of a beautiful woman like you.” 

There was a softness to his voice she had witnessed only a handful of times. Either he really meant what he said, or he was a very good liar. 

She needed to stay away from him. Being in such close proximity to him was proving to be harder than she had previously imagined. 

So if she was going to drop a bomb, she figured it was the right time. 

“I got to tell you something.” She said, as his full attention was on her. “A few days ago, I thought I was pregnant.” 

She couldn’t look at him. She didn’t want to see the look on his face as she said that word. 

“I’m not, thank God. But I thought you should know.” 

She looked outside, refusing to turn his way. She didn’t want him to hate her. 

The silence scared her even more. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Was he taking time to process what she had just told him? 

Was he going to be mad at her? 

Out of nowhere, she felt a hand on hers.  _ His _ . 

“Next time you have a scare, tell me. I don’t want you to go through that alone.” 

She didn’t understand him. All she had seen so far was the sexual side of him. Everything she thought made James Buchanan Barnes was the raw sexual energy he exuded. 

And the great chemistry he had with her. 

However in that moment it was so much more than that. She could see the honesty behind his eyes, he wasn’t just saying that. He meant it. 

She believed him. 

He could’ve left after their affair ended, instead he stayed. After all that talk about no strings attached, he was still in her life. 

She had no control over herself when she leaned in and kissed him. It wasn’t something she was able to stop. It just felt natural. 

The moment their lips touched she knew she was fucked. There was no way she could go back. She was cornered. 

But she wanted to be. His lips opened and his tongue cautiously slipped into her mouth. It was as if he wanted to take his time to taste her, to remember what she felt like. 

_ He wanted her too.  _

The kiss was controlled, he was testing the waters. To see if she wanted to continue. 

She cared about no one else but them. She wanted to feel him, to melt under his touch. 

She wanted nothing more. 

The moment he pulled away, the leather seat underneath her was attached to her skin as she looked into the deep abyss that were his eyes, leaving her panting and anticipating his next move. 

His parted lips were so pretty to look at. And the way he looked at her, gave her chills. 

It was a matter of seconds before he gave in and kissed her again. That time, he was rougher, asserting his dominance, leaving her lips swollen. 

She let him take her. At that point it was clear that she was his for the taking. 

  
  
  


**_19:34_ **

She knew that eventually she’d have to face the music. To come clean about what she was doing. She couldn’t even stay faithful to one person. A person who truly cared about her. 

However with his lips on hers, she could barely think. She hoped no one in their building would’ve been nosy enough to check out who was making so much noise in the hallway. 

She giggled as he slapped her ass, he eventually pinned her against the wall outside of her door.

She pushed him away much to her dismay, and his, to search for the keys. 

“I can’t find the key...” She cursed, rummaging through her bag, hoping to find the key. She could tell he was getting impatient. She could feel his stiff member pressed against her back. 

His hands squeezed her breasts, distracting her from finding her keys. It wasn’t the touching that was particularly distracting, rather the naughty things he whispered in her ear keeping her from doing what she had to do. 

  
  


**_19:52_ **

“Fuck. I missed you.” 

After a while, she had found the keys and they both stumbled inside the apartment, and immediately headed upstairs to her bedroom. 

They were terrible people. There was no denying that. But she was fine with it. 

Though it was much more than just sex. It wasn’t like anything she felt before. And it was scary, it wasn’t as easy as just fucking and leaving the morning after. 

It wasn’t just a burning passion either. There was an underlining of tenderness to his touch. He was rough, but not as he had been in the past. 

It could never be just sex with him. So sleeping with him felt like a long awaited reunion. Not a slip up. 

She wanted to be everything to him. She wanted to be the person he thought of when he closed his eyes. 

She sank to her knees, never breaking eye contact with him.  _ She had missed him so much.  _ She never admitted it to herself, but she did. 

She slipped out of her clothes, making sure she did it slow so that he’d enjoy it. 

She let her put his hands all over her. He tilted her chin up so that their lips could meet again, but he was much more gentle than he was before. 

When he pulled away from her to look into her eyes, she saw the way he was looking at her. The way Nat told her he was. 

In that moment she felt more for someone else than she ever did before. It felt like when she liked Steve, but it was much more intense. 

She wanted to give him everything. 

And she was going to. 


	25. nobody does it better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM WARNING YOU, THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SMUT. ITS FILTH. BUT THE REST OF IT IS PLOT. so enjoy. And no under 18s. But I said that enough it should be CLEAR BY NOW.

**_20:03_ **

She began kissing down his body, leaving sloppy wet kisses, all the while making eye contact. 

He had such a beautiful body. She knew he took care of himself, though she had notice he hadn’t shaved his chest, leaving a couple of hairs. 

She craved to be close to him. It was the only thing she was sure she wanted. Needed. 

It seemed like whenever he was around, she found herself on her knees. He emitted a guttural moan as she palmed him through his pants. He was rock hard for her. 

“It’s not fair that I’m naked and you’re still half dressed…” She pointed out as she unbuckled his belt, and swiftly pulled down his pants around his ankles. 

His cock slapped against his stomach, making her wetter at the sight. She let out a pleased hum, kissing the inside of his thigh, but never touching his member. 

That seemed to frustrate him. 

“Don’t tease me.” 

“I’m not.” 

She pulled his cock out, wrapping her hand around its base. She pumped her hand slowly, up and down. Enough for him to enjoy but not enough to get him off. 

She wanted to take her time, to make him lose his mind. It was a good thing she still remembered how to play him well. 

“You like it when I do this?” She asked seductively, and yet there was a tinge of innocence. 

She was entertained by the fact that he was panting, and impatient. All because of her. 

“Fuck yes. I do. I love it.” 

“How many women have you slept with since we last…?” 

She didn’t want to know how many women had touched him, but it was only right as she had been with someone else. And knowing James and his libido, it was going to be quite the number. 

So she braced herself. 

“N-none.” 

“You’re a liar.” 

It couldn’t be. It was most likely a lie. Especially because he was painfully hard, and precum was leaking from its red tip. 

“I couldn’t.  _ I haven’t stopped thinking about you _ .” 

He looked down at her, his blue eyes looking deep into hers. He didn’t even have to say it twice. A part of her knew he was telling the truth. 

“You’re telling the truth… let me reward you for that.” 

Her lips came in contact with his cock, her tongue darting out to taste him. He shuddered at the feeling. 

She wrapped her lips around him, then proceeded to take him further into her mouth. 

Her head bobbed up and down as she kept hearing gasps, his eyes were closed shut and his pretty pink lips were slightly open. 

_ It was a sight to behold.  _

She felt his hand clutching at her hair, his hips thrusting forwards to fuck her mouth. He truly hadn’t gotten fucked, whilst she was with someone else. 

It was like he was taking out all of his sexual frustrations on her. She gagged around him as he buried himself in deeper, taking control of her. 

Though her eyes were starting to tear up, she couldn’t be any more turned on than she was at that moment. 

“Fuck Y/N!” He cursed just as he was losing control of himself, making her choke around him. 

He spilled his release inside of her mouth, and as he carefully pulled out of her, some of it dribbled down her chin. She was able to swallow what remained in her mouth, her finger went to her chin, collecting the rest. 

She licked her finger that was coated with him, and swirled her tongue around it. 

He watched her as he wanted to devour her. How could he not? She had pulled every trick in her book. 

And it worked. 

  
  
  


**_20:15_ **

“What did you miss about me?” She asked him as she walked towards the bedroom, swaying her hips very suggestively. 

_ The woman was sex on legs.  _

“Everything.”

She chuckled, she clearly felt very powerful. “Everything huh?  _ I could tell. _ ” 

It was embarrassing how little self control he had. But being with her intensified his pleasure, taking it to a whole other level. 

Her legs spread open to reveal her glistening cunt. She was displaying it for him, and for him only. Her hands went to her breasts, squeezing them, and teasing her nipples. 

Her left hand soon abandoned her breast whilst the other one kept going. It slid down in between her legs. Gently touching her slit, feeling how wet she was for him.

It didn’t take long for her fingers tease her clit, soft moans leaving her lips. 

“Is this helping?”  _ Oh, it was definitely helping.  _ He found himself growing hard again at the sight of her. It didn’t take much. 

“Let me help.” 

He practically threw himself at her, trapping her body under his. He sucked on her nipple making her squirm. He had to pin her down to make sure she behaved. 

He still couldn’t believe she was there. 

In the weeks they had agreed to be friends, he couldn’t help but think about her. She wasn’t the type of woman he could be just friends with. 

He placed wet kisses down her stomach, past her belly button, until he arrived just above her core. 

“Are you going to be my good girl?”

“Yes daddy.” 

He licked a stripe from her entrance to her clit. Fuck. She tasted so good. 

“ _ Oh James _ !” 

Her legs were shaking. He teased her entrance with two of his fingers. As much as he wanted to pace himself, he couldn’t help but slide his fingers in, feeling her warmth and tightness. 

His fingers brushed over her spot, making her moan uncontrollably. That did wonders for his ego. He liked to see her coming undone for him. 

He smirked, before he started sucking on her sensitive bundle of nerves making her hips jerk up. He loved tasting her, after weeks of her teasing him, he finally got to have his reward. 

He earned it. 

“ _ Come all over my fingers _ .”

“ _ James _ ! Yes  _ Daddy _ !” That was it. He watched as pleasure overtook her body. It was the most mesmerising sight. 

And he intended on it being only the first of many orgasms he was giving her that night. 

  
  


**_20:32_ **

It was unbelievably sinful how good he looked. He had made her taste herself on his lips. Her arousal was still glistening on his beard, as proof of the orgasm he had just given her. 

She couldn’t move. Not yet at least. She was far too sensitive. If he touched her again, it wouldn’t have taken long for her to come again. 

“I hope you aren’t tired yet.” He seemed like he wasn’t stopping any time soon. Her eyes fell onto his cock. Standing proud against his abdomen. 

“I’m not.” She shook her head. “I’m still hungry.”

“Have I ever told you you’re amazing?” 

“You haven’t, but I know already.” He moved into top of her, and in between her legs. 

His tip teased her opening, spreading her wetness to her clit. She didn’t know what to expect anymore. But she anticipated his head entering her, and just at that thought, her pussy clenched around nothing. 

She was growing impatient. She found herself still shaking from her first orgasm. And she craved for more.

He thrusted into her, stretching her out. She had longed for that feeling. She couldn’t hold her moans back anymore. Not that she was before.

“Fuck daddy!” She screamed as he kept pounding into her mercilessly. 

The pleasure was so intense she was sure it was too much. She felt her orgasm build inside of her, taking over her senses. 

“Tell me I’m better than Peter.” He snarled. In that moment, her mind was clouded. She couldn’t process what he was saying fully. 

So she felt like it was best to agree with him. Rather than disagree. She didn’t want him to pull out. She wanted him. She wanted him to ruin her for all other men.

“You’re better than Peter.”

“Who makes you come more?”

_ ‘You _ !” She screamed as she arched her back, his cock hitting her g spot with each thrust. 

“That’s right.” 

  
  
  


**_21:17_ **

She felt his cum trickle out of her and onto the mattress. She never felt more alive. She was going to have to come to terms with the fact that she had cheated on Peter. 

But she was going to deal with that in the morning. 

  
  
  


**_07:45_ **

“Morning beautiful.” 

The creased sheets were draped over the lower half of her body, her breasts were exposed to the air, making her nipples hard. He didn’t know how it was possible, but she looked even more beautiful than she did the night before. 

There was something about waking beside her that made him smile. He finally had her. 

She rubbed her eyes and groaned. “It’s morning?” 

“Yes it is.” 

“ _ Fuck _ .” She cursed. She was so cute when she did that. “We should get up.” 

She patted him twice on his chest then woke up reluctantly, her eyes still half closed. 

“I’ll go down to make us breakfast. Make yourself home. Well not quite, because it’s not my home per say, but you know what I mean.” 

He chuckled, as he stayed back, carefully observing the place they had christened the night before. There wasn’t anything to it. Except for a closet, and a bed, inside four white walls.

He could tell she was there as a guest. And wasn’t intending on staying very long. 

It was very her. 

Always looking for the next adventure. For freedom. He could tell she didn’t like to. S held down.

_ She was the perfect woman for him.  _

  
  


**_08:05_ **

She was so in her mind that morning that she didn’t realize there was someone in the kitchen already. 

“Shit.”  _ Nat _ . 

“Good morning to you too.” She smiled at her as she made herself breakfast. 

“Nat. I thought you were at Clint’s.” 

She wouldn’t have been as panicked if there wasn’t a married man in her bedroom. From what Nat knew, she was happy with Peter. The good guy she had cheated on with the guy in her bedroom. 

She wouldn’t have understood. 

“I was, but I decided to come home. I needed a change of clothes.” She explained, and paused. “What’s with the smile?” 

“What smile.”

The nervous smile she had on. She couldn’t help it. 

“You had Peter over didn’t you?” She asked her, though her question sounded more like an affirmation. “You kept it in the bedroom right?”

“Yes. In the bedroom.” She didn’t have the heart to tell her it wasn’t Peter she had sex in her bedroom with. 

“Good. Just wash the sheets.” 

“Yes, mom.” She rolled her eyes as she sat herself down. 

“Coffee?” 

“Yes please.” A third voice added itself to the conversation. And it belonged to a man. 

James. 

“Fuck.” Nat cursed as she nearly dropped her mug. “Mr. Barnes.” 

There they were. Her best friend, and the man she used to fuck (but fucked the night before) in the same room. They had never met officially. Nat just knew him from the news, and from the at times detailed retellings of the passionate nights she had spent with him. 

“Please call me James.”

Didn’t he know how to read a room? It was very clear Nat was uncomfortable. Whilst James… well… was eye fucking her. For lack of a better term. 

“Y/N… can I talk to you in private?”

She nodded, and followed her out of the kitchen. Dreading what she was going to say to her.

“What did you do Y/N?” She asked her in a hushed tone, when they reached the living area. “Did you sleep with him?” 

“Yes.”

“You’re with Peter!” She exclaimed. 

“I’m not exactly with him.”

“Yes you are! You try to tell yourself you’re not in a relationship but you are, and you’re screwing that up.” Her tone was serious, in fact she had never seen her like that. 

“I’m going to handle this by myself. I don’t need you telling me that what I did was wrong.” She responded. “I know it already.” 

“You know he’s never going to leave his wife. You’re just going to get hurt.”

“Nat… Try to understand.”

“I’m sorry I can’t. I can never condone cheating. It’s wrong on all levels.” She kept on shaking her head, as if it was something she didn’t want to believe. Unlike herself, Natasha had morals. “Have you thought about his wife?”

“I never met her.” 

“Which makes it easier doesn’t it?” 

“I thought you approved of James.” 

‘I did, until other people got involved. Someone’s gonna get hurt Y/N.” She paused. In that moment her tone sounded sincere, and not angry. “I just hope it isn’t you.” 

She wasn’t going to get hurt. She was in control. As she always was. She wasn’t very dominant in the bedroom, unless she was in the mood for it. 

But even when she was on her knees, she knew she held the power. And as long as she had that, she was going to be fine. 

  
  


**_08:23_ **

“Do you regret last night?” He asked her as soon as she returned to the kitchen, without her friend. 

He heard what her friend had told her. And there was some truth in those words. 

He wasn't leaving Dot. But it wasn’t because he still held out hope for the two of them. Things were a lot more complicated than that. 

And if he did leave his wife, he knew there wasn’t a corner in the world Y/N could hide in. 

But he would never hurt her. 

“Not one bit.” 

Relief washed over him as she spoke. He didn’t either. Before he could say anything, she spoke again. 

“I should go. I owe someone an explanation.” She meant her ‘boyfriend’. He wondered if she was going to leave him for her. He was sure if it though. “I’ll call you.” 

So he waited. 

  
  
  


**_11:34 - Two Days Later_ **

She grabbed the book from Peter’s hands and put it to the side. Wasting no time in straddling him, grinding her hips on him. 

“Y/N... what’s gotten into you?” 

_ Hormones _ . And guilt. Mostly guilt. 

As many times she tried to tell Peter she had slipped up, she couldn’t find the courage to. So she figured if she fucked him more times than they had in the time they had been together, that what she did with James wouldn’t really count. 

It made sense when she had first thought it up, but the more she thought about it, the more it seemed like a stupid idea. 

“I missed you. That’s all.”

“I missed you too. Don’t you want to rest? We did it this morning.  _ Three times. _ ” 

They had.  _ On the bed, on the floor, and then in the shower.  _

Two days had passed since she had slept with James, and she still hadn’t gathered up the courage to tell him the truth. 

It was a hard thing to reveal. And she knew she wasn’t going to be happy.

“I can stop if you want...” 

“I’m not complaining about it though.” 

“That’s what I thought.” 

  
  


She never thought of herself as someone who would cheat. She knew she wasn’t available of commitment, but she solved that issue, by never committing to one person. 

Then along came someone she could leave behind. 

She’d always condemn cheaters. But as she grew up. She realizing nothing was just black and white. 

Like how she felt for James. It wasn’t easy as identifying her feelings for Peter. He was good. He made her feel good. 

Things with James were a little more complicated than that. There were times she didn’t want to see him. Times she wanted nothing more but to feel his warmth beside her. 

Since having sex with him wasn’t working to get James off of her mind, she insisted on going out for lunch. Just the two of them. 

As she sat in front of Peter, she couldn't look at him in the eye. Not after what she had done. As time passed, her mind filled with all the scenarios of him after she told him what she had done. 

_ None of them were good.  _

He was the constant reminder that someone trusted and cared about her, and she had deliberately broken trust. 

“You want to come over tonight? Nat is sleeping at Clint’s so I have the apartment to myself.” 

“Great. Should I bring something?” 

“Maybe some drinks. I’ll order food.” It was the least she could do. 

_ Considering she was a cheater.  _

  
  


**_17:38_ **

“ _ Oh you’re home _ .” His wife said unenthusiastically, whilst scrolling through her iPad. “I hope you don’t mind I invited a few of my colleagues over for dinner.”

Of course he minded. He hated it when she had people over. She knew that. 

“I thought you got yourself a new apartment near your office with our money.”

“I did. It’s a  _ lovely penthouse apartment _ . As for the money, it was pocket change really. A mere thirteen million pounds.” She shrugged. “ But that place is mainly to rest my feet during my lunch break. You know I can’t stand eating at the office.” 

“Thirteen million?  _ Jesus Christ _ . Why do you keep pulling stupid stunts like this?”

“Oh. Like you buying a diamond necklace for your harlot?” 

“That has nothing to do with you.” 

“I know. Like I could care any less.” She smirked, then look back down to her device . “Wear the Prada suit tonight. The others make you look pasty.” 

“I’m not staying for whatever this is.” 

“You are. People need to see we’re ok.”

“So it’s good make yourself look good? No thanks.” 

“I seem to recall I have something in particular to make you change your mind.” Her tone changed into the mocking tone he heard often. “Something that happens to rhyme with  _ better _ .” 

“Are you fucking blackmailing me?”

He wasn’t just angry, he was furious. 

“Maybe? I mean it’s usually not my style, but it seems like the only thing that will work.” She smiled at him. “And if I have to tell so be it.” 

“You wouldn’t dare. You wouldn’t ruin your reputation like that just to hurt me.” 

“Why wouldn’t I want to hurt you after everything you’ve done to me?” She asked him, though she wasn’t looking for an answer. “At this point if I have to destroy myself to destroy you,  _ so be it. _ ”

“You’re an evil bitch.” He spat. 

“I wasn’t.” She stated. “Now I have no choice.” 

  
  


**_20:12_ **

The evening was perfect. She put out the takeout on plates and set them on the table. They celebrated the fact that he finished his exams, which seemed to go well for him. 

“I’m buying the tickets for Venice this weekend.” Peter told her, pouring some more wine into his glass. “There’s so much to do there.”

Venice.  _ Right _ . She was supposed to go on a trip with him. Maybe Italy was going to be a good distraction. Besides it was far away enough from James so that she didn’t have to think about him.

_ It was the right call.  _

“We have to ride a gondola.”

“I think those are going to be overpriced.” She commented mindlessly, as she ate her potatoes. 

“It’ll be worth it. Us two on a gondola, in the most romantic city in the world.”

“I think that’s Paris.” 

“To most people, but think about it. It’s the water that makes it look dreamy.” 

“Paris has water. The  _ Seine _ .” 

“Someone aced their geography test in the ninth grade.” Peter chuckled sweetly. “But I hate to break it to you, Venice is on water. It doesn’t just have a river flowing through.” 

“Maybe we should go to Paris.” 

“Paris?”

“Why not? Think about it. Visiting the landmarks, the Louvre, staying at a nice hotel, eating French food. Maybe stroll around the city at night, and then getting back to our room… where we can engage in some fun.  _ All. Night. Long. _ ” 

“You’re convincing me about Paris… It must be because of the landmarks.” 

He stood up, and walked towards her. He didn’t hide his intentions. It was clear he wanted to kiss her, and that he did. 

He tasted like marinara sauce, but she wasn’t sure there were sparks. It was probably the guilt eating her up. 

She usually loved kissing him. 

“Let’s watch a movie.” She suggested, trying to get her mind off of things. Just like she had been trying all day. And failing. 

  
  


**_20:56_ **

The thought of her betrayal had almost escaped her mind. If movies was all it took to distract her then she would’ve gladly only watched movies while she was with him. 

She wondered for how long was she going to feel guilty. She shoved some pop corn in her mouth. She was nervous, but he seemed not to pick up on it.

She knew James would’ve. James knew her. He would’ve known something was wrong with her. Just by how frequently she tapped her foot against the floor or by the way that she breathed. 

Things with Peter were so easy. And she liked it in a way. She could tell he liked her. He’d take her out, and they’d act like any other regular couple. There was nothing secretive about it. 

But she had come to enjoy the taboo nature of an illicit affair. All the sneaking around, the stolen kisses, the late night rendezvous in hotel rooms. 

When Peter wrapped an arm around her and she found herself resting her head against his chest she knew her answer. 

She wasn’t going to tell Peter. 

At least not yet. Maybe it was better that way. 

  
  


**_20:59_ **

_ His evening was not so perfect.  _

His mind was elsewhere. He couldn’t concentrate. Not while his own wife was holding his secret over his head. 

And she had evidence. The letter. Knowing her she would’ve probably given it to the press. She was like that. Spiteful. 

He gave her years of his life and she was still a self absorbed cunt. He shovelled food into his mouth as he watched his wife talk to her co workers, smiling, laughing, as if nothing was wrong. 

It felt like a ticking time bomb. 

Sometimes she’d look at him and smirk. Then take a sip of wine. 

They had reached to the point in marriage where they resorted to blackmail and manipulation. 

When he had first met her, she was different. Sweet, and caring. It wasn’t until she got the job she had always wanted that she became selfish, and calculating. 

  
  


He excused himself from the table and headed towards the living room, where he reached for the decanter, and poured himself a glass of whiskey. 

And when he finished a glass, he poured himself another. And another. 

He needed a lot more than whiskey to get his mind off of everything, so he called himself a car, and went wherever it would take him. 

That was how he found himself at a bar. And not those overpriced ones Sam would always take him to. 

The only good thing he had was Y/N. Though she hadn’t called him yet. It had been two days. It wasn’t much, but he wondered if she told him. Vivid images of their night together came back to his mind and they were hauntingly beautiful. 

She was more addicting than any drug he had tried in his youth. 

She managed to hypnotise him with a mere sway of her hips. And he was hers. 

But it had been two days since he had last heard from her, so he decided he was going to take matters into his own hands. 

  
  


**_22:20_ **

“I really liked that movie.” Peter said as he turned off the tv, and wrapped an arm around her. 

“I know. Since we watch the same one every so often.” 

It was as if things had gotten back to normal. Normal for her. Since he had no idea. 

“It’s not my fault I like it.”

“You like  _ Anne Bancroft _ . That’s why you insist on watching it so often.” 

“I like the soundtrack.” He insisted. 

“And Anne Bancroft. It’s fine. I won’t get jealous.” 

“Fine. I also watch it because of her.” He finally admitted, making her smile. They worked so well, so why did she feel like there was something missing?

_ “I knew it.”  _

“So what should we do now?” He asked her suggestively, giving her  _ the _ look. 

“I don’t know…” She bit her lip, her hand now on his thigh. 

“Ms. Y/N… you’re trying to seduce me.”

And that made her laugh.  _ Who cares about something missing _ . He was right for her. He wasn’t married, he was handsome, and adorkable. 

“Quoting the movie huh? You really are a nerd.” 

“But you still like me.” 

“That I do.” She straddled him, kissing him to shut him up. “Now shut up. I’m trying to seduce you.”

_ She wasn’t going to tell him _ . What he didn’t know, couldn’t hurt him. 

And she was going t get away with it. At least that was she thought. For exactly forty five minutes. 

  
  


**_23:05_ **

They were cuddled up on the couch, watching some ridiculous reality show when there was a loud knock on the door. She wasn’t expecting any visitors. 

Especially not at that hour. 

Their eyes darted towards the door, and the loud bangs coming from behind it. 

But it persisted. 

Peter moved towards the table, grabbing the empty wine bottle by its neck, whilst staring in front of her to protect her. 

Then her worst nightmare happened. 

“Y/N!” A slurred voice said from behind the door.  _ Fucking shit _ . “I know you’re in there.” 

Now she deeply regretted the fact that she had brought him back to her place of all places. But she was horny, and wasn’t thinking. 

“Isn’t that Mr. Barnes?” Peter asked himself quizzically, then looking at her. 

_ Fuck _ . 

“Y/N! Please. I know you said you’d call me, but it’s been hell without you.” He admitted. He must have been really drunk, and he sounded like that. “I couldn't stop thinking about you.” 

She hoped he was going to stop talking, but he didn’t. He just went on. 

“I can’t live knowing you’re happy with someone else. Because I want to make you happy.” 

And in that second, Peter looked at her in realization. She couldn’t look at him, but she owed him at least that. 

The way he looked at her broke her heart. What she would’ve given for him to look at her like he did that morning. Or even a few minutes ago. 

James’ voice was heard anymore, instead it was replaced by the most uncomfortable silence she had been in. 

“You slept with him.” He finally spoke. 

“Peter…”

“You did! Oh my God. Y/N! He’s a married man. He’s married. And I thought you liked me, but maybe I was wrong.” His voice broke, and so did her heart. 

She didn’t mean to hurt him. She never did. 

“You’re not. I do like you.” 

“But you don’t like me as much as you like him do you?”

It was as if he saw right through her. And even though he was hurt, his voice was calm.

“Now you being outside my class the day I met you makes so much more sense.” He went on. “And I thought it was some crazy coincidence, that a beautiful girl happened to be outside my class.  _ I’m so stupid. _ ” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too. I’m sorry I wasted your time and mine. I’m sorry I thought you loved me.” She had never said the L word, to anyone. She thought maybe she could grow to love him, but she had truly ruined things. Like she always did.

“I- I have to go. I can’t stay here. Take care.” 

“Peter!” She didn’t know why she called after him. Perhaps it was the guilty side of her trying to make amends. As the front door slammed shut, she didn’t know what to think. 

She liked Peter, but she wasn’t sad to see him leave. She didn’t cry. She was sad because she became a person she couldn’t recognise. 

A person who deliberately hurt others. 

Nat was right, someone did get hurt. It just wasn’t her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for supporting this story🥰 if you could leave feedback I’d greatly appreciate it. ❤️❤️


	26. mon coeur est tien

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am actually so excited to share this chapter with everyone! I’m really proud of it, so I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> The songs I listened to while I wrote it were: Mystery of Love, Young and Beautiful and Ne me quitte pas (which is the song Reader sings in this chapter).

When she was a young girl, she watched as her mother cheated on her father. Granted they lived in two separate houses, they were still married. She still remembered when she asked her mother why she was seeing another man who wasn’t her father, her answer being:

‘ _Don’t I deserve to be happy?’_

As she grew up, that stuck with her. She too deserved to be happy. 

People cheated on their significant others all the time. Even if they didn’t do it, they always fantasized about being with other people. 

But she also saw the aftermath of being cheated on. The crying, the binge eating, and at times the insomnia, besides all of their insecurities bubbling up to the surface, haunting them for the rest of their lives. 

Until eventually they moved on. 

_**10:45** _

The fresh breeze blew through her hair, as the car sped up towards the countryside. The further they moved away from the city, she felt relieved. She watched him behind the wheel. 

He was carefree, singing along to the song that came on the radio. That was when he glanced at her, offering her a smile. 

She wondered how he was like that. When he showed up that morning to take her away from the city, she didn’t expect it. As she didn’t think of him as an impulsive person. 

Apparently he was. There was a lot she didn’t know about him. 

Did cheating become easier the second time round? The third? Fourth? 

God only knew with how many women James cheated on his wife. Though all of that didn’t matter in that moment, as he was there with her. 

Before they headed out, she asked him if he could stop by Oxford Street, as she needed a straw hat. She didn’t have a lot of money left, considering everything she had bought and the money she gave Nat as rent (even though she insisted she didn’t have to). 

But she needed to spend a little money. She always did that when she was nervous. Well, that or smoking, but she swore to herself that she wouldn’t have smoked unless it was an emergency. 

Though James offered to buy it for her, she insisted. She didn’t want to depend on him financially. Even if it was for a hat on sale. 

With her new hat, they headed towards an unknown destination. 

  
  


When the car stopped, so did the music. They weren’t in the city anymore. It was clear by the change in scenery, and the fresh air. 

It was a brick mansion, with ivy crawling up the walls. The pebbled pathway leading to the main entrance. The house was surrounded by a field of green, expanding into the horizon. 

It was an idyllic place, isolated from the everything else. From civilization. 

They were the only ones there. 

She followed behind him, her baby blue dress flowing with the wind as he took her hand, rather unexpectedly and guided her towards the door. She blushed at his gesture. She didn’t expect him to be so forward, and she aren’t expected to blush at something so juvenile. 

The man had been inside of her, and yet there was something comforting about her hand in his. 

It was such a simple gesture, that meant so much. 

He let go of her hand to find the keys taped inside the large vase at the entrance, and opened up the house to them. 

It was quite exciting. It was their first outing to somewhere that’s as the a party, a hotel room, or his place. 

And suddenly, it felt all real. 

  
  


_**11:36** _

It was just like he remembered it. It was one of the few things from his childhood he looked back at fondly. He never thought about bringing a woman. Mostly because Dot always preferred going to Paris and never would consider the countryside.

Inside the house was warm, though all the shutters were closed. As he opened the windows, the light entered the rooms, brightening up the place. Nothing had changed. 

All the furniture was exactly like he remembered it. The fireplace, in front of which he played with his toys, not sharing them with Beck… his initials carved into the baseboard in the living room. 

Everything was still there. Fueling his childhood memories. 

And then there was her. Walking around, looking around her with the same curiosity of a child. Her eyes then landed on him, and she couldn’t contain her smile any longer. 

“ _It’s beautiful_.” 

“I came here twice before.” He told her, and she listened. “It hasn’t changed a bit.” 

“Is it yours?”

“No... but a family friend owns it. She just never comes here so she rents it out for the whole year.” 

And now he rented it out for the two of them. Their own little piece of heaven, far away from everyone else. 

“It’s beautiful.” She repeated. “So you came here as a kid?” 

“Yeah, then in my teens. And then I stopped coming.” As most of his time was spent in between boarding school, and his holidays were spent in places where debauched behaviour was encouraged. “This is the only place I know for certain that I was happy in.” 

“I can imagine that... are you happy now?” 

_**11:39** _

“ _Ecstatic_.” He said as he pulled her close to him. God he was so good looking. She couldn’t believe that they were there. 

She would’ve never expected him to bring her to such a personal place. Especially since they had never talked about their pasts. 

But that seemed to be changing. 

“And you’re not just saying that?” She asked him her hands on his hard chest. 

She had the strong urge to strip him naked and fuck him right then and there. 

“ _I’m not.._. in fact I wanted to ask you if you we’re willing to put off your plans for Venice... for me.” 

Her heart started beating real fast. Until it was the only thing she could hear. 

“Depends on what you have planned.” 

“You and I, in this house for the summer.” It was completely unexpected, though it didn’t put her off. Their relationship was still undefined. And that was what she and wanted, but they were heading towards the dangerous waters of a real relationship. 

Though that scared her, she knew there wasn’t anyone else she wanted to explore uncharted territory with, than James Buchanan Barnes. 

So she didn’t have to think of her answer much. It was a plain, and simple:

“ _Yes.”_

  
  


He kissed her hard. Ever since they had slept together at her place, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

It wasn’t just about the sex either. Even though in that moment, it might have looked like it to her. He hadn’t felt like that in a very long time, and he wasn’t planning on letting her go. 

She was his now. 

He picked her up, and sat her on the wooden dinner table, her dress riding up her thighs. She almost immediately spread her legs so he could fit in between them. His hand rested on her thigh. 

“Are you wearing panties?”

“No…” She shook her head, breathless. “It’s what you want right?”

_How thoughtful._

“You're incredible.”

“Stop talking. Just fuck me already.” 

It was the perfect morning. Him and her, in one of his favorite places, and no distractions. He didn’t know what had happened between Peter and her, and when he had tried to apologise for his drunken confession, she shut him up with a big kiss.

Everything had changed. 

He packed enough clothes for a few days, not knowing how long they were staying. He hoped as long as possible. And since she agreed to stay with him for the summer, they were going to have many more perfect mornings like that. 

He hurriedly pulled his pants down, aligning his cock to her sopping pussy. She was just begging to be fucked. 

He wondered what he had done in life to deserve someone like her. 

  
  


_**12:45** _

“I’m not sharing you with anyone else anymore. You’re mine.” He stated as he gazed lovingly into her eyes. 

“Of course I am.” She wasn’t expecting him to say that. From some other guy, maybe. But not Mr. Barnes. Had she changed him? Was that even possible? 

In her experience men rarely changed, though she really wanted to believe him. She wanted no one else but him. And for the very first time she was ready to step into something with only one person. 

“Haven't I made that clear enough?” She asked cheekily.

“I need a constant reminder.” 

He gave her a gentle peck on her lips. 

“Where did all this food come from?” 

She asked about the exorbitant amounts of food that were taken out of the fridge and placed on the mat. He had brought out the good china, and they were drinking wine out of goblets. 

He was giving her the full Barnes experience. She could’ve easily gotten used to all of it. 

“I had people go to the market this morning before we arrived.” He explained. “You haven’t touched the melon and prosciutto… it’s divine.” 

“I know… I think I’d rather stick to chocolate covered strawberries.” She invented an excuse, and reached for another strawberry. “Now that’s a combination I can get behind.” 

“At least try it.” He insisted. 

And she had no other choice but to relent. 

“ _Fine_. But you feed me.” 

There it was, that unidentifiable glimmer in his eye, that gave her heart flutters. 

“Are you becoming spoiled because of me?” 

“Probably.” She shrugged.

“Maybe I should be stricter. Would you like that?”

“What do you think?”

“I think you would.” He smirked, grabbing a melon slice with prosciutto and bringing it up to her mouth. “Open your mouth.” 

She sultrily parted her lips for him. Damn it got suggestive real fast. 

She bit down, making sure she got a bit of prosciutto with the fruit. And as soon as she started chewing, she immediately regretted her choice. 

Her face contorted in displeasure, and it was clearly amusing him, as he started laughing. 

“Nope. I don’t like it. It’s awful.” She took large gulps from her goblet. “How do people eat that. I know it’s fancy and shit, but it’s literally a fruit with prosciutto.”

“It’s a delicacy.” 

“I’m sure you didn’t even like it at first. You just ate it to feel fancy. I bet that’s what everyone does. Pretends to love it to seem sophisticated.”

“That sounds like a conspiracy.” He said amusedly. “How do you even come up with stuff like that?”

“I start talking, then never stop.” 

“I think it’s kinda annoying, but cute.” 

She chuckled. He had never called her cute before. _Interesting_.

“Can you pass me a blueberry?”

“I’ll do you one better.” She replied, as she put the sweet berry in between her lips, he laughed softly and shook his head. He probably didn’t expect that. 

He got closer to her, his lips trying to figure out how to get the berry, before he abandoned the idea completely and kissed her. 

As she wasn’t a very affectionate person, she was surprised to discover that she liked to receive affection. Especially if it was from the right man. 

Maybe that was what had gone wrong in her non existent love life. She had been looking for men in the wrong places. If only she would have visited London before…

Though a part of her knew that she had visited the city before, she wouldn’t have met him. It was all about being in the right place at the right time. 

In that moment all she was grateful for was the fact that in that fateful night, she had met him at the bar. 

  
  


_**20:12** _

He looked down at his watch. 

He knew she took long to get ready but it had been an hour since she had told him that she was nearly done. 

Marching up the stairs, he had prepared himself to pick her up and carry her to his car. The hunger made him increasingly frustrated, but when he arrived outside of their bedroom, the frustration ceased.

He could hear faint singing from behind the door. She was singing in French, and though some words were mispronounced, he couldn’t help but slowly open the door to hear her better. 

And when he did, his eyes widened. 

He opened the door to see her in baby pink lingerie, adjusting the straps of her bra, in front of the mirror and smoothing her hands over her breasts. 

The song still fell off her lips. _Ne me quitte pas, ne me quitte pas, ne me quitte pas._

She looked ethereal. She noticed him from his reflection in the mirror, but she didn’t say anything. Instead she kept on singing, even when his hands cupped her lace clad breasts, fondling them in his hands. 

It wasn’t until his hand slid inside her panties that she stopped. The singing replaced by her sweet moans. 

His fingers traced her slit, making her tremble. _Fuck, she was so wet for him_. Did she know he’d come upstairs to find her like that? 

He occasionally looked at their reflections in the mirror. The look of pure ecstasy on her face was hard to ignore. 

He had long forgotten how young she was, in that moment they were just a woman and a man. 

It was as simple as that. 

His fingers delved inside of her, eliciting a whimper. He couldn’t stop looking at her. How flushed her face was, and the way she smelled. It was sweet. Her forehead glistened as he worked his fingers into her, her pussy tightening around them. 

It was a number of things that made him hard as a rock. And he was sure she had felt his arousal on her back. 

“James… we’re going to be late.” She whined. 

“ _Just come for me once, and then we can go_.”

  
  


_**20:43** _

They drove to the nearest village, where the car suddenly stopped. She had no idea where he was taking her, in fact he hadn’t told her. He wanted it to be a surprise. 

She looked outside to see it was a restaurant. Probably the only restaurant around there. 

“James… that’s a restaurant.” She pointed out as she looked outside, then at him. 

He chuckled at the obviousness of her statement. 

“I know.” 

“What if they see you?” It would’ve been a huge problem. Mostly because he was in the public eye and some people might have recognised him. 

Though he seemed to not have her same concerns. In fact he looked so relaxed. More than he had ever been in the time that she knew him. 

“I don’t care.” 

“What if they see us?” She asked again. She didn’t want to ruin anything in his life. She knew as his mistress, she had her place. Which was entertaining him in private. Whilst his wife had him in public. 

“I still don’t care.” 

He seemed sure of his answer. She offered him a gentle smile, before she stepped out of the car. 

He opened the door for her like a gentleman, and it was hard for her not to imagine herself being something more than his dirty little secret. It sure didn’t seem that way. 

He had brought her to the countryside, to his favorite place. Where he took her out in public. She held a firm grip on his arm, not knowing what she was going to walk into. 

“James Barnes. I called earlier for a table.” He told the maître d’ as soon as they stepped inside. 

“ _Right_. It’s a pleasure, Mr. Barnes. I’ll escort you and Mrs. Barnes your table.” He said with a smile, as he started walking, and they followed behind. 

“Mrs. Barnes? Really?” She asked him in a hushed tone, as the maitre d’ walked in front of them at a distance. 

“Not everyone reads Forbes.” 

“Apparently.” 

They both chuckled, but as they were led outside, she was confused. Why were they going outside? Or at least she was until the view in front of her made her breath hitch. 

An arch, made from purple flowers extended its way to a candlelit table for two. They walked towards their table, the faint sweet scent of the flowers made her stomach flutter. 

She was quite sure James had something to do with it by the way he was reacting at her own reactions. 

It seemed like it came right out of a fairytale, it all seemed too good to be true. He had done something she didn’t think he was capable of. Caring for someone else, and yet, everything seemed to be planned to the smallest detail, it made her change her mind. 

James, the man who had taken her multiple times in several hotel suites across the city, had shown her he cared. He cared about what she thought about him. He cared about her. 

“ _Oh James_.” She spoke, struggling to find the words. “I love it.” 

“I knew you would.” 

She draped her arms around his neck, and kissed him. It was a thank you kiss, to show him how much his actions meant to her. 

_**21:03** _

“This is new.” Having dinner with him in our in public was something she had never expected to do, being the other woman to a man who was well known by some people. 

But there she was. Sitting across from him having the best meal she had in awhile. 

It was in fact the best she had ever felt in a very long time. 

“It is… do you like it?”

He knew the answer already, but she knew he wanted to hear it several times. She couldn’t blame him. The man had an ego. 

A huge one at that. 

“I love it. Thank you for the invite.”

“I couldn’t think about anyone better to bring here than you.” He spoke with sincerity, as time passed, the more her walls came down. 

“I still can’t believe we’re out. It sure beats room service.”

“Though you have to admit eating omelettes in bed was a real good idea.” 

“You’re right. They were real good omelettes.” She laughs a little at the memory of them eating eggs whilst watching tv after one of their trysts. “So what should we talk about? Should we get to know each other? Since we only know our sexual preferences.”

There had been a strict _don’t ask, don’t tell_ policy between them. As they didn’t want personal information getting in the way of great sex. 

She knew why. The more one knew about the other person, the more real it became. 

_They both didn’t need that._

“We can do that.” 

“Ok. First question… why do some people call you Bucky?” She has been curious about that for a while, ever since so many people she came across had called him by that name. 

She instead stuck with James, as she thought it was impersonal. 

“Is that really the question you want to ask?”

“Yes I’m curious. Now spill.” 

“Fine, Steve actually gave me that nickname. It was because when we met in the first grade, there was another James, so I guess he decided that it would’ve been easier to call me by my middle name.” He recounted. “And since he didn’t know how to say it, he just went with Bucky.” 

“That’s adorable.” 

She couldn’t imagine a time James and Steve were friends. She had barely seen them interact. And he scowled every time she mentioned him. 

But apparently they knew each other for the longest time. 

“It’s my turn now.”

“I’m pretty sure it should be more of a natural conversation than an interrogation.”

“Whatever. We can do it however it pleases us. Besides, I’m making an effort to get to know you.” He stated, taking a sip from his glass. “First love?”

“You’re asking the tougher questions huh?” She teased, and pretended to think about it for a while. “It must be the beautiful pumps I got for my birthday two years ago. It was love at first sight. At least it was for me. I can’t speak for the shoes.” 

“Your first love were _shoes_?”

“Not just any shoes. These beautiful pink _Marc Jacobs_ pumps, my mother had saved up for.” 

“How do you know that it was love?”

“Because, I fell for them instantly, then tried it on and found out I looked perfect in them. I felt at my best, and they made me feel special. Until they started to hurt me, and I still kept them on. It wasn’t until they completely destroyed my feet that I had to give up.” She shrugged. “After that it took me a while to trust pumps again, but now I kinda do.” 

“And that’s comparable to a man’s love?” 

“Men are like shoes in a way. They’re pretty, and a welcome addition, but they’re not a part of you. And when they don’t fit anymore, you can find prettier ones elsewhere.”

“ _Ouch_.” He feigned offence. “I can’t believe you just described us as shoes.” 

“I really like shoes, so it should be a compliment.” 

She then giggled. Not forgetting her role. Though he had brought her there, she was still his mistress. And she would’ve been for as long as he was married. 

Since he had given her no indication that he was leaving his wife, it would’ve been a long time. At least until she left to pursue her next adventure. 

She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to travel anymore. She wandered around Europe aimlessly, just having fun, not caring about responsibilities or anything else. 

But James made her want to stay. He was a very good reason to stick around. 

_**23:14** _

The evening had gone flawlessly, even more perfect than he had anticipated it to be. He had taken his fair share of women out to dinner. Though that had been whilst he was travelling abroad. 

Like most wealthy and powerful men did. 

He’d take them out to some expensive restaurant that had been awarded a Michelin star or two, escorting them in a flashy sports car. Women loved that. 

Then the night would end with them in his hotel room, on their backs, with him pounding into them. 

But he hadn’t ever been nervous like he had been with Y/N. He had never been as attentive over the smallest things neither. 

The time had arrived to leave the restaurant and go back home. He led her out, trying not to get too many eyes on them. Once they got out, she started limping. 

The shoes. 

“Are you ok?” He asked her as he offered her his arm. She nodded, and then shook her head. 

“Kind of. My shoes hurt.” 

“Come here…” He didnt think, he just acted upon his instinct. Which was to pick her up and carry her. She squealed like a little girl. “Is this ok?”

“It’s more than ok. _It’s perfect_.” 

She rested her head on his chest, as he carried her towards his car. It made him feel like a man. She made him feel like that. 

“Come on, let’s get you home.” 

  
  


_**23:32** _

She kicked off her heels, sighing in relief once she was barefoot on the grass. She gazed at the sky, as they walked around the house, getting to the back yard- where they had lunch that day. 

She looked around her in awe, something that warmed his heart. 

“So you said you came here twice... was it with Beck?” She asked him, as she walked backwards, slowly so she wouldn’t fall over or accidentally bump into something. 

“Yes. We took care of each other growing up. No parents.“ 

“That must have been hard on you.” 

“It was, but I like to think we turned out to be pretty decent.” 

Beck certainly did. Though she was more open to forgive their mother for her mistakes far quicker than him. He still wasn’t in friendly terms with her. 

“You did great with her. She’s so lovely and kind.” She told him. “You on the other hand, you’re depraved. Can’t say I don’t like it though. But I like you more when you talk about things that you care about. Don’t get me wrong, I love it when you ravish me, but I like this James a lot.” 

“Well I have to say it’s all because of you.” He replied. “You make me want to be better.”

Sometimes the universe had a funny way of giving people a sign. He was never one to believe in fate, or stupid shit like that. In fact he made fun of people who believed in it.

But as it started to lightly rain, he knew for sure he was in the right place. 

“Fuck! My dress.” She cursed, they both ran underneath a large tree, which sheltered them from the rain. “You planned this too?” 

“The rain? I wish. It sure does make everything romantic doesn’t it?” 

He got close to her. Her breasts were up against him. He hoped she couldn’t hear his heart beating as fast as he did. 

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t like the rain when I’m outside. I’m afraid I’m not one of those people who does.” 

“So you don’t think it’s romantic?”

“Why don’t you kiss me and I’ll tell you.” It was an open invitation. And he accepted it. No matter how many times he kissed her, he never got tired of it. He knew he never would’ve. 

It spoke louder than any words could have. 

“So?” He asked her as a reluctantly pulled away, their lips were still inches away from each other. 

“It’s real romantic. I want to stay here forever.” She whispered. “ _With you._ ”

“Me too.” 

For the first time in a very long time, he was happy. 

  
  


_**23:57** _

“I never felt this way before.” He told her as he held her close to him. After it started raining a little bit more, they rushed inside, and headed to the master bedroom. 

It didn’t take long for them to take their clothes off, and be consumed by passion. Though it was different. He touched her gently, like he was afraid to break her.

He was taking his time, as if it was going to be the last time he was seeing her. He entered her slowly, making her gasp. He gave her time to adjust to his girth and length. Something he hadn’t done in the past. 

“You’re everything I wished I had.” He whispered into her ear as he started moving his hips at an excruciatingly slow pace, though it hit all the right spots inside her. 

_He was made for her._

“I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.” 

She was drowning in a sea of emotions. All of them overwhelming. And never explored before. 

All her ‘adult’ life she had thought she was incapable of the feelings that came so naturally to everyone else, but there she was, feeling like she had never before with James. 

She wanted to say the L word, but tiptoed around it. She wanted to be cautious, but slowly her walls were coming down and she was letting him in. 

She could see it in his eyes that he felt the same too. Their kiss felt like their first. Or what their first should have been. 

Heart fluttering, and all consuming. It was fuelled by the need of one another. 

She wanted to stay in that paradise forever. In their paradise. A place which held such sentimental value to him. 

She didn’t want to see anyone else. And she was sure about it. 

She wanted no one else but him. 

  
  
  


_**00:45** _

“That was amazing.” She breathed out as she found comfort in his smell. They were so close to each other, it was all very overwhelming. His arm was wrapped around her, as she was nuzzled into his chest. 

They had shared a bed before, but it was never in an intimate way. 

“I know. You are amazing.” He kissed her forehead. “The best I’ve ever had.” 

“Now you’re just lying.” 

She didn’t need to hear lies. Not anymore. All she wanted was honesty. Especially if it was just going to be the two of them. 

“I’m not. I don’t need anyone else when I’m with you.” He shook his head, his voice sincere. And just like that, her heart started what if fast again. It was too many positive emotions for her to bear. 

She wasn’t used to it. 

She was so used to being let down. 

Just when she thought she heard it all, he dropped the bomb that would catch her off guard. 

“ _I decided I’m divorcing my wife_.” 

She knew it was a line all married men told their mistresses, but she decided to trust him completely. It was a risk, but she was willing to take it. 

_She was all in._

In that moment, she was in a state in which happiness couldn’t even be compared with. It was a lot to take in. 

And right there in his arms, she felt like she was at home. 

But just when she was at her happiest, her mind pulled despicable tricks on her. Happiness wasn’t meant to last forever. There would come a day in which she would be left heartbroken. 

It was one thing she was certain of. Their countdown to the end had just started, and she didn’t know how many days she still had to be happy like that. 

_You’re going to break my heart._

She thought to herself as she watched him sleep beside her. Their faces inches away from each other.

_And the saddest part is I’m going to let you._

  
  



	27. dirty bastard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not have a fixed face claim for Bucky Barnes, nor the other characters in the MCU, so if you want to change it in your mind, feel free to do so.

**_08:24_ **

He woke up early, to the sound of birds chirping outside. By how busy they were the night before, he had completely forgotten to close the shutters, the light giving her an ethereal glow on her head. Almost like a halo. 

The night before. He couldn’t stop thinking about it.  _ It was perfect _ . 

They had sex plenty of times. But never like that. So passionate, yet touching something deep inside him he had long forgotten. He had forgotten how it felt to be alive just by the touch of a woman. 

He wished for things to be different. To not be married. He would’ve loved nothing more than to live in their little paradise with her. 

He dreamt of her. Like he did so often. She wouldn’t get out of his head. And like in real life, she was beautiful. 

He watched her as she slept peacefully. The sheets covering only the bottom half of her body, leaving her top half exposed. He wants to cover her body with his marks. 

He wanted everybody to know she was his. 

As he admired her, he tried to ignore his phone vibrating on the nightstand, hoping whoever was calling would get the message, but it persisted. 

Of course someone had to interrupt them. 

  
  


“ _ Beck _ .” 

He said as he answered the phone. 

“ _ Jamie _ .” She called him by the much hated nickname he had long forgotten. As kids, it was payback for calling her Beck (and making it stick), as it it was more used as a boys name. “How’s Y/N?” 

“She’s fine?” He replied yawning. “Why are you calling?” 

“It’s about her.” That made him alert. He got out of bed and started walking further away from it. 

“You know I have friends in the media. And just last month I met the new owner of The  _ Daily Mail _ . We had lunch at this delightful little restaurant in Verona, and the mushroom risotto there was to die for. Though I did swear off of carbs a long time ago…” 

“How is this about Y/N?”

“Right.” She paused. “Someone followed you on your countryside getaway and took pictures of the two of you at the restaurant and getting out of it. Her face is visible. What were you thinking?”

“We wanted to have some normalcy.” He glanced at her sleeping figure. The last thing he wanted was to have her picture all over the news. 

He wouldn’t have heard the end of it. A media shitstorm, with her in the middle of it. 

“Well someone has already tried to sell it to my friend, but thank God they called me. And I sorted that out.”

“Thank you. I owe you.”

“I know and I owe them, but whomever took them is going to try to sell them again to someone else. And I can’t help you when that happens.” 

“Fuck.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s all my fault.” 

“I think you know who you need to call.” 

He knew very well who she was referring to.  _ There had to be another way.  _

“No. I’m not calling her.” 

“Go on then. Let your affair go public. You know she’s always going to be identified as James Barnes’ mistress for the rest of her life. Dolores is going to have a field day with telling her side of the story to the press. And you won’t hear the end of it.” 

He hated that she was right. If it ever came out, it would’ve been the end for them. But also the end for him as CEO, even before he had officially started. As the board wouldn’t approve handing him a company with paparazzi following him everywhere. 

It was bad press. 

“Basically I have no other choice.” 

“No you don’t.” She stated. “If you need anything else, call me. I’ll be happy to help.”

“Thank you.” 

He hung up as soon as they said their goodbyes, and exited the room quietly, to not wake Y/N up. 

He scrolled down his contacts for the number he was looking for, and reluctantly pressed on it. Hoping he wouldn’t regret it later on. 

“ _ I need your help _ .”

  
  


**_08:57_ **

Her eyes fluttered opened at the light shining through the curtains. The other side of the bed, the sheets were rumpled, proof that she hadn’t imagined the incredible night she had spent. 

His smell lingered on his pillow, the same one she had fallen asleep smelling. It gave her the most wonderful dreams. She couldn’t remember any specific details, but she was happy. 

The only thing she remembered was a field of red.  _ Poppies _ . They were resting under a very big tree, the only tree there. With a tire turned into a makeshift swing tied to one of its sturdiest branches. 

Then she started running, smiling, with James following behind. She’d look behind and would see the tree far behind them. Until the same tree appeared in front of them. 

No matter how matter how much they ran, that tree always seemed to be there. 

Until she realized they were going around in circles.  _ Over, and over again.  _

  
  


“Where are you going?” Her voice was still soft, and she didn’t have the strength to get out of bed just yet. 

James has closed the door behind him, he seemed stressed. Something was bothering him. He was already dressed, his forehead glistened with sweat as he walked towards the bed. 

“I have some business to deal with. I’ll be back soon. I’ll call for a car to escort you back to the city.” 

_ Business deal…  _ it must have been. He was soon to replace his father in his company. So she didn’t know why she didn’t fully believe him. 

She wanted to. She had no other choice. 

“I thought we were staying here…” 

“We will again. Once everything is dealt with. I don’t want you to be alone…” Now she felt bad for doubting him. But she had her reasons. 

“I’ll ask Nat if I can stay with her.” 

“Good girl.” He smiled. “I’ll be back.” 

“Promise this isn’t some bang and ditch situation?”

“It’s not.” He gently kissed her forehead. “I meant every word I said yesterday.” 

“At what time are you leaving?” 

“Half past three. I have a plane to catch.” 

“Half past three…” She repeated. Though the part that intrigued was the plane part. She sometimes forgot he was so rich he could make daily trips somewhere probably on a private jet. 

“I think that gives us enough time to enjoy our morning.” 

“What were you thinking about?” He asked suggestively as he uncovered her body from the sheets that were covering her. 

“I don’t know, spend a lazy morning, have breakfast, walk around…” She went on. “Why? Do you have a better idea?”

“Breakfast sounds good. But I’m craving something sweet.” 

“I might have something…” Her legs slowly opened revealing herself to him. She was wet. As she always was in his presence. 

“ _ I was hoping you’d say that _ .”

He started right away, making her moan uncontrollably at his eagerness. If there was a heaven, that was it. 

And as James had his breakfast, she had her first orgasm of that morning. 

  
  


**_14:30_ **

Two rounds and a plate of homemade pasta later, she found herself wishing James a safe flight, as she got in a black a Mercedes that was headed towards the city. 

Moving back into the city after having been in the countryside was a little upsetting. Sure, she still loved the city, but there was something ethereal about her short vacation that made her want it more. 

She missed eating fresh berries as she watched James soak up the sun beside her, the long walk they took that very morning after being fucked into oblivion. 

There, he was  _ her _ James. 

She enjoyed not having to sneak around. Was that how their future looked like?

_ Future _ . A big and scary word that suddenly made sense to her. He asked her to stay there longer. She didn’t know what his intentions were, but his wife wasn’t going to be in the picture. 

Was he doing it for her? Or was it because they were already miserable?

She didn’t want to have any part in breaking up a marriage. 

Though in that moment, her priorities were elsewhere. Clearing things up with Nat. And she was trying to do just that, after she managed to convince her to take a walk with her down Bond Street. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Nat. It’s just it happened so quickly.” She apologised as she held a cup of coffee in hand. “I barely had time to process it myself.” 

Nat looked at her, with a kind smile. It seemed like she had long forgotten what she had done. 

“It’s fine. I just don’t want you to get hurt.” 

She said sincerely. Nat was one of those few people in the world who was surrounded by people in good relationships. Her parents were married for over thirty years, and they were still happy. And her and Clint made the cutest couple she knew of. 

“Now spill. I want to know everything about your short vacation.” 

And though she might have not understood her situation, she was grateful she always lent her an ear. 

“It was amazing. For that brief moment I forgot I was the other woman.” 

“But you are.”

“I know. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like his before.” Her heart fluttered as she said it out loud for the very first time. “What is happening to me? On what planet did I allow myself to be like this?” 

“You like him. It’s perfectly natural.” At that point she seemed to have long forgotten that she was upset. She was smiling, completely having her back. 

“It’s more than like.” 

“Oh my- does he know?” 

“No. We need to go over some things. I’m spending the summer in the countryside, with him.” 

“You and the countryside, with a man?” She asked surprised. “I never expected that.”

“So what’s gonna happen with Venice?”

“Venice is going to have to wait. I just got myself a lover.” 

“Hopefully he’ll be more than just a lover.” 

  
  
  
  


**_16:02 - Paris, France._ **

It wasn’t anything like he imagined. Though he liked to imagine it was some sort of evil lair where  _ she _ did the most despicable things.

It was nothing like that. In fact everything was meticulously placed, from the lobby to the offices, that he would have thought nobody worked there. The marble accents of the front desk started to remind him of what Dot wanted for their own home, before the whole idea had been scrapped. 

Nobody seemed to care if he was there or not. Everybody was just running around, minding their own business. Far too focused on their task to notice him. 

The people there were so tense, and whilst they looked immaculate in their stylish outfits, not a hair out of place, their eyes told a whole other story. They looked as if the hadn’t slept in over a week. 

It was louder than he had expected. There were people shouting across the room. They were all in a hurry. 

He never would’ve been able to work under someone. He wasn’t patient enough for that. 

As he approached glass doors, he knew he was walking straight into the gates of hell. It led into a small and bright lobby, with dark grey walls. There were two white quilted love seats, with a coffee table in between them with a vase of Madonna lilies. 

On the opposite side was a desk, with a secretary behind it. 

“Good morning Mr. Barnes.” Said the blond in the sleek ponytail behind the desk.  _ The gatekeeper. _ She must have been new, as he had never seen her before. 

Though it seemed like she was acquainted with him. 

By the looks of it, she was new.  _ Probably with an impressive resume.  _

“ _ It’s four.  _ Where is she?” He asked her annoyedly. He didn’t like to be kept waiting, like most people. 

“She’s just coming back from a meeting.” She spoke politely. “She’ll be here shortly.” 

_ Shortly _ . Which translated to:  _ in the next few hours _ . He had other places to be. 

“Mr. Barnes you-“ 

“Don’t worry I’ll tell her you tried to stop me.” He proceeded to walk towards the large double doors, opened them and made himself home in the large office. 

An office that was probably bigger than most apartments. It sure was bigger than the apartment Y/N was staying at. The tall windows offered a beautiful view of the city. The walls adorned with photos and articles of its owner. 

_ No family photos.  _

The door was in between two portraits.  _ Portraits of egocentricity _ . 

  
  
  


The office that was a few moments ago filled with the sounds of people working hard, had gone dead silent. Nothing could be heard. If he didn’t know any better he would’ve thought the whole building had been evacuated. 

He knew what was coming.  _ Who _ . 

_ It was the calm before the storm.  _

He sighed, mentally preparing himself for the interaction that was to come. Nothing had changed. No matter how much he drank, he had the feeling it was coming. 

Since childhood he had learnt how to pick up on the sounds. The clicking of heels against the cold hard floor was one of them, echoing across the office, as if it was a warning of some sort. 

It still gave him chills. But he never would admit it to anyone. 

As the clicking got closer, he braced himself.  _ She was close.  _

He walked over to the mid century bar cart and poured himself a glass.  _ Double _ . Just in case. As he put down the decanter, he listened to the silence that surrounded him. 

Then there was some shuffling outside the door.  _ She had arrived. _ All that separated them was a door.

As the double doors opened, he turned around with the glass in his hand. A woman strutted into the room. Dressed in black from head to toe. The only other color she had on was the red he could barely see beneath her heels. 

She slowly raised her gloved hand to take off the large framed sunglasses she had on. 

“I’m sorry Ms. Barnes. He insisted...I tried to stop him.” The secretary tried to explain herself, apologising. But it was futile. She wasn’t listening to her. 

“ _ Leave us. _ ” 

“Yes Ms. Barnes.” 

“Can you believe I have to deal with incompetence every day?” She scoffed as the door closed behind her. He didn’t have time to deal with that. He had bigger fish to fry. 

“ _ Mother _ .” 

He hadn’t seen her in a very long time.  _ And with good reason. _

“James.” She replied, with the same lack of enthusiasm he had. “What was so urgent you insisted on meeting me.” 

“You told me to fly to Paris, because you can’t stand talking to people on the phone.”

“Semantics.” She strode towards the desk and sat behind it. Asserting her power. “Are you going to tell me what was so important or am I going to have to force it out of you?”

“I suppose you know nothing about my-“ He paused. Wanting to tiptoe around the sensitive subject. 

“My what? I can’t read minds.” He forgot how  _ nice _ she was. 

“My mis- this girl I’m seeing.” He corrected himself. He knew what her reaction was going to be, and it seemed like she already knew by the looks of it. “There are pictures that someone took of us.”

“Oh  _ the girl. _ Honestly I thought she was just your flavor of the week.” 

“I need you to stop those pictures from going out.” He said sternly. He had no time to beat around the bush anymore. 

If there was one person who could stop that from happening, it was her. 

“You promised it wouldn’t happen again after that incident four years ago.” 

He knew she would’ve brought that up again. 

“I kept my promise. I stood beside Dot after that. Even though all I wanted to do was to get a divorce. Four years later, I’m still with her.” 

“Imagine the scandal that would ensue. Especially now when you’re waiting to take over your father's company.” It sounded like a threat. “Your whole charity act at that University would have been for nothing.” 

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t deem it necessary. You’re the last person I wanted to see today.” 

She smiled, though it wasn’t comforting at all. It made him feel uneasy. “I’ll make some calls. Maybe you can take your wife out to dinner? Keep up appearances. Sleep in the same house.” 

“It won’t happen again.” 

“It won’t.” She repeated his words. “I know everything James. Like I did in the past. There’s not one thing that goes down in your life that I don’t know about.” 

“You made that very clear the last time.” Last time. He didn’t want a repeat of it. 

“I know, but like your father, you tend to forget things.” 

  
  


**_16:30 - London, United Kingdom_ **

“Do you think Clint is going to like this? He really likes lace panties.” Natasha asked her as she picked up a pair of blue lacy panties. 

As part of spending a day between girls, they decided to go shopping. By shopping she meant watching Nat do all the shopping, as she couldn’t afford to use more money than she already had. 

“For himself?” She asked jokingly. “I don’t think those would suit him. He seems much more of a thong guy.” 

“Haha very funny. I’m serious.” 

She put the pair down, and kept looking around. Maybe she could have picked something for herself to wear when she went back to the countryside with James. 

Though she figured lingerie wouldn’t have done much, as he would have ripped it off. 

As she picked something up for Nat to try, she spoke. 

“Isn’t that Dot Barnes?” 

“Very funny.” She rolled her eyes and handed her a pair of panties she had chosen for her. 

“I’m not kidding.” 

Nat took out her phone and typed something on it, and showed her.  _ Mrs. Barnes _ . She hadn’t seen her up close like that. As she had avoided looking at her pictures too much when she was at his place. 

She slowly turned around to look at the woman Nat was looking at. Then looked back at her phone.  _ It was the same woman.  _

A gorgeous redhead with long legs, who was…  _ buying lingerie?  _

Was she buying it for James? Suddenly she felt a pit in her stomach. She knew she was his wife, but were they still sleeping together? 

She certainly couldn’t have asked James. His wife wasn’t a preferred topic of discussion post coitus. 

She had to trust James at that point. She had no other choice. 

The chances of meeting someone one wants to see are slim to none. It mostly had to do with the universe screwing with one's chances. But the chances of meeting someone one does not want to see, were in fact much higher. 

_ How unlucky must one be to be at one place at the wrong time, exactly when the other person was?  _

“ _ Fuck _ .” She whispered as she proceeded to drag Nat further away. “We gotta go.” 

“But you said she hasn’t met you.” 

“Doesn’t mean I want to be near her. Reminder, I’m fucking her husband.” 

“Right. Let’s go.” 

It was really funny how just one thing could change everything. If she had been more careful and less panicked, she wouldn’t have bumped into a display of bras and matching panties, just as they were trying to go undetected. 

It was said karma would always find a way to bite one in the ass. And that was her day. 

The young sales assistant rushed over to her, and to the display, making sure both were ok, as a lawsuit would have looked pretty bad. Not that she had the money to sue anybody. 

As she composed herself, she checked to see if Mrs. Barnes was still around. She was. And the little commotion she had caused made her look her way. 

There was a look of confusion, pity, then the sudden realization, that she was someone she recognized. 

It wasn’t possible. They had never crossed paths ever before. She only recognised her because of the pictures Nat showed her, and the photos inside her home. Where she had fucked her husband many, many times. 

She was trapped. Her hip hurt quite a bit by running straight into the corner of the display, making it and for her to make a run for it. 

She had signed her fate. Though she held onto the hope that she didn’t recognise her, and that she was being paranoid. 

  
  


“ _ You… _ ” She said softly, almost as if to herself. “I know who you are.” 

“You do?” She asked, hoping she would mistake her for someone else. It could’ve happened. 

There was a chance she really didn’t. 

“Yes. I had you and my husband followed to a hotel.” 

_ Fuck. Fuck. Shit.  _ Her first instinct was to run away, but she owed it to herself and to her to stay there, and hear whatever she had to say. 

The worst case scenario was her hair getting ripped out. Though Mrs. Barnes seemed really calm for a woman meeting her husband’s mistress. 

  
  


**_17:00_ **

“I’m sorry.” She spoke first. They hadn’t exchanged a single word since she had suggested she’d join her for tea. She had no choice but to comply. She didn’t know what else she could have done. 

Mrs. Barnes was an elegant woman. She knew that already from her closet. She spared no expense on her appearance. 

Though she didn’t know much else about her. She didn’t spend time researching her at all. Regarding the wife, she wanted to be as ignorant as possible. 

She never would have thought that she would come across her, much less meet her, and sit in front of her at an upscale cafe. 

“It’s ok.” She assured her. Again, she was awfully calm for someone talking to the other woman. “I wanted to talk, because I have something for you.” 

She put her purse on her lap, and opened it. She didn’t even know what it was but it made her very nervous. 

She took out an envelope, a standard white envelope, with nothing special to it. Though from the looks of it, it had been opened before. There was a name on the back, illegible, as it was far too messy to know who it was addressed to. 

_ It was a letter.  _

“I want you to read this. So you know exactly the man my husband is.” 

“What if I don’t want to?”

“It’s totally up to you.” She told her as she put the letter on the table, and pushed it towards her. “But I wouldn’t want you to wait until it’s too late.” 

“What did James do to you?” 

“What he didn’t do?” She asked sarcastically. “I wore dresses because he liked how my legs looked in them, I kept my hair long just because he liked it that way. I became his property.  _ I was a merely a doll. _ And when that illusion broke, so did our marriage.” 

She didn’t want to believe her, but she a part of her did. And she had the horrible feeling that reading the letter would convince her even more. 

“How long did you pretend?”

“Four months.” She admitted with a sad chuckle. “I used to spite you a little. I used to think, there she is, my husband’s much younger mistress.  _ What a cliche _ .” 

She felt bad. Worse than she ever did. But she couldn’t stop listening to what she had to say. 

“I don’t anymore. Somehow I’ve stopped caring for what he does. After getting cheated on as much as I did, you get used to it. Until everything you ever felt just crumbles away, leaving nothing behind.” 

“Why are you married to him then?”

“It’s easier that way. So we don’t have to pretend our lives are worse then they actually are. You can’t have everything.” 

“Why are you being nice to me?”

“Because, I know it’s not your fault.” Dot told her with a genuine smile. How could James cheat on her? “Don’t let this be just a conversation between a wife and a mistress, take my advice to heart. He will break your heart as he did mine a long time ago.”

She hated that she was right. James was capable of cheating on his wife, though he had no feelings for her, as evidence suggested, there was a time he was completely smitten by her. 

He was the one who married her. And just as quickly put her to the side once he had found someone shinier and new. 

Though Y/N couldn’t see how that was possible. Dolores was a successful, beautiful woman. Any man would’ve been lucky to have her. 

  
  


She was naive to think he wouldn’t have gotten rid of her just as cruelly, or even more, as to him she wasn’t anything more than a mistress, who let him do whatever he wanted to her. 

She didn’t know what to think anymore. She wanted to believe James, but so few times have men cared for their mistresses, and if they married them, there would be a vacancy for the mistress position. 

  
  


_ Once a cheater, always a cheater.  _

She reminded herself, with a heavy heart. She picked up her ice coffee and found herself chewing on the straw a lot. 

She was finally happy. But she knew it was fleeting. She had that ominous feeling that someone would come and snatch it all away from her. 

“I have to go now, but here’s my number.” She left her a business card. “I feel like you’re going to need it.” 

She didn’t know what to believe. All she knew was that she needed time to think by herself. She was consumed by her own thoughts as she walked towards Nat’s apartment. 

A part of her wished she wasn’t right. That he wasn’t going to break her heart, and that they were going to be very happy together. 

But it seemed like his wife had her same hopes, and her marriage went down the drain. 

Besides she had no reason to lie to her. She could have kicked her ass for sleeping with her husband, but she was calm and collected. Which was something she hadn’t expected. 

  
  


**_18:21_ **

  
  


She closed herself in her room, taking the letter out from her bag. She stared at it for a while. 

_ Did she really want to see the real him _ ?  _ And possibly break his trust?  _

It was very possible that it’s contents would break her. She had fallen for him, so there was no other way out. 

But she had been given the letter. The chance to see the real him. A side of him she had yet to see. By his wife. 

_ Was she really ready?  _

She realized she was clutching the letter tightly, before pulling out the piece of paper out of its envelope. 

She stared at the folded paper. It was her last chance to back out. If she read it, she couldn’t go back to not knowing.  _ Was ignorance better than knowing?  _

She opened it. Almost as if she wanted to suffer. To get her heart broken. And she read each word carefully. 

  
  


_ Connie,  _

_ I still remember the last time we’ve been together. The smell of your soft hair, how I miss running my fingers through them. What I hate is not having you here with me. Every day that passes without you is hell. I told Dot I’m leaving her. There is nothing that is keeping us together but that shred of respect we still have for each other. _

_ Last time you asked me why I wanted to be with you. Whether it was for the right reasons or just simply because I was bored with my life. _

_ I don’t want you just because you’re beautiful or because you’re incredibly smart. Selfless, and understanding. I want you because in this cruel world which made me believe love was a myth, you made me a believer. _

_ Everyone in my life has been telling me love is something I had to sacrifice in order to get what I truly wanted.  _

_ I don’t want anything else but you. And against my better judgement, I have fallen in love with you.  _

_ James.  _

  
  


As she read his name and the same promises he made her, she wondered whether if everything he had told her was a perfectly crafted lie. 

To make her fall for him. 

She felt like she couldn’t breathe. She didn’t understand the context of it, but it was pretty clear.  _ He had done it before. _

She didn’t allow herself to cry. Plenty of men had lied to her before. But this time it was different. He had gotten in her heart, by lying to her. 

Tears were already coming out, ignoring her silent pleas. And let herself be sad. She didn’t know how else she should have reacted. She was faced with a terrible realisation. 

The truth.  _ She was in love, and it hurt like hell.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you reading! ❤️🥰 if you could leave some feedback, I would really appreciate it.


	28. hell hath no fury...

**_21:58_ **

_ Connie _ . 

That was the only thing she could think about. There was no indication of who she was. Except that at some point, she was the love of his life. 

And if she truly was that to him,  _ why had he broken his promises _ ? The letter said everything she needed to know. He loved her, promised her the world, and didn’t give it to her. 

While James did not promise her the world, he said he would have divorced Dot. Which she doubted would actually happen. 

Just when she had placed all her bets on him. 

_ Who was this woman?  _

She sat in front of Nat’s open laptop, her hands hovering over the keyboard. She didn’t want to dig into his past, but she had to. For own sake. 

But every time she tried to type in his name, something inside her stopped her. Did she really want to open that box? She was trying to figure that out. A man like James had a past, and she was his present, albeit not his future. 

It should have been enough. 

“I know there’s no stopping you from doing this. So i bought dumplings from your favorite place and there’s a bottle of wine I haven’t cracked open yet. Didn’t really want you to lose your mind by yourself.” Nat told her as she put down a plastic bag in front of her, with said dumplings. 

The smell of them wafted out of the bag, beckoning her to taste them. It was the only time in the whole day she allowed herself to smile. 

Though James had called multiple times, she didn’t answer. She wasn’t ready to hear his voice just yet. 

“Have I told you how much I love you?” She asked her as she took the food out. 

She truly couldn’t imagine her life without Nat. And even though they hadn’t been spending as much time together as she hoped, it never changed things. 

“Countless times.” 

“Then I’ll say it again, I love you.” 

She smiled back at her, and sat herself beside her, rubbing her back. 

No matter what happened, she would always have her by her side. And that was what truly mattered. 

**_22:30_ **

She had been surfing the Internet for a while, and found a bunch of things. Of everyone else but Connie. 

He had been very secretive about her, as there was no reports of him and a woman named Connie on the Internet. But she had found other things. Like an article of James and Dolores Barnes’ wedding. 

_ James Buchanan Barnes, heir to Barnes International, and heiress to the Campbell fortune, Dolores Willa Campbell got married yesterday at  _ **_10:30_ ** _ , in a small ceremony surrounded by friends and family. _

James barely resembled the person he was now. It was a decade ago.  **_2008_ ** . 

The pictures were beautiful. So different from the pictures they had of the two of them in their house. They looked genuine.

_ He wanted to marry her. _

Back then, Dot was probably like her. Completely under his spell. Unable to predict what was to come. 

She didn’t know if she could wait for the time in which he eventually broke her heart. It would have been dumb for her to do so. 

So she widened her search. Even though she didn’t know what Connie looked like. And she as soon as she clicked on a link, she had found the gate to James’ past. 

Sam had mentioned it, but she didn’t realize how much he surrounded himself with beautiful, barely dressed women. 

Most of them from before he was married. Apparently he had slept with most of the models that walked the runways from both the spring-summer and fall-winter collections in ‘07. 

He had been spotted with other women who weren’t his wife whilst he was married, some paparazzi shots of him exiting an event or a restaurant with them. Though he was careful to never address the situation. 

Instead he opted for the easier route of ignoring the allegations and taking Dot out to a big event and donating millions to a charity, whilst pretending to be the doting husband. 

_ And people ate that shit up. _ Maybe she was cynical, but she could tell everything he did was for show. 

She wondered how everyone else could not tell. It was probably because they didn’t see him like she did. 

And if he could pretend for so long, she didn’t know if what she had with him was real anymore. 

  
  


**_16:08 - the next day_ **

After he returned from Paris, he had reached out to Y/N a couple times, and though she replied, he could tell there was something off by the way she texted back. 

She told him she was busy a couple of times, and he let it slide, as he knew she probably needed time to process things, though he had thought things were going really well. 

He couldn’t get her off of her mind. The countryside was fantastic, even more with her with him. He knew love. He had experienced it first hand a couple of times, though in small doses, for a short period of time. 

Divorcing Dot wasn’t going to be easy. He had tried a few times, without succeeding. 

Sure, Y/N was worth it. But doing it meant a lot of changes. Changes he wasn’t sure he was ready to accept just yet. 

The doorbell rang, and he rushed towards the front door. He was dressed casually, as he hadn’t been outside the house. As he knew he was waiting for a guest. 

“Were you avoiding me? I called you a bunch of times.” He asked as he opened the door to Y/N. 

“I wasn’t. I was busy.” She replied coldly. Did something happen while he was in Paris? Or wasn’t she fond of him as he had imagined? 

“I missed you.” 

“How was business?” She ignored him, as she walked into his home. Though he was distracted by how good her body looked in her skin tight dress. 

_ Was she really going to play hard to get after everything he had told her?  _

“It was stressful.” 

She didn’t look uninterested, maybe a little distant. And while he used to like that a while back, he had hoped things were a little different after their night in the countryside. 

She led the way upstairs, to the master bedroom as if she owned the place. She knew her way around his home pretty well. 

“How so?” 

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” He replied, as they got inside his room. She turned to him with a lustful gaze. Perhaps he had spoken too soon. She was horny. 

“I get it… maybe I can make you feel better…” She took off her dress, revealing a black lacy lingerie set. 

_ She was spoiling him.  _

“ _ Yes _ .” As he advanced towards her, ready to shred the lace into smithereens, she stopped him, by placing her hand on his chest. 

“I didn’t say you could touch.” She practically whispered as she undressed him. It was the perfect welcome home gift. 

He found it so sexy that she took control for once. Sure he loved being the one in control, to see a woman whimper under his touch. But with the right woman, he liked it when she bossed him around a little. 

And he was hard.  _ Very hard _ . He could barely contain his excitement. 

“Get on the bed.” She demanded, caressing his cock with her fingers.  _ Tease _ . 

So he did what she asked him to do. He laid back in bed, and watched her attentively. 

She disappeared into the walk in closet and after a few minutes, came out with two ties. Ones he didn’t even remember having. 

_ He knew what she was going to do.  _

She tied his hands to the headboard, tying it carefully and efficiently so he wouldn’t be able to free himself. 

_ Kinky _ . She hadn’t done that to him before. But apparently she had to someone else. 

She still wandered around the room, searching for something else. She opened the dresser, taking something out. One of his wife’s silk eye masks. The navy one with the white flowers. 

_ Oh no _ .

“Do I really need this?” He asked her, as she put the mask on him, covering his eyes. The darkness welcomed him instantly. 

“I’ll make sure to reward you afterwards.” 

Perhaps he was wrong. She really missed him. And she had a way of showing it. 

  
  


**_16:26_ **

“ _ I have to go and freshen up _ .” 

“Right now?” He asked, all tied up. It must have been hard to not be in control for once. 

“Yes.” She nodded, though she knew he couldn’t see her. “After we can have all day to fuck each other’s brains out. I’ll let you put it anywhere.” 

“Anywhere?” He asked, his voice full of hope. “Are you gonna let me fuck your ass?”

“Only if you behave.” 

She headed towards his office. 

She looked through the files in his drawer. Anything that would give her a cue of who Connie was. She knew she wasn’t able to rest until she knew who she was. 

_ Nothing _ . 

From there she looked everywhere. And when she said everywhere, she meant it. In between the pages of the books in his library, to underneath the carpet. She even took off the painting on the wall of a lake, trying to find something behind it. 

_ Still nothing _ . She was careful not to put anything out of place, otherwise he would have realized she was snooping around. 

She never thought she’d be the type of woman to look through a man’s things for an explanation. But she guessed she was. If only he had been honest with her, like he claimed to be. 

When she nearly gave up, the sweat trickling down her forehead, she noticed something. A desk drawer. And it was locked. 

She looked around on his desk for something she could use, and her eyes fell on the paper clip that was holding together a few documents.  _ She was going to put it back where it was.  _

She had learnt to pick a lock one summer when she had nothing else to do, as she was so bored. 

And thank God it turned out to be useful. 

After trying for a few minutes, she managed to open it, slowly sliding it open. Her heart raced with anticipation. 

There were a few paraphernalia that obviously belonged to him. The Montblanc pens, the Cartier money clip. A few documents that were probably not that important enough to store in the safe. 

And photographs. Some of them were of him when he was a child. She had seen pictures of him when he was a teen at his father’s house, but never of when he was a baby. 

She would have guessed four or five, with a hideous bowl cut. But cute nevertheless. 

_ Who knew such a cute kid would grow up to be such a pervert?  _

She smiled to herself, and looked for more pictures. Finally stumbling into something that wasn’t a baby picture. 

It was a picture. Though most people kept photos in their phones, it seemed like he didn’t. A woman in his shirt, sat on his desk, wearing not much else. She was smiling wide,  _ she was happy _ . 

She had light brown hair, and though she couldn’t exactly see the color of her eyes, they appeared to be hazel. 

Though her look was a little disheveled, she couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was. She wasn’t a model, like she had previously thought she’d be, but she was stunning. 

She understood why he (probably) took that picture. 

As she turned the photo without thinking too much, there was a date and a name at the back of it. 

  1. **_Jan. 2014_**



**_Connie_ ** .

There it was. The woman he loved. She felt like someone was squeezing her heart. Even though it was a long time ago. Even though he claimed to care for her in the present. 

He had a history of cheating. A long history of it, according to Dot. Which was mostly hidden to the public, because he had the power to do so. 

He wasn’t divorcing Dot. She had no idea why she believed him for the short time that she did. Maybe she had too much faith in him. After all, he was used to lying to women. As the evidence showed. 

But she was going to keep the photo. She needed to know who she was. It was killing her. 

  
  


**_17:25_ **

“It took you long enough.” He spoke as she walked back into the room. 

“I’m ready now.” 

She took off the eye mask from his eyes and threw it across the room. He took in her figure. His eyes darkened with lust. 

She had stripped down to nothing. And though she was naked, she had never felt so powerful. 

“You’re really spoiling me aren’t you?” 

She just smirked, but didn’t say a word. It was going to be straightforward. Sex. Like she had always done before the whole countryside trip. 

“What about the ties? I’d like to touch you whilst I fuck you.” He struggled but she didn’t listen to him. There was something about it that she liked. Probably because she was angry with him. “Or…”

“Or?”

“You could ride my face.” 

She figured it couldn’t hurt to include some foreplay before fucking him, besides with his mouth otherwise occupied, she wouldn’t have had to hear him talk. Which was something she needed at the moment. 

She had a firm grip on the headboard, and sat on his face, his tongue teasing her folds. Her eyes rolled back. It felt really good. 

She began rolling her hips as he enthusiastically ate her out. 

“ _ Fuck… _ ”

And she was enjoying it. Until she wasn’t. 

She couldn’t even focus on the pleasure his tongue was bringing to her. Too many thoughts clouded her mind. A few moans escaped from her, mostly because it was a natural response to him eating her out. 

And for a few seconds she’d really get into it. He was really good with his mouth. But then she’d think about Connie, and she would lose focus. 

She wondered how they were together. They were of course compatible, as he was planning to leave his wife for her. 

She had to climb off of him, so she did. Willingly. She hadn’t come yet, but she knew she couldn’t have an orgasm whilst thinking about him and another woman who wasn’t her. 

His lips and beard were coated in her slick, as she bent down to kiss him, whilst tasting herself on him. 

As soon as she freed him from the ties as promised, and she let him ravage her. He sucked marks on her, laying his claim on her. He flipped her over, so her ass was in the air. 

He rummaged through his drawer, taking out a bottle of lube, squirting some on her ass. She purred just so he would hurry. She knew how men worked. It didn’t take much for them to get worked up. 

He pressed a lubed finger against her tight ring, slowly pushed it in and stretched her out. 

_ Sex was just sex.  _ It could exist without love, but it felt different without it. It was impersonal, though she figured he couldn’t notice. He was enjoying it very much, by judging the sounds that came out of his mouth. 

He spanked her harshly, most likely leaving a red mark behind. 

She couldn’t believe she loved him. A liar, a man who most likely had been lying to her the whole time they were together. 

Willingly, she let him in. Both metaphorically, and physically. 

Tears fell down her eyes, as she neared towards her climax. And so did he, his pace was becoming more ragged as time went by. 

He was just like the rest of them. He was no better than every man who used her for a quick fuck. 

_ It was worse. _ He kept her around long enough for her to get attached. 

He came inside her with a groan, followed by a string of curses. He pulled out of her, and slapped her ass. She stayed still not saying anything. 

She gave some bullshit explanation to why she was crying.  _ The pleasure was too intense _ . And he believed her. 

It wasn’t that. She had anal before. Whilst she was drunk, with a guy who insisted his dick wasn’t that big so it wouldn’t hurt  _ that _ much. 

_ It was because she was an idiot. _

She left early, giving him some excuse about having some errands to run. As if she had actual errands. 

  
  


**_18:12_ **

“Is this the woman?” She asked her, showing her the photograph she held in her hand. 

She had made use of the business card she had been given, and called Dot Barnes as soon as she was done with James. 

That was how she found herself sitting across her in her swanky office, with her secretary setting down two iced coffees for them. 

It was the weirdest thing she had ever done. She didn’t look like a scorned woman. And by the looks of it and her Givenchy suit, she had no financial issues, as she was senior partner of the law firm she worked at. 

She wondered what was the reason for her to stay with James? It sure wasn’t for the money, or for love. Why else would one stay in a bad marriage? 

“Who.”

“Connie.” She said. For some reason she didn’t like saying her name. “The recipient of the letter.” 

“I believe it is her.” She took it in her hand, as she observed it for a while. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen her. Last time was 2014,  _ four years ago _ .” 

“So… about Connie.” 

“She was a woman James was seeing a few years ago.” 

“What happened between them?” She wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear. After all, it was in the past. 

“It’s not my place to tell what happened between them.” 

“Why are you telling me this then?” She asked her. She didn’t want to be a pawn in whatever game they were both playing. “Why did you give me the letter?”

“Because he wasn’t going to tell you. James is nothing without his secrets.” 

“Then who should I ask?” 

“ _ Connie _ .” 

“Where is she?”

“Well she used to live somewhere in Lewisham, but after everything that happened she relocated. Got married and everything. Beautiful ceremony.” She added with a chuckle. Y/N didn’t understand how she was so relaxed about it. “ _ So I’ve heard _ .”

“Where is she now.” She asked again. 

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “But i know someone who does.” 

She scribbled down something on a post it note, and handed it to her. 

She, unlike herself, had a very neat handwriting. It was an address. And to her fortune (or misfortune), she recognized it. 

_ Fuck _ . 

  
  


**_19:45_ **

_ Valhalla _ . 

She undid her ponytail and tousled her hair. Her stride became more confident as the door was opened for her, and walked in with a purpose. 

And in fact, she did. 

“Well hello there.” He grinned, setting down the martini glass on the glass table in front of him. His posture exuded cockiness, he knew he was better than everyone else, and showed it. His legs were spread, her eyes accidentally looking at what was between them. 

He had  _ it _ . Of course he’d flaunt it like that. 

“ _ Loki _ .” 

“I’m surprised. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.” There was an underlining of mockery in his voice. 

“I still don’t.” She stated firmly, puffing her chest out. He noticed it, in fact he wasn’t so subtle at looking at her cleavage. “I thought you could help me with something.” 

“Tell me you need me.”  _ He was joking right?  _ She wasn’t in the right mood to play his games. 

“No.” 

“Then I can not help you.” 

“Loki, please.” She walked in between his legs with confidence. “I need you.” 

_ That was the game he wanted to play _ , so she played. 

“That’s more like it.” He smirked pleased with himself. “Sit down next to me, and tell me what you need.”

She did exactly as she was told. And sat herself on the leather seat, not minding that her dress rode up when she did so. He didn’t stop looking at her. 

She reached for her bag, and took out the photograph she had put inside one of its pockets. He took it in his hand, their fingers brushing for a split second. He knew what he was doing. 

_ After all, anger was an aphrodisiac.  _

“Do you know this woman?” 

“No.” He shook his head, before looking at it once more. “Wait- I have seen her before. She is the wife of a man who used to be a habitual client. They had a nice wedding.” 

“ _ So I’ve heard. _ ” Finally. She was getting somewhere. “Do you have anything else?”

He analyzed at the photograph carefully for a while, which prompted her to reach for his martini glass. 

Though he didn’t notice. He was far too busy looking through his phone. She looked at his screen.  _ Photo Albums. _

And he had a lot of photos. 

“I have this picture from a New Years Eve Party in 2013. It was supposed to be sent to  _ People _ , but I couldn’t. Even though I looked real good in it.” He spoke as he kept scrolling. He was looking for something. Apparently another photo. 

She had enough of clues in the form of photographs. It lead her nowhere. But somehow she missed being in the company of a man. Even though it was Loki. 

She was  _ that _ desperate. 

“Humble.” She commented, rolling her eyes. 

“This is the reason James does not like me.” He turned his phone towards her.  _ Wow _ . It was a nice picture. “I have dirt on him.”

Though she didn’t see how it could have been used against him. In the picture was a younger Loki, though he looked exactly the same, with his arm wrapped around a woman. 

_ An actress _ . From one of the tv shows she used to watch religiously. She didn’t know they were together. But it seemed like they  _ were _ . 

The party seemed to be an upscale one. But she didn’t expect any less from a party Loki attended. It wasn’t until he pointed at something in the background, that she noticed it. 

James and his mistress, kissing. It was unmistakably him. And the woman in the picture looked an awful lot like the woman in the photo she found at James’. 

“But if they’re over now, why does he still hate you?” She asked him, giving him back his phone. 

“Hate is a strong word.” 

“I think that word was tossed around.” 

“Like I would care.” He put his phone away in his pocket. “I still have something on him. Something big. That would ruin him if it ever came out.” 

“What is it?”

“Unfortunately love, I don’t give out information for free.” He licked his lips. She knew what he meant. “What would you be willing to give to me?” 

His hand rested on her thigh, but she didn’t push him away. 

As the sun set, the city prepared itself for another night. A cheating man went to sleep in his bed, unaware of the storm that was to come, and a young woman made a deal with the devil. 

Unbeknownst to the both of them, the game had gotten harder, and the stakes were raised.


	29. ...like a woman scorned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ❤️ I love you all. 
> 
> The quote in this chapter is from the book Kafka on the Shore. And the song I listened to for the last scene is ‘In This Shirt’ by The Irrepressibles.

**_09:37_ **

She woke up to the feeling of silk under her fingertips. Silk sheets. She instantly knew she wasn’t in her bed, as she found herself in an unfamiliar environment. The California king size bed faced floor-to-ceiling windows that gave her the view of the city in its entirety. 

She remembered the night before up to a certain point, but then the rest of it was missing from her memory. 

She recalled her visit to Valhalla, and Loki.  _ Loki _ . He must have brought her there. 

Or it could have been anyone else.  _ Or not _ , judging from the painting that hung above the bed. It was Loki with other five people, two men and three women, all having sex. 

But it was so clear Loki was the one who held the power, even in a painting. There were a lot of limbs, and nipples. It was hard to figure out where one person started and ended. 

“Last year. Valentines Day. I put together a small orgy in Florence.” She immediately turned her head towards the voice. Loki stood in his robe at the door. “I was never one for tradition.” 

_ Unless tradition called for fucking six people at the same time.  _

“I can see that.” She brought the sheets up to her chest, realising she wasn’t wearing much but her undergarments. 

She didn’t recall undressing the night before. In fact she didn’t remember much. Some things she did, but she was trying to figure out whether they had really happened. 

“Did we…” 

“No. You got tipsy and kept repeating that James Barnes is an arsehole. Which to be honest was very entertaining.” 

“But eventually you’ll want to…” She asked, not even finishing the question. She remembered that was his price for his help. 

Which strongly resembled a bad plot belonging to a harlequin novel. 

Though she wasn’t opposed to the idea of it. Loki was a very good looking man with a sexy accent. Besides, she needed someone to channel her frustrations onto. 

He was the perfect candidate. Which had  _ nothing _ to do with the fact that James did not like him at all. 

“That would be nice.” He said. “I’ve been wanting to ever since that party.”

  
  


**_10:03_ **

_ ‘Everything has been taken care of. Never do it again.’  _

He read the card again. Earlier that morning a man came by his house and dropped a card off. Just a card. No flowers came with it. Nor a gift basket. 

The message on it was clear. As it was its sender. 

It wasn’t even the first time he had done it. It had happened before. Though it was a little bigger than dealing with some unfortunate paparazzi pictures. 

There was a lot more to stake. 

Back then, everything seemed simpler. He was a different person. More importantly, he believed in people in a way he had forgotten to. 

At times he wished he could have been more laidback as Sam or as positive as Steve. Maybe life would have been easier to handle if he had been. 

Without reflecting on it too much, he grabbed his car keys and exited his house. He needed some fresh air. Or a place he could think clearly. 

And the house he shared with his estranged wife was not it. 

It wasn’t until he stopped the car that he realized where his mind subconsciously drove him to. The only other place he had ever called home. The only place he had ever considered a home. 

He stared blankly at the vintage bookshop. Even after all those years it was still there. It was so old he reckoned the sign above the entrance had been there for decades.

And just above the bookshop, was an apartment. 

It wasn’t much. Much less than he was used to, but it used to be his safe place. If he thought about it long enough, he could still remember her laughs filling the place. The smell of her meatloaf welcoming him as he came back from a day at work. 

The single yellow wall contrasting with the other white ones in what used to be their living room. 

He stared longingly at it, recalling how he got yellow paint all over his Prada shirt, as he had refused to wear coveralls. 

There was a time when the yellow wall made him feel warm inside. Now it was just a faded memory, something melancholic he looked back at. 

There were photos of them. All their photos hidden inside their apartment. The only proof in the world that they were together for a time. Were locked inside that small space. 

Her ghost still wandered around the place through her various trinkets. The ones she hadn’t brought away with her. Like the small elephant statuette she had brought back from one of her trips. 

The lamp he had made fun of when she bought it at a flea market, but eventually grew to like it. It belonged there.

Like everything else in their apartment.

He couldn’t bring himself empty the place. No matter how many times he had tried. 

  
  


**_23:26, 31. December 2013_ **

Thankfully Dot had bought his excuse of having to work over the holidays, so she agreed to join her family in Gstaad for New Years. Which gave him two weeks of absolute bliss. 

That was until Connie had found an invitation to  _ Loki’s New Years Bash _ hidden in one of the pockets of his briefcase. Something about that man rubbed him the wrong way, and it wasn’t just because he was one of the most powerful men in the city. 

The man had the ego of the size of the sun, which was something all wealthy and powerful men had, but his was off the charts. 

And as much as he didn’t want to go, she begged him. The one thing he couldn’t resist was her. So he agreed, after a quickie before she had to leave for work. 

He felt empowered by the several glasses of champagne he had consumed to wrap an arm around her in front of everyone. He didn’t care anymore. And it wasn’t even because of the alcohol. 

He had no reason to hide her. She had more of a reason to keep them a secret. 

She was perfect. 

He out down the champagne flute down and grabbed her hand, spinning her around on the dance floor. Instead of objecting, she went along with it. Mouthing the words to  _ September _ , as it played around them. 

While he wasn’t that good of a dancer, she was. The way she moved was mesmerising. She wasn’t dancing for him, or trying to seduce him, rather she was dancing for herself. 

He could help but join in, and held her hip with one hand, his other led her around. Dipping her, their gazes fixing on each other for a while. Her eyes were hazel, though there were hints of green in them. 

He pulled her back up before he risked dropping her, except he used a little too much force and she was pressed up against his chest. Their lips inches away from touching. 

“ _ James… _ not in public.” She warned, as she distanced herself a little. Though she never stopped dancing. 

“Why not?”

“You’re married.” 

She stated. She knew it for the longest time, and it never seemed to be a problem. But he knew deep down that it was. He just tried to ignore it for as long as he could. 

“Not for long.” He reassured her. “I actually wrote you a letter… but I figured it was better to tell you in person.” 

“What is it?”

“Fuck. I-“ He chuckled, wiping off the sweat off of his forehead with his hand. He was nervous. For the very first time, whilst talking to a woman. He had never felt like that about anyone before. “I love you.”

“ _ I love you too. _ ” 

  
  


**_10:15_ **

“ _ Constance Edelstein _ .” He said over breakfast. She had barely touched her eggs when he started talking about it. “Known for everyone as Connie. She worked at  _ Barnes International. _ ”

Even though the last she wanted to talk about at breakfast was James and his former mistress, she had to know. At least she had eggs Benedict that accompanied the news. 

A lot of food had been brought to the glass table, there was every pastry she could think of, as well as an assortment of different jams. Toast, bacon, waffles… basically evergreen breakfast food she could ever imagine was there. 

“She’s the real reason James had to step down as CEO for a while. His wife discovered the affair.” James never spoke of his personal life to her. Maybe that was why Dot Barnes seemed so calm, as she had been through it before. “To do some good old fashioned damage control.”

“In front of the whole world, he stated that he did it so he could spend time with his wife, and be a doting husband. Which was clearly a lie.” 

Of course he would do that. It was so him. 

“He had other whole life with her. He bought her an apartment so she’d stay close to him. They even took care of little Max together.” 

“James had a dog?” She raised her eyebrow, taking another bite of her food. 

“Kind of.” 

“So he was committed to her. I mean getting a pet together is one step closer to having kids.”

“ _ Children, dogs...  _ they’re all the same to me.” He shrugged. “I don’t understand why people are so obsessed with them.” 

“It’s because some people have a soul.” 

  
  


**_10:30_ **

As he reached the kitchen, he watched from the door frame. He couldn’t go inside. 

He remembered of the failed attempts at making homemade pizza. Though they had both tried, but he was no good. He had told her, but she convinced him to help her out. 

Which ended in a small, manageable fire. But he vowed to never use the oven again.

She was so patient with him. If they had children together, he knew she would have made a great mother. In fact she was the only woman he had ever considered having children with. 

The future never looked so appealing than when he was with her. 

  
  


**18:45, 3. June 2014**

He noticed she was staring at him as soon as he hung up the phone. Usually he would’ve been in a bad mood after a call with Dot, but with Connie there, he wasn’t. 

She had that power over him. She could always make any situation better. 

“We both know you’re never going to leave her.” She stated with a little sadness in her voice. 

She rarely spoke about his wife. It seemed like all she wanted was to enjoy the time she had with him. But he wasn’t sure of that anymore. 

She used to be strong. She was never scared about anything. That was until a week prior, his mother decided to give her a visit. 

He knew there was something wrong. His mother barely ever left Paris for him or Beck, but she it came to protecting her name and that of her family’s she would’ve done anything. 

“Is that why you accepted  _ her _ offer?” He asked her, though he understood why. His mother had a way of forcing her hand in delicate situations. She always got what she wanted. “Can’t you see you’re letting her win?”

“There’s no winning here.” She shook her head. “I could lose everything.” 

That was one of her tactics. Putting lives on the line. She did it for fun. As she had never worked for anything in her life. 

Her affluence empowered her to ruin lives for her gain. He had seen her do it many times when he was younger. 

He never thought of it much back then. It never concerned him. Besides, as long as e was comfortable, he didn’t care. It was horrible, but it was the truth. 

But now, she was threatening the very thing that made him happy. The  _ only _ thing. 

“Then I’ll give you everything.” 

She looked at him for a moment, reading his face. As if she was trying to digest his words. And once she did, she kissed him. 

He recognized it as gratitude. And love. 

  
  


**_10:56_ **

“She got married afterwards, to an entrepreneur. Though he is not as rich as James.” She was fascinated by everything he was telling her. She was hooked. “Things between them ended abruptly in autumn of 2014. So I’ve been told.” 

“Who told you.”

“I have many people working for me. I pay them to be my ears in different locations.” 

“You must have a lot of money.”

“You have no idea.” He smirked, as he took his time making his drink. “I once paid Barnes’ driver to report back to me. He was pretty expensive.” 

“My question is, why would you spend so much time and energy on him?” 

“It’s because people respond really well to fear. We all hide behind opulence pretending nothing scares us.” Ice clinked inside his glass, as he swirled the glass with one hand carefully. “The whole Connie thing just fell on my lap because of his misstep. And I just considered as an investment. Information can be currency.” 

Their world was a different one than the one she had grown up in. He had laid out several documents in front of her before they started talking, but she didn’t pay much attention to them. 

Not until he pointed at them, without saying a word.

One of said documents was a twelve month lease on an apartment. 

_ They had lived together _ . At least when his wife wasn’t around. Or he split his time between his real and fake life. 

Another one was her contract with Barnes International. Bank statements, and bad quality photographs taken from what seemed to be CCTV cameras. 

And what seemed to be a dossier of a man in his early forties. Not particularly handsome, but not repugnant. 

“What am I looking at?” She whispered under her breath. 

“That is the man Constance married.” He stated in between sips. “They are an odd pairing. Considering they met through Winnifred Barnes of all people.” 

“Winnifred Barnes?” She asked. It took her a moment to realize who it was. “The fashion icon?”

She remembered when she was younger, how much she looked up to her. From the ashes of her divorce, she had built an empire. An empire bigger than her husband’s. 

Magazines, high fashion brands, media, the arts… there wasn’t a branch she wasn’t in control of.

She had achieved the modern fairytale. 

“Also James’ mother.”  _ James’ mother? _ He had never mentioned her. Though eh never mentioned other aspects of his private life either. “Please tell me you connected the dots.” 

“Why would she do that?”

“You should ask Connie.” He paused, before he smiled. “I have her address.”

“Why didn’t you lead with that?”

“Because I like talking to you.” 

She scoffed. She was going to have a very long day ahead of her. 

  
  


**_11:24_ **

_ Connie wasn’t Y/N.  _

_ Connie was the sun _ . The brightest star out there, though she might have argued with that. It didn’t matter.  _ He knew _ . 

He sat in their living room, looking around him. Not much was left behind. Without her things in it, it looked even more empty. 

She’d sit on the loveseat beside the window that faced the street below them, and would read there. And read for hours. He’d watch her, sometimes he left to go to work, and upon his return, she’d still be there. 

He bought her every book he came across that he thought she might have enjoyed. But she loved none of them more than she loved her copy of  _ Kafka on the Shore _ . 

**_09:27_ ** ,  **_2 August 2014_ ** __

It was a pleasant summer morning. 

He sat on the couch working on his laptop, whilst she was reading her worn out copy of  _ Kafka on the Shore _ for the millionth time. Somehow it seemed like she didn’t want to read anything else, despite having a bookshelf full of untouched books. 

“I’m going to take Max for a walk in the park.” He announced as he closed his laptop shut. 

“You don’t have to do that.” She looked up from her book for once. She never did that. He considered himself lucky if she did. 

She never let anything distract her. 

“Why not? I want to.” 

“But he’s not your responsibility.” 

“He is.” He argued, kissing her forehead. “You love him, therefore so do I.” 

“Alright. But don’t leave him out of your sight.” With that, her attention was diverted back to her book. He wondered how she could enjoy something that she had read over and over again. 

“Of course.” He replied. “I love you.” 

That seemed to catch her attention. 

“I love you more.” 

  
  


**_16:12_ **

“That’s her house.” 

_ That was it. _ They would’ve been there sooner if she hadn’t tried to delay things for as long as she could. She had lunch with Loki in his suite, and talked about things that had nothing to do with James. 

Until he realized what she was doing and brought her there. It was a white house amongst others that looked exactly like it, in a very nice neighbourhood. It had pink and purple flowers at the front, a few steps leading to its front door. 

“I need a moment.” She said as she took a deep breath. 

Loki was looking at her, but she didn’t care. She was too in her head to care. 

Once she had composed herself, she opened the car door, exiting before she changed her mind. She took confident strides towards the front door, freezing after she walked up the steps. 

She couldn’t back out. Not when she had come so far. 

She had never been as nervous as she felt when she knocked on her door. 

A few excruciating seconds passed by, until she heard the door unlock from inside. That was it. As the door opened, her heart nearly stopped. She couldn’t believe her eyes. 

“Can I help you?” A blonde woman asked.  _ Blonde _ . She didn’t have light brown hair anymore. Though she still looked stunning. 

She wore a t-shirt and a pair of casual pants, and yet she still looked like she did in the picture. Though that wasn’t what left her in shock, 

“I…I…” She kept staring at the woman in front of her, who awaited an answer. “I’m sorry I got the wrong house.” 

“No worries.” She smiled warmly. She didn’t know much about her, but she could see how James could’ve fallen in love with her. “Have a nice day.” 

As the door closed, and she turned around, she hadn’t fully processed what had just happened. That woman was the woman James had loved. Perhaps the only one he had true feelings for. 

He had left her like that. Even after everything they had been through. 

She couldn’t imagine how he would’ve ended things with her. She didn’t want to. 

  
  


“Are you ok?” Loki asked her kindly as she climbed into the backseat of his town car. 

“I don’t know…” 

“Do you want me to drive you home?”

“Actually… can I stay with you for awhile?” She asked him. She needed someone. She didn’t care who it was. “I don’t want to be alone.” 

  
  


**_17:03_ **

“I have some things to sort back at Valhalla.” He explained as the car stopped in front of the Shard. “A car will pick you up at eight for dinner.” 

She was going to forget everything that she had discovered that day. She hated to admit it bothered her. She didn’t know what to believe.

James’ lies, or the truth that stood right in front of her. 

She was escorted to Loki’s suite, which apparently had been his temporary residence for a few years. He lived in the best suite the hotel had to offer, it came with all the benefits she could have asked for. 

She ordered a glass of sparkling water, as she walked towards the bedroom she had found herself in that morning. 

  
  


There were clothes displayed on a rack for her. She assumed she could choose whatever she wanted, as any one of those dresses was what he wanted her to put on.  _ Just like a doll _ . 

Though she had to admit it made her feel powerful in knowing a man like Loki wanted her that much. 

It wasn’t just the expensive dresses. There were a variety of lingerie sets, shoes, jewelry, bags… He had no problem spending so much money on a one night stand. He was Loki Odinson. And that meant something. 

After all, he was richer than God. 

She had no feelings for the man. Despite him being like James.  _ Tall, dark and handsome _ . 

Her fingers caressed the white lace detailing on the navy bra. She knew what he was doing. He was dressing her up. Men liked doing that, though she had come to enjoy keeping the things they bought for her. 

She tried the Manolos on, and walked around the vast suite. Like anyone else would have been, she was curious. 

They weren’t the most comfortable shoes she had ever tried on, but she figured it was nothing some champagne couldn't fix. 

It was the kind of life she had always imagined for herself. In all honesty, she never knew what she was going to do with her life, but she liked to imagine herself being taken care of by a very wealthy man. 

Though never belonging to one. 

The situation she found herself in was pretty convenient. 

  
  


**_20:45_ **

“To new alliances.” He said as he raised his glass. She couldn't help but be impressed. He had taken her to a very expensive restaurant. One of those which was on her bucket list, but never thought she could go because of her limited budget. 

“You’re talking about it as if we’re going to war.” She replied amused. 

“Aren’t we?” 

She couldn’t deny she was having fun. Being part of his world excited her. When she was with James, she didn’t feel the part. As all she was, was his much younger mistress. 

But sitting there with Loki, in a one thousand and five hundred pound dress, she felt and looked the part. Like she belonged. 

“If that’s the case,  _ to new alliances. _ ” She raised her glass, mimicking Loki. Which he seemed to like. 

“You know you have a choice tonight right?” He asked her in a more hushed tone, setting down his glass. “I don’t like forcing anyone into something they don’t want to do.” 

“But you wouldn't want me to leave, do you?” 

“No, but it’s not my choice.” 

Maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy after all. 

As she dined, she didn’t talk much. Instead she listened to Loki. Though she didn’t do much listening. She was too distracted by him. 

_ Would it have been so bad if she slept with him once? _ He was far from the worst person she could had ended up in bed with. He was well spoken, in fact she could hear him talk for hours. 

She would have completely fallen for his charms if he hadn’t been so arrogant. She guessed it was her anger, but she was aroused. She clenched her thighs together, just as he started talking about his many visits. 

Something that would have made her roll her eyes any other occasion. But she wanted to get back at James. She wanted to hurt him. 

She didn’t even know if it would’ve worked. As she wasn’t sure he had feelings for her, 

“Thank you for the dress, the shoes, and the lingerie.” She thanked him, as she lived her lips. 

“I have great taste.” 

“You do.” She giggled a little. “Everything fits perfectly.” 

“I can see that.” 

“Maybe I can give you a closer look...” She suggested, and as soon as she did that, he called for the check.  _ He was paying.  _

She usually would have insisted on splitting, but that night was about her. 

  
  


**_22:22_ **

He led her out of the restaurant with his hand on the small of her back. A couple of photographers were waiting for him outside, snapping pictures as soon as they set foot out. 

“ _ Put your head down. We have company. _ ” He whispered in her ear, and she complied. He was used to it. 

She tried to look away from the cameras, but they were covering her from both angles. They were bombarded by questions, which he didn’t answer to. She had no idea why seeing him like that turned her on so much. 

“ _ Loki! Who’s the woman?” _

_ “Are you two an item?”  _

Hopefully she wasn’t going to see the pictures the day after on some sleazy gossip site. Though no one would have cared for her anyways. 

They got in the back of his car, driving away from the commotion. She didn’t know he was that big. Though apparently he was. 

“Did that bother you?” He asked her while he rubbed her thigh. 

“No. It was exhilarating.” She shook her head with a smile. “Is everyday of your life like this?” 

“Pretty much. It’s much better today because you’re here.” 

“You disappoint me.” She teased. “I thought you’d be smoother.”

“I can be smooth.” He got closer, but for once she didn’t push him away. “I’m not sure you can handle it.” 

And as she kissed him, James was on her mind. 

  
  


To prove to herself that James wasn’t anything special, she followed Loki back to his suite. Only then she could see right through him. To him, she was just another pawn in his game. 

Something he could hold over James. To taunt him. 

But she was so overcome with lust she didn’t mind. She was going to let him use her, like she was going to use him for her own pleasure.

Though he was different from other men she had been with before. He had patience. A lot of it. Whilst others would’ve been eager to get her out of her clothes, Loki waited. 

He watched her every move. Every sway of her hips. Every invitation to fuck her inside the elevator that led them to his suite. 

But he waited. 

  
  


“What do you want?” She finally asked him, once they had gotten inside his suite. 

“What do I want?” He asked while he checked her out from head to toe. He loosened his tie with one hand, which made her wetter “What I want is you.”

“Then come get your prize.” 

“Gladly.” 

Everything was calculated. The way he advanced towards her, whilst his fingers carefully unbuttoned his shirt. It was as if they were preparing to dance. 

Her mind briefly went to James. And for a second, she felt bad about it. That was until Loki kissed her with such fervor she forgot all about him. About the things he lied about. 

It wasn’t cheating. They weren’t even together. 

_ She wasn’t like him.  _

His tongue slipped inside her mouth, dominating hers and taking over the kiss. And though he was a little rough, it seemed like he was trying to control himself. 

He must have been the best kisser she had ever had. Though she knew better than to tell him. 

“Take it off.” He growled, as he pulled the zip of her dress down. She pulled down the straps down her arms, helping him undress her. He dipped his head down again to kiss her again. 

Her bra and panties subsequently came off as per his orders, leaving her completely naked. His eyes darkened with lust, lingering on every inch of her body. She got on the bed, and laid on her back, waiting for him to ravish her. 

“I can see why James is so fond of you. You’re a naughty little girl aren’t you?” The last thing she wanted to be thinking about was James. “Just begging to be fucked.” 

“You want me to taste that sweet cunt of yours again?” He asked, knowing he was teasing her, his fingers rubbing circles on her clit. Before he he started spreading her wetness along her slit, his finger accidentally slipping inside of her. 

“Look at it dripping… is the thought of me having my way with you turning you on?” 

Every word that came out of his mouth was absolutely filthy, but with his voice it sounded like poetry. She whimpered beneath his tender touch, his fingers were soft, not at all calloused.

She spread her legs further just so he’d have more access to her. Her little act of desperation didn’t go unnoticed. In fact he spanked her sensitive pussy, making her arch her back. 

Pleasure was always best paired with a little pain. 

Two of his fingers pushed inside her with ease, and he sniggered. And as much as his cockiness irritated her, it turned her on. 

Once he started pumping his fingers in and out, she knew there was no going back. 

“ _ Scream my name princess.”  _

It was a high that was incomparable to anything she had ever experienced before. Sure, James was an incredible lover, but that was also in part because she had feelings for him. 

She had no feelings for Loki whatsoever, and yet she was enjoying it all a little too much. 

She was so wet each time his fingers slid in and out of her with ease, the act itself would produce an obscene squelching sound. 

As if the pleasure wasn’t intense enough, she felt him sucking her clit with gusto. 

He had made it his mission to make her come, and he was determined. A fire lit within her, burning every inch of her body. Her mind completely blanked out as he ate her out, replacing the fingers inside her with his tongue. 

_ He was great at that too _ . After all he was known for his silvertongue. 

Her whole body shook, as he pinned her hips down with his large hands, eating her out throughout her orgasm. She felt warm inside, as she came down, already short of breath. 

“Don’t tell me you’re tired already.” 

Not tired.  _ Sensitive _ . She just had an orgasm, and the man was working her towards a second one. He showed no sign of slowing down. 

There was a moment of tenderness when he caressed her cheek, the tip of his cock at her entrance.  _ Again with the waiting _ . He savoured each moment of it. And so did she. 

His lips tasted like her, but she didn’t mind at all. He distracted her with his lips, as he pushed inside her. Making her moan obscenely. 

He bottomed out inside her, before setting an anguishingly slow pace. He was large. She guessed he was a little bigger than James. And he filled every inch of her. She had one of her hands on the back of his head and the other on his back, tugging at his hair. 

Begging him to go faster. She needed a little more friction. 

She needed to get off. 

With that his pace changed a little, his hand snaking in between them, rubbing her bundle of nerves intensifying the pleasure he was already giving to her. 

He was experienced, she could tell. He had done it plenty of times before. 

She didn’t mind. On the other hand, she appreciated the experience. He knew just how to touch her, and to make her scream his name. 

She couldn’t deny had always been curious about having sex with him ever since their first encounter. If he would’ve been a better fuck than James. 

He was.  _ Technically _ . Though she couldn’t deny it was a little different. No matter how many times Loki made her come, she knew he wasn’t a replacement for James. 

There was no replacement for him or what they had. 

“ _ Loki _ !” 

She screamed as she neared towards her second orgasm of the night. After that he started being rougher. He was done being gentle. 

He still handled her body with the utmost care, though he started indulging himself a little bit more. Focusing a little more on his own pleasure rather than hers, though she was still very much enjoying it. 

He fucked her into the mattress, her moans coupled with the lewd sound of skin slapping against skin. She didn’t know for how much longer she would have lasted. 

The animalistic sounds he was releasing made her inch towards her release, but what made her tip over was him sucking on her nipples.

“Cum inside me.” She begged, completely taken over by her pleasure. She wasn’t thinking straight. 

That seemed to excite him, as he quickened his pace, ramming inside her. 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you... for me to fill you with my seed.” He growled, as his pace became uneven. He was close too. “You’d look so good with my come dripping out of you.”

After a couple more pumps, he came inside her. She felt the warmth of his release, and once he pulled out of her, it seeped out of her. 

She looked at him. He was going soft, but he still seemed like he wanted more. So did she. It was going to take more than one round to forget  _ James Buchanan Barnes _ . 

  
  
  


**_08:35, 20. September 2014_ **

  
  


_ She wore white lace and held a bouquet calla lilies.  _ Those were the last two things he remembered were in his dream before waking up. But he felt her absence in the place beside him. 

_ She wasn’t there.  _

He sighed as he remembered it was Saturday, and she always had things to do in the morning. 

_ She wouldn’t leave him _ . He woke up, and stretched his upper body, before walking towards the bathroom. 

He couldn’t help but smile as he stretched his upper body. The night before was perfect. He knew he couldn’t have been more in love than he was with her. 

It was amazing because he had never send her like that. Like she was holding on to him. She seemed like she didn’t want to let go. 

And in that moment he saw how much she loved him. She loved him back. 

He still felt every kiss she gave him. As if they were the last ones he’d ever receive from her. 

  
  


Cold water splashed on his face as he started seeing things more clearly than when he had just woken up. There was something wrong for sure. One toothbrush was missing. The light green one that was always next to his. 

_ It was probably old and was thrown away.  _

He reasoned. That could have been the only reason. 

Water dripped down his face, as he didn’t bother wiping it off. He took one step back, and looked at himself in the mirror, before walking back to their room. His heartbeat was loud and quick. 

He yanked the mirror cabinet open, his bottom lip trembled as he came to the realization.  _ It was empty. Everything that was hers was missing _ . Somehow a part of him knew. 

_ But for once he didn’t want to be right.  _

“ _ Max _ ?!  _ Max _ !” He called, rushing around the apartment, but there was no sign of her, nor Max. Their house, which was so full of love and warmth, was now empty. 

He went back to his room and looked for something of hers. But she was gone. All of her was. 

  
  


There was something on the dinner table. A letter. Upon closer inspection, it wasn’t. It was a ripped out page of a book. 

One line was highlighted in fluorescent yellow. And it stood amongst the others. He recognised it. He had heard them before. 

**_If you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets._ **

He could hear those words in her voice. He felt like the air had been knocked out of him. 

He tried desperately to remember what she smelled like. The way she looked every morning when he woke up next to her. The first words she had ever said to him. The first time he realized he liked her. The place where he told her he wanted to be with her. The shriek she let out when he told her he had gotten them a place. The way she moaned underneath him as they christened their new bedroom. 

The only way he’d ever see her again was in his memory. 

That was the first and last time he let himself feel. And he cried. 

  
  


**_23:25_ **

He shuddered at the memory, and walked back to their bedroom. That was the only person he knew he had loved. He knew he would’ve never loved anyone as much as he loved her. 

Some people came close to being it, but it never quite worked. 

No one was able to fill the void she had left in his life. Until Y/N came into his life. Though she was nothing like Connie. No one was ever going to be Connie. 

Overwhelmed by emotions, he sat down, leaning against the bed. 

Things after her were never the same. In the chaos that followed her departure, he needed her. He wanted to follow her to wherever she had gone and tell her how much she needed her. How much he missed her. 

His hand rested upon the floor, as he turned his head towards it. 

It was there. 

He had almost forgotten about it. He aided himself with his other hand, and raised the floorboard with ease. It wasn’t supposed to be like that, but after they realized it could be used to hide some valuables, they left it like that. 

And it stayed that way. 

When he opened it, he smiled at the fact that it was still there. Kept safe even after all those years. 

He picked up the leathery object in his hand and examined it. He remembered when he had gotten it the excitement that rushed through his veins. 

He had never been sure of any decision like he had been at that moment. He wanted it, and he was determined. 

What was inside that small black box represented the start of his future. A promise. 

As he opened it, he let out an almost inaudible gasp. It was more beautiful than he remembered it to be. 

An eight carat diamond ring looked back at him. Shining in all its splendor. 

  
  
  



	30. collateral damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we’re near to the end. In the beginning I had no idea whether people were actually going to read this, but I posted it anyways as it is a very personal project for me. 
> 
> And to see the amount of love it got really warms my heart. I love reading each and every one of your comments. I do see them, but I keep forgetting to reply to them. And I had to say that all of them make my day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): rough sex, dirty talk, oral sex, sex toys...
> 
> There’s flashbacks to the night before that detailed how Loki and Reader’s night went down. Is it necessary to the plot? No. Did I have fun writing it? YES.

**_09:26_ **

“Good morning James.” 

He was greeted to the sight of his wife at the table, daintily drinking a cup of tea. She was still in her silver negligee, her hair was let down neatly. What was strange of her appearance was the smile she had on her lips when she spoke. 

There was no hatred, no backhanded insult.  _ Weird _ . 

“Good morning.” He was suspicious at her good mood. After all, instances of her being genuinely happy about something were incredibly rare. 

“I went to  _ Dominique Ansel _ and got a few things for breakfast.” 

“What’s the catch?” 

“There’s no catch.” Creepy. She never smiled to him. He had forgotten how she looked with a smile painted on her lips instead of a scowl. “I figured we haven’t had the best rapport as of late, so I wanted to extend an olive branch as today we’re attending the Stewart’s Annual Luncheon.” 

“That’s why you’re happy?”

Oh. Another lame copy and paste luncheon he had to attend with all of their stuck up acquaintances. 

“I heard Libby Stewart got herself a botched eye lift.” She said amusedly. “She has no choice but to show up, though I have no idea how anyone will be able to eat with her around.” 

He didn’t know how to respond. All the women who surrounded him seemed to enjoy having two personalities. Being kind and respectable on one side, and mean the other. 

Honestly all he wanted do was have breakfast. So he sat down across from her. 

That was when she picked up her copy of  _ The Sun _ , and started reading it as she took a few sips of tea. When he looked up from his plate, he almost choked. For what he saw in front of him left him speechless. 

She was on the front cover. 

He had to be hallucinating. It was unmistakably her. Even in printed form, he recognized her. 

His heart sank as he slowly realized what he was looking at. It was as if somebody had reached inside him and ripped his heart out. 

The horrible title gave it all away. It wasn’t even clever. He found it rather stupid. 

_ ‘KEEPING IT LOKI’ _

_ It was her. _ In a skin tight silk dress accompanied by Loki of all people. His hand evidently on the small of her back. 

The short paragraph detailed how Loki had been seen out and about in town with a mystery woman. He knew exactly what he was doing.

“Is that copy from  _ The Sun  _ from today?” He asked her, trying to keep his cool. But he felt like punching someone. 

That someone being Loki. He was showing her off like some trophy he had won. Knowing Loki they had gone back to his place. He had a certain reputation. 

His Y/N with Loki. How did that happen? He had believed that he had poured out his love for her. Though apparently it seemed like it wasn’t enough. 

“Yes. Why?”

He had to have some faith in her. There was still a chance she didn’t sleep with him. After all, he knew she loved him back. It was clear to him, that she’d never do that to him. 

So he decided to hold onto that faint glimmer of hope. 

“Looked like yesterday’s.” 

  
  
  


**_10:04_ **

“It’s just this once.”

“ _ Once _ ? Darling, you came twelve times last night.”  _ She did _ . All over his vast hotel room. Up against the floor to ceiling windows, on the bar, the bathroom. There wasn’t an inch of the room they hadn’t fucked in. 

_ Things escalated after he pulled out a huge pink dildo.  _

It was a good distraction from everything she had learnt the day before. She didn’t bother covering up. He had already seen everything, and marked every part of her. 

It was no secret what they had been doing. 

They weren’t exactly quiet either. 

“You know what I meant.” 

The mattress dipped a little as he sat down beside her. In the light of day he looked even better the night before. Not that she was focused on how he looked. 

All she could remember was what he made her feel. 

“Do you love him?” He asked her candidly. She knew who the him was referred to. 

“I don’t know.” She shook her head. It was the truth. Having feelings for someone was emotionally tiring. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.” 

“Most people aren’t to be trusted.” 

“Are you trustworthy?”

“Frankly I don’t trust myself either.” He admitted. “So my answer is no.” 

“I have a luncheon to attend, but you’re more than welcome to stay.” “Perhaps when I get back we can do something productive.” 

“I’m not having sex with you again.” 

“Sure you aren’t…” 

  
  


**_00:34, the previous night_ **

Loki gave her three orgasms before he finally let her rest. Not that she needed any rest. She didn’t want to go to sleep. Maybe she did at the start of the night, but after they kissed in his car, she didn’t. 

As she was left in his bed, spent, with his come trickling out of her, she wondered how hadn’t she slept with him before. 

If only she had known him first, they would’ve had a lot of fun together. And she wouldn’t have been with James. 

She still didn’t know if she regretted her time spent with James. Unfortunately she wasn’t one of those people who could look at any situation without any regrets. She wasn’t that positive of a person. 

James didn’t even bother to contact her anymore. Not that she would’ve given it much thought, but she figured everything she had told her in the countryside was a lie. 

Or maybe not. Perhaps it was the sex that went to his head. 

She didn’t know which one was worse.

  
  


Loki’s room smelled like cologne, not the cheap one that was used by some university students in a poor attempt to impress women, but the one that she liked smelled on the neck of a man. 

By all means Loki’s room looked like it lacked a feminine touch. He was a bachelor after all. Just like Sam, she remembered. Though Sam had a little color in his room. 

Even in the dark, except for the faint light that came from the city outside, she could see the gold accents on his bed shining. She guessed he had the bed custom made, or it was already there. 

It was definitely the biggest hotel room she had been in. And that was only one room of the many that made up Loki’s penthouse suite. 

  
  


She walked outside, with a sheet wrapped around her marked up body. The whole suite was cooler than she remembered it to be. 

There was Loki sitting on the couch, watching television whilst smoking a cigarette. As she got closer, she realized he wasn’t completely naked. He was wearing briefs. But only that. And nothing else. 

She stared at his chest. He was in perfect shape. He was leaner than James, but she assumed it was because he was taller. 

All at a sudden, she felt his eyes on her. It was if he saw right through the sheet that was covering her nakedness. 

He didn’t seem startled by her being there, in fact it seemed like he was expecting her. A thin cloud of smoke came out of his lips, as he set the cigarette down on the glass ashtray. 

“I didn’t know you smoked.” She was the first one to speak. 

He smirked, she didn’t expect him to answer. He was one of those rare people that spoke without saying anything. 

“I do, only after a  _ mind blowing _ fuck.”

“That good huh?”

“I knew you had that in you. I knew it from the first time I saw you at the sex party.” 

Something about that made her feel good about herself. Desirable. It made her want him more. 

“Give me one.” 

He slowly reached for the packet of cigarettes and extended his hand so she could get one. 

“You smoke?” 

“No.” She chuckled, placing the cigarette in between her lips. She bent down so he’d light it up for her. “I figured what’s one more bad habit?”

“ _ Be my guest _ .” 

She had been so fixed on flirting with him and smoking, it almost completely slipped her mind that she had let the sheet that was covering her fall down. Leaving her completely bare for him to see. 

He studied her. He studied the purple marks he had left on her as if it was some masterpiece. 

The taste of tobacco was gross. But she had smoked before (for a brief period of time in high school in a poor attempt to seem cool) and been around smokers. So thankfully it didn’t make her retch. 

He was a good distraction. Even just looking at him at how he devoured her with his eyes was enough. 

She didn’t even finish half of it before she put it down. She figured her hand smelled like smoke, and so did her lips. She needed the taste of something else in her mouth. 

The tv was still on, playing some black and white movie she had never seen, his attention had been pretty much shifted to that. She sometimes forgot he was a man who organized orgies and attended them. 

He was used to seeing naked people. That was a regular day for him. 

She got down on her knees in front of him, getting in between his parted legs. Man spreading was so sexy when he did it. 

Her hands caressed his thighs before she pulled him out of his briefs. Pumping his semi hard cock in her hands, before wrapping her lips around the head. Slowly bobbing her head up and down his shaft. 

She looked up to see him. He was still watching tv, almost unaware that she had his cock in her mouth. 

But she was determined. 

She took as much of him as she could, whilst she breathed through her nose. Noticing after a while that his breaths became labored. She kept going, deeming it a sign that he wasn’t do focused on the screen anymore. 

She let her hand wander down to his sac, massaging it as she blew him. She ignored the tears that formed in her eyes. She needed to taste him. At that point it was desperation that was driving her. And an untamable sexual appetite. 

The groans coming from him became more frequent, at that point the movie playing on tv became just some background noise. He was big. She began to wonder how he had fit in her before. 

She knew he stretched her deliciously, that the slight burn that came from it just added to the pleasure she had felt. 

He had fucked the guilt out of her. Not that she was guilty. It wasn’t like she was cheating, but she had to admit she did feel a little bad (until he made her come). 

She shouldn’t have. 

If anything Loki was the perfect man to have revenge sex with. Especially as he was someone James had frequent dick measuring contests with. 

She felt empowered, and circled her finger outside his tight hole. And just as he was right where she wanted, right at the edge, she released him from her mouth. She wiped the residual spit on the corner of her mouth. 

She smiled at the sight of him, and climbed on top of him. Straddling his lap, his hands squeezing her cheeks. 

“You’re such a tease.” He growled, lined the head of his cock to her sopping entrance. And when he impaled her without any warning, she was in for a few more orgasms that night. 

  
  
  


**_12:21_ **

“You look a mess.” Dot commented as she walked beside him into the venue. The Stewart’s house. “Cheer up. Everyone’s here.” 

It was always the same boring people, the same food, and the same events. It was always some gala, or luncheon. Which was for some disease, or to fight famine, or to bring awareness to an ongoing war.

He knew well it was not for the causes they claimed to support, but rather to flaunt their wealths. It was always about showing who had more, rather than giving to those who had less.

The conversations he was involved in were the usual. About some trip, or a something they had recently bought. 

“You remember the luncheon a few years back?” Dot asked to a group of people she was talking to. People he had never seen before. Or he had, and just didn’t remember. “I remember it was exquisite. The food, the guests…”

“The guests? I don’t remember anyone who isn’t here right now.” The woman in a green dress spoke. 

“You must. Does a  _ Connie Edelstein _ sound familiar to you?” 

His eyes widened. He knew what she was doing, and it wasn’t funny. He tried not to look too upset by it, and opted to stay silent on the subject. Even though his wife’s eyes were on him. 

“No… Is she a socialite?” 

“I don’t know… James? You know her better than I do.” There it was. Her condescending tone. Of course she had something planned. She wouldn’t have been nice for no reason. “You see, my husband knows most of the guests that have attended this event as he has worked with them  _ closely  _ throughout the years.” 

Fortunately no one understood the implications of that statement. Everyone thought they were the perfect couple. No one would have suspected he was sleeping with younger women. 

“If you could excuse me, I need to talk to my wife.” He excused himself as he dragged Dot away from them.

  
  
  


**_01:45, the previous night_ **

“ _ Harder _ !” She pleaded as her breasts were being pushed up against the cold window, while Loki pounded her from behind. 

Her breasts would have bounced by the sheer force he was fucking her, if she wasn’t trapped in between the window and him. His pace was brutal, rough, quick, completely different from the first two times they had fucked earlier that night.

He had made her wear her high heels on, after he told her he loved fucking women in heels. 

“Are you gonna cum for me?” What a stupid question. He knew perfectly she was going to. It was only a matter of minutes. Even seconds. 

The wet sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room, she felt like was about to cry, not because he was hurting her, but because the pleasure became too much. It seemed that she wasn’t used to having so many orgasms in one night. 

She could barely stand there in those stiletto heels as her legs seem to turn into jello. 

“Just imagine. Someone seeing you like this.” He said through gritted teeth as he thrusted into her. “ _ My beautiful cumslut _ . Wet, and begging to be filled with my come over and over.”

She wanted to reply, but her speech was limited due to the huge cock continuously impaling her, brushing against her g spot, making her see the stars. So all she could manage was a few incomprehensible moans. 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” She tried to nod, letting out another obscenely loud moan, as he started rubbing her clit. “Spreading your pussy for everyone to see…” 

“Yes daddy.” 

“Such a obedient little princess.” 

She began to realize he was really going to fuck her all night long. With a few short breaks in between. 

Not that she minded. She had nowhere else to go. 

  
  
  
  


**_12:57_ **

By the amount of people who started to look around looking out for someone, he guessed someone important had arrived. 

Someone who apparently liked to make a huge spectacle each time they stepped in a room. Unfortunately he knew only of one person who was arrogant and so far up their ass enough to do such a thing. 

Loki.  ~~_ Or Lord Jackass.  _ ~~

He was the last person he wanted to see that day. As he walked around the room, people stood there dumbstruck, as he ever so casually threw his title around. He had no idea what the big deal was. 

He was a man who mainly lived off the money of his family had. Everything he had built was because of his trust fund. 

It was pathetic how everyone was vying for his attention. 

He hated him even more that day. More than usual (which he didn’t think was possible). 

How Y/N even went out with him, he didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to know any of the details of what happened between her and Loki. He wasn’t sure he could handle the truth. 

As he watched him walk towards them with a scowl, Loki’s fake smile turned into a grin. 

“Mrs. Barnes. You look ravishing.” He complimented his wife with a smug smirk, as he kissed her hand. 

He couldn’t believe he was around two of the people he could not stand. His wife, who dared to bring Connie up, taunting him. And Loki, who seemed to be keen on pissing him off. 

“Thank you.” 

“ _ Mr. Barnes _ .” He turned to him.  _ He really wanted to punch him _ . “It’s always a pleasure.” 

_ What a fucking dickhead.  _

  
  


**_03:10, the previous night_ **

She set down the glass of water down on the counter. The place even had a bar. She stared emptily at the bottles of liquor on the shelves. She had her fair share of Loki that night. 

Or so she thought. 

After the third round she had wrapped herself in a  _ Versace _ terry cloth robe. If was slightly big on her, as it was his. But she liked the way it felt. Maybe she was going to ask for a cocktail after she drank her water. 

She remembered why she was there. To forget James. It was going to take her more than three rounds of mind blowing sex to forget him. 

She hated him for that. 

Suddenly she felt someone behind her, moving her hair out to kiss her neck. Hands going inside her robe to massage her breast. 

There was no other way. It was the only way she could ensure she wouldn’t have thought about James and his lies. 

“ _ Loki… _ ” She moaned, as he teased her hard nipples.

“I’m here princess.” 

He pulled his hands out of her robe before clearing out the counter, pushing the only glass on there down. It fell on the other side, loudly shattering against the floor. 

Neither of them were too bothered by it as he propped her up and laid her down right there on the bar counter, and hopped on. He touched her everywhere, her desire reigniting for the thousandth time that night. 

His body hovered over her, with one hand undoing her robe as he eagerly unwrapped her like a present. 

She was keen on forgetting. And if she had to fuck Loki a thousand more times, she would’ve done that. 

She reached for the back of his head, pushing him down towards her, making him kiss her. She needed the warmth, and something to fill her. 

_ And that he managed to do flawlessly.  _

  
  
  


**_13:02_ **

He count help but pull him aside. It seemed like that day he had to do a lot of damage control. All around him were people set out to destroy him. 

He couldn’t have that. 

“Whatever you’re doing with Y/N, stop it.” He wanted time threaten him, but a luncheon was no such place to do that. “Stop using her for your sick games.” 

“Mr. Barnes, you always assume the worst of me. Do you really think I am that kind of person?” 

Even his accent was annoying. The way he was so nonchalant about everything. Like he didn’t care about a single thing in his life. And that cockiness. That could only be a result of privilege. 

“Actually I do.” He said. “I know whenever you’re involved in something, it’s nothing good.” 

“You wound me, especially because I have been nothing but a gentleman towards Y/N.” 

“I find that hard to believe.” He knew Loki. And he was far from the gentleman he liked to portray himself as. “You called the paps.” 

“What is it with the accusations?” Again with the cocky attitude. He was surprised by how he didn’t get hit in the face on a daily basis. “You seem to have a vendetta against me.”

“You know why.” 

“Y/N sought me out.” He was provoking him. And he hated to admit that it was working. 

_ She wouldn’t do that to him.  _

‘That’s a lie.” 

“Why would it be? Because she’s with you?” He raised the question mockingly. 

James didn’t know how to respond to that. He wanted to say she was, but since they hadn’t made things official, she was still free. 

Though everything he had told her he had stopped seeing other women. Which was true. There was no one else but her. 

“Judging from your silence, and your irascible demeanor, I’m guessing you have seen the pictures. You know she followed me back to the Shangri-La, and it doesn’t take a genius to guess what happened next.” He taunted him. “ _ Five hours of uninterrupted bliss.”  _

His hand clenched into a fist, ready to punch him. He was lying.  _ He had to be. _

“If you will excuse me, I have to go and mingle with London’s elite.” 

  
  
  


**_04:53, the previous night_ **

She was in awe at what surrounded her. It was incredible how one person could dedicate an entire walk in closet for the sole purpose of storing sex toys. 

From vibrators, to butt plugs (to vibrating butt plugs), the man had everything. It seemed like he had bought an entire sex shop. Those were tame in comparison to the others, and they were displayed in full view. 

She was surprised not to see a sex swing around, but she was sure if she had mentioned it, he would’ve found a way to bring it. 

The man was a connoisseur. With a little too much free time.

She had made her choice. As she grabbed a few items, she made he equated to his room. Where he was waiting for her. With a big pink dildo in hand. She didn’t know where he took it out from, but she smirked at the sight of them. 

She put down the things she had chosen from his closet and put them down on his bed in front of him. 

_ A flogger, a paddle, a ball gag, nipple clamps…  _

He seemed pleased with her choice. She wasn’t there for vanilla. 

“Are you going to use that on me?” She asked him as she grabbed the dildo from his hands. 

“Depends on whether you behave or not.” He watched her as she wrapped her hand around the girth of the toy and dragged it up and down. “ _ Are you going to use those on me?”  _

He asked her the same question. She widened her eyes. In truth she had chosen those for herself. She wanted nothing more than to be tied up and spanked. 

But the prospect of using them on him titillated her. 

“Do you want me to use them on you?”

“If you want to try, yes. I’m all for shaking things up.” 

“How do you want to start?” 

His hand grazed over the black wooden paddle.  _ That was how he wanted to start?  _ If that was going to be the beginning, she couldn’t imagine how it would’ve ended. 

But it all seemed promising. 

She didn’t know how she felt about it when he turned around, with his ass in the air. He had such a perfectly round ass, she couldn’t help but caress the soft flesh. 

“Be gentle.” He reminded her, as she ran the paddle across his cheek, slapping him slightly just to get him used to the feeling. 

She knew he had already done it. Having so much power turned her on. Usually men weren’t so keen on handing over power. The most they’d do is let her tie them to the bed, but she had never done what she was doing with Loki. 

“ _ That’s the only way I know how. _ ” 

  
  


**_13:23_ **

He didn’t know how to process the information Loki had told him. All his mind could fix on was the  _ ‘five hours of uninterrupted bliss’ _ he had mentioned. 

Loki was really good at getting inside people’s heads. That was he did, and it worked. 

He was angry, upset and sad. He liked Y/N. And he still did. That was the part that frustrated him the most. 

“James, come on. It is rude to keep a lady waiting.” Dot appeared in front of him, as she held a champagne flute. “I’m guessing you know about Y/N and Loki.”

He turned his head towards her. Had she said what he thought she said? How did she know?

Knowing her she probably hired people to follow Y/N around. They had no boundaries. He had done the same in the past. Just to know if she had any dirt he could use against her. 

“Yes I know.” She said with an all knowing smile. “I know all about your much younger mistress. Cute.” 

“What did you do?” 

“Nothing you didn’t do already.” She explained as she took long sips from her glass. “I just sped up the process.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Nothing. I just thought I owe a warning to the next girl who has to be around you. Knowing how your mistresses end up.” She laughed a little before she got closer and whispered in his ear so that nobody else would hear. “I don’t think she’s ever going to trust you again.” 

  
  
  


**_13:49_ **

“Y/N…  _ what the hell _ .” Nat’s voice spoke loud and clear. She had forgotten to tell her she was going to be out. 

“It’s nice hearing from you Nat.” 

She didn’t know what she was talking about, so she found it best to tip toe into the conversation. Instead of diving right into it. 

“You’re on the front page of  _ The Sun _ .” She told her out front. “With Loki.” 

_ The Sun? _ That was where the pictures of the night before went. She had almost forgotten about those. Thankfully she wasn’t someone people recognized. 

“What?”

But one person did recognize her. She knew she went out and slept with Loki to get back at James, but she didn’t want to be there when he eventually learned about it. 

“I wouldn’t have seen it if I hadn’t gone out to visit Clint.” She explained. “He’s the one who showed me.” 

“He reads that trash?” 

“That’s not the point.” She said, knowing well how she tried to change topic when she felt uncomfortable. “I thought you were happy with James.” 

“I guess I wasn’t. I didn’t think he kept things from me.” She still couldn’t believe what she had discovered. What she had seen at Connie’s house. Something that definitely changed things between them. “Something I don’t think I can get past.” 

“I’m sorry. I know how much you liked him.”

“It happens.” 

“Come back home and let’s have dinner together.” She knew she could always count on Nat to make her feel better. “You can rant about him all you want, or not at all. It’s up to you.” 

“Thank you.” 

“No problem.”

She discard her robe and got dressed in the clothes she had worn the night before. She didn’t mind it much. All she wanted to do was to go home. And stop being the pawn in Loki’s elaborate game. 

She didn’t feel guilty. Maybe a little, but not as much as when she had cheated Peter. Come to think of it, it was good. He was good to her. Until she screwed it up. 

For once she knew exactly what she wanted to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading❤️ I’d appreciate it if you left feedback. It would me a the world to me.


	31. goodbye stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue is coming out on Wednesday so after that, this fic is complete. 
> 
> I love you all. Thank you so much for everything. A special shoutout to the people who left all kinds of comments on this fic. I’m really late at responding But I can’t even begin to say how much your comments motivate me. It makes all the late nights spent writing worth it. 💗💗

**_11:45_ **

A part of her really wanted to shut him off for good. She had met men like him before. Only difference was that she was usually the one to cut them off before things got too serious. 

However the other side of her wanted to listen to him. To ask, instead of speculating. Though everything she had seen and heard was proof enough. She wanted him to tell her everything Loki and his wife had told her were a well fabricated web of lies. 

That he wasn’t capable of doing something so terrible. 

But she couldn’t know for sure. She couldn’t say with certainty that she knew his intentions. 

Maybe it was not ideal to show up unannounced, but she knew that he wasn’t working at the university anymore, so he was likely at his house. It wasn’t a well thought out plan, considering she only thought about it for a few hours, but she figured it was the only way she would have known the truth. 

She didn’t remember the train ride there, nor how fast she ran to get to his house. But when she did, she knocked loudly. And kept knocking until someone opened it. 

_ James _ . 

Her heart fell to her stomach, it all happened in a matter of seconds. As her eyes fell on the shoes left by the door, she wanted to disappear. 

A pair of white sneakers. By the looks of it, they didn’t belong to Dot. And they were too small to belong to him. 

He looked alarmed, as if she had just caught him red handed. She walked inside his house, walking past him, who tried to stop her. 

She knew what he did. She knew there was someone else there, and yet, a part of her still didn’t want to believe it. 

A part of her wanted to believe he was perfect. That Dot had lied to her, and the pictures that Loki had shown her were fake. Maybe it was about the sleeping with someone else that upset her, or maybe it was all the secrets he had hidden from her.

She looked at him, took in his appearance. His hair, disheveled. She used to like it like that. Especially in the mornings when she’d wake up beside him. He was wearing a shirt and a pair of briefs. 

There was shuffling coming from his office, without thinking twice, she pushed the door open before he could object, revealing a woman inside. Whom at the sight of her, scrambled to cover herself up. 

She looked her age. Young. Probably naive. Unaware of the man he actually was. 

_ She was disappointed, though she always knew he would disappoint her eventually. _

It happened in a matter of seconds. 

As she walked further and further away from his office, an unfamiliar feeling overwhelmed her, as tears started trickling down her cheeks. Maybe she did care more than she actually did. 

She was fine with them being nothing more than fuck buddies. 

So she couldn't understand why she felt so hurt. 

"You know what? I came here to- forget it.” She composed herself before she continued. “It's over." 

“Y/N I can explain.” 

“James just…” She said his name condescendingly. It lacked the warmth it usually had. She loved saying his name, now it was devoid of affection. 

“I thought you left me. I thought you didn’t want me anymore.” 

She wanted to laugh, and cry at the same time. 

“That’s your problem! You just think. Instead of asking me. You’re the one who left me after our trip.” She raised her voice, as tears threatened to spill. “You have a guest, so I’m not doing this now.” 

She tried walking away from him but he followed behind her. They soon found themselves in the living area. He stayed beneath the door frame like he wanted her to listen what he had to say. 

“ _ Yes we are.  _ We are doing this now.” He shouted as he stomped towards his office. She had never seen him like that. And it scared her. 

But she decided she was not going to show it. 

“ _ Get out _ .” She heard him growl at the poor girl who scrambled out of his home office, barely dressed. 

She didn’t want to see her, the other girl, even though she had been used for James’ pleasure as she had. Her mind couldn’t think rationally at the moment. 

She sat on the couch, as she waited. She didn’t know why she didn’t just get up and leave. After all, she knew how it was going to end. She was morbidly curious to see. She wanted to have the last laugh. 

She wanted to see how he reacted when she told him she knew everything. 

All the horrible things he had done. To people he loved. The front door slammed shut, as James stormed back into the living area. 

His gaze softened when he saw she was sitting down, just because she was didn’t mean she didn’t want to fight anymore. She was just tired. Tired of people lying to her. She thought all the hurt and betrayal was reserved for couples. 

“I know about Connie.” She said after a while. She couldn’t stand the silence. “Don't try to deny it. I’ve seen how you’ve left her.” 

Her voice nearly cracked, but she didn’t let it. She raised her eyes and saw him freeze. She had never seen him like that. 

“Who told you? It was Dot wasn’t it?”

“Does it matter? You loved her, and you left her.” She couldn't look at him anymore, not without getting lost in his eyes.“I can’t wait around until you figure things out.” 

“What about  _ our _ plans?”

“We don’t have plans.” She stood up, needing to get away from him. They didn’t have plans. She knew deep down it was all talk. They would’ve never gotten together. She wasn’t important enough. 

“You make me better.” He admitted, making her stop in her tracks, as she turned towards him. And he continued. “In the past months I’ve become a better man.  _ Don’t leave _ .” 

“I shouldn’t be doing that.” She cried out. “It’s not my job to fix you. If you’re a fucking mess, get a therapist. Because I can’t change you and I’m not going to turn you into a better man. I just can’t do that for you. And the sooner you realise that, the sooner you’ll focus on improving yourself and getting help.”

She decided right there and then that those were going to be her last words to him. The truth. What she didn’t expect was him to respond. She should have known, knowing him. 

“You don’t get to tell me what to do. Especially when I’ve seen you with Loki.” He nearly shouted at her, making her flinch. 

“I slept with him.” She confessed, trying to hurt him. She had hurt her, it was only natural she wanted him to feel the same. 

“You fucking slut.”

He bellowed, right up in her face.  _ He was furious.  _ It scared her because she didn’t know what he could do. She didn’t because she got to know a version of him that wasn’t really him. 

She knew nothing. 

“You’re mad?” She shouted back, her hands shaking. “Good. Because he’s the best I’ve ever had. You’re lousy by comparison.”

“Real mature Y/N.” 

“I’m not gonna do this anymore.” She let out a pained sigh. She couldn’t do it anymore. Maybe she shouldn’t have brought Loki into the argument, but she needed him to see she had options. Outside him. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Away.” 

And that was the last time she saw him. As the door clicked shut behind her, she realised it was truly over. The door didn’t open again. That was when she realised the best thing she could do was to forget him. 

She promised herself that she would try. 

  
  


**_12:37_ **

She looked around her. Not recognizing the city that made her feel so at home. Maybe it wasn’t the city. It was the people. When she arrived in the beginning, she expected it to be another pit stop. 

She believed being with James was the one thing she wanted, when she could have been spending all that time bonding with her friends. Natasha, who had given her a home and who always stood by her side. And Sam. Who was the most unexpected of her new friends. 

He was like that one cool kid in school who hung out with everyone regardless of their social standing. 

She hated James, but it wasn’t like he could give her back the time she had wasted. So she decided to make the most of her days. Or at least the ones she had left. 

She couldn’t stand being there. She couldn’t stay there and pretend nothing had happened. 

She needed a change of scenery. 

As people passed by her going about their day, she took out of her phone. She needed to tell someone. To speak to someone who would understand. 

“Hi Sam.” She placed her phone against her ear and spoke. “Can we talk? Maybe over dinner at yours?” 

She resisted the urge to cry and tell him what had happened. The last thing she wanted was people feeling sorry for her. 

“Yeah sure. Steve’s going to be here too if you don’t mind.” 

“I don’t.” She hadn’t spoken to him in a long time either. She got so caught up with the whole affair that she had forgotten all about him. She wondered how he was. She hoped well, better than she was. “Can I bring Nat?”

The thing she needed the most was to surround herself with people. She didn’t want to be alone. 

“Sure. The more the merrier.” 

It wasn’t until she closed the door behind her that she broke down. She didn’t know for sure if it was for James, or the fact that he didn’t feel the same as she did, but she let herself cry. She needed it. 

He was the first person she ever let herself love. Perhaps it wasn’t love, or it was, either way it didn’t really matter. 

  
  


**_21:13_ **

“What’s up with this bromance?” She asked pointing between Sam and Steve who were sitting next to each other on the opposite side from her and Nat. 

In a matter of hours it was as if nothing had ever happened to her. Her heart warmed as she watched Nat get excited about having dinner with Sam and Steve. And though she had told her about James, as she told her everything, it felt like she wasn’t able to cry anymore. 

She reached into her suitcase, and pulled out a pair of black pants. She had forgotten she had those, and how amazing she looked in them. 

Whilst eating at Sam’s she felt nothing but happiness around them, though it was tainted by something else. She wasn’t going to deny what had happened didn’t bother her. 

“Most people are on vacation, so we have each other in the city. Kind of like you two.” 

“So you and Steve met in college?” Nat asked the two of them. 

“Yes we did.” 

“I read about that. Oxford right?” 

“Yes…” Though Sam’s response sounded more like a question. 

“Nat’s a journalism major.” 

“I first heard you from The Guardian. I have to say I’m impressed.” Nat went on. She got on amazingly with the both of them. Though they were pretty friendly people themselves. 

“Tonight’s off the record right?” Sam joked with a wink, making her chuckle at his attempts to flirt with Nat. She knew she wouldn’t have done anything about it, as she had Clint, but it was nice to see her getting flustered by it. 

“Of course.” 

“You know, tonight takes me way back to our uni days when Steve used to be scrawnier. And we’d go on double dates together.” 

“Except we’re not on a date.” She pointed out. 

“Why do you have to shoehorn that random fact about me in every conversation?” 

Steve asked whilst laughing, making her laugh as well, as it was so infectious. 

“What? The double dates?” 

“You know what I’m referring to.” 

“In his defense, you did look pretty cute when you were skinny.” She argued as they looked at each other, for a little longer than they should have. 

“No man likes to be called cute.” 

“Then it’s a good thing you’re no man.” She replied jokingly, making him place one of his large hands over his heart as he pouted. There was no denying he made her feel better.

A part of her was always going to find him attractive. She had eyes. 

And for a second, they were in their own little world, as they laughed together, before realizing there were other people with them. 

“Steve, I heard a rumor that you’re planning to run for Senate.” Nat interjected before things could go any further. 

  
  


**_22:09_ **

After dinner, Nat stayed in the living area to talk to Steve. It seemed like she and a lot of questions he was more than glad to answer. 

The best thing about him was that he was always happy to answer anyone’s questions, with enthusiasm she had never seen in anyone before. She had no idea if he was pretending, and her cynical self really believed he was. 

And whilst Nat asked her questions, she took Sam to one of the guest rooms to talk. After a little catching up, during which she didn’t tell him about James. As a part of her didn’t want him to think of his friend differently. 

  
  


“You’re leaving?” He asked with an equally shocked and sad face. 

“ _ Yes _ .” 

“Can’t you stay here for a little longer?”

“I can’t.” She shook her head as she squeezed his hand. “There’s nothing keeping me here anymore.” 

“Way to hurt my feelings.” He quipped, making her smile a little. “I’m right here.” 

“You’d really want me around?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I? You’re as cool as I am. Maybe not as much. But you’re still young. You have time to grow.” Out of everyone that she had met, Sam was one of the people who she was immediately connected to. “I was starting to see you as the annoying younger sister I’ve ever asked for.” 

“I’ll miss you too Sam.” That was when she allowed herself to cry again. Though she had learnt to control it. 

“I’ll miss you too.” 

She hugged him, and he wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t know for how long a hug was supposed to last, but she was going to stay like that for as long as he let her. 

  
  


**_22:30_ **

She had no idea for how long she stayed in Sam’s embrace, but as he went to collect himself in the bathroom, she realized how much he cared about her. 

Even though they were friends. It was weird because she never had male friends. 

And though she knew if something had been done differently, they would have slept together at least once, and she was glad they didn’t. 

As she walked downstairs, she saw Steve by the window, looking outside. And he looked so at peace doing so. She knew he was just like everybody else, but he was so much better at pretending he was ok than anyone she had met. 

She walked up to him, but she didn’t know how to tell him that she was leaving. 

_ Was he even going to care? _ They weren’t even that close, as she had become with Sam. 

He was the guy she had a very big crush on (and who nearly kissed her). 

“I saw you on The Sun.” He said calmly, as he offered her a smile. 

“Oh.” 

“So you and Loki…”

“There’s no Loki and I.” She clarified eagerly. “We just went to dinner.” 

“Oh.” She didn’t know what he was thinking. Was it a pleased  _ oh _ , or a surprised one? She couldn't tell. So she tried to joke about it. “Why? Were you jealous?” 

“A little.” He admitted with a nod. Completely catching her off guard. “Whomever you choose to be with is going to be a lucky man.” 

“I don’t think so… but thank you.” 

There it was again. The gazing. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but she didn’t know where to begin. 

“Steve... I wanted to talk to you.” She started, she had to blurt it out before she was going to stop herself. She had to tell him. “I’m leaving.” 

“Where to?”

“Venice. I had my mind set on it even before I came here.” She told him. “I don’t belong here anymore.” 

“You always will. I have a place in Venice… maybe I’ll decide to join you there.”

“That would be really nice.” She didn’t know if he was serious or not. But she smiled. “You know I used to have a big crush on you right?” 

“I know.” He chuckled, before his lips curled into a smile. “It was cute.” 

“Would it have worked?”

“I don’t know.” She didn’t either. It probably wouldn’t have. He was too good for her. “You’re a gorgeous woman, but maybe you’re a little too young for me.” 

“Can’t say I haven’t heard that before. Maybe wait for me for a few years. I’ll be old enough by then.” 

“I’ll be waiting.” At that point she didn’t know if it was all a joke or not. She didn’t ask, as she didn’t want her mood to be ruined. “I’ll come to the airport to say a proper goodbye. Just tell me when you leave.” 

“No.” 

He looked at her quizzically, confused at her reaction. 

“I don’t want you to do that.” She sighed. “Goodbyes mean we’re not seeing each other ever again. And we are.” 

“Yes we are.” 

There was no hug, or kiss. Maybe they would see each other again, or maybe not.  _ Regardless, that was the perfect goodbye.  _

  
  
  


**_15:02, three days later_ **

“You don’t have to go you know?” Natasha hugged her tightly, letting a few tears slip. “You can always stay.” 

“I have to, besides I have always wanted to visit Venice.”

“Send a postcard. And text me every day.” She reminded her for the umpteenth time, as she pulled away. 

“I will, every single day.” 

“Just know you’ll always have a place here. You’re welcome to visit any time.” 

“Thank you for everything.” She pulled her back in for one last hug. One thing she was sure to miss was Natasha. And if anyone was worth coming back to London for, it was her. 

  
  


As she waited for her flight, she felt like she was waiting for something else. Someone, to be exact. Only to be hit by the stone cold truth. There was no knight in shining armor who was going to stop her. 

A part of her hoped James would have been there to stop her. To tell her he loved her. Though she knew she shouldn’t have been so hopeful. Especially as he was a cold man, who didn’t care about her. 

She waited while she ordered a macchiato, she even waited as she sat down in front of the gate as she scrolled through Instagram. She waited even when she was boarding the plane. 

Nothing. Not even a call. Not since she had walked away. 

It dawned on her, when she was already seated, and the plane was ready for takeoff, that he would have never fought for them.  _ And neither would she.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you could leave some feedback I’ll be really grateful (and I’ll love you Forever)


	32. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HERE’S THE LAST CHAPTER! I hope you enjoy reading this. It has been quite the journey but after 8 months, I finally finished writing it.
> 
> I hope you like the ending 💗💗

**_09\. July 2018, three weeks later_ **

He hated himself so much, for what he had done to her. The day she left, he didn’t say goodbye to her one last time. And that he would come to regret for the next few weeks. He went on with his life, pretending he was fine when he really wasn’t. 

It had all come to a boiling point a few days before, when Dot had asked him for a divorce. After all that time, she was the one to ask for one. And he hated her. He hated that she took that away from him. 

The satisfaction of being the one to ask for the dissolution of their sham of a marriage. 

He knew she was going to spin it in her favor. He knew her too well. 

  
  


**_16:18, 03. July 2018, three days prior_ **

“Pretending to be happy doesn't feel good anymore.” She quietly placed her wedding ring on the table. “I’m not going to ask for alimony. I don’t need that. But I am going to ask for shares of _Barnes International_ once you become CEO. As monetary compensation for the years of humiliation you’ve put me through.” 

“ _Humiliation_? You loved having that over me.” He laughed. “You loved being the breadwinner for a while didn’t you? Especially after I had been stripped off of my CEO title.” 

“Yes! I did. I finally felt like I was worth something, after feeling like a worthless wife for a long time. I deserve to be happy.” She admitted, losing her composure for a second, but regained it later. “Especially after everything you did.” 

“You don’t think I know that you’re screwing around with one of the lawyers at your firm? _Thomas_ , was it?” He watched her as she looked at him with her arms crossed, it seemed like she had no remorse. 

He knew when she started pretending not to notice his indiscretions that something was wrong. She always loved causing a scene in front of him. 

She had been sleeping with one of her new lawyers. The youngest one. Just starting out his career. 

“I had you followed around, and if you think, for one second, that you’re getting any of my money, you’re severely mistaken. You won’t get a fucking penny, do you understand?” 

“I know about Eileen, your colleague, and Debra, from my country club. Amongst a sea of other women, so don’t pretend you’re better than me, because you’re not.” She said. It seemed like she knew about everything he had done, but seemed unfazed by it. “It’s no wonder Y/N doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

“ _Don’t_.” 

“How could she? Especially after discovering exactly the kind of man you are.” But she kept on, despite his warning. “You’re only _one quarter_ of the man you pretend to be. How does it feel to lose someone important for the second time?” 

It felt awful, and for her to know his weak spot and continuously jab at it, was incredibly low. Even for her. 

“It must hurt.” She smirked, knowing it was working. “I hope for your sake you never forget how you feel right now. Y/N was lucky she got out in time. You would’ve ruined her.” 

“Don’t speak her name.”

“Why not? You’re going to replace her soon right? After all Y/N was just a replacement for _Connie_.” She stated. He had never thought of it like that. Maybe a little as he got to know her. Though they were the complete opposite. “Now I’m assuming you’ll find a younger, more beautiful replacement, and project all your fantasies on her. The cycle will go on until you’re old and alone.” 

That wasn’t true. Or so he wanted to believe. How could Y/N ever love him after discovering what he had done? 

He couldn’t control the anger boiling inside of him, as he grabbed the nearest object, a crystal tray, and hurled it against the wall. Watching it as it shattered into little pieces. 

He had no other outlet to channel his frustrations into. 

There she stood quietly, his wife of many years. She stood in such a composed manner. Even when he was losing his mind. She wasn’t scared of him. As she knew exactly who he was already and had come to terms with it. 

“This is probably the last time I’m going to speak to you alone. From next time whenever we talk there'll be my lawyer present.” 

He never knew why she decided to ask for a divorce. Not when she had survived through Connie. As she packed up her things in the next few days, they didn’t speak. And in her last moments in the same house, it finally hit him. 

She was leaving him. The woman who stood by him all those years was leaving him. 

And that he probably cared about what other people thought of them more than she did.

  
  
  


**_17:24, one day prior_ **

He knocked on the door twice, of an apartment he had only been in once. But he remembered the address. It was one of those things he couldn’t forget, as he forever associated it to _her_. 

There was a tag over the doorbell. _Natasha Romanoff_. 

“Mr. Barnes?” A redhead with green eyes opened the door. He recognised her as Y/N’s best friend, Natasha. He didn’t have a solid plan when he showed up at her door. 

“Can I talk to you please?” 

“I-“ 

“It’s not going to take long.” He hoped that the desperation in his voice would make her notice that it was important. 

“Sure.” Her invitation into her home sounded unsure, but she let him in anyway. He thanked her, and let himself into her apartment. They both walked into the living area where a man sat on her couch. 

He assumed him to be her boyfriend, who just stared at him wide eyed. 

“I know you’re not a big fan of me…” 

“I’m not.” 

“I need to know where she is. I made a mistake, and I want to fight for her.” That was the gist of it, even though he wanted to say so much more. He wanted to tell her that he wasn’t going to cast her aside. That he was going to work on his problems if she gave him a chance. 

“She’s in Venice.” 

The man on the couch blurted out. _Venice_. Of course. She had mentioned Venice countless times. 

“Clint!” She reprimanded him, as he shrugged. 

“I’m sorry, I mean he clearly misses her. You know how I am when it comes to romance.” 

“Do you have an address?” He asked her, hoping that she would give him an answer. 

“No.” 

He deserved that. Even more. Especially after everything he had put Y/N through. 

“She does. She scribbled it down.” The very nice man told him, still getting side eyed by his girlfriend. “I’m going to get it.” 

He got off the couch and disappeared, supposedly looking for it. He appreciated it, as he was the person that was kind to him in the past weeks. 

“He seems nice.” 

“That’s because he doesn’t know who you really are.” She rolled her eyes. He had that coming too. 

“I really do love her, you know?” 

“Why did you tell her that?” 

“It’s complicated.” 

“It’s really not. It becomes complicated because we make it so.” 

Just as those words really started to sink in, loud footsteps stopped his thought process in its tracks. 

“I got it!” The guy appeared again with a piece of paper in his hand, and handed it to him. He analyzed the address. He had been to Venice a couple of times. Though he didn’t recognize the place at all. 

At that moment, he knew exactly what he had to do. 

“Go fight for her.” She told him. 

_And he was going to._

  
  
  


**_10:03, 09. July 2018_ **

Which was exactly why he found himself in Venice, a month too late, without luggage, walking around Piazzale Roma. He just had a place written down by Natasha in an unorderly calligraphy.

It was an apartment in Venice, just in Cannaregio, facing _Canal Grande_. Which was quite the expensive apartment, according to his research. 

He had taken a water taxi, asking him to take him to the address in broken Italian. He hadn’t spoken it since high school when he had learnt it in class. Useless to him, as he had never lived there. 

Y/N was the only thing in his mind. He barely had time to take in the new city he was in. He wanted to find her as soon as possible so he could make amends and take her back to London. 

He walked around the area where the address was supposed to be, until he found it. 

His heart raced, there he finally was. The only thing that separated him from her was a door. It suddenly dawned on Bucky he had no idea what he was going to say to her. 

Probably that he was sorry, and that he wanted something more with her. He wanted her, like he hadn’t wanted anyone else before. 

This was the punishment Sam always spoke of. 

_Karmic justice,_ as he called it. For all the women that loved him that he didn’t love back. But there he was, sincerely apologising for the first time in his life. 

Once his knuckles has connected against the door, he knew there was no going back. He knocked three times, and waited. 

The wait was the most anxious part, maybe she wasn’t even in. 

When the door clicked open, his stomach fluttered. He was going to see her again after nearly a month. That was too much for him, and the fact that he went so long without seeing her felt stupid. 

“ _James_?” He had missed that sweet voice of hers. He wanted to grab her face and kiss her, but as he hadn’t seen her in a while, opted not to. 

“Y/N… Hi.” He stammered, suddenly becoming awkward. “May I come in?” 

“I don’t think now is a good time.” 

“Listen, I know I hurt you. I can’t begin to explain how sorry I am.” 

‘ _Y/N? Who is it’_ Another voice was heard. Loud and clear. A man’s voice. His heart fell to the realization that he recognised its owner. 

And he didn’t need further confirmation when he appeared in his eyesight. _Steve_. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END?


End file.
